Nerd Power!

[Green_Machine]

SexyCleric: You could try ruling with an iron fist. Set some rules for IC and OOC times. Breaks and whatnot. Then if anyone breaks them, use some sort of small punishment.

In character, I've personally been hit by a "Beans!" shouting cook with a frying pan, injected with hallucinogs by a squirral with a syringe, and had my sex changed 7 times in one session.

Also curses work. Muteness. Clumsiness, Foul Body Odour, Rabbid Hatred, etc

If that fails. Hiroshima their asses. Death and dismemberment. Haunting by former players. etc.

At the very least you can cut down your players this way.

 

[snake0067]

Its not easy being green

 

[Green_Machine]

Its not easy being green

You got that right.

Better than being light red though *checks for Rei Rei and her paint*

 

[asian_princess]

You got that right.

Better than being light red though *checks for Rei Rei and her paint*

what about purple with orange spots?

*dumps a bucket of purple paint over Davalicious's head and gets out her slingshot and shoots waterballoons filled with cheesenip crumbs ...then scampers out*

 

[chronicle_tenko]

what about purple with orange spots?

*dumps a bucket of purple paint over Davalicious's head and gets out her slingshot and shoots waterballoons filled with cheesenip crumbs ...then scampers out*

You cruel woman.

*Pulls up chair to watch*

 

[snake0067]

what about purple with orange spots?

*dumps a bucket of purple paint over Davalicious's head and gets out her slingshot and shoots waterballoons filled with cheesenip crumbs ...then scampers out*

Cheese Nips

Rei-chan is going to hurt him a lot.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

Cheese Nips

Rei-chan is going to hurt him a lot.

Nah, she's met him if there's been no bloodshed yet there won't be. And he ate her box of cheesenips before too.

 

[snake0067]

Nah, she's met him if there's been no bloodshed yet there won't be. And he ate her box of cheesenips before too.

That's right I keep forgetting I'm the whipping boy here.

*Sighs, puts on jester outfit and starts dancing*

 

[asian_princess]

You cruel woman.

*Pulls up chair to watch*

*wiggles then turns to aim at Chronikins*

...i'm sorry, i must've heard you wrong..what kind of woman, now??

 

[chronicle_tenko]

That's right I keep forgetting I'm the whipping boy here.

*Sighs, puts on jester outfit and starts dancing*

Naw man. Sit have a beer, watch the women, we just bust on ya cause we like ya.

*hands Snakey a beer*

But now there is a new whipping boy. Green machine, You can hand him your bells tomorrow.

 

[asian_princess]

Naw man. Sit have a beer, watch the women, we just bust on ya cause we like ya.

*hands Snakey a beer*

But now there is a new whipping boy. Green machine, You can hand him your bells tomorrow.

*sneaks in to snatch snake's "bells" and runs out*

 

[VandalHeart]

I've heard of worse fates.

Nerds, I am in need of advice.
DM advice, in particular.
I have a group, playing tomorrow in fact...
This group is seven people.

The problem is keeping them on task.
Advice?

Being the demon here, I'll give my horribly heavy-handed advice. Time to play my favorite game: Devil's Advocate.

Option 1: Counter-Team
Recruit another GM. Preferrable traits (any of the following will suffice, but the more traits posessed, the better): OCD, psychologically oriented sadism, number cruncher, evil and overactive imagination, watches players like a hawk, will do anything you say. Make this guy take over the "secondary quests" when the party splits up. If both quests are just as important, do trade offs.

Option 2: The Kindred Army
Take one part Rebel Alliance, five parts random mercenary company, three parts college sports team / fraternity that gets away with whatever they want in town, one part local law enforcement (for rules and regs), and three to ten parts local war heroes. Mix. Bake. Frost. Throw at players' heads. Whenever I want to impose a time penalty on the players and I need a good excuse to actually use a stopwatch, I pull out the local Kindred Army chapter. The Kindred Army is a mercenary company with chapters and division all over my Multiverse. Almost every town knows of them, and just for the purposes of the campaign, the town the heroes are based out of is one such town. It seems their numbers dwindled a few years ago and the bean counters didn't seem to notice. Well, they finally got to that point in the paperwork stack, and some trusted, though not legendary members have shown up to replace their lost numbers. Now the adventuring party has competition, and the townspeople like these guys. Prices go up, diplomacy get's more difficult, and EVERYTHING is on an exponentially collapsible timeline now. "Okay, guys, you took 50 minutes to complete a dungeon that should have taken 30. When you reach the Sacrifice Chamber, you see another group of adventurers standing over the body of the head priest. They took a different route and beat you to the High Priest. They've already looted the room, you can tell by looking at them that they could use you for floss, and all your scatterbrained work is for naught. Pay attention next time." This option also makes for hella RP opportunity.

Option 3: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!?
Sometimes the fishbowl just needs to be tipped off of the table. With a baseball bat. CHOSE ONE (two would just be cruel, and not just to the players): Kill off their best contact, leave little to no explanation, you can come up with that later; kill off the mayor, watch the lower nobles scramble and backstab (fun for all!); start a string of serial murders, make sure that the team can't solve it unless they stay on course; curse/poison/impose legal/political pressure on one/all of the party (this is a lot like one of the suggestions Spins gave, but the trick is to be really fucking mean). Basically, do something to shock the living hell out of them and send them into a fit of hyperalertness. This one is kind of hard to pull off, but with the right group, it can work wonders.

Option 4: Spare the cattle prod, spoil the child
"Alright, you little shits, I think you forgot who's god around here. Time to pull out the GoG point system." The Grace of God point system was invented by Todd Shaughnessy for use in the sci-fi roleplaying spoof game, Human Occupied Landfill. Boiled down, it is thus: make a die roll for each of your players. Write down the number by their names on a list. Inform them that reality has just gotten a lot less forgiving, and Murphy has decided to impose his Law on them. There will come a time when a completely acceptable, nonmagical, unstoppable meteorite is about to crash down on the head of a character who has had the unfortunate luck (read: did something monumentally stupid, like not paying attention to the game) to get him/herself chained to the ground and/or wall right where the falling debris just happens to be headed. The locks are beyond the picking ability of all the rogues. The chains are forged of unbreakable material and have a regenerating spell cast on them to counteract the particularly sadistic but witty escape artist, so no chopping off limbs to facilitate escape. The only thing that will overcome the regeration threshold is the meteor, and we all know how that is about to end. This character is about to get cornholed by the gods, and Vecna is in the front of the line, cackling quite madly as a ghoul servant lubes up his stump. Bad, bad things are about to go down, and nothing can save him. Except...the player utters the code-phrase "Praise Jesus." The character has just spent 1 Grace of God point. By some uncalculated turn of physics, the meteorite splits and completely misses him. Now, you don't tell your players how many GoG points they have, because if they spend a GoG point the they don't have, they garner a Wrath of God point. This is your chance to cheat. Mercilessly. My preferred method is character maiming, but you do whatever you think is best. All I'm sayin' is that Roland Deschain was one pissed off gunslinger when he lost that trigger finger. This will make the players paranoid without sacrificing (oo much) fun factor from the game.

Option 5: Where do they get all these clerics?!?
Institute a new house rule: for every time after the first that you have to call a player's name, the enemy will mysteriously have an extra healer/rezzer/big bruiser in their raiding party/cult/drinking buddy circle (for those ever so fun barroom brawls). After two or three utterly imbalanced fights that they have to withdraw from, they might perk up and take heed. This works especially well with a low fighter, heavy rogue troupe, since those dextrous little bastards aren't too well known for taking a licking and keepin' on ticking, but they can run like a motherfucker.

Option 6: Rewards a la rations in a Turkish Prison
Institute a system of extranneous rewards for the characters based on how well the players pay attention and stay on task. Yeah, I know, this is supposed to be worked into the game already. I'm not talking about quest completion XP or magical item rewards, though. I'm talking about the things that should be given normally. "Bob, it's your turn. Bob. BOB! ...one...two...three...Okay, Bob's character passes this turn, and he'll gain experience at the end of the quest/fight at one level lower than he actually is right now." or "No, you try to draw your +4 Maiming Rapier, only to find that it is not there. Oh, you want to know where it is? It was stolen off of your sleeping body last night. Pay more attention, your ruining the game."

Yes, I know, I'm a bastard. But those are my suggestions. Have fun, and make sure and give credit where it's due. I love to hear the screams of agony caused by my machinations.

Sweet, sweet screams.

 

[SexyCleric]

Being the demon here, I'll give my horribly heavy-handed advice. Time to play my favorite game: Devil's Advocate.

All good advice.
Sweet, brutally efficient, advice.

*Pins Hextor Gold Star on Vandal*

And, on a happy note; Team Fortress Two .
And Heavy Guy.

Obviously, required nerd gaming.
For those of us who enjoy such things.

 

[microbiology311]

I'm going on a date! I'm going on a date! lets just hope this guy doesn't stutter while trying to talk smack.... just doesn't work!

 

[snake0067]

I'm going on a date! I'm going on a date! lets just hope this guy doesn't stutter while trying to talk smack.... just doesn't work!

Have fun! Hope you come back with all your fingers and toes.

 

[microbiology311]

Have fun! Hope you come back with all your fingers and toes.

thanks love!

 

[snake0067]

thanks love!

I want details later please.

 

[Doctor Who]

I'm going on a date! I'm going on a date! lets just hope this guy doesn't stutter while trying to talk smack.... just doesn't work!

Have fun!

 

[Green_Machine]

All good advice.
Sweet, brutally efficient, advice.

*Pins Hextor Gold Star on Vandal*

And, on a happy note; Team Fortress Two .
And Heavy Guy.

Obviously, required nerd gaming.
For those of us who enjoy such things.

Oh god yes. Joygasm when tf2, portal, and episode 2 come out at once. I'll probably try to use my vacation then just to play them nonstop.

In other news: I wub nanaimo bars. Mmmm. Two layers of chocolate with sugary goodness in between.

 

[Doctor Who]

Any of you geeks playing the Halo 3 beta? Or am I the only console gamer?

 

[chronicle_tenko]

Any of you geeks playing the Halo 3 beta? Or am I the only console gamer?

No you're not the only console gamer, but many of us are probably not.

I know I'm not, but I hate FPS' and Halo in particular. It has done more to bring consoles and gaming to the idiotic frat population than any other genre, let alone any other game.

But that's just me, No I'm psyched for FF:Versus, I'm psyched for Assassin's Creed. Halo 3 doesn't interest me in the slightest.

 

[snake0067]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Startcraft II Announced

Oh thank you god!

 

[Cadoras]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Startcraft II Announced

Oh thank you god!

Erm....

*Hands Snake a towel*

I won't tell anyone you wet yourself...

Yay?

I played the first Starcraft.... It was okay....

Not quite as good as Dr Drago's Madcap Chase though....

 

[Cadoras]

Any of you geeks playing the Halo 3 beta? Or am I the only console gamer?

Well, I'm not one of those geeks.... But I will most likely play the official Halo 3, sometime after it comes out..... Is the beta any good? Is it any better than 2? I am curious to know

 

[VandalHeart]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Startcraft II Announced

Oh thank you god!

Finally. Maybe they'll redeem themselves for Starcraft: Ghost. It looks absolutely killer. The rumors say that they'll be using an updated version of the Warcraft 3 engine, which is fine by me. Loved that game. Thanks for the heads up, Snake.