Noir

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josie Rimmington

"Good evening, Josie. This is Spencer."

Josie moved to the far corner of the room with her mobile and spoke into her phone.

"Spencer!"

She listened to his words and wondered just how much he'd managed to accomplish.

"I have what you wanted.
The operation had been carried to the letter.
How do you want to meet?
Shall I visit you, or will you come to my place again?"

Josie thought quickly.

"Your place would be best ... if that's OK ...
I'll come by taxi. Get it to drop me just round the corner.
I'm out at the moment, so it will be easy to slip away."

Hell who was she kidding?
Unless she was involved with some PR project, she was barely missed lately... or so it seemed!

"I can be there in a couple of hours ... is that OK for you ...?"

She listened for his answers before quickly clicking off the mobile and returning to her group.

 

[Poganin]

Josie said she would come in a few hours' time so I decided to spend it catching 40 winks. Driving around the city for two weeks had strangely worn me down. Or was it sleeping in the car. I had barely put my cheek to the pillow when a dingdong from the front porch woke me up. I checked the watch -- I have slept for three hours. Not bad, Spence, just like during the war, sleeping wherever and whenever you could. I pulled on a pair of worn jeans and and a T-shirt with pink battery-bunnies playing tag my daughter had given me for my 32nd birthday. I rushed to the door and swung it open. I stood there speechless for a moment, stunned, I had almost forgotten how striking she was. I smiled.

"Hello, Josie. Please come in and make yourself at home." She nodded and entered, started for the living room. "Sorry, you had to wait, I've been dozing. Please, have a seat and I'll be right with you." Even before she touched the sofa, Sheena jumped up, waiting to be scratched and strooked. Good kitty, the best partner a PI can dream about. I laughed, leaving the room to bring the cardboard box with the materials I had gathered. I put in on the table and smiled seeing Joise playing with the cat.

"Coffee?" I asked, and seeing her tense again I added "Without garnish this time." She nodded, smiling in return and in a minute I was back. Josie was peeking into the box, moving the items inside around with her slim fingers. I put the coffee on the table and pointed. "Those brown envelopes contain pictures he must have taken that evening." She looked at me, panicked. "No worries, I only looked inside to make sure it's the right stuff. I hadn't browsed them. This videotape marked "JR" must contain the recording of what had actually happened. Well, this is yours to do with as you please. I guess you will want to destroy it. In this white envelope are pictures I took while tailing Nick. Some of them are quite interesting, he has connections with some of the shadiest bastards in this city. Some of his deals are also in there, leaving no question as to the subject of their deals."

Josie looked relieved and I saw her sigh. But she was still pensive, shooting questioning glances in my direction. She sipped her coffee. My face darkened... Oh, right! Now I remembered. She hadn't mentioned it but there was one more thing I had found while searching his car. A pretty, expensive gold ring with a diamond. on the inside there was an inscription "For Josie, now 18." Now where the hell did I put it?

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josephine Rimmington

I stood in the doorway and rung the bell again.
I glanced nervously about me and then peered towards the window.
There was a light on.
He had to be in!

Suddenly the door opened. I looked up smiling in relief and stared at Spencer’s appearance. The T-shirt was not what I expected! He looked crumpled, certainly, but sober, I realised in relief!

"Hello, Josie. Please come in and make yourself at home."

I merely nodded and walked into the familiar hall way, shrugging off my heavy red and black jacket and placing it over the chair before heading to the living room.

"Sorry, you had to wait, I've been dozing.
Please, have a seat and I'll be right with you."

I muttered a thanks and smiled at the cat who had come over to be petted.

”Hiya baby .. “

I crooned as the cat padded on my lap. It’s hairs shed slightly on my black slacks, but that hardly bothered me. She head butted my hand and purred, laying with her head on my fitted white top.

"Coffee?"

I looked up remembering what had happened last time … how Spencer knew … everything.

"Without garnish this time."

I bit back a giggle and nodded.
It was strange how he had made such a horrendous episode seem almost … normal …
I watched his retreating form and glanced at the box he had laid out. I was reluctant to pull the items out, but wondered if they were indeed the items Spencer had … recovered … for me.

"Those brown envelopes contain pictures he must have taken that evening."

I looked up not realising Spencer had returned.
Photographs… God … what if … ?

"No worries, I only looked inside to make sure it's the right stuff.
I hadn't browsed them. This videotape marked "JR" must contain the recording of what had actually happened.
Well, this is yours to do with as you please.
I guess you will want to destroy it. “

Strangely I hadn’t thought this far on.
I had to destroy the stuff, but … did I want to see … ?
My fingers skimmed over the envelopes and the video.

”In this white envelope are pictures I took while tailing Nick. Some of them are quite interesting, he has connections with some of the shadiest bastards in this city. Some of his deals are also in there, leaving no question as to the subject of their deals."

Shady deals? So if Nick proved … persistent … perhaps it was insurance against further harassment?
I sighed finally beginning to relax.
Perhaps the nightmare was finally over?
I began to dare to hope.
If only …. I glanced over at Spencer and watched as realisation lit his features.

”You found it … didn’t you?”

I asked him and saw him nod.

”You did!?!”

I exclaimed hardly daring to hope.
The photographs, the video tape temporarily forgotten, I stood and without thinking gave him a warm hug.

”Spencer … I don’t know how to thank you … I’ll clear the bill immediately of course … but … that ring was given me by my grandpa … I was devastated when I found it missing … “

I stood looking into his eyes.

”Thank you … so much … for everything … “

I whispered, holding his gaze before blushing and turning to pick up my coffee mug.

 

[Poganin]

Her hug left me speechless, it came so naturally that before I realised she had her arms wrapped around me and the length of her body pressed into me. It felt really good, not only physically but emotionally as well. Josie radiated youthful heat and joy at the moment, her troubles forgotten having found some peace of mind. I barely got to hug her back when she stepped away, thanking me heartilly and trying to hide her embarassment by drinking coffee.

Well, this was a good moment for me to hide mine by rummaging around my desk, looking for the ring among the papers, glasses and old cups. I slapped my forehead, recalling that I put it into the lowest drawer, where all the stuff found on my cases went. I put it there because one of the found items had been an unclaimed ring-box and that was where I put Josie's ring so it doesn't get lost in all this mess. I crouched down and pulled the drawer open. Behind me I heard Josie happily talking to the cat who took a liking to my guest.

Ah yes, there it was. I pushed the drawer close and pushed myself off the floor, standing up and almost head-butting Josie who came closer in anticipation. I recoiled backwards, smiling apologetically for my clumsiness. For a split second there our noses almost touched. The smell of her perfume made my head spin and I caught myself openly staring at her in awe. She was so beautiful, in this outfit she looked even better than the last time.

I showed her the box, flicked it open and saw her eyes light up in purest joy as she saw her precious ring. She blushed and took a step closer, extending her hand to take it and I skilfully eased the ring up from its place, dropping the box, which seemed to confuse her for a moment. When I took her hand in mine, however, and slipped the shiny on her middle finger a bright smile lit her face making the whole room warmer.

"There," I said holding her hand. "You go back where you belonged." I raised my head and looked into her eyes, sparkling with tears of happiness.

My heart stopped for a moment. In this moment, more that ever, I wanted to draw her close and kiss her lips. I swallowed hard.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josephine Rimmington

I turned as Spencer began to rummage in the drawers of his desk.
I smiled and sipped my coffee knowing that he would find the ring he had managed to get back for me. Suddenly he flew to the bottom drawer, as if remembering where he had hidden it. The cat rubbed around my legs, I bent down to stroke her.

”Shh … in a moment Kitty… “

So eager was I to see, that I nearly walked into Spencer as he straightened up from the drawer, a ring box in hand. We shared a smile and I stood watching as he flicked the box open and took out my ring, still undamaged!

I put my hand out to take it from him, but was surprised when he took my hand and began to ease the ring back onto my middle finger.

"There. You go back where you belonged."

I smiled at him through tears.
His simple gesture had brought back memories … happy memories.

Although my eyes met Spencer’s, I was remembering the day grandpa had done just that … he’d slipped the ring on my finger as he kissed me and wished me a happy birthday … I looked down at the ring and remembered … I could almost hear him, feel him now …

I traced my finger around the ring, then looked up at Spencer, smiling again.

”Grandpa gave me this … it … it’s very special to me … it was our secret … more because he engraved it with Josie … My parents were scandalised when they found out … they have always been very proper about using my full name and couldn’t understand why he would use the shorter term on an engraving.”

I giggled and wondered back to take up my coffee cup and perched against the table as I told Spencer the story.

”… grandpa had joked and told them that he hadn’t been able to afford to have the whole name engraved inside and that they should have chosen a cheaper name for me … “

Looking up at the meowing cat I put my empty coffee cup down and sat on the sofa once more, petting the persistent puss.

”He was never concerned about appearances and all the show that comes with money … he always had time for me … I miss him … “

I reflected quietly realising that Spencer probably knew more of the realities of my life at that moment than either of my parents.
I sighed and glanced at the box again, wondering whether I should look at the contents..

 

[Poganin]

I let Josie talk about her grandfather, enjoyed watching her talk, move, wave her hand while speaking or brush away her hair. Letting her talk was a good thing to do and I didn't interrupt her, tried not to make any sudden moves so as not to throw her off her train of thought. There was grace in her I guess she was not even aware off and I found myself falling for her natural charm. Again I marvelled how anyone would will her any harm.

As she finished reminiscing I noticed her glancing at the box. I got up from the chair and put my hand on the rim of the box. Josie looked up at me.

"Are you sure you want to know what's in there? Not knowing hurt you a lot, knowing might harm you even more." I sat on the sofa, next to her with our knees almost touching but not yet. "You can either burn it all to hell and forget it, get this out of your head forever. It will only loom in your memories, at the back of your head as one of unpleasant memories. Or you can watch it, uncover that hole in your memory and know the truth. The truth will free you but it will scar you as well, but knowing it will make you stronger. Try and weigh them both, from which will you profit more? The choice is yours, Josie," I said taking her both hands in mine and looking seriously into her eyes -- still happy, but with a serious tinge now. "Which will it be? The bliss of ignorance and letting it fall into oblivion?" I asked squeezing lightly the fingers of her right hand. "Or pain and gain?" I squeezed her left hand.

She curled her fingers around mine and looking into my eyes she thought for a moment, then she squeezed...

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josephine Rimmington

I looked up as Spencer put his hand on the box.

"Are you sure you want to know what's in there?
Not knowing hurt you a lot, knowing might harm you even more."

I knew he was right. I didn’t know what to do.
Why hadn’t I thought this part out?
He sat close to me. I looked up as he spoke.

"You can either burn it all to hell and forget it, get this out of your head forever. It will only loom in your memories, at the back of your head as one of unpleasant memories.”

So tempting … just to blot it out.

”Or you can watch it, uncover that hole in your memory and know the truth. The truth will free you but it will scar you as well, but knowing it will make you stronger. “

The truth … something had happened to me and not knowing about it wouldn’t alter the facts.

”Try and weigh them both, from which will you profit more?
The choice is yours, Josie,"

I looked up in confusion. I had no idea what to do.
But Spencer took my hands and squeezed one saying;

"Which will it be?
The bliss of ignorance and letting it fall into oblivion?"

Then squeezing the other hand and asking;

"Or pain and gain?"

I looked down at his hands surrounding mine.
My fingers curled around his.
I glanced at the box and then looked up at him again.
I squeezed both of his hands and looked up at him entreatingly.

”I … I know this is probably beyond your … job description but … will you help me do this?
I can’t take these home. I have no privacy there …
Whatever I do ... can I sort it here...?“

I put my hand into the box and drew out an envelope.

”I … I think I want to look at the photos … and then maybe I’ll decide if I want to watch the video … “

I looked at the envelope, but could not bring myself to open it.
I sighed turning back to him.

”Nick did … things … to me … I have to know what.
And if I don’t look … I won’t know … but the fear of what he might have done will stay with me … “

I stood up then and paced the room, leaving the envelope on the sofa.

”I wish I had the strength just to burn the lot, but I need to know.”

I halted and bit my lip, my eyes on his.

”I’m scared though Spencer … what if he … “

I took a deep breath.

” … I just don’t know how much of it I can face … but … I guess I have to try … and just maybe … it won’t be as bad as all that..?“

I looked up at him hopefully.

”What do you think Spencer…?”

I knew Nicky was bad news, a thug, involved in dodgy deals.
There was no telling what he was capable of.
But I had to hope that maybe … maybe in this case, he’d been mainly talk …
Even though common sense told me differently.

I was clutching at straws and I knew it ...

 

[Poganin]

What a brave girl Josie was! I admired her determination, there was steel under her frailty and gentleness. She had already made her decision and only was looking to me for support, to help her go through this ordeal of dealing with truth and reality. Who was I to deny this to her?

As Josie got up to walk around the room, talking and gathering her courage, I played with the full envelope she left on the sofa. My fingers traced its shape, the seams. I listened intently, analysing the deeper meaning her speech revealed.

And as she asked ”What do you think Spencer…?” I ripped the envelope open with my thump and shook the batch of pictures into my hand. "I'm with you, Josie. I told you I'd give you a great birthday present, didn't I? Well, your birthday party is tomorrow, so it'll be a day early. I hope you don't mind..." I said quite seriously, not making any light of this matter that was all important to her. I was all steel now, knowing she needed all support I could give her. I looked straight into her eyes with all the force and determination I had. To share it with her, to help her coax her own hidden reserves. After all, she was Charles Rimmington's granddaughter and he had had the talent for making feeble boys into soldiers to be proud of. I knew he must have passed his heart of steel onto Josie...

I got up and approached Josie, now standing beside the table and apprehensively bitting her lower lip. Despite all this tension she looked cute. I pulled a chair away and putting a hand on her shoulder I gently, yet decisively, moved her towards it to have her sit down. As she did I put the pictures before her, facing down. I put both my hands on her shoulders, I felt her tremble, I knew what she were getting through. It had never been easy on anyone. I squeezed her shoulders gently, reassuringly and whispered "Whenever you're ready, Josie. I'm right here with you, whatever comes."

Minutes passed slowly with Josie still trembling and sighing and all of a sudden she braced herself and flipped the photos face-up, looking at her own dazed, semi-conscious self. One after another she moved the pictures to the side. The tremble was gone from her body, only iron determination to deal with reality remained. I eyed the shiny paper rectangles from above from time to time: they were showing Josie in subsequent stages of being undressed and more and more naked, then laying on a bed in different poses. Josie looked up at me and I nodded to her, squeezing her shoulder again and nodding at the remaining pictures, my face drawn and stern. I wasn't about to let her back away from this. The last seven or so pictures showed Nick sitting on the bed, next to Josie and leering disgustingly to the camera.

Josie sat just there, her back straight and then she hung her head and started weeping, covering her face with her hands. I crouched down next to her and embraced her from behind. "It's alright, Josie. You see, it's fine." I whispered as I stroked her arms, calming her down. "I'm proud of you, girl! Your grandpa would have been proud of you as well." I rocked her gently in my arms.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josephine Rimmington

"I'm with you, Josie. I told you I'd give you a great birthday present, didn't I?
Well, your birthday party is tomorrow, so it'll be a day early. I hope you don't mind..."

I nodded, but flinched as he ripped open the envelope.
I stared at the batch of photographs in Spencer’s hand and saw him meet my gaze.
His eyes held mine as he stood at crossed the room towards me. My eyes moved back to the prints.
It was as if they were going to jump up and bite me.
I dreaded what was in them and yet …

I looked up as Spencer put his hand on my shoulder.
He drew me to the chair he had set out and guided me to sit down.
He laid the pictures face down on my lap as I stared at their shiny backs I felt him rest both hands on my shoulders and squeeze them reassuringly.

"Whenever you're ready, Josie. I'm right here with you, whatever comes."

I nodded but couldn’t lift my eyes from those photographs.
They seemed to burn a hole in my lap.
My imagination began running riot … what if … what if … ?
I had to do it … before I got panicked and tore them up.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and then opening them again I snatched up the pictures and turned them to face me.
Slowly, one by one, I worked through the photographs.

He had taken me to some really tacky looking room.
I looked carefully, but didn't recognise it.
It looked cheap and shabby.
A perfect setting, I thought as I shuddered.
ButI made myself look.
I looked as the pictures showed how he’d undressed me,
then how he’d arranged me on the bed and …

My hand wavered and I glanced up at Spencer.
I didn’t think I wanted to see what came next.
But he nodded encouragement, his hand on my shoulder again and I returned to the pile and forced myself to look at the final batch.

Somehow the photographs with HIM in were the worst.
I looked at his expression. He knew he was in control.
He was so arrogant, so ...
He had had the power to do anything he wanted to me.
I couldn't imagine that he'd only have taken these pictures ...

I took a deep breath and looked at the last one.
Nick had his hands on my body, as if …
I put it face down.
I had seen enough… but that part at least was over.

I hung my head and fought for control, but once the tears started, I couldn’t stop them.
I hid my face in my hands, but was unable to blot out the horror of what had happened. I felt so dirty somehow…

"It's alright, Josie. You see, it's fine."

Spencer’s arms were round me as he whispered softly.

"I'm proud of you, girl! Your grandpa would have been proud of you as well."

I leant against him as he rocked my sobbing body.
Somehow as I’d looked through the pictures, I hadn’t even thought about Spencer seeing the images.
I trusted him more than I realised as I trusted his judgement now.

”How .. how can you say that … ?”

I questioned brokenly.

”You saw those pictures … what he did … what I let him do … I know I had no choice but … I still feel … so ashamed … “

My body rocked with silent sobs now, I glanced over at the box.
The video...
Did I really want to see what had happened ... ?

 

[Poganin]

She was so fragile again but at least she got through the pictures. I held her still, rocking her sobbing body, soothing her, reassuring. This was tougher on her than I had suspected. That was to be expected, though, I guessed it must have been the first time she had ever experienced human malice directed at her directly.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Josie. It wasn't your fault. If there's anyone who should be ashamed, it's him, he's done you wrong. It would have been different if you did this willingly and then had second thoughts... Shhh, girl, I know you wouldn't, never! But you hadn't so it's alright. Only three people know what had happened: him, you and me. And Nick has nothing on you now. You're safe!" I took a tissue and gently wiped tears from her cheeks. "Not a single stranger saw those pictures. You have looked at them carefully, haven't you?"

I saw in her eyes that she didn't understand what I was getting at. The questioning look in her weeping eyes was tearing my heart. I saw her steal a glance at the box and delicately took her chin in my fingers and turned her face towards me again. I shook my head "Not now, Josie."

"In those pictures... hmmm... how do I put it? It isn't you, do you understand me?" I knew she did not, her eyes showed the How do you mean? look. "Come on!" I helped her up and led her to the hall by the hand. She walked listlessly, I had to cheer her quickly, drag her out of this despair. I stopped in front of the mirror and pulled her close to stand before me, I steadied her by her shoulders.

"Look, Josie. Look at yourself. This is a woman full of life here! Alive, graceful, determined, striking." She looked me in the eyes in the mirror. "There is no comparison to what you saw in those pictures." I put one of the first ones in front of her face. "Take a good long look, Josie. Where's the grace? Where is your beautiful, happy smile? Where's the joy of living in there? You were not there!" I spoke the syllables slowly, stressing them strongly. "You were not soiled because you simply were not there. It was not you. You have nothing to be ashamed before yourself. And since no-one saw those pictures, you don't have to be ashamed before anyone else! You are as pure as you were before that evening. This?" I showed her the photo again. "This is just some dust on the wind." I crumpled the picture into a ball and threw it on the floor. "You may not get me now, but you will pretty soon, just calm down. Josie, you showed me enough trust, I believe in you, girl!"

We were looking each other in the eyes in the mirror still. She stopped crying, but I couldn't read her expression. She was being very mysterious now. I hugged her from behind and kissed the back of her head. "Do you still want to see the videotape?" I asked.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josephine Rimmington

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Josie. It wasn't your fault.
If there's anyone who should be ashamed, it's him, he's done you wrong.
It would have been different if you did this willingly and then had second thoughts... “

I looked up at him sharply.
Did he think for one minute that I’d agreed to … ?

”Shhh, girl, I know you wouldn't, never! But you hadn't so it's alright.
Only three people know what had happened: him, you and me. And Nick has nothing on you now. You're safe!"

It wasn’t safety I was concerned about at that moment in time, merely the fact that he’d touched me … that he’d done all that …

"Not a single stranger saw those pictures. “

He wiped the tears away as he spoke.

”You have looked at them carefully, haven't you?"

I looked at him wondering at the question.
Of course I’d looked at them! What did he mean?
It was just the video I hadn’t seen yet.
I glanced over at the box, but Spencer turned my head away shaking his head.

"Not now, Josie."

I sighed.
I didn’t know what he meant.

"In those pictures... hmmm... how do I put it? It isn't you, do you understand me?"

I glanced at the down turned images.
I didn’t want to have to think about them anymore.

"Come on!"

I found myself led to the hall and made to face myself in the mirror. Spencer held my shoulders forcing me to look myself in the eye.

"Look, Josie. Look at yourself. This is a woman full of life here! Alive, graceful, determined, striking."

That wasn’t quite what I saw, but what was he driving at?

"There is no comparison to what you saw in those pictures.
Take a good long look, Josie.”

He held one of the earlier pictures.

”Where's the grace? Where is your beautiful, happy smile? Where's the joy of living in there? You were not there!"

I glanced at the picture and into the mirror.
I wasn’t sure I agreed with his reasoning.

"You were not soiled because you simply were not there.
It was not you. You have nothing to be ashamed before yourself. And since no-one saw those pictures, you don't have to be ashamed before anyone else!
You are as pure as you were before that evening.”

I watched as he crumpled the picture.

”This? … This is just some dust on the wind.
You may not get me now, but you will pretty soon, just calm down. Josie, you showed me enough trust, I believe in you, girl!"

I smiled and watched him in the mirror, his words only just registering.

Alive, graceful, determined, striking..?

I looked at myself in the mirror again and then lowered my eyes.
He was a PI … they were supposed to be observant …
But they were supposed to be …factual …
Even after seeing those pictures, he still thought well of me.
Who would have imagined at our first meeting, Spencer would prove to be such a … friend… ?

Again he hugged me and planted a soft kiss on my head.
I smiled. He was almost paternal sometimes.

"Do you still want to see the videotape?"

I shook my head.

”No … “

The answer was out before I’d even thought.
I sighed and leaned back against him.

”I don’t know Spencer… I need to know what he did … but … I don’t want to see … not unless … “

I hesitated and then turned around to face him.

”Spencer … ? Would… would you do something for me … ?”

I looked up at him and hesitated as he nodded.
Making up my mind, I took his hand and drew him back to the living room and moved to the box pulling out the video and turning to him.

”Spencer … do you think … you could… could watch it for me …?”

I blushed and rushed on.

”You’re the only one I can trust to … to see that and to tell me the truth about what’s on it… I need to know … but I don’t think I need to see … well not yet I don’t … it depends what … “

I halted and looked at him unable to gauge his expression.

”Somehow I need to know what’s on here … I know I shouldn’t ask you but … you’re the only person I can trust with this … “

I watched for his reaction, hoping I hadn’t overstepped the mark by asking for his help in this way.

 

[Poganin]

Josie's request astounded me and I'm afraid for a moment there it showed on my face. I quickly covered this by nodding vigorously and smiling at her.

"Of course, Josie, I'll do this for you. You trust..." I smiled even wider speaking this word. "...obligates me to. Actually I'm glad, it means a lot to me. Thank you." I bowed my head slightly. I was actually happy right now, not only because I managed to help Josie with her problem but also because I gained her trust. It was something hard to come by nowadays, especially in this trade. I couldn't stop smiling, I must have grinned so stupidly, damn me.

"Ok, if you would wait a moment in my daughter's room, I'll have a look at the tape and then tell you what's on it. It's the first door on the right." I saw Josie out of the room and popped the tape into my VCR. I couldn't stop smiling and I had to massage my face to ease the muscles.

The picture came to life showing Josie in the backseat, her stare vacant and empty. Nick must have dumped something into her glass at the party. They arrived at a cheap hotel, and in the corner of the frame I noticed a neon sign showing "No Vacancies." Nick argued with the clerk at the front desk, waving his arms and a huge tip finally convinced the man to give him a room. The angle showed that he actually put the camera under his jacked. "Only half hour" I read what the clerk said. The "low battery" marker started blinking in the screen. In the room he got to business fast and the video showed Nick undressing Josie and taking pictures of her. Halfway through the video ended and faded into static with nothing else further. I turned the VCR off and thought for a moment. Could he have time to have his way with poor Josie or not. He sure managed to get her naked, but only like 25% of the photoes showed her completely undressed. I went to the table and checked them again. The first was taken at 11:23 PM and the last one at 11:47. It took them 24 minutes to make the collection. It was virtually impossible to do anything in three remaining minutes. I nodded with satisfaction.

"Josie, you can come out of there now!" I shouted. I saw her emerge from the corridor with apprehension written all over her face and biting her lip again. I winked at her and smiled again. "It's okay, Josie. Touching your body is all there came to. He didn't have enough time for anything else!"

Seeing her puzzled expression I approached her with the first and last picture. "Look, the first was taken at 11:23 and the last at 11:47. It took him a moment to set the both cameras right so in the end he had like three minutes after the final picture was taken."

"Three?" Josie asked.

"Yes, only three, because there were no vacancies in that hotel and Nick had to bribe the clerk to let him in. So in the end he had three minutes to dress you back, collect the cameras and walk out of there before they called security to throw him away." I was talking faster and faster, realising there was no threat to Josie anymore. I grabbed her in my arms and hugged strongly, kissing her cheek. "You're fine, girl!"

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josephine Rimmington

I watched his face and opened my mouth to apologise, to tell him, I’d think of some other way … but he started nodding and smiling.

"Of course, Josie, I'll do this for you. Your trust...obligates me to. Actually I'm glad, it means a lot to me. Thank you."

I blushed, moved by his words. He’d clearly not expected my request, but seemed more than willing to do as I asked, despite his initial … shock.

"Ok, if you would wait a moment in my daughter's room, I'll have a look at the tape and then tell you what's on it. It's the first door on the right."

I muttered a thanks and looked nervously at the cassette in Spencer’s hand before turning and going to the room he indicated.
I closed the door securely and wandered around the room, the stared sightlessly out of the window.
The “what ifs” kept running through my brain.

”What if Nick had …?”

I shook my head trying to dislodge the thoughts.
I turned back to the room and looked around.
His daughter’s room Spencer had said.
And those pictures … so … where was the daughter now?
And how long ago had she lived here.
Again I paced the room, letting my attention be drawn by books, the odd toy, the items scattered on the dressing table.
It was strange.
It was as if the girl might be expected back at any minute.
As if the room were always kept in readiness.
I found myself wondering about Spencer, his family, his life …

"Josie, you can come out of there now!"

The shout cut through my thoughts.
I moved quickly out of the room shutting the door behind me and walked back into the lounge.
I looked at Spencer, looking for any clues as to what he had seen.
He winked and smiled, but I needed more reassuance.

"It's okay, Josie. Touching your body is all there came to.
He didn't have enough time for anything else!"

What could he mean, I wondered.
I had no idea how long I’d been out for or what time I’d actually gotten home!

"Look, the first was taken at 11:23 and the last at 11:47.
It took him a moment to set the both cameras right so in the end he had like three minutes after the final picture was taken."

I took the two pictures from Spencer and looked at them again.

"Three?"

I echoed incredulously. Such a short time…

"Yes, only three, because there were no vacancies in that hotel and Nick had to bribe the clerk to let him in.
So in the end he had three minutes to dress you back, collect the cameras and walk out of there before they called security to throw him away."

I shook my head, his words sinking in slowly …so that meant …?

"You're fine, girl!"

His voice sounded jubilant as he grabbed me in a bear hug and kissed my cheek.

”Oh my God… he didn’t …. “

I whispered as I clung to the photos.
Relief slowly filling my mind.

”Ohh my God.. Spencer … he didn’t …. “

My voice broke in emotion as I looked up smiling tremulously.

”So … it’s really over …?”

A smile lit my face as he nodded. Impulsively I moved towards him, wrapping my arms about his neck and pulling him close.

”Thank you Spencer … thank you … “

I whispered in relieved gratitude.

”You’ve been so good to me … “

I tipped my head back and looked up at him suddenly feeling as if a mighty weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
I caught his eye and giggled, feeling carefree and light-hearted.

 

[Poganin]

Oh yes, seeing her smiling and happy again was the best reward I could ever ask for. With all apprehension regarding that night gone, a bright smile lit Josie's lovely face, at last showing her true self, not the troubled, afraid girl. No longer pensive, now relaxed and relieved she was buzzing with joy that suited her much more than previous gloom. Of course, I myself was relieved as well. First of all because the case was over and completed most successfully. Second, because by solving it I managed to return Josie her peace of mind, dispelling the heavy clouds that shrouded it with thunders tearing at her calm.

Each time she questioned reality to make sure that it was all over I nodded and smiled to confirm it. "No, Josie, he didn't. And yes, it's finally over for you, isn't it? Ah, you'll be celebrating doubly tomorrow, you'll be shining. You have no idea how bright your smile can be. I'm happy to be able to finally see you as you should be."

She thanked me heartily, hardly believeing it herself, that she was free of that curse. With her voice breaking down she turned to a barely audible whisper I'd miss, had she not boldly pulled me close. Josie giggled like a little girl when our eyes met and I could feel and read her carefree manner in her body language. Her eyes no longer cautious and careful, now shone brightly complementing Josie's impish smile. I put my hands on her slim waist.

"I told you I'd give you a great birthday present, now didn't I? Well... ummm... sorry it's without a wrapping and red bow. They don't sell those THAT big!" I chuckled and Josie soon joined, giggling so hard, her eyes got teary.

"This demands a celebration. I'll ask properly, though. Josie, will you have a glass of wine with me to finalise it and put it behind?" I asked seriously still holding her, looking in her beautiful eyes and trying hard not to break into laughter again.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josephine Rimmington

” Ah, you'll be celebrating doubly tomorrow, you'll be shining. You have no idea how bright your smile can be.
I'm happy to be able to finally see you as you should be."

I giggled at his words.
How strange that after our first meeting, he’d become someone I could rely on!

His hands at my waist steadied me as I hugged him.
His hands were strong, but gentle…
”Caring, paternal hands …”
I thought to myself.

"I told you I'd give you a great birthday present, now didn't I? Well... ummm... sorry it's without a wrapping and red bow.
They don't sell those THAT big!"

I giggled with him, my laughter really out of proportion for the small joke he’d cracked, but I was just so damn relieved!

"This demands a celebration. I'll ask properly, though.
Josie, will you have a glass of wine with me to finalise it and put it behind?"

I looked into his eyes and nodded, trying to maintain an air of solemnity.

”That sounds a wonderful idea, Spencer. Thank you.”

I answered and watched as he broke away and went to fetch the offered bottle.
I perched at the edge of the sofa whilst he worked with the corkscrew and began to open the bottle.
I grinned mischievously and asked in mock innocence.

”Do you serve wine by the mug full, Spencer..?”

I watched him laugh at my mock brattish comment and nodded in demure acceptance of his instruction to go and get them.
Following his directions, I drew out two fine crystal glasses and brought them to him.

”These are lovely, Spencer … “

I complimented him, the banter dropped temporarily as I fingered the fine stems.
Then meeting his eye with a soft smile, I dimpled a grin and asked.

”How do you know I won’t get rip-roaringly drunk and smash them?”

He handed me the now full glass asserting that he knew that wouldn’t happen.

”No … you’d be corrupting a minor if that happened … “

I teased.

”But … then … I know you wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to me … “

I added softly, my eyes holding his, suddenly serious.
I owed him so much.
But it wasn’t just gratitude.
I looked at him uncertainly.
He was a really nice man, so caring, so lonely it seemed …
Sure I had employed him, but he had done so much beyond what his “job” demanded he should do.
I shivered as there seemed to be almost an electrical charge pass between them. A feeling I didn’t understand.
I blushed hotly and looked down at my untouched glass of wine, trying to make sense of it.

”Happy Birthday, Josie … “

His soft words drew my head up.
I smiled and carefully chinked glasses before taking a sip of the wine.

”Umm… nice… thank you Spencer … “

I commented, thanking him for the umpteenth time.

I sipped again.
If he’d had any inkling of that sudden unexpected feeling of … intimacy … he’d have freaked, I thought to myself.
No doubt he just saw me as a young girl … like his daughter … who got herself into trouble and repeated herself all the time …

I grinned as I sipped again.
Poor Spencer.
That was somewhere we definitely should NOT go!
I’d caused him enough hassle already!

 

[Poganin]

With that heavy aura of uncertainty and apprehension finally gone, Josie eased herself into a prankish manner, jokingly commenting my offer of wine. I guess it must have been another way of getting rid of those unpleasant memories and facts that had eluded her perceptions. I handed her the wine-filled glass, the red liquid gently rolling in the vessel.

”But … then … I know you wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to me … " Josie said ever so softly I almost missed it and something changed in the way she was looking at me. As if for a moment she saw a man and not a regular PI after a case, and there was a warmth in her eye that made me wonder. As she blushed and dropped her gaze I decided I had to do something to break the awkward silence that fell over the room.

"Happy birthday, Josie..." I said, raising my glass and clinking its edge against he own. We drank, the soft red flavour trickling down and bringing comfort. She thanked me again and I accepted it with a nod and a smile, happy to have been of use to someone who needed help as desperately as she had.

Sitting in the sofa she became thoughtful but the beautiful, bright smile never left her lips. I stood leaning on the table, enjoying the moment of joy, the calm, the taste of wine on my tongue and my gaze wondered to the wall and the pictures hanging there. I shook my head, not wanting to recall some of the events made eternal.

"What is it, Spencer?" Josie asked hesitantly and I quickly smiled to hide the gloom that had suddenly overcome me.

"No, nothing. I just thought that this evening is of celebration and not of reminiscing. Come on, I want to show you something I think you should look at. You didn't seem convinced before." I added and taking Josie's small hand in mine I led her to the hall again, to the mirror, my hand on her shoulder. The touch seemed natural, coming to me without hesitation or second thoughts. I had no idea whence this familiarity came and I hoped Josie wouldn't read it wrong. "Do you see it now, Josie?" I asked, taking a sip of wine and gesturing at the mirror with the glass. "Do you see the difference I talked about before? You cannot deny that you are striking and attractive. Take a look at the way you are standing now, take in the grace, the pose. Look yourself in the eye: see the warmth, the joy." I leaned closer, almost putting my chin of Josie's shoulder so that our ears nearly touched.

"This is the woman they call Josie Rimmington," I whispered. "Never think bad about yourself again. Don't depreciate yourself. The time for recollections and dealing with what is past will come later. Don't worry about things now." I was talking to Josie, but after that final sentence I realised that in reality I was trying to convince myself, that Josie's presence next to me was just an excuse. I kept on smiling, hoping she hadn't seen the brief moment of my hesitation.

I raised the glass again, making a toast to the Josie in the mirror who was looking at me very curiously. She was so close to me, I could feel her warmth clearly. I knew I had been falling for her since that evening two weeks ago when we first talked. I was enchanted by her voice, by the way she moved and talked. This predicament had brought us closer than I'd ever imagine. Josie needed me to solve her problem. It was only now that I realised that she also helped me solve mine.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josie Rimmington

I sat on the sofa and sipped my wine.
The aromatic liquid danced in the glass as I tipped it once more then glanced over at Spencer. I watched his eyes wonder to the pictures on the wall and saw his expression alter.

"What is it, Spencer?"

The question as out before I thought.

"No, nothing. I just thought that this evening is of celebration and not of reminiscing.

I nodded accepting his dismissal of my concern.
After all, he didn’t want me prying … but still … I didn’t like the idea that he might be …

”Come on, I want to show you something I think you should look at. You didn't seem convinced before."

I glanced at him curiously, but allowed Spencer to take my hand and lead me through to the hall, making me face the mirror, just as he had before …

”Spencer … “

I tired to protest, embarrassed but his hand on my shoulder guided me to face my own reflection.
I blushed faintly as I met my own eyes in the mirror.

"Do you see it now, Josie?
"Do you see the difference I talked about before?”

I certainly looked more carefree. I nodded.

”You cannot deny that you are striking and attractive. Take a look at the way you are standing now, take in the grace, the pose. Look yourself in the eye: see the warmth, the joy."

I giggled and blushed at those words.
I looked myself in the eye, but then glanced at the reflection of Spencer as he leaned closer, his breath in my neck as he watched intently.

I shivered.

"This is the woman they call Josie Rimmington,"

Woman … not a little girl … I realised …

"Never think bad about yourself again.
Don't depreciate yourself.”

I nodded and looked myself in the eye again.
I was 21 tomorrow. An adult.
Making my own mistakes, my own decisions.
And I had managed to sort out this mess … without the help of my dear family or any of my so-called friends.

”The time for recollections and dealing with what is past will come later. Don't worry about things now."

My eyes moved to Spencer.
I didn’t have to deal with what was past.
This was over with now and I had learned valuable lessons. So why … ?
I eyed Spencer curiously.
He was a complex man and was hurting somewhere deep down, but wouldn’t show it.
I wondered what there was that he regretted.

I saw him raise the glass to me again and let my eyes hold his.

”Where is your daughter now, Spencer..?”

I questioned softly.
I saw his eyes widen in shock.

”What happened to you … ?”

I knew it was none of my business, but suddenly I wanted to know … needed to know … somehow wanted him to be free of his pain …

I turned, placing my back to the mirror and tipped my head up to look at him, my eyes searching his.
Was he angry? Upset? Surprised?
Why didn’t I just shut up?
But something about the way he was looking at me, made me continue.

”Something …. Or someone … hurt you … “

I whispered softly, guessing as I tried to read the clues on his face.

”I wish I could help make it better … “

I halted then, shocked by what I’d said.
I did care, I realised.
Well of course .. he was a nice man, kind, caring, he’d helped me out … he …
But as I stood there I realised that there was more somehow … but I couldn’t work out how or why.
For now, I just desperately wanted to make him smile.

”Tell me, Spencer…. Please…?”

I begged breathlessly, unsure of how he’d respond.

 

[Poganin]

”Where is your daughter now, Spencer..?” ”What happened to you … ?” ”Something …. Or someone … hurt you … “ ”Tell me, Spencer…. Please…?”

Those were Josie's words but in my shocked mind I still heard my ex-wife's voice asking the same questions. ”Where is our daughter now, Spencer..?” ”What happened to her … ?” ”Something …. Or someone … hurt her … “ ”Tell me, Spencer…. Please…?” Again I felt the big ball in my throat that prevented me from speaking and my cheek burned where I'd been slapped. It was in the same room where I stood half-conscious from grief and drunkenness. Those same eyes: curious, inquisitive, scared. My mind was reeling "How did she guess?" I was asking myself. What was there that tipped her to guessing this sad tale?

I blinked and in the place where a moment ago my wife stood I saw Josie with a caring look in her eyes. "This was supposed to be a merry day for you, Josie," I mumbled, trying to get my bearings. "No good will come out of knowing this and your mood will be spoiled... But since you already have guessed... I might as well tell you this." I moved back to the living room and unconsciously poured myself another glassful of wine.

Looking at the picture of Maria I started. "I'm sure you must have heard about the school-bus hijacking three years ago. The kidnappers demended that a Juan Alvaro be released from prison or they will shoot a student every hour of delay. They shot two before the negotiations started and they agreed to release 10 of the kidnapped kids. I was still in the force back then and responsible for the traffic co-ordination on the itinerary of this bus. They stopped in the port and under guns moved them kids to a warehouse -- still six hostages left: three girls and three boys." I stared at the floor vacantly, words streaming from me by themselves.

"Because of further delay they shot another pair of kids and it was then that the chief decided to order the strike team in. In the shootout that ensued another hostage lost his life but all the hijackers were apprehended. Me and my partner, Rick Malone, were ordered to go in and clean up, spread the tape, secure the evidence and typical procedural stuff. Only then we came to the room where they kept the kids to make sure they are allright." I paused... I couldn't go on. I was still in that smoke filled room, with gunpowder stench filling the air and the metallic smell of blood all around. "A boy was hugging a girl in the corner, in another corner a mangled body lay of another kid lay, half-naked, with numerous wounds, cigarette burn marks and bruises. At first I thought it was that poor one who got into the middle of the shooting, but when Rick said 'God, not another one' I knew something was wrong. Hearing the muted sobbings of the girl 'Please help her, she's hurt' I approached the laying kid in the corner and turned her on her back. Half of the girls face was gone, smashed, caved in as if hit by a club. There was so much blood around it was amazing she was still alive as a muffled groan escaped from her lips. 'Spencer, you better go and ask them strikeboys to make sure there ain't nobody else here' I remember Rick say but couldn't understand him. Getting up to call the paramedics and strike team I glanced at the torn shirt the poor girl wore."

My voice broke, I had to close my eyes to prevent tears from flowing. I sighed, this was so damn hard. I hated that moment I had been reliving in my worst nightmares for weeks after. But there was no stopping them now and I shuddered as tears streamed down my face. Without opening my eyes I continued.

"It was a shirt with battery bunnies messing around. 'Hey, Rita, it's Mr. Grant' I heard the boy say and I... I knew it then, Josie... I knew that this poor, mutilated body laying there was my little girl. I don't remember much of what happened later but when I came to I was cuffed in the back of my squad car. Rick told me I tried to shoot the hijackers as they were being led out of the warehouse."

My voice broke down completely, taken over by uncontrolled spasms and sobs. This was too much. "And you know what is the worst in all this, Josie? Those... bastards got the... chair anyway. But Maria is still alive.... She'd been in a clinic since." I couldn't carry on, I slumped to the floor, hiding my face in my hands, speaking from behind them. "Catatonic, cataleptic... Conscious only from time to time, with half her face covered with a mask. Not reacting... not answering... not hearing... God, why her? Why my little girl?... She was so lovely, my little girl... Ah... ah... I can't like this... anymore."

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josie Rimmington

"This was supposed to be a merry day for you, Josie.
No good will come out of knowing this and your mood will be spoiled... But since you already have guessed... I might as well tell you this."

I followed him back to the living room and watched him pour another glassful of wine. I instinctively realised that I had opened a wound that ran far deeper than anything I could imagine, but had no idea of the tragedy that Spencer had faced until he started talking. I sat transfixed as he retold the horrific story of the hi-jacking and how he had gone in to “clean up”. I had half guessed the ending before Spencer told how he had come to recognise his daughter in that place.

” … Getting up to call the paramedics and strike team I glanced at the torn shirt the poor girl wore."

I felt so guilty that I had made Spencer face this again.
I eased him down on the sofa beside me and linked an arm through his. He hardly noticed.
His eyes were pressed closed and then the tears started.

"It was a shirt with battery bunnies messing around.
'Hey, Rita, it's Mr. Grant' I heard the boy say and I... I knew it then, Josie... I knew that this poor, mutilated body laying there was my little girl.”

I had known, but I still gasped at the horror of it.

”I don't remember much of what happened later but when I came to I was cuffed in the back of my squad car. Rick told me I tried to shoot the hijackers as they were being led out of the warehouse."

I squeezed his arm.
A pointless gesture of sympathy.
Unaware of the tears on my own cheeks, I met his eyes as he turned towards me.

"And you know what is the worst in all this, Josie?”

His gaze was so stricken, so tortured.
The sheer pain in it cut me to the core.

”Those... bastards got the... chair anyway.
But Maria is still alive.... She'd been in a clinic since."

I watched in horror as he slumped to the floor.

"Catatonic, cataleptic... Conscious only from time to time, with half her face covered with a mask. Not reacting... not answering... not hearing... God, why her? Why my little girl?... She was so lovely, my little girl... Ah... ah... I can't like this... anymore."

I looked down as he sobbed.
I felt sick, sick to my stomach and guilty as hell for what I’d put him through with my careless questions.
I’d never imagined for one moment that his reality was anything as ghastly as this!

I took the glass and refilled it with red wine, but I set it on the table nearby.
That was why he drank.
That was why he worked mindlessly long hours.
That was why he was so sad, so lonely.

I eased myself down on the floor beside him and wound my arms about his shoulders as he sobbed.
He allowed me to draw him against me.
I stroked his hair and held him close as I tried to calm him.

”Shhh.. Spencer … please … don’t … “

I couldn’t say it was alright and I couldn’t say it was over.
Because it wasn’t.
So I just held him and let him vent his grief.

Eventually his weeping quietened, although his body still rocked with choked sobs.

I held him close still and spoke quietly.

”My God … Spencer … I had no idea …
I’m so sorry … sorry I asked … that I made you tell it all again …
And although it sounds so stupid … so sorry about your little girl … “

He became calmer and I reached over to pass him the wine, which he drained in one gulp.
I took the glass from him and forced a smile, my own tears now dry on my cheeks.

”It’s tragic … but … you did what you could.
Who could save those kids from animals like that …?”

I shook my head, praying that I wasn’t making it worse.

”You got her out of there … you did your job … and you were a father … I’d have wanted to kill those bastards too … “

I assured him.

Somehow I sensed he blamed himself.

”But Spencer … a wise and … a very caring man …”

I smiled softly and touched his cheek gently.

” … once told me not to think bad of myself, not to depreciate myself… “

I smiled as he recognised his own words.

”There will be time to recollect, to deal with the past at some time … the right time…
Blaming yourself, letting this destroy you … it’s pointless … some things you just can’t change, Spencer.
And accepting that must be the most difficult thing of all…”

I reached over and kissed him softly on the cheek.

”There are still people who need you … who will want you in their lives … to act as father, lover, friend … “

I hesitated thinking that he had been so much to me already.

”Don’t cut yourself off from other people, Spencer … “

I whispered.

”We need you … “

 

[Poganin]

I broke down completely. Having to recall those gruesome, tragic events from the past and Josie's efforts to calm me down, comfort me only managed to make me a weeping wreck of a man. I between her apologies and words of comfort I let her embrace me and I held on to her as well, needing someone to hold on to in that moment lest I would completely succumb to grief. I thanked God for Josie's company right now and I didn't blame her for my state. I had no idea I would re-live it so intensly. Her kindness silenced me, brought me back from the tragic past but I still had the partially reconstructed face of my unfeeling daughter before my eyes.

I downed the offered wine and nodded, then shook my head, smiling bitterly as Josie repeated my own words. I wondered if she knew the extent of help she provided. At this moment, sitting there on the floor in my living room I relised that at some point Josie had become much more than a client, a girl in distress who needed help in her predicament -- she was a dear friend now. I didn't know when my perception had changed, but sitting there with wet cheeks, shaken by uncontrolled sobs and shudders of grief, I realised I had very warm feelings for her. Only I couldn't decide if I saw her as a girl or a woman for this aspect shifted constantly. It was so... comforting... to have someone next to you, to hear you out and to offer you kind words of reassurance.

Her kissing my cheek brought me even closer to reality, again a gesture so kind and natural I found it right in place to happen. But... people who need me? Who'd want such a pathetic wreck of a man in their life? This wasn't right. As a PI, maybe, yes. To solve some case that will net me a profit to pay for Maria's stay in the clinic. I had no right to call myself a father after all that had happened, I couldn't protect my family from harm -- this just wasn't right. I didn't have many friends, Rick would sometimes call, my ex-wife's sister would come from time to time to make sure a woman's hand wasn't needed around the house... and that's that... I led a lonely life, filled with boredom, occasional case and pretending to be a decent neighbour, oh... and drinking when grief would suddenly overcome me.

The things Josie was saying were making no sense to me but I knew she was right. That cutting myself off from the outside world would not help at all, that it wasn't the way. But I wasn't getting away from the world... I was getting away from the me that was a failure in every aspect of human nature.

"We need you ..." I heard Josie say to me, her hand on my forearm, gently holding me, reminding of her presence beside me, reminding me about the whole world that existed out there while I had been locked away in my shell of pain.

Looking up at her I saw that she had been crying again, this time because of me. I wanted to apologise, but no words would come from me anymore. So I was just sitting there, looking at her with all the gratitude I could express. I felt her fingers press into my forearm and I instinctively pulled her close, embracing her tightly, shaking one last sob out of my soul. "Oh, Josie..." was the only thing I could whisper.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josie Rimmington

I held his gaze as he raised his head, but I could tell he was unconvinced.
He couldn’t see beyond his pain, beyond his grief and who could blame him?
All I could do was squeeze his arm and force a smile.
What could I say to him?
There were no words to make it all right again.
So I just sat there and tried to be with him.

When he reached out to me, I was eager to console him.
I felt his body shake as he sobbed.

"Oh, Josie..."

The broken whisper seemed to pull at my heartstrings.

”Shhh ... Spencer … I know … “

I stroked his head and held him against my chest until his sobs finally ceased and the shuddering in his body lessened.
Gently I eased myself away.

”I’ll make us a coffee … OK?”

I asked, pausing until I saw him nod.
I headed towards the tiny kitchen and pulled out two mugs.
I put the kettle on and glanced back into the living room.
Spencer seemed calmer now, but was still crouched on the floor.
In his hand was a photograph.

I sighed and turned to pour the water and fill the tray with a carton of milk (all I could find ) and a bowl of sugar. I loaded on spoons and the mugs and grabbed a packet of biscuits then headed balancing the try back to the front room.

I was relieved when he looked up and smiled slightly as I crossed the threshold. I blushed slightly as I laid the tray on the table.

”I know this won’t help really … “

I commented self-consciously.

”But … I thought it might … warm you a bit… you know… “

I smiled as he nodded, hoping he understood my intentions.

”Milk? Sugar?”

I asked relieved to see him replace the photo and sit on the sofa as I prepared his coffee and took it over to him.
I watched him sip at the liquid and glance up.

”Minus the additional spirit, I’m afraid … “

I responded softy, hoping that he wouldn’t drink himself into a stupor once I’d gone.
But it was none of my business after all.
I turned quickly and added just a hint of milk to my mug then carried it and the biscuits to the sofa and sat down beside him.
I sipped the aromatic drink wordlessly.
I was so sorry I’d caused all that grief.

” I should have minded my own business.
I really didn’t mean to … put you through all that … “

I whispered, looking away from him and finally catching sight of the clock telling me it was past midnight already!
I sighed. It wasn’t as if anyone was going to miss me tonight!
I could get a cab anytime!
I glanced back at Spencer and questioned hesitantly:

”Is there … anything … I can do … ?”

I knew the words were stupid, but I wanted so much to make things “better” for him again.

 

[Poganin]

Spencer Grant

Slowly the world had been returning to normal, time -- resuming its normal beat and my grief-stricken mind and conscience finally came into fragile balance over the edge that I had peered into so many times. That way was the drunken stupor and oblivion, on the solid ground however were memories and pain. How ironic, how similar the situation I was in to that which Josie had experienced. She managed to weather it and leave it behing by confrontation... were I to follow that path what confrontation would await me? I felt myself suffocating, I needed space to breathe, to think to arrange the barrier around those hurting feelings again. I gladly welcomed Josie's offer to make coffee, slightly embarassed to have a woman rummage through my kitchen. It was equipped with only the necessary stuff. No fancy devices... There was no need for those in my life.

Alone, on all fours I moved towards the desk and took the last picture of the happy family we had all once been. It had been taken in the garden, under the hat-stealing larch. I'd just returned from work back then and I had had my police uniform on. Lindsay was in her favourite rainbow coloured sweater and a knee-length skirt, smiling and holding heir brown hair from obscuring her face in the wind. And Maria? Maria was like a little sunshine, smiling brightly in one of her numerous bunny t-shirts. She was crazy about them and they were everywhere in her room, even now, during her absence. We had been a happy family at that time... But that was long since gone, no happiness remained.

Josie returned with a tray that was giving away a scent of coffee. I wonder, when I did it it never smelled that nice. I mustered a weak smile, although I felt embarassed about what had just happened -- the way I had completely lost it. The good thing was that Josie's problem had been solved because in my current state of mind I wouldn't be able to take on any case.

”I know this won’t help really … “Josie started.

No, it's fine, I wanted to say and even opened my mouth but no sound came.

”But … I thought it might … warm you a bit… you know… “

Thank you, Josie. It's... you..., again no sound and I could only nod. This was probably the only way she could think of to help me turn my mind from my tragedy.

”Milk? Sugar?”

I shook my head, replacing the picture. I always had my coffee black, ever since I had begun drinking it. I returned to the sofa, accepting the mug and cradling it in my hands, warming them. This was becoming harder by the minute and I knew what was to come in a moment, an by God, I did not want that. Having Josie beside me was reassuring and I guess some faith returned to me.

” I should have minded my own business. I really didn’t mean to … put you through all that … “ she said and I could tell she was sad.

I put the cup to my left hand and put my right on Josie's shoulder as she turned away, I wanted to straighten this out. She turned, looking at me:

”Is there … anything … I can do … ?”

"Look, Josie," I began, my voice harsh from the emotional strain "this... this is what confrontation with the truth looks like. I'm so sorry you had to see this but... I'm not as strong as you are, I don't cope that well. But, you see... I had had no choice that I offered you earlier. There had been no walking away on this fact, no blissful oblivion... No, that's a lie. I tried to achieve it by drinking... to no avail. Once you get to know the truth you can only accept it. There is no turning your back on it, no walking away.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't completely honest with you. But I knew there was nothing for you to be afraid of, that everything was fine. So.. I... uh..." I raised my eyes, to look into hers "I'm sorry, Josie. It feels like I've used you to unload this burden." I shook my head. "Please, forgive me. Can you?"

The silence was awkward. I had to beak it.

"There is one thing. I learned something from you but I don't have the courage to do this myself. The bottles in the cabinet? Can you dump them?"

This was crazy... I expected to be slapped and Josie walk out of the door without turning back.

 

[Poganin]

.error.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Josie Rimmington

His hand was resting on my shoulder as I watched him carefully.

"Look, Josie, this... this is what confrontation with the truth looks like. I'm so sorry you had to see this but... I'm not as strong as you are, I don't cope that well.”

I listened to his words, though they were making little sense.
I was far from strong! I’d had nothing really tragic to cope with thus far!

” … But, you see... I had had no choice that I offered you earlier. There had been no walking away on this fact, no blissful oblivion... No, that's a lie. I tried to achieve it by drinking... to no avail.
Once you get to know the truth you can only accept it.
There is no turning your back on it, no walking away.”

I nodded, watching as he looked away from me.
I had guessed as much. He drank to forget.
After the horrific events he had lived through I could understand why.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't completely honest with you.
But I knew there was nothing for you to be afraid of, that everything was fine. So.. I... uh..."

His eyes held mine once more.

"I'm sorry, Josie. It feels like I've used you to unload this burden this load.
Please, forgive me. Can you?"

I struggled for the right words. There was nothing to forgive.
How could I explain that I was pleased he’d trusted me.
I certainly didn’t feel used!
I blushed not knowing how to explain.

"There is one thing.
I learned something from you but I don't have the courage to do this myself.
The bottles in the cabinet? Can you dump them?"

I read the desperation in his eyes.
It must have cost him so much to admit just how badly he needed to drink.
He could easily have told me part of the story, or fabricated a story.
I had had no idea of what my simple question would unleash, but now I knew, somehow things had changed between us.
Perhaps it was just because I guessed that he rarely opened up to anyone.
Spencer needed help. He needed support.
And I wanted to be the one to offer it.

I smiled and wound an arm about him in a brief hug.

”I think I need a top up … how does this work…?”

I moved across the room and flicked on the CD player.

”Would you pick something … soothing … Spencer …?
I’ll be right back …”

I watched him nod and move to flick through a pile of CDs, almost relieved it seemed to have something “normal” to occupy him.
Pleased to see him engrossed in the “diversion”, I moved out of the room with my mug and lay it down in the kitchen.
Quickly, I moved to the cabinet and wordlessly pulled out a selection of bottles and took them back to the kitchen.
I stood and eyed the liquor bottles and paused to put on the kettle.
I knew what I had to do.
Slowly, I emptied each of them down the sink rinsed them and bagged them up to be disposed of the next day.
Just as I finished emptying the last bottle, the kettle boiled.
Pulling out a fresh mug for Spencer, I made a second mug of coffee for each of us and carried it back towards the front room.

Spencer was sat on the sofa, the CD wallet in his hand.
I paused and smiled as I listened to the soft music that filled the room.

”Ummm… good choice … perfect … “

I complemented as I crossed the room and sat down beside him, handing over the steaming mug.
I smiled reassuringly as we both sipped.

”It’s done, Spencer .. “

I met his eyes and watched him nod in understanding.
I kissed his cheek softly.

”So … as it seems we could both use the company this evening … or rather this morning … ”

I giggled teasingly as Spencer’s eyes flew to the clock realising that it was approaching 1 am!

”Josie … “

I could hear the protest in his voice.
I smiled shyly and reached out a hand to capture his.

”… Spencer … my intentions are honourable … “

I blushed and dropped the defensive banter.

”Look… I don’t think you should be alone … you need someone to help you through this … and tonight, I’m afraid I’m the best you’ve got … “

I looked at him earnestly.

”If I’m in the way, then I can call a cab and be out of your hair in minutes … but … I don’t want to be alone either … I won’t be missed … I was supposed to be stopping over with friends this evening … I don’t fancy going back to an empty house at this time … unless … “

I paused wondering if I was forcing my company on him!

”Of course … if you want to be alone… then … “

I halted awkwardly, removed my hand from his and sipped at my coffee.

 

[Poganin]

Spencer

I was surprised by the warmth Josie started emanating at that moment. Her eyes, her body language, they all radiated comfort and reassurance and her arm the briefly hugged me was strong and steadfast. She turned the hi-fi on and moved to the kitchen to make more coffee and hopefully do what I asked her to do. I wouldn't be able to do it myself, maybe I'd empty one or two bottles but eventually the fumes would force me to have a shot... or ten... or twenty. Until I fell unconscious.

Asked to select music I started browsing the CD collection that seemed to have been amassing itself over the years. I wasn't even aware I had half of this stuff at home. I was really glad to occupy my mind with something else than memories. This was real and now... that was past. My fingers skimmed the edges of CD cases: Sinatra... nah, cliche... Gaynor... too loud... Parker... bebop now?! ... I found Vangelis... I thought it suitable and loaded the CD into the tray. I choked spasmatically as I heard the bottles clinking and then the hum of liquid flowing to nothingness. For a moment I was about to run to the kitchen and save at least one... just in case. But I managed to calm myself. I needed help and this girl whom I just met and yet I felt as if I had known her for years... or from some previous life, she offered me help. I know now that alone I would not be able to straighten my life out. It would have been a vicious circle of liquor, work and paying for Maria's stay in the clinic and then liquor again...

I picked the remote to change the volume and manipulate the equaliser and returned to the sofa. In a moment Josie was back with two steaming mugs. I smiled as she complimented my choice. I had no idea about her preferences with regard to music.

”It’s done, Spencer .. “

So I had heard. No liquor for me left. I was grateful beyond expression. I felt saved. I met Josie's eyes for a moment and nodded, acknowledging the fact and etching it in my mind. As I fell into thought for a moment I felt her lips press against my cheek, again, an act so natural and right in place. Nothing uncomfortable or embarrassing about this.

”So … as it seems we could both use the company this evening … or rather this morning … ”

I glanced at the clock... It was already after midnight... The ghosts that have tormented me and ripped my sanity to shreds now gone. Exorcised by Josie's gentleness and care, her will to help, her determination. But "use the company"? This phrase was too sugestive. It had to be straightened at once... not that I minded Josie's company -- to the contrary! I was very grateful for her presence and her help. She's offered me more than I could ever remember receiving from anyone else after the tragedy. There was a conflict in me. Of course I found Josie attractive and beautiful but on the other hand it felt as if she was a dear friend to me. Besides, she's probably seen me as her older friends as well or a saviour, who offered a helping hand. We had to explain it, before...

"Josie..." I started but Josie only smiled and took my hand.

”… Spencer … my intentions are honourable … Look… I don’t think you should be alone … you need someone to help you through this … and tonight, I’m afraid I’m the best you’ve got … “ True. I did not want to be alone. Not after what happened. Selfish though it felt, Josie introduced much confort by staying by my side. Truly, this was not a night for loneliness for both of us. But "the best you've got"? Outrageous! Josie was the best I could ever dream of or hope for. But what she said next hit me like a hammer. Would I ever turn her down, make her go away after all this kindness she'd bestowed upon me? No, I did not want Josie to go or leave me. She must have read my silence completely wrong, opposite to my true feelings and intentions.

"Josie, please, you're not imposing or anything. I am more than grateful for your presence, your company. You've given me so much and I don't know how I can repay you. It would be my pleasure if you stayed with me. This house hasn't seen so much life and warmth in a very long time. And I hate to think of being alone right now. Not after..." my words trailed off.

I grabbed her escaping hand back and raising it to my lips, I kissed her knuckles, looking Josie straight in the eyes. "I thank you."