new girlfriend experiences pain

[jer2eydevil88]

I started dating a virgin, I was her first but she is not mine. We have never been able to complete the act because she says I hurt her, she thinks she has a small vagina but I have heard that most women think this is the case. I think she is just nervous and the pain is her clenching up.

Can anyone who might have been through this give some advice?

 

[Willing and Unsure]

it may not be just that. her hymen may still be in tact and that is what is hurting when you try to penetrate her. More than likely, her first time is going to hurt a little bit, for whatever reason. Be patient, use lots of lube with lots of foreplay that is focused on her, and go slow.

 

[EJFan]

ditto (many times) what W&U said.

I think she is just nervous and the pain is her clenching up.

and this may be the case too. i think that directly trying to get her to relax will only make it worse... like reminding yourself not to think of elephants and then that's all you can think of. rather than directly telling her to relax try to do things to help her relax.... back to the slow/lube/foreplay formula and all in good time.

 

[SweetErika]

In addition to what's already been said, has she been to a doctor to have a pelvic exam and talk about the pain during your attempts? What kind of birth control (in addition to condoms, I hope) are you two using? Does she orgasm before you try to enter her? How long have you been together?

There are also some very good threads in The Blank Manual under "First Time" IIRC - check it out at the top of How To.

 

[PertPerth]

I had problems with first time sex and sympathise with you both! I am small and my skin would often tear (and I'm not talking about my hymen), so obviously is wasn't greath for either of us.

So, if she is small, she could try what I did -
I bought a dildo, starting with a small one and inserted it morning and night until it didn't feel uncomfortable anymore. Then I bought a slightly bigger one..and so on. It took quite some time, but it was worth it. It enabled me to feel comfortable being penetrated as well as stretching myself without pain and tearing my skin.

My friend has a similar issue and ended up having to go gynecologist and operated on! Take it slow and I'm sure there will be no need.

 

[an_angels_wings]

It's very possible that she's really nervous and is clenching and that's causing her pain. Of course, she just isn't used to having anything probably as large as your penis trying to enter her. Her hymen may still be in tact, and that needs to be torn, which is certainly not going to tickle. My suggestion, before a doctor if you haven't tried this yet, is: foreplay, foreplay, FOREPLAY. Lots of men tend to go wayyy to fast ... but as I tell my boyfriend, you need to preheat the oven before you can bake the cookies. Do you two engage in oral sex? Stimulate her, use your fingers (one at a time!!! again, slowly, lots of lubrication), and PAY ATTENTION to her reactions. Ask her to guide you if need be. Once she gets used to your finger, or possibly more than one, she may feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of your penis going inside of her.

As Erika said, you may also want to make sure she comes before you try to penetrate her, because then she'll already have had an orgasm and will be kind of "warmed up" so to speak. Also, if she's clenching, whisper to her, kiss her neck, run a hand over her breast ... touch her, make her feel good while she's going through this discomfort. If the pain still persists and it's intense and she's unable to complete the act with you, then perhaps a visit to her doctor is in need for suggestions about what may help and stuff.

Good luck! And remember: patience, foreplay, patience, more foreplay, and PATIENCE! It's her first time ... it needs to be about her pleasure and the coming together of the both of you in a really sweet union.

(I can't help that I'm a bit of a romantic, sorry! )

 

[BreeCarter]

We have never been able to complete the act because she says I hurt her

Can anyone who might have been through this give some advice?

stop poking at her bellybutton.

 

[skizbees]

Lube. Go slow. Oh, and use lube and go slow. Pay attention to her reactions to your touch. Do you know what works for her to orgasm and relax? Try that, but be sure not to overstimulate her. That can either leave her in pain if you hit the wrong nerve, or dull the pleasure. She'll eventually relax enough to allow you inside her.

 

[Bandit58]

Can she insert tampons? I couldn't when I was a virgin, and it turned out my hymen was unusually thick, and I had to have a small operation. My doctor told me that intercourse would have been next to impossible and extremely painful.

If the problem continues a checkup sounds like it would be in order.