Offer Suggestions for SO to Help

[an_angels_wings]

I've been dealing with depression for about two years now, but have only really just recognized what it is and how it has affected me within the past six months or so. I'm still learning, every day it seems, about new triggers and what causes me to just go overboard.

I'm still having a LOT of difficulty discerning when I'm actually mad at my boyfriend or when I'm upset at him and simultaneously having an episode, as I think the instability I may feel may exacerbate my feelings of just ... sadness and crap and whatnot.

Well, I'm looking to see if anyone has any suggestions about this. How to differentiate, ways to give myself space to figure it out but not feel hopelessly lonely without him. And, also, when he asks me what he can do ... I have NO IDEA! I can't think of anything ... so nothing gets done. Is there anything that any of you have found helpful that I can suggest? I mean, I feel bad enough, I feel bad suggesting things because I feel guilty asking for them when I'm in such a bad mood already.

I just need help. I feel like absolute shit today.

 

[mjl2010]

Are you getting outside help? Counseling, therapy anything?

If not you should.

In the meantime, when you get angry or unhappy or whatever and he's getting the bad end of it, maybe you can try this. Ask yourself, what did he do that I'm going off on him? Is it valid? Am I just directing my anger or frustration at him because of something else?

Then if it's not him causing your feelings, tell him.

MJL

 

[an_angels_wings]

I don't have insurance and cannot afford to pay for therapy. There are counselors here that I can use through my school six sessions for free, but I went to her and I didn't feel like she took me seriously at all. I've heard rumor that there's a psychiatrist, but I don't know how to make an appointment with him/her, so I'm looking into that. I'm planning on going to see someone when I get real health insurance this summer. For right now, I've been trying to do things on my own to keep everything under control. I haven't had a breakdown/episode this bad in several months, and I just don't know what to do at the moment. Because there are things that are bothering me that he is doing and isn't doing, and I don't know, we've been fighting a bit lately. And I'm trying to differentiate the degree to which I'm upset with him, and all the other underlying awfulness.

 

[bobcat533]

"Feeling good; The new mood thersapy" helped me

http://www.feelinggood.com/books.htm
You can find it on ebay or amazon

 

[mjl2010]

I found this helpful a long time ago.

Go off by yourself somewhere. A library or someplace he isn't. Someplace you can sit and write, even into a notebook or something resting on your knee or whatever. The idea is to be somewhere you won't be disturbed or distracted.

Write down all the things you are feeling at that time. Don't try to itemize it, just write it all down. When you're finished, put it into list form, separating out the things that have to do with him and don't. Then go through the part that is about him and further separate the things he's doing and the things he's not doing. Do this with other things too. Put things in their own categories

Now you've compartmentalized everything and can look at it with a degree of sanity. One thing so many people do not realize is how our thought processes work. We need to express our thoughts in order to complete them. When we allow anger, frustration and rage to build up, we lose the ability to do that in a manner that is coherent. So by forcing yourself to do this and compartmentalize it all, you manage to express those feelings and thought processes that are so necessary to complete.

If you do this with every area of your list, then make decisions on how to act on those feelings and thoughts, you've taken control back and empowered yourself. This is no substitute for real help. But it does help. Give it a try.

Best Wishes

MJL

 

[photo_chick]

If you can find a therapist who will prescribe you an anti-depressant, many of the companies that manufacture the drugs have programs to help provide them to you free of charge for a period of time. When my ex was out of work (before he was the ex), we signed up for the program at Wyeth that gave us 3 months worth of his meds for free, based on our household income. As a student, you shouldn't have any problem qualifiying for that type of assistance.

 

[SweetErika]

What about talking to a doctor about medication? Can you see a doctor for free/low cost through your school? Or find a clinic that treats low-income people in your area (these clinics often have free/low-cost meds for the poor uninsured, too).

Another idea is to look into websites and books that talk about Cognitive Behavior Therapy, especially in relation to treating depression and anxiety (they often go hand-in-hand). The technique MJL suggested is a good one, and part of CBT.

It's not as good as intensive therapy and medication (if necessary), but perhaps medication, the therapy sessions you have, and CBT work on your own will get you through to the summer and put you in a great position to make even better progress then.

If you don't feel the therapist you saw took you seriously, insist on seeing a different therapist. Ask to speak to the supervisor, if necessary, and explain the situation to him/her. I'd suggest writing down your symptoms, concerns, details about when this started and what makes it better/worse, etc., before talking to a doctor or therapist so they get a good idea of the extent and effects of your depression.

 

[an_angels_wings]

Thanks everyone. It was nice to be taken seriously and given good suggestions.

MJL, I'm definitely going to do that writing down thing ... that sounds sensical and sane.

I'm going to try. I'm just so scared of failing and losing everyone.

One step at a time ...

 

[Mazuri]

http://www.feelinggood.com/books.htm
You can find it on ebay or amazon

This book was recommended by both my psychiatrist and my therapist and is going a long way to helping me deal with my depression. New, it's only $7.99 and I'm sure you can find it in a used bookstore somewhere.