No (male) Orgasm

[doncarlos]

In my midsixties I have a wonderful relationship with a fortyish lady and we have very satisfying sex together. I have no problem with getting erections and my dear lady gets numerous orgasms this way and that way. Occassionally, when I am tired, I use a bit of viagra. My general physical condition is excellent.

My problem is that I am often unable to orgasm even after a couple of hours of great sex in numerous positions. No matter how hard she and I try, my ole gun just will not fire. When I go home I feel an enormous tension that I have somtimes been able to release by ferocious masturbation that literally leaves me exhausted from the physical effort. My lady is a terrific person and I know it bothers her that she (we) cannot get me to orgasm. Somehow she (erroneously) seems to consider my lack of an orgasm as her failure. She also wants so badly to make me as happy as possible.

Normally a resourceful person, I dont have any idea about how to resolve this problem. Googling has yielded nothing and I doubt a normal urologist can assist with my weird condition. Perhaps male Kegel excercises? Perhaps decrease the frequency of sex which is now about twice a week? Taking vitamin 'x'?

Any suggestion and advice will be appreciated.

 

[Vixandra]

First off- many women blame themselves when thier counterpart doesn't orgasm during sex. Just keep reassuring her you find her attractive and are not sure what you're little man's doing.


For you- how often a week are you masturbating or having sex?
If you're body is used rough treatment from you masturbating by hand then its going to be more difficult to cum within the generaly softer confines of her body.
You might still try talking to your normal doctor though- when was your last prostate check? It could be enlarged, which could account for you being able to get an erection but having difficulty finishing the job.

 

[human_male]

First of all good job. I plan to have a sexy girlfriend half my age when I'm fifty so you're an inspiration!

Are you on any medication? I was on anti depressants (for hyperventilating due to anxiety, not depression) and they did something like that to me. I'd pound away at myself like a maniac for ages and was lucky if I could cum. And I'm only 35. So I'd say see your doctor if I were you.

And as mentioned, definately talk to your gf about it so she knows it's not her.

 

[doncarlos]

For you- how often a week are you masturbating or having sex?
If you're body is used rough treatment from you masturbating by hand then its going to be more difficult to cum within the generaly softer confines of her body.
You might still try talking to your normal doctor though- when was your last prostate check? It could be enlarged, which could account for you being able to get an erection but having difficulty finishing the job.

We are having sex on the average two times a week, each time perhaps two to three hours with at least half of that time as active sex. I rarely masturbate other than as a relief after a non-climax session. I am not on any kind of medication other than the occassional viagra use.

 

[didijune48]

We are having sex on the average two times a week, each time perhaps two to three hours with at least half of that time as active sex. I rarely masturbate other than as a relief after a non-climax session. I am not on any kind of medication other than the occassional viagra use.

Hello sweet doncarlos!
First, congratulations on your open mind! Not many men would have this courage to ask like that!
Second, I am an RN. and I have a couple of questions for you:
1= How long have you been with that woman so far? And,
2= did you had a long period of time without sexual activity before?

If you have been a long time without, were you masturbating and having an orgasm more easily or was it the same or not even masturbation?

After a long period without any sexual activity it is normal under a certain point that it takes time to come back. Your level of hormones getting lower.

Now, getting your prostate checked and all your system would really not be a bad idea. In any case, I would consult a doctor even just for a check up.
Viagra cause the penis to last longer in erection. Good. But maybe you are asking to much of yourself by having such long foreplays and sex time. Your body might get exhausted and even younger men have some problems to orgasm after a very long hardness period. An urologist is not a bad idea either as your canals (inside your penis) can be inflamed for a reason or another.
So, at the opposite of what you were saying, I suggest that you see a doctor. There are many things that can be a reason.
Hope this helped a little! Hang in there!

 

[doncarlos]

Hello sweet doncarlos!
Second, I am an RN. and I have a couple of questions for you:
1= How long have you been with that woman so far? And,
2= did you had a long period of time without sexual activity before?

If you have been a long time without, were you masturbating and having an orgasm more easily or was it the same or not even masturbation?

After a long period without any sexual activity it is normal under a certain point that it takes time to come back. Your level of hormones getting lower.

QUOTE]

RE 1: We have been together for 3.5 years.
RE 2: During the past 10 years I have not been without sex (with a woman) for more than 10 - 12 days exept for a hospital stay for a back operation two years ago. I am not keen on masturbation. Your [between the lines] suggestion of my overdoing a good thing, and it coming back to bite me, sounds very reasonable.

Permetez Madame, que j'ajoute mon admiration la plus profonde pour les quebecoises. Bien sure elles sont tres belles et vraiment sensuelles. - My previous girl friend was from Trois Riviere; it lasted three lovely years.

 

[didijune48]

Hello sweet doncarlos!
Second, I am an RN. and I have a couple of questions for you:
1= How long have you been with that woman so far? And,
2= did you had a long period of time without sexual activity before?

If you have been a long time without, were you masturbating and having an orgasm more easily or was it the same or not even masturbation?

After a long period without any sexual activity it is normal under a certain point that it takes time to come back. Your level of hormones getting lower.

QUOTE]

RE 1: We have been together for 3.5 years.
RE 2: During the past 10 years I have not been without sex (with a woman) for more than 10 - 12 days exept for a hospital stay for a back operation two years ago. I am not keen on masturbation. Your [between the lines] suggestion of my overdoing a good thing, and it coming back to bite me, sounds very reasonable.

Permetez Madame, que j'ajoute mon admiration la plus profonde pour les quebecoises. Bien sure elles sont tres belles et vraiment sensuelles. - My previous girl friend was from Trois Riviere; it lasted three lovely years.

J'espere que je ne vous ai pas froisse?! I hope I didn't offended you.
Just that I think most of men I knew (I am 50 ) would have never been able to get on a 3 hours sex play! You are one of a kind! Very nice that long for a woman but, it might be very hard on you! After ( I suppose) holding yourself back for so long, it might be harder to get to the final!?
Je viens de Trois-Rivieres en passant...le monde est petit non!?

 

[SweetErika]

The previous posters have given you wonderful advice, but I'm also wondering about the psychological aspect to this. I've had trouble orgasming in the past, and it all comes down to distraction and getting into a self-fulfilling cycle. Fantasizing and taking short breaks help immensely by keeping my mind away from negative thoughts, frustration, distractions (even little ones can provide a window for thoughts like, 'I'm taking too long' or, 'What's the problem?'), getting OVERstimulated, and breaking up the rhythm.

So, get checked out physically, but also consider trying some new things mentally because even if you don't believe that's causing/contributing to the problem, it might just ease your path to the solution.

 

[doncarlos]

KEBEKER: "Very nice that long for a woman but, it might be very hard on you! After ( I suppose) holding yourself back for so long, it might be harder to get to the final!?" - Very perceptive remark; that may be a big part of the story.

See also Personal Message.

Sweet Erika: Yes, with all the good folks suggesting the wisdom of a medical check-up, I now plan to do that.

Thanks to everybody for great advice.

 

[didijune48]

KEBEKER: "Very nice that long for a woman but, it might be very hard on you! After ( I suppose) holding yourself back for so long, it might be harder to get to the final!?" - Very perceptive remark; that may be a big part of the story.

See also Personal Message.

Sweet Erika: Yes, with all the good folks suggesting the wisdom of a medical check-up, I now plan to do that.

Thanks to everybody for great advice.

You are very welcome! Hope you can enjoy each other in all the greatest ways!