new here, embaressing question.

[WickedKitten21]

Hi im new here, and I have a rather embaressing question/ problem. See, Im 20 years old and Im a virgin. I know theres nothing wrong with that. But I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. he's 22 and I've known him since he was 17. Im getting pretty antsy and I really want to have sex with him, but he's huge! we've tried many times and we just can't get him inside me without unbearable pain. Im no idiot I know my first time is suppouse to hurt but none of my friends, (or myself) think it should hurt that bad. I've resigned to doing things myself that might help the next time we try, like I've managed to work my way to useing 3-4 fingers with I masterbait. I'm worried it wont be enough of a difference so my question is does anyone know of a dildo thats not big around? Like less than 5 inches? I need something small and I have had absolutely no luck finding one myself. thanx and sorry for the loooong post.

 

[ickle_stace]

Hi im new here, and I have a rather embaressing question/ problem. See, Im 20 years old and Im a virgin. I know theres nothing wrong with that. But I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. he's 22 and I've known him since he was 17. Im getting pretty antsy and I really want to have sex with him, but he's huge! we've tried many times and we just can't get him inside me without unbearable pain. Im no idiot I know my first time is suppouse to hurt but none of my friends, (or myself) think it should hurt that bad. I've resigned to doing things myself that might help the next time we try, like I've managed to work my way to useing 3-4 fingers with I masterbait. I'm worried it wont be enough of a difference so my question is does anyone know of a dildo thats not big around? Like less than 5 inches? I need something small and I have had absolutely no luck finding one myself. thanx and sorry for the loooong post.

well for a start, worrying about his size isn't going to help at all, you'll tense up and it'll make it harder to have sex when you're worried.

Secondly, is he doing much as way of foreplay before he tries to go inside you? loads of foreplay to make you wet and then extra lubrication if needed should help

 

[sunandshadow]

Slender dildos/vibes are often marketed as anal, so try searching those. I love this one:
http://www.comeasyouare.com/images/Product/TA-137.gif
but it's for g-spot stimulation, something with a solid shaft you could clench around would be better for stretching.

Also, homemade dildos can be fun - I used to have a slender one made from a nerf lightsaber of all things, and nerf arrows would probably also be good if you could find one. Since its slightly porous nerf should be either used with lots of lube and cleaned regularly with antibacterial soap, or used sheathed in a condom.

 

[thecharlieman]

WK...


check out a few online stores for a vib/dil....many different sizes and styles available!

one such place comes to mind.....check here

 

[M's girl]

So..... what is huge anyway? Women are built to be able to give birth and for your sake (hell, for his too) I hope that baby will be bigger than his penis is now. So he should fit.

There is probably something else going on. Nerves, not wet (excited) enough or whatever. At what point do you decide he is not going to fit? When you look at his penis and say "oh no"....? Has he tried to get in and if so how far did he go? Have you tried lubes and (as Stace mentioned already) lots of foreplay to get you wet and relaxed?

Also, the first time is not necessarily supposed to hurt. Why do you think that? With some women it does, with others it doesn't. Sounds to me like you suspect it will hurt, so you cramp up and that's why it hurts. It's almost as if you are resisting. Is he pressuring you in any way, or are you pressuring yourself? Let it go! Enjoy all the other 'stuff' that does work and hold off from the PIV for a while. Get comfortable first again having sex at all; then after a while try again. With lots of foreplay, lube and patience...

 

[WickedKitten21]

actually no, he doesnt really do any kind of foreplay. I mean we make out. I should talk to him about it. he's no impatient eather. truthfully he hassnt pressured me at all. Im the one who's becomeing anxious. I didnt know it might not hurt. everyone else I ever talked to told me it did. well anyway thanks for all the great tips! you've all been a big help to me!

 

[ickle_stace]

actually no, he doesnt really do any kind of foreplay. I mean we make out. I should talk to him about it. he's no impatient eather. truthfully he hassnt pressured me at all. Im the one who's becomeing anxious. I didnt know it might not hurt. everyone else I ever talked to told me it did. well anyway thanks for all the great tips! you've all been a big help to me!

thats why it's hurting, if he's bigger than average too, then foreplay is needed even more so! you need to be wet before he tries to go inside

 

[rgraham666]

No foreplay?

What do they teach them in the schools these days?

 

[M's girl]

.... I didnt know it might not hurt. everyone else I ever talked to told me it did. well anyway thanks for all the great tips! you've all been a big help to me!

There's this whole stigma to start with and then there is the question: what is pain to you? The actual breaking/tearing of the hymen should not hurt more than a few seconds and the hurt should not be overwhelming, but to women who are afraid for years before it happens (in some cultures this whole idea is implanted in their heads over and over again to discourage them to have sex) the tension causes for more pain to be experienced than otherwise would be the case.

Besides, a lot of women experience no such thing as the actual breaking/tearing of the hymen while experiencing PIV (or another-thing IV ) for the first time, because in a lot of cases the opening is large enough already because of sports or what have you. I only ever lost MY virginity on paper. No blood, no breaking/tearing, no pain. Of course the first time was exciting and new and I was just a little bit anxious, but pain...? No.

I'm not saying no woman experiences pain. Of course some do. But it is probably nothing worse than the pain of an injection needle, both in intensity and duration of the pain.

 

[M's girl]

actually no, he doesnt really do any kind of foreplay. I mean we make out. I should talk to him about it.

Yes you should! I am what you could call (ahum) experienced and feel no pain whatsoever when having intercourse. I am quite wet very quickly (even sometimes without the official foreplay - although the best foreplay can be in your head sometimes) so I can do quickies all the time if I wanted to.

But for me to really enjoy sex, I need foreplay. I need excitement and passion and playfulness and devotion to my wellbeing sexually (and orgasm ultimately) for the whole experience to be wonderful.

 

[glynndah]

[I]But it is probably nothing worse than the pain of an injection needle, both in intensity and duration of the pain.[/I]

A shot! Yikes! Those hurt! It's not like that at all. Don't listen to 'em. (Sorry, needle phobia rears its ugly little head.) I'm okay now.

On a more serious note, try his fingers in you first. When you can relax and accept one thing that you're not directly controlling, it should be easier to build on from there.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

On a more serious note, try his fingers in you first. When you can relax and accept one thing that you're not directly controlling, it should be easier to build on from there.

not just that, but if he does finally get his penis inside you, have him rest there for a moment or two. It will help give your vagina a little bit of time to react to the change and the stretching of everything to accomodate him being there. I've had to do this on a few occasions because initially it did hurt a little bit, but waiting those few moments before proceeding makes all the difference for the rest of the experience.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm curious as to why you think you need a thin dildo. If you get one that's a bit wider than him, and practice using it yourself (then you can try with him), you'll prove to yourself it can be done without pain, and the real thing shouldn't be much different (although having it attached to a person can be mentally intimidating).

Before you work on the sex, develop the foreplay to the point you have at least one orgasm. If you need to touch yourself or use a vibe, fine - just work it into the play. Use lube (we like silicone ) when you attempt penetration, even if you think you don't need it.

Also, if you've never had a pelvic exam, you need to do that now. The doctor will make sure your hymen, if intact, isn't too thick or much of an obstruction to make sex too painful. S/he will also check you for other stuff and make sure you have a good plan for birth control (worrying about pregnancy, even a little, can contribute to your anxiety and tightening up). You can also ask them for suggestions on relaxing those muscles; tightening and relaxing with deep breathing for a few minutes or kegel exercises help some women.

 

[buxxxom]

Pick up a bottle of KY the next time you're at the pharmacy and experiment a little with his fingers, the lube, and your pussy. Then, if things aren't hurting, you can progress to PIV sex. If you can insert 3 or 4 fingers when you masturbate, then size shouldn't be much of a problem, but vaginal dryness can and does cause pain during intercourse. If you really have your heart set on a dildo/vibe, check out the toys section of Lit. There's a good variety there; you may even be able to pick something out together that you'd both enjoy.

 

[gottohaveit]

try anal....maybe your butt hole is more willing and able

 

[WickedKitten21]

I have seen my doctor and she has told me that I do have a dryness problem and she told me to try KY's warming lube.

 

[sunandshadow]

I personally hate KY because it quickly dries out and gets sticky; I recommend silicon lube, or baby/mineral oil if condoms aren't an issue.

 

[missgizmo]

When you are wet and feel ready for him to push inside you make sure he knows to go really really slowly, this will help to stretch you slowly and you should be much more comfortable. Dont expect sex to be wonderful the first second third fourth time etc it takes practice finding out what works for you. Try masturbating sometimes to find out more about your own body, that will help when you can feel the same tension during sex. Sex is a wonderful thing, dont be scared of it, the vagina is an elastic tube, you will be able to accomodate him, dont worry, lubrication, whether it is you or ky jelly or whatever is essential.

Enjoy hun and dont worry xx