New Poetry Recommendations

[WickedEve]

more for the 8th

Thought I was finished but found some good poetry by Fallenfromgrace
There are three new ones from this poet.
Surprisingly (for me) I like My Ashes best. I enjoyed the repetition of "My ashes go To India soon."

Also, check out Silence and Smoke

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Good poem:
Cookies
by Dale_Arden ©

Interesting poem:
8th avenue
by SmirkingJack11 ©

 

[duckiesmut]

I don't know why my first instinct is always to count the new poems. This early, early Friday morning, did I count? Sadly, yes. But I'm not going to tell you how many.

I'm also not going to list all of the poems, so if something strikes your fancy, please stop in with a link and a review.

Wonders the Good Girl and Wonders the Bad Girl by Curiouswife

I've always liked dichotomies (though hated the word). In my opinion, these two poems are much better read together than apart. So read them both! (Pretty please.)

That said, I'm a punctuation girl. Both poems, along with the rest of her poetry, show a distinct and intentional lack of ending punctuation. Because of well-chosen line breaks, it didn't drive me completely insane, but after lines like under the sheets and to fulfill this searching soul, I found myself stopping, going, is this what she wanted? Is this the right pause? Is this supposed to flow through, or should I wait and breathe and have a sip of tea? Being the inconsistent person that I am, after saying all that, I like it. Make me make a choice besides which link to click first, damn it.

I’ve looked in orgasms
and when I didn’t find you
I looked in screams
and let myself be
taken hard and thrown down
on sticky rest stop floors

Is it warm in here, or is it just me? Me? That's freakishly early menopause if ever I've heard of it.

I knew far too little
and the need had but grown
into something far too large
for any well-endowed man
to fulfill this searching soul

The section italicized above is a bit wordier than the rest of the poem, and could stand to have some love and attention by its author. 'far too little', 'had but grown', and 'far too large', in my opinion, don't add much as they are. Also, 'well-endowed man' and 'searching soul' are a bit typical for an untypical lady.

but what I’m left with
is something not quite
so where are you?

I love (love) this. Something not quite. I think we've all been there, and it transfers very nicely onto the page. I find myself begging for a comma after 'quite', but thank you for not giving it to me. I like how quite slides into that last line. It sort of catches you (or at least me) by surprise the first time that way.

I wonder if then I could open up
close my eyes
and sleep in the knowledge
of how one becomes a lover

Delicious. Fuck if the last two of the four lines above aren't the sexiest thing I've read in a week.

but the good girl can’t hush
the incessant whisper
bellowing up inside of me
oh this knowledge
that there is more
then I’ve ever felt or experienced
penetrate me
till I surrender
a good girl

She loses a little of my enjoyment as the end nears. I could do without the needless repetition of 'good girl' at the beginning and end of the above section, as well as in the title and line 13. Four good girls is a bit much for me. Maybe that says something about my character.

I've read this a few times, and am wondering if 'oh this knowledge' was meant as 'of this knowledge'? On the 'more than I've ever felt' part, I'm pretty sure 'than' is for comparisons, like Ms. Wife's, while 'then' is for timing. (Someone please yell if I'm wrong.)

Thank you in advance, Ms. Wife, for a thoroughly lovely poetry morning, and for your patience with my meanderings. If I didn't enjoy them like I did, I wouldn't have spent so much time rambling about your poems.

Casting Lots to the Stars by bluerains

I wanted to like this, I really did. But it tries too hard. I think it's sidestepping glass promises that made me want to try so badly. But what does this mean:

They are sleepwalking through the mind
of blue broken;

It, like most of the poem, sounds nice when read aloud, but I'm finding very little meaning expressed behind the adjectives, etc. More meat, less dessert?

Of the other poems, five each belong to BostonFictionWriter and pmbluemoon, both of whom have quite a few new poems posted recently.

And now, it's time to get ready for work. Happy Friday.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

New Poem Reviews

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If by Curiouswife

a curious write....
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Between London Bridge Station by vampiredust

poetry of construction... not poetry under construction!

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BOSTONFICTIONWRITER has several poems surface today... I like this one...
Vietnam

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have a quality week (~_~)

 

[champagne1982]

I had a read through the new poems this Saturday, March 10th and felt I could share a review from through the haze of coffee steam. Remember poets, the comments that follow reflect my taste in, and opinions on, the poetry I read this morning. Please make a visit to the new poems list and form your own ideas.
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darkerdreamer stuns me with the speed of phrasing and flash of the images he draws from the fast flickers of details that ads bombard us with daily, in his very denis-halian offering of Crystal Meth Bunnyfuck. I know this isn't the first time his poetry has been likened to dh and I apologize to them both for drawing the parrallel but man-oh-man, the pair of them would make a fantastickly, slippery and gritty team at a party, kinda like fucking on the beach.

Next, he lives up to his Litname in On His Deathbed with a dark poem about overdose and dying. I've got to wonder if this write was triggered by watching last year's best-supporting-actor performance of Alan Arkin.
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dreams_master1216 offers some rhyming love poems to his Bonny. These are meant for her enjoyment, folks, don't be disappointed if you aren't the Real Love he finds After Work.
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Curiouswife takes us around the corner in her Impressionistic poem, titled Just Once and then she lets us glimpse her thoughts in another poem today. If is another linear stream of thoughts running together. This lady is a good poet, and you should give her a read.

I like the flowing way Curiouswife lets the lines blend together in her writing, in fact I use the technique myself. Maybe, though, as Ms duckie suggested yesterday, Cw should use some punctuation and flex her poetic muscles occassionally. It's something to consider, I think, as an exercise to expand and add skill to a repetoire that is already, truly bursting with talent.
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Once by heikko is a minimalist poem by a poet who shows promise if she decides to develop further.
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The next poem up on the list is A New Life Begins by sunnylynn. I think the presentation of this as a prose poem is not the best choice for the piece and sunnylynn would really do her poem a justice by trimming it down into free verse.
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vampiredust shows us the Thames waterfront getting a character-robbing facelift in Between London Bridge Station and Bermondsey. Chris is really good at these paintings and sometimes he can transport me directly into his scene. This time I smell the musty swamp and hear the jackhammers noise as London Bridge is kept from falling down, again.
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If you haven't read DilutedPoet's poems yet, you should treat yourself right and pay his page a visit. Today he offers a gorgeous Morning look at waking up. I had a small word choice issue in his closing but that is all that flaws a very good poem.
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Jamison posted a poem today that illustrates what must go through everyone's mind at least once in Knowing is a Loaded Weapon. I don't need to understand all of the references to get this poem on a visceral level. It's good. Do yourself a small favour and read it.

Now that you're back from that trip, did you check out Piss + Vinegar while you were there? It's an angry and antagonistic poem, so don't expect to come back from reading it feeling all warm and fuzzy. Be disturbed, it's meant to upset you.
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MungoParkIII shows us how difficult aging must be for a lingering Legend. Recommended for reading only after you've come to terms with your reflection.
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Today we have another group of poems from the prolific BOSTONFICTIONWRITER and if you're needing a snack of rhyming white bread and sodapop poetry take a moment and indulge. If you'd prefer some meat, still in quatrains, you'll find Vietnam of more substance.
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Have a brilliant afternoon, everyone, I'm ready to enjoy some sun.

 

[vampiredust]

I found these today:

Legend by MungoPark III

This is a solid piece of poetry with some concise imagery and a finely honed metaphor. I can't fault this. Everything in the poem has been polished to a T.

Excerpt:

as she dipped her eyeliner brush
and swirled it above her face
in a wistful parasail ballet

Knowing is a Loaded Weapon by Jamison

I liked the take on the what if I...? scenario. There are things I would change.

I assume the reference to Adam is biblical but think the connection between this and the poet could be made clearer.

I was a little confused. Same goes for the reference to Samson (pointed out in the readers comments by Curt)

I, too, was a bit baffled by this.

Here's an excerpt from this intriguing poem:

Yes instead that, it could happen
when all I wanted to know
was whether it could be done once more,
would I match Adam's face?

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

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--> darkerdreamer <--
I like!
Kind of reminds me of something Denis Hale would write.

Not so sound lame, who's Denis Hale? And far be it from me to agree with you, Eve. But this guy spits 'em out, and the awesome thing is he spits 'em out better than most. The last lines of Chrome are classic, top grade poetry, but you do have to look at it in the certain light.
What, I'll third this?
Oh, and welcome back to NPR.
Very funny stuff, not stuffy.

 

[vampiredust]

11.03.07

The Sunday Review

18 new poems up today

winktwice has six poems up

Leaving Haiku and Sexy are my favourites of the bunch.

Leaving Haiku has a wonderful economy to it and the images are concise and punchy.

Sexy isn't bad, but could be tightened to make it more effective. I'm not fond of its rhyme and I think it constricts the language. The alliteration in the poem is distracting and that should be reworked, imho.

Excerpt:

Smashed lipstick smeared onto her face,
naturally beautiful lips suddenly grotesque,
cosmetics carefully caked on ​

Next we have Debbie by Tathagata

Excerpt:

The colors both savage and innocent,
untamed and unlearned,
like Gauguin or a child

There is some very good imagery in the poem, with images like
lavender moonlightand snowfall streetlight

The poem is solid and has a good rhythm

There are some things I would change. I didn't understand the first two lines of the first stanza. The second line seemed odd with the reference to natural colors, which are organic-like. I'm confused. I think it should be deleted and the latter half of the stanza brought up.

There are a couple of very long lines and I found the pace of them a little hard to read. Perhaps enjambing them would help?

Next we have MoanLisé vs. The World by darkerdreamer

This is an inventive piece, mixing a prose poem with song lyrics

Excerpt:

With a satellite sweep we find her. She is currently bombing down 122nd Street with no signs of slowing. We watch her slide right by the interstate, she isn't even trying to get away, she knows exactly where she is going

I liked the conciseness of the prose, with the lyrics providing an interesting contrast to the action happening.

An intriguing write

Finally, we have Signs of Spring by champagne1982

Excerpt:

The garden sleeps until
it's time. Expectant
cows low with the first
pangs of laboured birth

I like the lovely spring imagery in the poem, which reminds me a little of Rupert Brooke and A.E Housman.

The metaphor in the last stanza is well done and provides an effective close to the poem.

The only things that I would perhaps think about changing in the poem is the length of some of the sentences. The latter half of the last stanza, for instance, was quite long and I needed more breath. I think slowing down the pace would let the reader soak in the images better.

Enjoy, comment and have a great Sunday

 

[wildsweetone]

Poem Choice to share today (because i can):

Tree Essence by Rybka​

this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing.


16 New Poems up today, let's see what's on offer for us...

Two poems Hating You and His Love, Her Love by new poet okane_mochi . the two extremes of emotion, hate and love written here today. my favourite lines from the first,

'Hurt you in a blaze

For your ice cold gaze'.​

i wonder if this poem could be a little more succinct. i like the format of the poem but it does appear a little wordy. i'd be wary of getting caught in the cliche too by perhaps trying another way of writing 'Pierces through my core' for example.

for the second poem, i like the idea of what you're saying and there are some good phrases 'Your mouth shames the nectar' for example. i'd watch the use of punchy words though, i.e. 'Delicate skin stabs my desire' - is it possible for delicate skin to stab? the metaphor doesn't quite work for me.

good start though and welcome to Literotica.



Artiste by our very own Rybka is the next poem. i like the simplistic and clear wording of this poem. i like the way it's set out and the stanza and line end breaks. i love how the first stanza imitates the 'eye' or viewfinder of a camera. i would suggest this poet knows his multi talented subject well, as he appears to have summed her up in succinct terms. you, my friend, have made my month.

Pour One Out and Midnight In A Perfect World are my favourites by relatively new poet DireLilith out of the six poetry submissions today from this poet. i feel a little mixed by these poems. there are some great phrases and i found myself reading the poems aloud, slowly and with feeling. i think these poems have great 'sound' when read aloud. i would prefer to see the commas a little less 'in my face' as i read and if they are being used as in Pour One Out, then i would like to see the use of full stops also. i think these poems (and many of the ones i have not quoted here) could do with stanza breaks, so if you're looking for a little learning, you might try in that area first.

two poems from new poet Eroticfiresoul today. Thinking and Delicious . there is interesting rhyme in these submissions but i would hesitate to call either of them poetry for the simple reason i find it hard to see any other poetic devices used within them. i think they could both do with a quick spelling and punctuation check, and the mixed used of 'I' and 'i' is inconsistent and therefore contains no specific interest other than being distracting. i think there is poetry within them, it is just a matter of bringing a little more out into the fore for us to enjoy. i do not mean for this particular review to be bad, rather, i offer my advice as helpful and supportive for the poet and should she wish to discuss my comments further, i am open for messaging or contacting through the board.

Wait by new poet romanticaussie80 reads as prose (somebody correct me if i'm wrong here please) and i'm not sure i'm skilled enough to comment. i do love the last line.

the spacing is distracting which is no doubt caused by Lit's formatting and not the poet's fault. however for Litland, i think i'd like to see it spaced differently and given more impact with different line breaks, for example:

'I wait with hope, and wonder
of the joy that someone will love me
just as I am.
Just as I can be.

I wait to be someone's everything.

I have a heart
so full
so ready to give. '

i'm not sure that helps, but it seems to read a little smoother to me this way and without the - marks that seem to distract rather than help the poem's read.

again, should you wish me to further comment, please don't hesitate to ask.

Leap Frog by darkerdreamer . i like how you think. i like that you gave this a depth that i didn't expect from the title. i find it interesting that your use of 'oft' and 'for' (in line 21), both old words/phrases, yet you bring them effortlessly into your poem. i like the punchy sound of your poetry, no extraneous words, just to the point. suggestions of improvement, perhaps watch a couple of your punctuation marks and try out stanzas for this poem. interesting reading, thank you.

She says (my sincere apologies for the initial incorrect link) by jamison .

'She loves me a little more
when I'm sadder.'​

dragged me in and kept my attention until the end. i felt the sorrow all the way through this poem as if the reading were coloured with the depression. i want to look closer at this poem, at the words and see how their joining makes the emotion roll. thanks for this lesson jamieson.

Contraption by angel4u2 a couple of spelling errors that could do with a quick clean. the rhyme holds well through all except the last stanza and i have to agree with the word the poet used within the poem, it's a little 'bizarre' keep an open mind when reading, if you can find your mind that is.

Hostage by UBU is beyond my ability to understand. i need to do some research and will come back to this after work.



Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!




edited to add I have looked up the references to the House of Atreus that UBU mentions and am little the wiser. i think i need the poet himself to help me out here.

 

[tungtied2u]

New Poems 3/13 Tuesday

So far only 4 New Poems, on what promises to be a lovely spring day here in the Mountains. All are by BOSTONFICTIONWRITER.

I'll be back after work to review them, along with whatever else turns up, but don't let that stop you from forging ahead without me.

 

[vampiredust]

I discovered these today:

fuck by skittles_1m

Excerpt:

I want to fuck.
Not a pretty piece of poetry,
but real,
a small chunk of reality
splintered off from
the fabric of mundane

Good effort

The imagery is solid and you've taken the reader to where you want them to go. But I think this could be improved. I would delete the line 'Everyday' , it didn't seem to fit everything that came before it. (unless it was supposed to join the lines before it, but then why was it capitalised?)

I'd clean up this stanza:

I want to use you to
get myself off and then
send you home

ending a line with the word 'of' is the equivalent of a roadblock to the reader and interrupts the flow of images already received. There is unnecessary hesitation. Consider this revision:

I want to use you
to get myself off
and then send you
home

Still, good effort here

next we have The Self-Destruction of Ezekiel by darkerdreamer

Excerpt:

I have seen the Luxor spotlight, shining into space,
A million illuminated insectoid bodies
Spiraling within, as if trapped and forced to dance
Within the confines of the beam.
A towering pillar composed of fireflies

I'm going to be honest and say that I found this difficult to read.

There is some good imagery here, with lines like:
A towering pillar composed of fireflies and A million illuminated insectoid bodies/Spiraling within

The last stanza lost me. I'm assuming that the earlier stanzas of the poem refer to Ezekiel and his prophecies (stanzas one, three and four ; with the second stanza referencing Egypt)

Had to google for the last stanza and am confused how the classical references fit in with the rest of the poem and the stanza in itself: Nyx is mother night, we have Thanatos (who is the personification of death) and the butterfly (the ancient Greek symbol for the soul)

An intriguing write

 

[tungtied2u]

New Poem Reviews 3/13

Burp ! Sorry for the late review...today was so gorgeous, I was forced to stop on the way home from work for a pint and a pizza at the neighborhood watering hole.

Thank you Christian for your insightful and constructive input on your picks.

23 New poems bursting forth on this beautiful spring day, many of them late bloomers, as there were only 4 when I peaked earlier today.
Must be the weather.

Raindear816 centers her focus on the disappointment of love unrequited in If only.... I was trying to figure out why I was unmoved by this poem, then I realized the poet had not shown any evidence as to what she found so enamoring in the object of her desire. A bit more information would help the reader to experience the feelings the poet wishes them to.

Six poems from MistressLynn today. Many of her poems carry a similar message, dealing with alienation and feeling unwanted, which I found best expressed in Did You Ever. Writing can be a very cathartic experience, as i'm sure many here will attest, and I hope this writer continues to delve into the reasons which she expresses here, and can bring them more into focus. Being able to be more specific could really enhance the emotions displayed here.

Wishing For A Master is the first poem here from bohemian_writer. I like the conflict shown in this poem, i.e. :

As I drown in the wave
Of pleasure, of terror
At what I’ve become-
I’m your slave from my toe
To the curve of my thumb.
I twist and I writhe
But you pin me down.
You are my King
My tears form your crown.

That being said, the effectiveness of the poem was greatly reduced by the rhyming...at times it felt like I was reading Dr. Suess, and Dr. Suess does not instill terror or lust in me. I would suggest trying to rewrite this in free form, and see how it changes the feeling.

BOSTONFICTIONWRITER has four up today...Snorkeling, displays some clever formatting which emphasizes the movement in the poem, and Sea Wrath, my favorite from him/her today, solidly conveys the fury suggested in the title.

Seaweed and seashells, on sandy surf swells,
Splashes and surges, spraying its spume.
Doomed! Sea fearing sailors, scared shipwrecked whalers,
Watch weathered, white waves wakefully wash,

In addition, this looks to be some type of form poem, but it will take one of my more knowledgable colleagues to point out which type.

That's it for me for today. I going to go sit out in the lovely evening air. Remember to support our poets by reading, commenting and voting.

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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Been some changes in the style of the reviews while I've been out. Looks like a step up from just reading and recommending to more substantive review, i.e., critique. Let me give it a try and see how it comes out.

n2simplpleasures has his first four postings today. What Matters Most Is You shows his strengths and weaknesses. Consider the first strophe:

The only things that matter near as much to me as you
are all the silly little things you used to say and do.
It means I feel those little things are mostly in the past
and it scares me so to think our love might be so downcast.​

He shows good rhythm and rhyme here but downcast is a good example of finding a word to fit the rhyme which weakens it.

By way of contrast is his, 120 Days. There's less structure and the rhyme is less forced. As a result he better conveys feelings.

I pray a soothing calm will fill
What you feared you felt inside
Overflowing then to calm the fears
That others only hide.​

BOSTONFICTIONWRITER has 3 pieces up today. I've missed his previous postings while I was gone. He's been quite busy, I see. I'll have to catch up.

His Happy Birthday seems a bit ragged. Perhaps it's in its nature as it seems to be flipping in and out of a dream, though the bit of humor at the end comes through as his wife awakens him with her wish to him for a happy birthday. On the other hand, My Family is a really sad piece and you can feel those emotions bubbling through. It is a bit long; the 4th strophe can be eliminated as much of its sentiments are repeated in the final strophe:

Don’t know if I can forgive and forget.
Mom said, “Your decision to let
Dad in,
To start a relationship that never had a chance to begin.”
I wonder how different my children would be
Denied having a Daddy.
I can’t treat my Dad as badly
But I remember my childhood sadly.

Mom worked full-time and left us alone
Checking all the time by telephone
If we needed anything,
But without parents home, life is a sad thing.
Under the circumstances, as a mother would,
Mom did the best she could.
Mom refuses to see Dad, but I think it would be bad,
If my kids didn’t have a Granddad.​

That's it for today ~ 4 out of 11. I looked at the others and couldn't get motivated. Perhaps a little drained from the past 2 weeks or so. Go ahead and take a look. If nothing else, read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[WickedEve]

Thursday Ides of March

Great reviews this past week. Reviewers offered comments that may teach us a thing or two about the poems we're reading. Wonderful job, guys!

Then along comes Thursday and WickedEve.

Those who have known me for awhile may recall my numerous mentions of my ass, my dildo collection, and the proud Virginia possum. Well, no more. I will refrain from mentioning anything in that list. You certainly will not read, "The jelly dong clung to my ass as though it were a baby possum riding its mother's back."

Moving right along from baby possums and dildos to MyNecroticSnail. He's back.

Forest reverie
by MyNecroticSnail ©
As shadows narrow I escape the glen
as hollow as when I came in.

This is a lovely poem. At first, I didn't notice the form. Sestet? Help me--I'm rusty on forms. For me, this is one of the best MNS poems I've read in awhile. Only six lines, so take the time to read it, please. And comment. It truly deserves better than what I can give it.

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Centerpiece
by duckiesmut ©

Sit. Smile. Look pretty
and be the cliché

I have read poems about the stereotypical wife. She's a fab cook, super mommy, etc. She's also the world's yummiest, bedroom whore. But Duckie elevates her poem to another level with her first strophe. It's a perfect opening. She also ends the poem with some good lines. Of course, there is fine writing throughout the poem.
I'm sure some women will relate to being a Centerpiece.

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Pseudo Recall
by Jamison ©

A quick look beneath Ray-Ban's
catches gleaming teeth,
snarling before the bite
into a tense belly.

Our Jamison/neonurotic writes fine erotica. When I say erotica, I do mean erotica. He doesn't write tacky filth, does he? He writes more like a smooth, clean, lickable man. Not a sweaty hairball who's endowed with a... telephone pole. ring-a-big-ding Actually, I write more like a sweaty hairball than he does. Jamison understands erotica. He know how to turn his readers on without mentioning a throbbing log that's beating a beaver to death.

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Mine
by Curiouswife ©

I will call her Isabelle,
or maybe Paris,
or perhaps, Simply Beautiful.

Is Curiouswife me and I don't know it? Those could be my lines. No wonder I like this poet chick. Damn good poet and this a damn good poem about Spring. Ah, Spring. Springy spring, springing toward us. Spring.

At least, I think it's a poem about Spring...

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There are more poems, but I have urgent matters to attend to. So, I'll be back after I get the bird out of my dryer hose. Happens every damn Spring!

 

[WickedEve]

Thursday

Now that I've had a chance to read a few more of the new poems, I'd like to mention Couch by loserstyx ©

this is my battle station
where I go to fight my wars
armed with cigarettes and a fifth of Jack

This really is a good poem, which should be obvious from the excerpt above.

Also check out Hat by MungoParkIII ©

I long for that black
sombrero, still a bit dusty


Frisco Dreamin by endthedream appears to be a pretty good poem from what I've read, but it's a tad too long.


I'm mentioning Divine Comfort by Remec because I know the poet and I'm sure others do also, and they may want to check out his latest. Remec, your line breaks in the first four lines are driving me a little crazy.


I need to finish this up and leave but I have to mention this nice poem, too!
Honeysuckle
by Shadowsandflames ©

“It wilts fast“, she says, and I wonder if this is simply fact or something more akin to prophecy
She breaths deep and sighs, “But this smell is spring to me”
I understand how she feels
There were great tangled bushes of it growing behind my childhood home

 

[duckiesmut]

No poems as of yet on this early Friday morning.

I'll check back in a few hours and see if they've arrived.




---
Edited to say that it's well into the morning, and still no poems have arrived. I'm off for a longgggg rest of the work day, and will have to postpone reviews for any potential Friday poems until tomorrow morning.

Have a wonderful weekend, y'all.

---
Re-edited to say, what Eve said.

 

[WickedEve]

Friday

Clever Like a Crow
by Jamison ©

I see everywhere lone
or with another doing crow things.

Topping telephone lines,
streetlights and cawing orders,

I love "crow things." It really got me to thinking about, well, crow things.
Read the poem.

 

[vampiredust]

The Sunday Review

Today's quote:

"Poetry in my opinion must be honest before anything else and I refuse to be 'objective' or clear-cut at the cost of honesty"

Louis MacNeice

Only 4 new poems up so far

I'll keep you posted when more are up

My picks:

Love Spills Out by Savannah Skye

Excerpt:

Love spills out
All over the highway
As we run in circles

There is a good rhythm in the poem and it has a nice sing-song feel when read out aloud. But, in my opinion, the poem descends into a hallmark-like vagueness after the first stanza.

The language is weak and becomes a saccharine discussion of love. It needs to be tighter to get the readers attention.

Perhaps using metaphors and stronger imagery would help.

Read it and see for yourselves.

Next:

Seasons of Your Heart by endthedream

This poem has potential and is too long in my opinion. The language is quite vague in much of the poem and suffers from the same hallmark quality seen in the previous poem. But what stops it from careening off the proverbial cliff is this:

That is the clockwork of gingham
Shirt
And torn jeans
And kind eyes
And a voice that says my name
Again.

This was my favourite image in the entire poem. I would think about developing the theme of time better in the poem and using concise detail and metaphor (like this, for instance) more.

Less is more, as they say.

Read, comment, and have a great Sunday

 

[wildsweetone]

spinner (again, because i can):

Room With A View by Angeline
​

this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing.


4 New Poems up today, what happened? did everyone stop writing?

first up: pilgrimage by catastrophe . i like this poem for its 'simplicity' -- that is not an insult by the way. i found it just right, not too wordy, and not too brief. i love the alliteration in this poem. there are a couple of full stops missing, but the rest of the punctuation is perfect. there is something intriguing about this poem. the words evoke a certain emotion that is given more impact again, with the last line. great writing, poet. i'm going to be reading more of your poetry.

Letting Go by relatively new poet loserstyx ... oh now this poem gets me right in my core. i like it. i like the story told. improvements? there are a couple of places that caught my eye, one was the last line in the first stanza, and the word 'getting' in stanza 4. it might just be my lack of skill showing, but i stumbled with that last line as i would normally say '...was all for'. and 'getting' just seemed to have a harsh sound, perhaps 'becoming' would be a more suitable word? the first line in stanza 3 is my absolute favourite. thanks for sharing your poem.

third up:
No Curtain Call by Curiouswife. interesting title and interesting tale in this poem. i like this poem and have been wondering if the story itself would have more impact if more anger or disappointment showed through in the writing. the length of the first sentence, seems to slow my reading, to take away the anger that i would normally expect to feel when reading 'but you're not worthy of that'. i think this poem could possibly have done with some stanza breaks. lines 13 to 18 are my favourite, they have impact and the way they line end break works well. not many poets can make commas work the way this poet succeeded.


a work of art by bourbonslut again, interesting title. two words have had me researching 'alabaster' and 'break'. i always thought of alabaster as being very hard, however that is the alabaster of ancient times. the alabaster of today can be scratched by a fingernail. so, i think i would alter the word 'break' to perhaps 'scratch' or 'graze' (the latter would work well with 'gaze' in your next line. i think 'atop' doesn't fit well here, and in line 14 'wach' should be 'watch'. towards the end, i think 'your own creation' doesn't seem quite right... the body is already created, so perhaps it would be useful to say something like 'the end result of your own creation'... that doesn't sound right to me either, but i think you might understand what i mean.



Poets, thank you for sharing your poetry today, I have learnt a lot!. Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!




i am away in a couple of hours and won't be back for a day or two or three, so if there are any questions or comments about my review, i'll catch up with them when i get back.

 

[tungtied2u]

New Poem Reviews 3/20

Sorry for the lateness of my review today. Work has been wearing me down, and I fell asleep on the sofa after getting home.

It's obvious spring is in the air from the New Poems. Six of the seven has a sexual/romantic slant to them.

Curioswife's The Man I Love is soft as a spring rain, sweet as the scent of magnolia on the evening air. If you dissect it, it doesn't seem word for word that original, but at least for me, the overall affect was a very personal and touching tribute.

sybarite_sympath finds the dark is all wet. I enjoyed the rhythm of this poem and some of the images I found fresh and interesting, such as:
my breath has gone running
and i call it back
but it has a new master and leash
and the slack i once gave it is gone
now my breath will be trained
to your rhythm
your song
I might suggest some editing to tighten it up, but I like the pace the author has achieved here.

The spring weather hasn't quite made it to Jamison's Trees, Overdressed, but they seem ready to go. This poem has a nice mood to it...it's short so no sampler...just click the link and enjoy !

TTTNW..

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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Out of today's dozen pieces, these are the ones that caught my eye:

PAUL C brings us a humorous piece in Naked beneath your clothes. With one exception, the couplets have periods at the end of each line :

I see men look at you and wonder if they know.
That you are naked beneath your clothes.​

Another minor distraction is the repetition {naked beneath your clothes}. Still, an enjoyable read just for the light humor.


darkitude brings us a highly stylized poem revolving around the Dom/sub theme in I Wait for Cerberus. With its setting in ancient mythology she lays out her Dom/sub theme with the usual caps for the Dom. Thankfully, she doesn't follow this type of pattern consistently and capitalizes the pronoun "I". This may be a different way of taming the savage beast than that employed by Hercules.

I am aware that I must crawl to all of You. May I? Speak the words.
Allow me to present as the prey that You crave. Cheek lowered. Haunches high.
Pretense, abandoned. Ever lower. Proudly feeling You devour me, with a glance.
Let me offer needed pleasure, and comprehend Your salivations, on every level.​

My Erotic Trail has another lightly humorous piece in Shows. True, it won't stand the test of time but then neither will the network news and their breathless covering of celebrity shenanigans. Art puts it in perspective:

There was nothing new
on The News
so I became absorbed in
The Today Show​

Although, when you stop to think of it, what's the difference?


Finally, Curiouswife has an interesting piece in If She Only Knew. Just look at the 3rd strophe:

I thought she’d be different
but she looked like me,
photographed with the same man
who’d complained she was conservative
and later asked how much it would run him
if I wasn’t.​

That first line reflects the imagery of the first strophe while the second line reflects the imagery of the second strophe. You're left with an almost ambiguous impression here ~ is she about to become a new girlfriend/lover or just a paid lady of the night out to give her client something he doesn't get at home?


That's it for today. Like I remind you every week, read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[unapologetic]

Thursday

Welcome to my inaugural poetry review - I hope I don't screw it up too badly.

Right now there are only 8 poems up. I'll try to come back later to check for new additions, and I'll update this post if there are. For now, here are the ones I think stood out from the (relatively small) crowd:

I'm not usually a fan of the erotic offerings (even though I've written some myself), but MissBonnieJo's poem Kiss portrays the disjointed nature and images of passionate sex very well, without being over-the-top. On top of that, this is her first submission to Literotica. Welcome MissBonnieJo!

And, even though I'm not a fan of the subject (see my above comment), and even though I think some of the word choices might be reconsidered, I do like the simple and effective use of rhyme in WFEATHER's piece Returns

My favorite, though, is about a brief moment in nature. Jamison's Photo Prey is about an interaction between a bird and a cat captured on film.

 

[duckiesmut]

Good morning, poets.

No new poems as of yet today (still not), but I will check back later in the morning.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

New Poem Reviews

There are 23 poems on this 24th day of March....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dominion by bluerains

Lighted eyes afloat.
...
your twig lay stiffened

Classic blue... be blown away!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Selfish by winktwice ... but don't blink <grinin' ...a captivating and erotic poem (~_~)

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The Sea by vampiredust ...I 'SEE' a different kind of 'SEA' <grinin'... in this witty lil' write!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Poems

Have a quality week (~_~)

 

[WickedEve]

Don't miss this good poem:
An Empire of Ashes
by darkerdreamer ©

 

[vampiredust]

The Sunday Review

21 new poems up today

My picks:

The Dolphin of Tainted Love by woz8822

Excerpt:

The cork-shaft of the cigarette filter
parted her blue-red lips.
Nicotine wove blood with air
like white seed deep inside her heart

This is a great poem. There is plenty of strong, concise imagery and use of the senses with 'shivering', 'salt stained snow' and 'Nicotine wove blood with air'

The only thing I would perhaps change is the title. I don't understand how it fits in with the poem. The dolphin reference seems odd, imho

snow by catastrophe

I like the brevity of this piece but am confused about the significance of the images presented. How is the razor blade connected to the snow? how are the sniffles connected to snow?

I think it needs to be clearer, imho

4degrees gives us his spring thing

Excerpt:

i'd smell
semen in the air, thick as
a real fuck
and then forget
until next spring

This is a well thought out poem with the well developed symbolism of the smell and memory. I liked the imagery of pear trees blossoming and of the smell. The past is contrasted well with the present in the poem.

I'd think about dropping the last line. It seemed out of place with the rest of the poem. But nicely done, Curt.

Finally, we have Taxied by darkerdreamer

Excerpt:

In a honeybee yellow streak of lightning
Vova ferries the Parascotopetl valley natives
in figure eights around a faltering metropolis.
Chattering the alien dispatcher jargon
feverishly into his headset.

This is quite a clever poem. It references H.G. Wells' short story The Country of the Blind (Parascotopetl ref in the poem) , ancient Greek mythology (the Styx and Phlegyas reference)

There is some vivid detail here, like

'A humming blare of Russian-Latvian folk cassette
follows his joyous caravan'

and the symbolism is quite well done, with Vova being a taxi driver for both the real world and the afterlife.

The last lines of the poem are quite a nice touch

My only problem with the poem is that there is too much detail in parts, esp the first stanza, with lines like In a honeybee yellow streak of lightning
and Chattering the alien dispatcher jargon/feverishly into his headset

There are too many adjectives

But still, not bad at all

Have a great Sunday