NO orgasm with bf, PLEASE help...

[Halo_n_horns]

Up until Nov 2004 i was a virgin, the guy that i'm with is my 1st bf and we've been having sex but i have yet to orgasm. He's a great guy, very understanding and always trying to give me pleasure but lately i've been so frustrated and depressed that i just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely bc i have no one to talk to or ask questions to. All i do is cry and i know that won't fix anything, please help, i feel so dysfunctional.

How many lovers has your BF had prior to you? How old is he?

 

[zerimar1231]

How many lovers has your BF had prior to you? How old is he?

I'm 19 and he's the only person i've ever been with, i've never done anything with anyone b4 except kissing and that was 3 other guys. He is 27 yrs old and he's had 5 partners. I've never been sexually abused or anything of that sort. I don't considered myself sheltered, i think i know more about safe sex than any1 i know my age. I like educating myself but from now on NO more Cosmo, i think that's screwed up my view on sex & orgasms. I know i'm pretty young and it's going to take sometime b4 i reach my "sexual peak." I'm so glad i have such great people to give me advise, bc trust me, i can't go to my mom for these types of questions! Like you guys said, i will relax & take things slow! Stop crying, bc if that's the way problems were solved than the world would be flooded, and try not to be hard on myself, bc my hunny bunny isn't being harsh on me.

 

[College_geek]

I'm 19 and he's the only person i've ever been with, i've never done anything with anyone b4 except kissing and that was 3 other guys. He is 27 yrs old and he's had 5 partners. I've never been sexually abused or anything of that sort. I don't considered myself sheltered, i think i know more about safe sex than any1 i know my age. I like educating myself but from now on NO more Cosmo, i think that's screwed up my view on sex & orgasms. I know i'm pretty young and it's going to take sometime b4 i reach my "sexual peak." I'm so glad i have such great people to give me advise, bc trust me, i can't go to my mom for these types of questions! Like you guys said, i will relax & take things slow! Stop crying, bc if that's the way problems were solved than the world would be flooded, and try not to be hard on myself, bc my hunny bunny isn't being harsh on me.

Sounds like you're on the right track, hon.

And here's the deal with Cosmo: it's okay to read it, just...don't take it too seriously. Sometimes my boyfriend and I will buy a copy just to read it and laugh. He'll point out everything that's false about men. It's kind of like when you go through a Maxim with a guy and you can tell him that some of the ways they show are not how you get a woman to sleep with you.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I'm 19 and he's the only person i've ever been with, i've never done anything with anyone b4 except kissing and that was 3 other guys. He is 27 yrs old and he's had 5 partners. I've never been sexually abused or anything of that sort. I don't considered myself sheltered, i think i know more about safe sex than any1 i know my age. I like educating myself but from now on NO more Cosmo, i think that's screwed up my view on sex & orgasms. I know i'm pretty young and it's going to take sometime b4 i reach my "sexual peak." I'm so glad i have such great people to give me advise, bc trust me, i can't go to my mom for these types of questions! Like you guys said, i will relax & take things slow! Stop crying, bc if that's the way problems were solved than the world would be flooded, and try not to be hard on myself, bc my hunny bunny isn't being harsh on me.

I'll probably jump around here a bit, so bear with me...

I don't believe in there being a "sexual peak" the way many people do. Your sexuality and how long you choose to make the most of it is your choice more so than your body's choice. I've known entirely too many living examples of this philosophy to even begin to think otherwise.

I had a hunch about the age difference and figured you'd volunteer your age when I asked about his. Something that you really need to think about is the fact that he's your actual first. You know virtually nothing of sex until you've experienced it with a number of people.

I know, I know,

I don't considered myself sheltered, i think i know more about safe sex than any1 i know my age. I like educating myself ...

but the simple truth is that no matter how "book-smart" you are you don't really know anything until you've experienced what you've read about first hand.

Knowing yourself as thoroughly as possible, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually if need be, are the greatest steps you can take in unlocking the physical pleasures that your body holds. Don't hold anything as taboo until you've explored it first hand. Naturally I don't recommend that mentality with stupid things like drugs or other totally unecassary risks that can bring you harm.

Also, just because your BF has had 5 partners previous to you doesn't mean that he knows jack about how to really bring pleasure to a woman's body. When I was 27 I had already lost count of my sexual partners at somewhere around 20 different lovers, but it didn't mean that I was the smartest person in the world about women and sex. One very simple truth about women and their sexuality is that a woman can need different things to bring her pleasure as often as every hour of every day. This means that during one moment in time it may take absolute tenderness and slow attentions to bring you to your peak, while during another moment it may take no-holds-barred, hair-pulling, wild monkey sex to push you over your threshold, and yet at another moment in time you may need just the right combination of these two ends of the spectrum to get your satisfaction.

You have to know how to listen to your body's needs and then you need to know how to direct your lover(s) to satisfy those needs. Equally important is having a lover that knows how to identify those needs and adjust to them as much as possible without needing to be told over and over and over...

In the end, pleasure and the extremes there of are a state of mind long before they are a physical reality. You have a lot of time to do a lot of exploration.

Glad to hear that you're not going to be reading Cosmo anymore. That's one of the worst magazines on the face of the planet to turn to for sexual advice. I've read advice in there that was about as based in reality as Star Wars. It was good for a giggle, but nothing more.

 

[indianapwnes]

I like educating myself but from now on NO more Cosmo, i think that's screwed up my view on sex & orgasms.

godbless you