Numbing condoms

[wickedchicken84]

To asnwer your questions SweetErica, no she hasnt had an orgasm from any acivities other than sex. She played heavy sports in the past; soccer, softball, volleyball. As for sex before me, she said that she had never attained an orgasm with anyone else. As for medical issues, I have done much research but havent found anything conclusive regarding its effect on sexuality yet, but she does have HPV, Human Papillomavirus (might have spelled it wrong). She has had cone biopsies before and regular paps but the cervix is fine, the doctors have said that it isnt a threating strain of HPV and shouldn't cause any complications with sexuality or child birth. Of course, as I understand, psychology has alot to do with arousal and ability to orgasm.

As for me, yeah, depending on the mood yeah, longer or shorter, but we do what we can. Not sure if any of that helps.

 

[fredrock]

Suggestion

Something that worked well for me was dont cum everytime you get an erection. Meaning currently everytime you get a hard on you cum. well start having some erections and dont cum. I did this when I was alone not during sex. For some reason it works. It has helped me, infact it has helped to much. I last to long for my wife but that is another story.
I have also been doing the keggles. About 100 a day 3 time a week.

good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

To asnwer your questions SweetErica, no she hasnt had an orgasm from any acivities other than sex.

Is she interested in trying to do so? If so, what kind of stimulation does she really like?

Does she masturbate?

Did you ask HER what she thought of how long you have sex - in her opinion, could it be a little or a lot longer, shorter, or is it just about right?

She played heavy sports in the past; soccer, softball, volleyball.

That shouldn't have an impact on her ability to orgasm, unless injuries or something have caused some nerve damage, or similar. Being an athlete on its own doesn't harm sexual enjoyment.

As for medical issues, I have done much research but havent found anything conclusive regarding its effect on sexuality yet, but she does have HPV, Human Papillomavirus (might have spelled it wrong). She has had cone biopsies before and regular paps but the cervix is fine, the doctors have said that it isnt a threating strain of HPV and shouldn't cause any complications with sexuality or child birth. Of course, as I understand, psychology has alot to do with arousal and ability to orgasm.

No, HPV shouldn't affect her physical ability to orgasm.

If she feels bad about it, or anything else, that could very well affect her ability to orgasm. The brain is the biggest sex organ, and all that...

I was more referring to how medical conditions and medications can impact how long it takes a male to come, though they certainly can affect women as well. I had a partner who had trouble coming due to medication, and of course I understood that, but if a partner w/o medical issues had trouble or was focusing on lasting longer than 10 or so minutes, I'd wonder what was going on with them. I love a ton of non-penetration activity and take it as a compliment when my partner is so excited by me and what we do that they have trouble holding back. And, I figure the cock isn't the only path to pleasure and orgasm and we can always do another round, use fingers, toys, etc., if I/we want more stimulation.

 

[KokopelliRises]

I was always interested as to how much a condom in itself numbs the sensation. We've all heard the old "nah I don't want to wear a condom cause it doesn't feel as good" Is that really true? Is there a huge difference with and without one?

This remind me of a conversation I was partially partaking in a month or two ago at dinner in the dining hall. The two other people I was talking with were both guys, one I've had sex with is #1, his friend-like person is #2. #2 was talking about a conversation he had with a girl he knew about condoms and whether they change the feel of sex for guys and girls. When they got to the point in the conversation when the girl was sharing her experience (it does feel a little different), both of them turned to look at me, as if asking me, the lone girl at the table, to confirm this. I blabbered out something about it changing the sensation a little, most likely turned bright red, and then shutting up. Later I asked #1 why they both turned to stare at me. He said something to the effect of "well you were the only girl at the table and I knew you'd done it both ways". Overall the situation was just a little awkward and I had a part of my sex life shared with someone I didn't know that well. Lovely, isn't it?

Sorry for the temporary threadjack. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[necroerotica]

I was always interested as to how much a condom in itself numbs the sensation. We've all heard the old "nah I don't want to wear a condom cause it doesn't feel as good" Is that really true? Is there a huge difference with and without one?

From a guys point of view - no, it doesn't feel as good. Skin on skin is, frankly, what we live for.

Is there a huge difference..... only sometimes.

Sometimes we men, when we're getting down to it, aren't totally firing on all cylinders, if you know what I mean. We know we want to do it, we're just not knocking down the barn door. We need a bit of extra physical stimulation/sensation down there to get up to speed.
In situations like that, a condom, no matter what type, can be a real killer.

But when we're chomping at the bit and the barn door has well and truly been demolished - a condom can be fun, it's a different sensation, and there's an extra bit of security there that can help everyone relax.

 

[In Anticipation]

If all this is about lasting longer so that she can have an orgasm from penetration you are (as others have said) probably barking up the wrong tree. I would have thought that after 30 minutes of pounding away you're reaching a state of diminishing returns, both of you becoming desensitised. Mouth and tongue are more likely to be effective, I wonder if she has more of a mental block on letting herself go in that situation.

Looking on the bright side you would be getting a good CV workout.

Speaking personally I can reach the stage where I can keep going indefinitely, almost to the point where I lose sensitivity and it's difficult to get an orgasm without some sort of change.

 

[mjl2010]

If all this is about lasting longer so that she can have an orgasm from penetration you are (as others have said) probably barking up the wrong tree. I would have thought that after 30 minutes of pounding away you're reaching a state of diminishing returns, both of you becoming desensitised. Mouth and tongue are more likely to be effective, I wonder if she has more of a mental block on letting herself go in that situation.

Looking on the bright side you would be getting a good CV workout.

Speaking personally I can reach the stage where I can keep going indefinitely, almost to the point where I lose sensitivity and it's difficult to get an orgasm without some sort of change.

That long, is a workout for sure. I agree you get to a point where you need it to be different somehow. Usually switching from say missionary to from behind with her legs almost together is great at that point. I'm not sure if I'd say it was a loss of sensitivity though. More like I just want something else.

MJL

 

[In Anticipation]

That long, is a workout for sure. I agree you get to a point where you need it to be different somehow. Usually switching from say missionary to from behind with her legs almost together is great at that point. I'm not sure if I'd say it was a loss of sensitivity though. More like I just want something else.

MJL

You hit the nail on the head. From behind is a sure fire way to give me a little boost. However as I get older I find that there is a point after which I can struggle to have an orgasm, especially first thing in the morning. I stay hard though.

Maybe wickedchicken and I just need to swap partners for a bit.

 

[wickedchicken84]

As for medication, I am not on any. Nor is she, except for the occasional Midol during those "stressful" times of the month as she so puts. As for other activities aside from sex, yes she has tried, in fact everytime she has tried, she has never been able to have climax from it, no matter how she varied it. (porn, fingers, toy, mood lighting, massages, etc. etc.) She has said that sometimes she skips. Let me explain; if intercourse and the level of closeness to orgasm could be rated on a 1-100 scale, she has said that she gets upwards into the 80's range and suddenly it frustatingly skips down to 50 or 60. (mostly during masterbation but not limited to it).

If I can be so bold, actually we did have a session yesterday, and a few times we had to stop to calm down and think of other things (I had too). Eventually she did orgasm but it took about 35-40 minutes. (i secretly tried to keep time lol)
I understand that woman have the ability to have two types of orgasm, though I dont mean the widely known mental and physical. Within the physical, it's possible to have a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm. The latter being the most difficult to attain for most women as the one of the research suggested while the clitoral can be the most explosive, neither is better than the other, it depends on the woman.
http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/orgasm.htm

I bring that up because I know that when we make love, there isnt a ton of clitoral titilation as well as when she masterbates, she has complained that "it just gets too sensitive to enjoy long". She prefers the pressure on it while having sex instead of playing with it often, but I sometimes do oral and sometimes use fingers during the transition of foreplay to love making.

But Kegel's continue and so does the misdirection of thinking during sex.

As for In Anticipations' idea, Ha! As for the desensitizing, I tend to still feel the large 90% majority of it, while yes, she tends to have "diminishing returns" after awhile. Thats why we have tried different positions, moves, foreplay, oral, hands, etc.

 

[In Anticipation]

I checked your initial post, you're both in your early twenties right?

It's going to work itself out, her response will change as she gets older, if she can just try not to worry about it and relax, one day, something spectacular is likely to happen when she is least expecting it . . .

I hope so anyway.

 

[SweetErika]

As for other activities aside from sex, yes she has tried, in fact everytime she has tried, she has never been able to have climax from it, no matter how she varied it. (porn, fingers, toy, mood lighting, massages, etc. etc.) She has said that sometimes she skips. Let me explain; if intercourse and the level of closeness to orgasm could be rated on a 1-100 scale, she has said that she gets upwards into the 80's range and suddenly it frustatingly skips down to 50 or 60. (mostly during masterbation but not limited to it).

Trying is the best way to not achieve orgasm. If I try, it's not going to happen because there's too much pressure and the slightest thing throws me off track. If I just relax, take plenty of breaks when the pleasure level starts to go down, fantasize and let it happen, it USUALLY does. And if it doesn't, we had fun, and it'll be better the next time it does.

So, vary the stimulation (but not in a jumpy way), encourage her to masturbate, try new things, give you lots of feedback and take as many breaks as she needs to.

If I can be so bold, actually we did have a session yesterday, and a few times we had to stop to calm down and think of other things (I had too). Eventually she did orgasm but it took about 35-40 minutes. (i secretly tried to keep time lol)

35-40 minutes, especially if your main source of stimulation is vaginal, is completely normal.

WHY are you trying to keep time? Don't you think she probably senses you watching the clock, and feels some pressure from that? I'd bet she does.

I bring that up because I know that when we make love, there isnt a ton of clitoral titilation as well as when she masterbates, she has complained that "it just gets too sensitive to enjoy long". She prefers the pressure on it while having sex instead of playing with it often, but I sometimes do oral and sometimes use fingers during the transition of foreplay to love making..

Have you tried combining the type of clitoral stimulation she likes and g-spot stimulation with your fingers or a toy? When you do clitoral stimulation with your fingers or tongue, are you directly stimulating her clit, or are you stimulating around the sides and top, with maybe just a (light) touch or more direct stimulation?

I've found that most guys are too rough in general, even though I like very focused clit stimulation. One thing that helped us figure out which movements worked during oral, for instance, was having him trace the alphabet and numbers with his tongue in the clitoral AREA, with plenty of feedback from me.

With anything you do, make sure you start as lightly/gently as possible, always have sufficient lube and communicate.

During sex or with the type of vaginal stimulation she likes, she might enjoy holding a vibe near her clit, against her pubic bone, etc. A bullet vibe can easily be slipped and held between two bodies and provides more diffuse stimulation, for example.

Most importantly, I'd caution you to remember your wife is an individual. While certain techniques may make many women come in under 30 minutes, that's irrelevant if they don't work for her specifically. If it generally takes your wife 45 minutes to come from vaginal/g-spot stimulation, and she only likes the most gentle clit stimulation, that's totally fine and normal for HER. Don't stop trying new things, but don't get caught up in how similar or different she is to your idea of "other women" either.

Has she been here (on her own or with you)? If not, you might find you both really benefit from going through The Blank Manual sticky and reading the same threads.

 

[Bert Notorius]

The best penile numbing agent I have found is three fingers of scotch taken orally- a general anesthetic. The trouble with just going for the penis is that there is about 3000 sq in of sex organ exposed (the skin) that is unaffected by a coated condom, not to mention the brain seeking maximum pleasure.

 

[raggedyann]

Kegeling is not a bad thing either , if done alot it can help the woman tighten the vaginal wall during sex and that can increasse the intensity also

 

[tommynova2001]

I don't want to sound like I'm trying to pick a fight here...

but we have been married and fucking on a regular basis for 15 years+ We USED to be able to set a watch by the time from post foreplay, getting down to business and my eventual goofy face . It was remarkably consistent at 9 minutes. My understanding is that that is actually longer than average and longer than usually necessary for delivering sperm to ovum , or each of you to bliss.

This was about 4 times more time than she required to enjoy the experience, but she soldiered on with me each time, whiling away the excess time with a few more orgasms of her own.

Much to her dismay, when I started taking Prozac, and the levels of it would built up in my bloodstream, I might well last a 1/2 hour to an hour. This is fun for no one. Especially if I still don't finish then.

You may well leave her wanting more after pulling on your desensitizing magnum sized condom and rogering her for a 1/2 hour, but if that is insufficient for her to reach orgasm, you need to seriously consider some mechanical help. Power tools I'm saying. Think clitoral stimulation.

The only reason I am jumping in here is that others reading this that are either inexperianced or having some trouble with the woman reaching orgasm might labor under the miss-apprehension that more/longer/harder is always the prescription for that elusive pleasure. It isn't. One of my top fantasy dreams it to one day surprise her, catching her off guard with me prematurely ejaculating. We are still waiting for that thrill.

 

[In Anticipation]

but we have been married and fucking on a regular basis for 15 years+ We USED to be able to set a watch by the time from post foreplay, getting down to business and my eventual goofy face . It was remarkably consistent at 9 minutes. My understanding is that that is actually longer than average and longer than usually necessary for delivering sperm to ovum , or each of you to bliss.

This was about 4 times more time than she required to enjoy the experience, but she soldiered on with me each time, whiling away the excess time with a few more orgasms of her own.

Much to her dismay, when I started taking Prozac, and the levels of it would built up in my bloodstream, I might well last a 1/2 hour to an hour. This is fun for no one. Especially if I still don't finish then.

You may well leave her wanting more after pulling on your desensitizing magnum sized condom and rogering her for a 1/2 hour, but if that is insufficient for her to reach orgasm, you need to seriously consider some mechanical help. Power tools I'm saying. Think clitoral stimulation.

The only reason I am jumping in here is that others reading this that are either inexperianced or having some trouble with the woman reaching orgasm might labor under the miss-apprehension that more/longer/harder is always the prescription for that elusive pleasure. It isn't. One of my top fantasy dreams it to one day surprise her, catching her off guard with me prematurely ejaculating. We are still waiting for that thrill.

That's an interesting counterpoint. I think some of it has already been covered, but prolonged intercourse is unlikely to be the answer to a woman's lack of orgasm. I think porn has a lot to answer for . . .