Leffe6
A Menagerie of Words
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2024
- Posts
- 296
Thank you. The character development is actually in the upper part of the story. This was a small sex scene. I should have set my stage better for readers to comment. My thought process was to show a snipet of a sex scene. Again poor choice by meThere's a great essay in the Writer's Resources area called 'How to make characters talk'. I think that would help with the formatting of this, which is a little hard to read (also 'surly' means grumpy). Otherwise... I don't really know what Jill and Edith look like, how they're feeling, why they're so turned on, and so on - maybe just imagine that he doesn't have an enormous cock (difficult for most of us, I know) and sweet semen and write the scene like the physical attributes are just an added extra to their passion and personalities? If it's hot without the characters being caricatures, it will be hotter for more readers, I reckon. Just my 2 cents.
Thank you for the feedback. If you want to see the protagonist Jim and Jill and Edith, please look at my other 3 chapters. Thanks again.
