No one here likes me!

[canadian_lady]

How important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I would say fairly important, I am posting on this board and not just writing it to myself...and I do value other people's opinions.

What is it that makes you feel validated here? (i.e. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

Complimentshttp://smilecwm.tripod.com/net7/biggthumpup.gif
Argumentshttp://smilecwm.tripod.com/net6/nono.gif
Laughterhttp://smilecwm.tripod.com/net7/icon_smile_lachuh.gif
Smileshttp://smilecwm.tripod.com/net7/icon10.gif
Tearshttp://smilecwm.tripod.com/net7/bawling.gif
and maybe even the occasionalFUCK YOUhttp://smilecwm.tripod.com/ruinkai/FLIPA.gif
to one of my threads or posts.


Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

I would have to answer that yes...the other day when I submitted a thread titled "New additions to the periodic table of Elements", out of 62 views, 3 people replied and I was ecstatic with their replies. It made me feel really good about what I have done by making someone laugh, in a way isn't that increasing your self esteem
( just 1 persons opinion...and its mine and you can't have it lol)

Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

Yes, when people post replies after I do and nothing is commented about my post and especially when no one at Siren's party wouldn't share brownies with me (you know who you are...and BTW I made my own so there LOL)

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

How important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

My first reaction is to say, "Not very." I have close friends and a family, and I get all my love and validation there. But I do come here a lot, and I've had a hell of a lot of fun here, and there are many of you I like, respect and would like to meet, so despite my constant smarmy insistence that this is somehow fake life, as opposed to real life, I suppose I do care that I'm accepted so that I can feel free to interact with you all in a friendly, vibrant, and mutually beneficial way. If I didn't care I'd be a troll, not caring whose feelings I hurt, and not caring to post seriously ever. So, I'd say it is somewhat important that I feel accepted here. To keep myself in good favor I try to keep my normally prickly temperment tempered. In other words, and for the most part, and with assorted exceptions and provisos, I live by the motto "Post unto others as you would have others Post unto you."

What is it that makes you feel validated here? (i.e. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

I learned a long time ago to never believe your press releases, so I don't really repsond to the ass-kissing, which really isn't ass-kissing anyway, it's mostly just silly, fun BB stuff. I like when peoiple agree with me, of course, but I really appreciate someone arguing with me well, bringing up points I hadn't considered, and actually getting me to re-look at a situation, as many of you did when you posted about NAPSTER, or when Endlessly posted about the IRA. When someone goes to al the trouble to disagree with me in a coherent, logical, well thought out way, well, that makes me feel validated in a sense. It makes me feel that my point, though disagreed with, was well presented enough to earn a respectful and intelligent reply. It also warms my cockles when someone e-mails me aobut my stories, particuarly since some of my stories are over a year old. That feels nice.


Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

No, that I don't do. I have plenty of self esteem, and when I am feeling low I usually get on stage somewhere or produce a play. It's interesting, but I can get an enormous boost of self esteen from a theatre audience, who are, essentially, less known to me than any of you. There's just something about living, breathing human beings and the sound of their laughter and clapping and muttering in the dark.


Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

Have I felt unaccepted? No. Not by the Board. By a person or two, sure, but then it's usually because I instigated something with a troll, or a lunatic, or called someone on being an asshole, and I knew full well going in that I wouldn't be liked by that individual any more, and in those cases I didn't really care. I do try to make ammends with cognizant, literate, intelligent, innocent people I've argued with, because who needs to be pissed at someone 15,000 miles away? But others who waste my time with idiot posts or trolling or abuse or just blew it completly from the beginning, I no longer respond to seriously. If they don't like me it's no sweat off my booty. Generally if someone hates me it affects me very little,and I deal with it by not caring enough to start a thread on how much I don't care.

 

[Gaucho]

Questions for discussion:

Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

Honestly? I don't know. Acceptance implies "approval of" or "belief in" and I'm not sure either one applies here. It is strange, though. We live in a world where it's not unusual to live next door to people you never talk with and barely know and yet, here we are, discussing how important it is to feel "accepted" on an anonymous porn-site bulletin board. Just imagine how much harder it will be in the future, when we all have vid-cams and we'll have to decide which mask we wear before (literally) facing the others on this board. (To be helpful, I've already picked Deborah's out for her. Click here if you want to see it. http://www.ombomb.org/psych/cwoab.html. Since all of this is a first for me - the first bb I've ever seriously perused, let alone posted on - I'm not really sure if acceptance is what I'm looking for or not. Still, it is strange how scary it can be to post something, especially when you start a new thread, and then wonder whether it will be picked up on or just dangle there, like a dead fish that rapidly starts to smell.

What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

Response, certainly. Aside from the general flirting and hobnobbing that goes on, the reason I post is because I'm either trying to start a discussion or add to an existing one. All of us want our opinions to matter and I'm no exception. And while I'm not so egotistical as to imagine that most of you (or even some, for that matter) are going to care what I think, when a post is ignored or, worse, trampled as the thread does a 180 and becomes an all-out flirtathon, then yes, it's disappointing.

Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

No, I don't think so. Like many others, I found this bb by accident. What intrigued me about it and what continues to bring me back are the possibilities that I see inherent in it. I am of the school that you never really know what you believe about anything until you write it down. Furthermore, I think that you don't really gain an understanding or perspective about those thoughts until you allow them to be reviewed by others who are at least as intelligent as you are. In many respects, that's exactly what I've seen here, at least among the more serious threads. This board gives me the opportunity to comment on and instigate discussions on subjects that I find fascinating. And, after being here a couple of months (with a few weeks off for bad behavior) it's no great stretch for me to state that the opinions I've seen logged on this board are at least as intelligent as my own. And as long as those opinions stimulate me (heh, heh), whether they agree with me or not doesn't matter.

Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?


Unaccepted? No. Ignored? Yes, and sometimes with good reason. When I started the thread on having to attend a child's funeral, for example. I certainly didn't expect it to appeal to many people and, in fact, I almost didn't post it. It was just one of those things that I just had to get off my chest and, well, this place seemed the best place to do it. The thread got very few responses but all of them were heartfelt and a couple of them - posted by people who were on much more intimate and tragic terms with the subject matter - were so heartrending as to make my comments seem woefully inadequate. But, amazingly enough, it seemed that my thread had touched and somehow even helped some of the people who read it.

While we may control our actions, we can never truly control the consequences of those actions. When we venture our opinions on this board, our words become like arrows flung indiscriminately in a high wind. We never know just where they will land or whose skin they might pierce. One suggestion: When you read a thread or post which moves you in some way, whether you respond on the thread or not, take a moment and send a message to that person, telling them so. Not only will it in all likelihood make their day, it may also serve as the beginning of a relationship (and no, I'm not talking sexual) that might benefit you both.

 

[Cheri]

Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

Sure it's important, but not more important that feeling like the kids on my block think I'm cool and wantto hang out in my yard or the people in various classes I'm taking wanting to chat with me. I guess I'm trying to say that it obviously has importance but no more so than I allow it to have and I try not to let my self worth be wrapped in one thing that way.

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)
All of the above, but it would matter who was doing the ass kissing, though.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?
Actually not really. You people don't know what I look like or how funny I can be in real life. So any compliments you pay me (though satisfying) are kinda hollow since you know so little of me.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?
I continually feel unaccepted here by some people. I often times will post a message that I put great thought and feeling into and seem to get nothing, such as the barest acknowlegment or even a thanks, in return. (Except for you Miss Laurel, you actually said I was right twice! Woo-Hoo) I deal with it by ignoring it. Like I said, it doesn't matter if you all love and admire me, enough people do in my real life that my self worth can stand the knocks here. Besides I try to say what I feel rather than just what everyone else says so maybe that's my problem.

 

[Laurel]

I often times will post a message that I put great thought and feeling into and seem to get nothing, such as the barest acknowlegment or even a thanks, in return.

I think that happens to everyone. It used to chaff my hide, but then I realized I don't take the time to comment on good posts the way I should either.

Oops, gotta go! We're picking up Xander at the airport in a few hours, so I'd better get to work on the update!

 

[Gus]

I read various postings on this thread a couple of times and wondered should I post a reply. I have never felt a part of the boards population. I don't interact with anyone here.

So, the answer to most of the questions is no! I don't know you and you don't know me.

I correspond by e-mail with a few people and they are important to me. "The questions" in relation to them is probably "yes", to some extent but my life is outside of this board, RL as some people say, and that is where I have my validation etc,etc.

So, with all due respect, this board and its population, with the exceptions noted above, have no real meaning in my life other than as a passtime.

This is not meant unkindly! Does that mean that I don't want you to think badly about me?

 

[Womanlover]

I have FOUR TIMES the trouble getting accepted here:

Womanlover
Jean Claude
Walter Stoyanovich
Beverly Lee Davis

and maybe more.......


my hope here is to have some laughs and hopefully cause a few to laugh.....I like to entertain!

 

[Guest]

Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I'm quite a strange person, really. I definitely like to be liked but I'm also fairly antisocial. In my real life I have hundreds of acquaintances but very few really close friends (I can count them on one hand). I think what this means is that I'm fairly easy to like but really hard to get to know well. I think I'm kind of like that here on Lit too. I like to feel accepted by the group in general but I also don't get too close, or too involved.

What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

I feel validated when people respond to my posts. I don't need people to agree with me (I don't even agree with myself a lot of the time), just as long as they see what it is I'm trying to get across. I also like it when people laugh at my terrible jokes.

Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

I don't really think I use the board to bolster my self esteem. (I can see how nasty posts could adversely effect someone's self-esteem, though.) But it does often entertain or amuse me in the same way as a good film, book or tv show. There have been times I've felt a bit bored or low (especially when I first arrived in March - I'd not long split up with my ex-girlfriend). Reading a few funny or interesting threads has usually put me back in good cheer.

Of course, I met Gingersnap here, which has been an incredibly good thing for me. I guess that people have their self-esteem bolstered through making friends they can talk to about all the things they'd never tell friends "in the real world".

Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

A little back story required here for anyone who arrived on Lit after May.

I first arrived in March and did most of my posts as a woman. One of my stories had been printed here under the name R.A Picabia and my Member Profile accidentally said that I was female. So I played along with this and invented Rachel Picabia to try and promote my story a bit and attract people to my own site. I also posted under Roger Simian but, apart from Hecate and Merelan, nobody really responded to any of my first posts as a man. Rachel, though, was such a loud argumentative character that she pretty much always got replies. If I'd started a thread as Roger Simian asking people about what they liked/disliked in porn I probably would have had hardly any serious replies. But because that thread was started by a woman - a loud confident woman - lots of people gave really open genuine answers, including many "faces", regulars and even the Madam herself.

Anyway, eventually I realised this was all going too far, so I spilled the beans on Ms Picabia's fictional status in a strand called: "THE TRUTH ABOUT RACHEL PICABIA".

A lot of people were supportive, and even amused by my fraudulence (mostly women, interestingly enough) but, as I expected, just as many were angry and hurt by what I'd done. They had every right to be. I'd lied to them about who I was.

After that had died down a little I continued posting but hardly anybody replied to any of the things I wrote. I think people didn't trust me any more - even when I was being genuine. They probably couldn't take me seriously.

That's the only time I've felt unnaccepted here. It wasn't a good feeling. I knew, though, that I just had to keep a low profile for a bit and give people time to get over being angry, or whatever, at me.

So, I hid away on the Sexual Roleplay board for a few weeks, which was a lot of fun, and eventually I returned home.


BTW - I still remember your first thread, young Latina. It was obvious then that you were a funny, thoughtful woman (you even name-dropped Rachel Picabia - showing impeccable taste). IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU(r) BACK(side).

 

[Always]

Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I don't want to be seen as some annoying little bitch, but I don't want to be the Social Butterfly either.

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

people making meaningful comments about the things I say/do

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

nahhh... none of you really like me anyway

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

all the time, baby... but hey, i'm fucked, nothin I can do but complain... and that'll only alienate you guys further, so I just ignore it. I try, anyway.

Any other observations or opinions on the subject are welcome.

Always and ever,

LL

well, someone actually reads the threads I start... there's an esteem booster right there.

 

[Sonora]

[Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

Considering that I seldom feel accepted, but still come back, not too important.

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

Like most everybody else when someone acknowledges my existance.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

I'd be in BIG trouble if I did.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

Not really. Most of the time I just feel like part of the wallpaper.

[/QUOTE]

 

[Lovely Latina]

Fantabulous responses!

I am truly impressed with the quality and honesty of the responses so far. This thread has turned out MUCH better than I had hoped.

Some of the responses have surprised me and some I have found to contain such eloquently stated truths and observations about this board and its people, that it's been extremely fascinating to read.

I'll be back tomorrow to make further comments on what's been posted here. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to share so openly.

LL

 

[Laurel]

Hey Hey HEY! Not so fast, chiquita...where are YOUR answers?

 

[Lovely Latina]

*Yaaaaaaawn*

Yo necesito dormir!!!!

Some of us ACTUALLY sleep.

(See ya in my wet dreams, baby *mmmmmwhuh!*)

 

[Laurel]

Sleep? *blinks* Oh yeah, I read about that once...it has something to do with lying down with your eyes closed, right?

 

[Ezzy]

Sleep? *blinks* Oh yeah, I read about that once...it has something to do with lying down with your eyes closed, right?

What I can't do it sat in this chair, damn ok I will have to go and lie down then.

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[Cheyenne]

--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I spend a lot of time here, so I must feel accepted or I wouldn't keep coming back. Is it important that I feel accepted? Probably. If I didn't, I just wouldn't come back to the bb. Why torture yourself when you don't need to?

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

Acknowledging existence, as is showing an interest in one of my posts, would be a "yes." I'm never comfortable with people telling me how great I am, so that would be a "no." Agreeing or disagreeing doesn't matter as much as the fact that someone has an opinion on something I posted. That the opinion exists matters, not what it is. I don't think anyone has kissed my ass lately. I get enough of that in RL that I don't need it here. Another thing I'd say makes me feel validated is when my name pops up in a list somewhere on the board. To me, that means the person who posted is at least knows I exist and may actually have some insight into who I am.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

I haven't read all the responses on this thread, but I'd say all of us would have to answer "yes" to some extent, me included. See item above. When you feel "validated" doesn't that bolster your self esteem? Also when you help someone else on the bb with a problem, that bolsters your self esteem. At least it does for me. Reminds me that I'm a good person at heart.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

Yes, when I first joined and there were a lot more threads like "who on the bb do you want to fuck" or "who on the bb would you like to meet in RL." I think I dealt with it by posting a response to one of them something like "Gee, it's bad enough to be ignored in RL but now I can feel left out in the cyberworld, too." And a few other people agreed with me so I didn't feel so left out afterall.

 

[Golden]

Laurel wrote: "Sleep? *blinks* Oh yeah, I read about that once...it has something to do with lying down with your eyes closed, right?
Oh darn ... I thought that was a blow-job...



[Edited by Golden on 09-26-2000 at 06:33 PM]

 

[Laurel]

LOL!

 

[Golden]

wow, Lovely ... thought provoking questions ...my thoughts are still being provoked but as you're on your way back with more comments, here's my first dump ....

how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?
I guess I'm just a hypocrite really; I come here because I have an unconventional domestic/private life and I don't share this with my RL friends because it is too risky - people judge you and spoil relationships. I passionately believe we should accept each other and not judge, or at least, we should judge each other not on the conventionality of our lives but on whether we are making people happy or wrecking their lives … Anyway so I come here to be not judged, and then can't help myself from hoping for approval! Though I do try very hard not to judge others unless specifically asked.

What is it that makes you feel validated here? .

following on … yes I feel validated when posts get replies, when those replies are supportive or positive, when some of them lead to off-BB emailing and even chat … you guys don't have to kiss my ass if you don't want to though .. there's other parts I'd offer up first!

Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

my self-esteem is pretty good - I have a really warm and loving family and a handful of very close friends and I am good at my work most days and recognised as being so. But, hey, whatever your esteem levels, they don't drop if someone you've never met laughs at your jokes or starts to flirt, however seriously. I have to admit to occasionally posting just for effect …

Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

Occasionally when I have posted something which others objected on; but I also cheat - I do duck issues sometimes to avoid the crap; sadly while most people on this Board are open, honest, interested, caring, thoughtful, and essentially good, there are some deeply disgusting motherfuckers who will wreck a thread given the chance, and I don't need a daily dump from these shitheads.

Thus for example I don't share all my fantasies with the Board in general because I am certain some of them would attract mindless crap.


So, my Lovely Latina - how are we doing - is your self esteem fully erect and has your ass been well kissed?

 

[Ezzy]

<Looking up and down the thread>

Still no sign of Lovely Latinas' post yet!

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif

Looked down just a minute ago found what I had been looking for.<Smiles> thank you for my thanks.

Who me naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,well maybe a little.

[Edited by Ezzy on 09-27-2000 at 03:58 AM]

 

[Siren]

Truer words were never spoken Golden.

 

[Lovely Latina]

As much as I would LOVE to be able to respond to each and every post that's been made (and I would, too, if I were like Laurel and didn't need sleep or blow jobs), I'm going to pick out a few recurring themes.

Magic Merlin: When people didn't respond to my first or second threads I started. I took it a little bit personal.

April: I feel validated when people respond to a post or thread of mine.

I'm sure there are many others who feel the same way. The more responses you get, the more validated you feel, right? If we start a thread and get little or no response, it's very easy to take it personally. We may even look around and think, "Okay...now who HASN'T responded to my thread." Of course there may be times when people will not respond to a thread simply because they don't particularly care for the thread starter, but I believe the far greater majority of cases of non-response occurs because they don't feel that they have anything of value to add to that particular thread, even though they may be enjoying the ongoing discussion immensely. If we keep this in mind, perhaps this wouldn't even be a factor in our insecurities. <checks number of responses to this thread>

I simply thank you, Ezzy.

April: Of course, it's always nice when somebody agrees with something I've said

KillerMuffin: I get all hot and bothered and very defensive when people don't agree with me.

You see this happen all the time here. Who likes to be disagreed with, or outright proven wrong, for that matter? Given a choice, I think most of us would much rather have someone agree with us, rather than disagree. When someone finds fault or difference of opinion with something that you say, is that other person making you feel as if your belief is less valid? Sure. Sometimes. That's what makes us defensive. One of the biggest displays of maturity and self confidence that you see on the board are when someone is able to sincerely accept differences of opinion for their true worth, and is also able to admit to being wrong when that is the case. <refrains from making sexy comments on the "hot and bothered" part>

Never, I just had to say that your post was refreshingly honest. You come across as much more confident than you think you do.

Alyrahh: Ass kissing only interests me if it's done while I'm in restraints.

Oh...if only that were a requirement.

April: (Wow...I've quoted you THREE TIMES!! Feel valid yet?) I just wish that people would think twice before posting anything, especially things which might be hurtful to others. I mean, really, are you gonna just explode because you didn't get to call someone a doody head first?!

This was another interesting point, as April so eloquently stated, that I wanted to bring up. First of all, it doesn't take a foot doctor to figure out that there are people in this world (and on this board) who set out to make THEMSELVES look and feel better by making others look and feel badly. The essence of immaturity? Yes, and some people even do it under their "own names." I always find it amusing when people yell at "trolls" (who we KNOW are most likely well-known and otherwise well-RESPECTED members of this board) to have enough guts to post under their own handle. Others will purport, "Well...aren't these ALL 'fake names'? Even the registered ones?"

It goes deeper than that. Our registered handles ARE our identities on this board...it is how we are recognized and "known". We work hard to build a reputation for ourselves under our individual handles, so that we can earn the respect of others when they look to the left and see our name next to the post. When you see the name "Laurel" or "Deborah" next to a post, you have a set image and level of respect for what is about to be said.

Posting anonymously just for the sake of being mean is not something that I particularly care for, but posting anonymously for the sake of getting across something that really needs to be said is not altogether a bad thing.

(Ezzy...you're an impatient little thing, aren't ya?? LOL)

Well damn...looks like I had alot more to say than I thought and it's already 2am. *chuckles* I'll have to try again tomorrow, that is, unless I've bored the fruck outta you people already. I guess I just feel that there's alot here that deserves to be responded to and I haven't even gotten past the first page!

Really everyone...truly wonderful responses. Thank you.

*Best Arnold impression* "I'll be bawck."

 

[Jade]

Oh shoot,
I thought this was going to be one of threads that would give me the opportunity to offer a "sympathy fuck" to someone.
DAMNIT!

 

[Purple Haze]

(sniffles) I need sympathy, Jade, please help me?

 

[Bliss]

Raise your hand if you saw that one cumming from a mile away!