Older Male Seeking Female Friends Who Can Tolerate "Dad Jokes"

[Lichen2CU]

My work colleage came out with this one.
What cars to sheep drive?
Lamborghini

Wow. Did NOT see that coming...

 

[Lichen2CU]

Why do pregnant women go to the hospital?

(It's the best place to get womb service...)

 

[hugh_jarce69]

One I heard at work, there's a guy in IT who keeps telling them to me.

Some people ask if the money I spent on my obsession with pasta bothers me but I don't regret a single penne.

I’ve heard a fusilli jokes in my time but this one………

 

[hugh_jarce69]

If you buy bottle water make sure it’s sparkling.
Because even if it goes flat,
It’s still water

 

[nakedginger]

If you buy bottle water make sure it’s sparkling.
Because even if it goes flat,
It’s still water

Ouch

 

[hugh_jarce69]

Ouch

Oi! You’ve been taking the piss out of me for my Dad jokes, then I find you’ve been in here all the time!!

 

[nakedginger]

Oi! You’ve been taking the piss out of me for my Dad jokes, then I find you’ve been in here all the time!!

I'm a dad joke lurker

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

What happens when you get your BDSM, necrophilia and beastiality fetishes mixed up?

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

You end up flogging a dead horse.

 

[Daddysgirl0802]

Here's one I heard, hope I tell it right

2 whales are swimming in the ocean when one spots a boat. He recognizes it as the boat that harpooned his mother and father. He said to the other whale, "hey, that's the boat that killed my parents, let's swim under it together, and we'll release our blowholes and the boat will tip and all the sailors will fall out". The other whale agrees and so they swim under the boat and cause the boat to capsize. Then, the orphan whale looks back and sees that the sailors are swimming to safety, toward a nearby island. He asks his friend to go back with him to eat them. His friend replies, "Listen pal, i was in it for the blow job, but I refuse to swallow the sea men."

 

[Lichen2CU]

Here's one I heard, hope I tell it right

2 whales are swimming in the ocean when one spots a boat. He recognizes it as the boat that harpooned his mother and father. He said to the other whale, "hey, that's the boat that killed my parents, let's swim under it together, and we'll release our blowholes and the boat will tip and all the sailors will fall out". The other whale agrees and so they swim under the boat and cause the boat to capsize. Then, the orphan whale looks back and sees that the sailors are swimming to safety, toward a nearby island. He asks his friend to go back with him to eat them. His friend replies, "Listen pal, i was in it for the blow job, but I refuse to swallow the sea men."

Excellent!!!

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

Half of today’s Chevy trucks are still on the road today.

The other half made it home.

Hey! Are you sure you didn’t mean Fords?!

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

Why did the musician break up with his guitar?

There were too many strings attached

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Sick Dad joke:

Why did the dormouse cross the road?

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

It was stapled to the chicken's beak.

 

[Shygentleman2]

Hey! Are you sure you didn’t mean Fords?!

I couldn't go there...my Ford in the garage would've been hurt.

 

[Merryegoround]

Bit early in the day for jokes, but here ya go:


Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

Because they're extinct.

 

[Shygentleman2]

What did the foal say at the beginning of his speech?

“You’ll have to excuse my voice, I’m a little hoarse.”

 

[jonnoback]

Reminds me of the horse pub joke.

A horse walks into a pub. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

 

[jonnoback]

“Poor old fool”, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink.

As they sipped their whiskies, the gentleman thought he’d humour the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

 

[Shygentleman2]

And because we're on Lit:

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the Internet?

I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

 

[Feathered2Orgasm]

What did the drummer get on his final exam?

Drool

 

[R_Clairmont]

One of my new favorite threads! More more!

 

[CX726577]

What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?

"Supplies!!!!"