no sex for me :(

[Marriedforchat]

My wife has gone totally off sex - too long a story to be typin in here - feel like I'm going to explode - not going to go down the route of finding a 'playmate' - don't want to go and blow up my marriage - but this lack of interest on her part is driving me crazy - okay rant over

 

[Ex Princess]

That's a tough one. Hope things look up soon...

 

[Marriedforchat]

Thanks

 

[NippleMuncher]

You may find some solace here.
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=768143

 

[Fmature2play]

I truly admire your saying you will not look for a playmate or blow up your marriage. A life partner should mean more than that. Kudos.

 

[Cameo_Fleur]

Perhaps it's only temporary. We all go through phases when we are less interested in sex. Then the interest returns, possibly more intense than before. I hope you'll stay faithful and can hang in there until a solution is found. Good luck!

 

[MissK9Kitty]

Hum, I gotta ask...do you know WHY? Or have any guesses as to why she's like this now?

 

[Patchouli]

i posted this on a similar thread, maybe it will be of help:

if you still love her, you need to talk with her at length about what's going on. don't be accusatory. don't be cruel. be gentle and loving, remember why you married her, and keep in mind that something is more than likely going on with her. think of it less as a criticism of you and more as a sign that she's probably not well, for whatever reason. if you do, it might be easier for you to be compassionate while addressing the issue. approach it like it's a problem that the two of you can find a solution for.

a low sex marriage can come about for many, many reasons:

1. the low sex partner may be unhappy in the relationship or with the mutual sex life
2. the low sex partner may be emotionally stressed or overwhelmed
3. the low sex partner may have fallen out of love with the high sex partner
3. the low sex partner may have psychological issues surrounding sex that only surface after the initial wave of lust is over
4. the low sex partner might have a problem with depression or anxiety
5. the low sex partner may have physical issues that are affecting their sex drive
(hormonal disorders like thyroid, adrenal, and reproductive imbalances GREATLY affect libido)
6. there may be an actual mismatch in libidos. there's the old woody allen quote where the couple is at the therapist and he's complaining that they never have sex and she's complaining that they're always having sex. the therapist asks how often do they have sex. he replies (something like), "almost never, only 3 times a week." she replies, "all the time, 3 times a week."
7. and more, of course...

speaking of therapists, mine recommended a book called "rekindling desire" that i found useful, if only for the information about low sex marriages. what i've really found useful in our relationship (and it is very possible that the problem originates with, or is at least affected by, an off kilter relationship), is to stop looking at the problem from the point of view of who's at fault, and just to start taking responsiblity.

i just finished reading this book "the married man sex life primer", that might have some good advice for you. it was interesting.

the other thing i would tell you, is that the more she feels loved through thoughtful gestures (i washed the car for you, honey), intimate conversations (how was your day, sweetie), and physical affection without the pressure to have sex (you look like you need a backrub), the more likely she'll be to let the walls drop.

i wish i could help more. i'm dealing with this myself, but from the other side. it's not easy. just, please, please, for low libido women everywhere, don't mess around on your wife without her permission. if it's really so bad that you want to do that, then just tell her you want some time apart, and be clear about what you mean.

 

[klippert]

I know how you feel

My wife has gone totally off sex - too long a story to be typin in here - feel like I'm going to explode - not going to go down the route of finding a 'playmate' - don't want to go and blow up my marriage - but this lack of interest on her part is driving me crazy - okay rant over

I know how you feel:
My Wife has run ashore of (what we think is) Pre-menopause. If their is such a thing. No long story her either. she is interested in sex, but, the DRIVE isn't there. That 'Drive' is what makes it work. It doesn't help too have a little travelers in the house, her sex drive is not on any chart.

We have talked about it....and she tells me she is coming out of it. MrsK knows my drive is always in high gear.... that was simple for her to understand that I will enjoy sometime on the web. I know the Mrs. hasn't swore off sex... she is/was highly sexual... We have been making our way through this. One issue that has crept up, she gets testy when I bring it up. That leads me to believe she is back in her mode. Even working 600miles away for six weeks, didn't bring her out when we finally got together...... not so much as a cock grab. I also think it has a lot too do with her.....eh'hemm..... her weight...

I have offered 3sums (my fantasy) MFM, FFM, maybe she would like just a FF.....the look on her face after that suggestion....LOL, priceless.

I wish I had the answer for your wife's abstaining from sex altogether...I would suggest talking too her again. Telling her your going to use the web for release, or set yourself up for a 'caught' moment. I lean towards just telling her...

I was caught off guard by Mrsk's lack of drive and that is how she puts it... I can see it in her eyes... "I just don't have the Drive".... This may sound strange, I have this feeling, she was a little relived when we were apart for several weeks. She didn't have me always making her feel worse by, groping her, then wanting to talk about it....

If that makes any sense.....

 

[SpecialKay62]

Hmmmm....

why is it whenever a wife doesn't want sex, there's a problem?

I know that's not what you're saying and that your situation is different (long term) but hey, here's a news flash:

Sometimes, we just don't feel like fucking you.

Seriously.

However, if you're patient (like you said you'd be) not looking elsewhere...things will come around.

One thing I think every man should practice is physical touching without a goal. There's nothing quite so arousing as getting a back rub or a foot massage or my hair brushed and then a kiss and then....good night, Sweetie. That's it. No expectations. Usually, I'm the one who's begging for it after that.

 

[hellsgate]

Hookers. What the wife doesn't know (or no longer cares about,) isn't her business. Step-up or step-off. Be ready to divorce the sad sack piece of shit. Better to be single and guilt-free (with a restraining order in-place against the deadbeat,) then have unmotivated depressed weight around your neck for the better part of the rest of your (enjoyable) life.

She's abdicated the throne. She made a choice & has to accept responsibility for her choice and the consequences. She's a fully realized adult; no longer in her tweens with genuine need to be concerned about Virginity Until Marriage, and/or "What will God, Mommy & Daddy think?"

It's humiliating, abusive, hurtful, denigrating and unacceptable to 100% shut someone down & then back-peddle at the uninterested partner's (increasingly rare) convenience.

If the shoe were on the other foot, and it was ~You~ ALTOGETHER shutting *Her* out of the sexual/romantic decision-making process, ~YOU~ would be accused of cheating, likely referred to a psychiatrist / counselor, and a urinary specialist to find out if you need therapy and/or boner pills. I ask you --- Is that fair and just? HELL NO!!!

You've only got so many years on Earth, you have every right to enjoy them to the fullest. Fuck everyone else. Let them eat shit and die. Under any other circumstances, someone that straddles the doorway with one foot out the door would be escorted out of my life (& anyone else's life with half a grain of self-esteem left,) by the R.C.M.P.

 

[mrs_windsor]

I'm sorry to hear that. I do hope that its just a phase. I like the others admire that you won't go out and look for someone else. maybe you could try a sensual massage or something romantic for her?

 

[danigrl84]

Hookers. What the wife doesn't know (or no longer cares about,) isn't her business. Step-up or step-off. Be ready to divorce the sad sack piece of shit. Better to be single and guilt-free then have unmotivated weight around your neck for the better part of the rest of your (enjoyable) life.

She's abdicated the throne. It's humiliating, abusive, denigrating and unacceptable to 100% shut someone down & then back-peddle at the uninterested partner's (increasingly rare) convenience.

If the shoe were on the other foot, and it was ~You~ shutting *Her* out of the decision-making process, you'd be referred to a urinary specialist to find out if you need therapy and/or boner pills. Is that fair and just? NO!!!

Just a little extreme, dont you think?!
Something tells me you know little to nothing about marriage/relationships.

 

[hellsgate]

Dani: Sometimes, rarely, not always, but sometimes....it's necessary to boot people out on their ass, mitigate your losses and let the indecisive flotsam of society wash down the drain where they really, really belong and effectively make these kinds of world-class losers learn shit about life the hard way. It's a lousy thing to do to someone but a necessary tough-love thing to do once in a while.

Contribute or hit the bricks and don't even think for a moment about asking to come back. Bottom line.

 

[klippert]

why is it whenever a wife doesn't want sex, there's a problem?

I know that's not what you're saying and that your situation is different (long term) but hey, here's a news flash:

Sometimes, we just don't feel like fucking you.

Seriously.

However, if you're patient (like you said you'd be) not looking elsewhere...things will come around.

One thing I think every man should practice is physical touching without a goal. There's nothing quite so arousing as getting a back rub or a foot massage or my hair brushed and then a kiss and then....good night, Sweetie. That's it. No expectations. Usually, I'm the one who's begging for it after that.

maybe you have a grudge or something... I don't know nor do I care. I would rather my wife tells me, I don't feel like fucking. At least she and I are now on the same page. You might think we're not in a worshiping mood because we didn't get sex this week.... NOPE, News flash: when it moves on too 6,8 months and you've had....well, simply put, sympathy sex, then on the cold wagon.... That, Opra, isn't "i have a headache"

'One thing I think every man should Practice" Great more emasculation techniques. One thing every woman should practice....."Keeping the home fires burning", or in this case..... giving her husband some indication what's happening; what's going on.... Woman maybe more emotional, but, when something (unless their pissed).... is 'off'....like the lack of sex drive....they go quiet. You have to pry it out.

As for a wife that still has her sex drive and isn't getting a response from her husband.... you most likely narrow it down.... ED. Yes, That is a problem

 

[SpecialKay62]

Dear Kippert

Nah, no grudges. I guess I really struck a nerve with you. You're totally right, 6 or 8 months is simply unreasonable. Since I'm not living your life, I wouldn't attempt to comment on it. Just voicing my opinion on the "occasional" NO. And I don't think practicing continence is an emasculation technique. Just trying to illustrate that sometimes it's nice to be treated as something other than a sex object. But only sometimes. I'm such a nice lady around the house, at all the meetings, with the neighbors and at work, I like being treated like a fucktoy at night, but I guess that's fodder for another thread....

 

[Boundlife]

I have offered 3sums (my fantasy) MFM, FFM, maybe she would like just a FF.....the look on her face after that suggestion....LOL, priceless.

Nice to see you have kept your sense of humour

 

[bailadora]

I know how you feel:
My Wife has run ashore of (what we think is) Pre-menopause. If their is such a thing.

There is. Clicky.

The good news is that if the symptoms become unbearable, there is medical treatment.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

What

What SpecialKay62 said in her final paragraph--and KEEP doing it!!
She's SMART!!
N

 

[bone251]

Funny I started a thread just like this years ago.
Been there. Done that. Got the tshirt. And the shirt never comes off.
I have stayed married simply because I did not want to lose contact with my daughter. That part is good.
There is not enough time or discretion for a girlfriend.
I choose escorts. They do not know your name. They cannot find you or your wife. You can get sex and an amazing amount of fun. If you work it you can find some good things in a few girls. Older is better for participation.
My daughter is just about of age to move out of the house and I am now considering the big D.
I really enjoy the friendship I have with the wife. But no sex to me is a problem.
Oh yes, When we have a discussion about the problem I am told there is NOT a problem. We need to talk does not work.
Many will say bad things about using an escort, but girls do not just jump out of the grocery store and say lets bang quick so I can get home to my hubby.
I wish you the best. For me it has been a long ugly road at home for me, But worth it to be with my daughter.

 

[ender1228]

Hate to say it, but I agree with Hellsgate