On writing: the sad stuff

[Erozetta]

Every sad thing I've ever written has an air of reality in it.

Writing is a form of therapy for me, and it shows in my willingness to basically display the most difficult parts of myself and my life.

My hope is that when I make readers cry, it's because they felt seen in my words and understand they aren't alone in their difficult and dark feelings.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

I think it takes real honesty and vulnerability to evoke sadness. You can't "pussy-foot" around it. Grief is ugly and painful, but it can be beautiful in its own way, especially when it's expressed in a healthy way.

I've written about grief and I will probably continue to do so as long as I write. Everybody grieves differently, but I try to write realistic descriptions of grief. Some people use drugs/drink, some people take risks. Others get angry and snippy while some shut their emotions off. Spirituality is a topic that comes up a lot when people are grieving. Therapy and antidepressants are a route some people take. Theodore Roosevelt ran from his grief/depression (mother and wife died on the same day, wife in childbirth), but he did incredible things with his life.

I don't know if I do a good enough job when I write about sadness, but I do try. And "sad sex" is a topic unto itself. Don't the french describe orgasms as "the little death"? Releasing grief is an incredible feeling.

And I agree with some of the commenters above: sadness makes happiness all the more precious.

 

[THBGato]

Coming out stories are often very sad - even when families are accepting, there's still the fear of rejection. Then, of course, there are sadly all to real stories of people facing exclusion and discrimination when they come out. Thus GM, Lesbian and Trans stories are often tinged with sadness.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I don't think I've read anything on this site where a character has been killed off. (There are a couple I can think of where a death occurred before the story began, and affected characters.) That would be an easy, and potentially effective depending on how well it was done, way of inflicting sadness. Possibly it's more common in categories I don't read.

I killed off five characters with extensive speaking parts in my Novel. Another two died in flashback. A further one sort of died… but *spoilers*

@Djmac1031 killed off one of his characters in the finale to our shared Angels & Demons saga.

 

[onehitwanda]

It sounds stupid, given that it's ultimately a story that ends on a hopeful note, but @Jackie.Hikaru did a special kind of sadness in Star Crossed. There's no grand moment of tragedy or betrayal, just a constant backdrop of... not despair, but melancholy, and it is beautiful.

 

[onehitwanda]

Coming out stories are often very sad - even when families are accepting, there's still the fear of rejection. Then, of course, there are sadly all to real stories of people facing exclusion and discrimination when they come out. Thus GM, Lesbian and Trans stories are often tinged with sadness.

Even the most gentle and loving and accepting family cannot protect you from other people.

 

[Stanfield2025]

It's been said earlier that characters don't always need to go through pain for their stories to come out well. In fact, that actually went through my mind when I wrote my only T/I story on Lit.

The FMC comes out to her mom about being attracted to women, and while writing that scene, I could've gone down the path of her mom rejecting or dismissing her. After all, I witnessed the dismissive reaction when a relative of mine came out. But for whatever reason, I went the other way with this story. The mom accepted her daughter and did so casually. Looking back on it, this choice served the story better. There was something ferociously cathartic to me about seeing the acceptance play out.

 

[BenjaminCarlisle]

Every sad thing I've ever written has an air of reality in it.

Writing is a form of therapy for me, and it shows in my willingness to basically display the most difficult parts of myself and my life.

My hope is that when I make readers cry, it's because they felt seen in my words and understand they aren't alone in their difficult and dark feelings.

Me and you have talked about this I don’t know how many times at this point. You do sad and broken better than anyone else I know.

The difference for me in sadness (when not killing someone off) is hurt vs harm. Hurt doesn’t make it sad for me, but harm certainly will. And self-inflicted harm will always hit harder. This is for emotional harm primarily. Someone wiling to sacrifice themselves for others because they see it as better or they see themselves as less will always pull at my heartstrings.

Anytime I write sad it’s always with a heavy dose of reality and myself poured in. Good, bad, or indifferent, I think the more human you can make the actions the better you can portray sadness.

 

[Djmac1031]

@Djmac1031 killed off one of his characters in the finale to our shared Angels & Demons saga

technically i killed off two, but one... spoilers

To connect to the original point of the thread, I didn't write those deaths with the specific purpose of making the readers sad. The characters died because the events of the story led to those deaths. Of the two, only one of them i was aware would happen from the very beginning.

The second death came only when I realized the story dictated it needed to happen. I actually tried to think of a way around it but it turned out it was the only way.

Now, that said - I hope I wrote those characters well enough that readers felt attached to them enough to care about them and yes, to be saddened by their demise.

I did have at least one reader specifically comment about "shedding a tear" for the deaths so I suppose mission accomplished.

 

[EmilyMiller]

technically i killed off two, but one... spoilers

Yeah - like you were ever gonna kill off
.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Reading, helps me understand people better, so yeah I read sad things from time to time. Usually what makes something sad, is when you know beforehand that they're going to die, and the author helps you get to know them. It gives a bit more meaning to their triumphs and laughter, as well as making it all seem a bit more futile.

My saddest story though, is more about grief. In My Son Riley, the mom is grieving, she keeps having flashbacks, which include the last time she saw him smile, and little moments of noticing things that she couldn't bear to touch. Honestly, I'm still not sure if the ending was a final good bye, or a bittersweet beginning. All I know, is I think that the next day, she'll be able to feel like she can start putting one foot in front of the other. And since this story has the most reader engagement, including people talking about how real the grief was, I think it was also my most successful emotional story.

Also, my sad writing always makes me cry more than other people's. I've always found that weird, like their stuff is worthy of tears too. It's the opposite with stuff that makes me laugh though. So weird.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I did a couple of them.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I don't go out of my way to evoke sadness, but when I do, I tend more towards melancholy. One of my short pieces, I Dreamed of Veronica Last Night is probably the most evocative, captures the mood.

My one fully autobiographical piece here tells the tale of the central tragedy in my life - the title says it all: Memory and Loss. It's an early piece of writing (the reason I joined Lit, in truth), it's flawed and wanders around a bit too much in the first half, but the last two chapters are more concise, capturing the essence of two women. One was coming from a failed marriage and I was kind to her, the second is from the Lost Generation, but I didn't know that at the time. The girl with the most beautiful smile in the world.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Reading, helps me understand people better, so yeah I read sad things from time to time. Usually what makes something sad, is when you know beforehand that they're going to die, and the author helps you get to know them. It gives a bit more meaning to their triumphs and laughter, as well as making it all seem a bit more futile.

My saddest story though, is more about grief. In My Son Riley, the mom is grieving, she keeps having flashbacks, which include the last time she saw him smile, and little moments of noticing things that she couldn't bear to touch. Honestly, I'm still not sure if the ending was a final good bye, or a bittersweet beginning. All I know, is I think that the next day, she'll be able to feel like she can start putting one foot in front of the other. And since this story has the most reader engagement, including people talking about how real the grief was, I think it was also my most successful emotional story.

Also, my sad writing always makes me cry more than other people's. I've always found that weird, like their stuff is worthy of tears too. It's the opposite with stuff that makes me laugh though. So weird.

I'll affirm this is such a brutal and warm and bittersweet story. The uncertainty is what makes it, I think.

 

[Erozetta]

Me and you have talked about this I don’t know how many times at this point. You do sad and broken better than anyone else I know.

The difference for me in sadness (when not killing someone off) is hurt vs harm. Hurt doesn’t make it sad for me, but harm certainly will. And self-inflicted harm will always hit harder. This is for emotional harm primarily. Someone wiling to sacrifice themselves for others because they see it as better or they see themselves as less will always pull at my heartstrings.

Anytime I write sad it’s always with a heavy dose of reality and myself poured in. Good, bad, or indifferent, I think the more human you can make the actions the better you can portray sadness.

That's because we're both terribly depressed people with a knack for connecting with others who know and understand the depth of pain life causes. And no, I don't. I do melodramatic decently, though. @HannahBaird does sad and broken so much better than me, and you know it. We've discussed that, too.

Hurt vs Harm is one of my favorite subjects to discuss. So many people do not understand the difference. And many others simply won't accept that there is a difference in the two. I've always stressed that hurt is surface level pain. It aches. It burns. It stings, but it doesn't last beyond the healing of the wound. With harm, the wound lingers. It festers because we pick at it, because it does more damage to the person than physical damage could ever do.

I'm gonna give a list of my saddest stories and spell out the reality within them as I think it can be easy to lose sight of the role sadness can play in sensuality and erotica. Healing from harm takes intense trust, patience, and time. I think you and I both know that quite intently, as you have definitely seen me at some very fucking low points over the past few months. These stories weren't written as sad porn. They weren't written to evoke emotions from readers. They were written to help me heal from harm. And they were written over a couple of decades of life and learning, and figuring myself out. They were written while I was trying to figure out who I was beneath all of the trauma and figuring out if that girl would or could ever exist outside of the sadness. (The answer is: Yes. I've been happy, genuinely happy, with big smiles, laughter, and a genuine desire to live and not just exist for about the last six months. And this has caused some sadness and pain in my life, but it has also caused a sort of awakening within me about what it means to live with depression rather than functioning at a very basic level of "Hey, I ate this week. I'm technically alive, so yay!")

The reality behind the stories:

Principles of Pain: The Watcher - I have not yet fucked a therapist. But what I have done is sabotage very good relationships because they felt good and it fucking scared me to death. Every action I make, I have to question if it's something I actually *want* or if it's something I'm doing because things feel good and good feels scary, because good can't last forever. Something bad has to happen. So if I make the bad happen, I get to have control over things and determine the worst case outcome. Is it logical? No. Is it based in emotion? Kinda. Is it a result of severe neglect and trauma? You betcha. No one else is capable of hurting me quite like I can. I'm very good at self sabotage, and this story was absolutely me expressing that urge to destroy my own happiness because I'm more comfortable living in pain.

One More Night - I also haven't had an affair with a co-worker. But the relationship between Meghan, Dean, and Grace? The age gap? The level of pressure put on Grace? Yeah. All true. Down to my husband once telling me he would never love me the way he loved her, and I stayed because *points to above story* I thrive in pain and that felt reasonable to me because it ensured never fully being happy, so maybe I wouldn't sabotage it. He needed me. I needed to be needed. Win/win. The sadness here is that, unlike Grace, I haven't walked away from the situation to find my path to happiness yet. I don't know if I will. Part of me wants to. But I've also set up this dynamic with my husband where the effort in the relationship is heavily one sided. I give, he takes. I've tried to kill myself more than once because of the pressure. Hell, I was saying goodbye to some people this past April and the only thing that stopped me was one of them being like, "No. You are not allowed to leave this conversation as long as that thought is in your head. No walks in the woods, no time alone. You are going to talk to me until that urge is gone." This story was me venting my sadness around my relationship and the dynamic I allowed to happen. It was airing my faults and pain.

She Don't Want the World - As far as I know I haven't actually brought anyone into my dreams to fuck them. But I have gone through stints where waking up was the fucking hardest thing in the world because it meant having to be responsible for everyone and everything again. I had two modes in life: Sleep two-three hours a day, or sleep 16+ hours on my days off work. Life in dreams was easier. Not wanting to wake up was a common thought for most of my life. This story is a barely hidden look into a writer's deep depression.

Tainted Love - This... almost happened. And I wrote Kaylen to be deeply unlikeable because I didn't feel very likeable when I wrote it. The emotional affair happened. The physical one never did. But at one point in my marriage, I considered stepping out because I was frustrated and felt unseen, unwanted, I was afraid to ask for what I wanted because it felt like burdening someone else with helping me when I should be able to fully and completely take care of everything for myself without ever needing to lean on another person. Kaylen's coldness was intentional. It was a reflection of me when I shut off my emotions so I could survive and exist. I'm in that state of mind right now, actually. I feel absolutely nothing, no anxiety, no fear, no pain, nothing. I will fix it at some point, but it's very much a survival tool and one I use effectively. This story was about wanting other people to hate me as much as I hated myself. Which is why it was in loving wives the first time I posted it.

 

[Erozetta]

and part two because I hit the character limit for the first time ever in my posting here.


Here - The sadness here is much more covert than in most of my other stories. Not many people picked up on the implication of what was actually happening here. This story is about dealing with a sexual assault by a partner. One where you don't say no, you don't say yes, you just lay there and endure it because it's the safest option that means you will be able to survive and leave after. Easiest done when it's not your first time experiencing it and you know what happens if you try to resist. The sexual assault in this really happened. The rescue after didn't. The thing I didn't give this character is bruises from being held down. I didn't include the pregnancy, or the miscarriage that came after. I left a lot of the sadness out of the story, because I didn't want to detract from the pain of enduring a rape that you aren't quite sure is or isn't. Because you didn't say no. You didn't fight them. You just... existed and let them use you until you could get away. It breaks you in a way you didn't know a person could be broken because it makes you question your sanity because you start making excuses for them and their actions in order to convince yourself it wasn't what it was. This one hurt me to write. I turned my ex raping me into jack off fodder.

I think of Home - Regret. The sadness of mistakes made and choices you can't take back. Of experiences lost to time, of grief. This is just a true story. Straight through. There's a longer version. I won't post it. I can't edit it. I break down every time I try. And given the comments on this one, it seems most people were affected by it to some degree.

The Nature of Things - Dismissal. Invisibility. Not living up to the expectations of others. The sadness here is evident in the words and the laughter at inappropriate points. When you're told you're nothing your entire life, it becomes difficult to see any worth in yourself. You dismiss achievements and downplay them because celebrating is just inviting bad onto you. It's easier to live quietly in the corner, unnoticed, but damn if it isn't a sad existence being afraid to live for yourself.

The Creation's Lament - Never good enough. Always lacking. Self-sacrifice and hope for another's happiness over your own. This is equal parts sad and hopeful. This started from fiction, but a lot of myself slipped in. Joyful sadness in accepting less for another's happiness.

A Letter to My Readers
WIWAW: Silence
I Love You

These three... are just me through and through. There's no fiction in them. They are my life. They are my feelings. They are my emotions. A Letter to My Readers is... well, it was a letter I intended on leaving my husband one night when trying out night diving into a rocky shoreline seemed like a fun idea. I adjusted it before posting it here. Removed the apologies and just let myself feel everything as I wrote. I cried hard writing it. I didn't expect it to ever get published. I fully expected a rejection. So, you can imagine the fucking tailspin I went into when I not only realized it published, but realized it published immediately after the "Yeah, I kinda want to go into the woods and not come back out" night I mentioned in the explanation for One More Night. I was not okay. I hid for days because I was so fucking overwhelmed by the timing of everything.

Silence details some of the expectations my parents placed on me. It explains why I find voicing my needs and wants so fucking difficult. It lays out the foundation of the kind of sadness I've lived with and lives within my writing.

I Love You is a different kind of sadness. The want to express a basic ass emotion most people say without a second thought. The damage done to make those three words so goddamned hard for me to say to someone. The inability to connect to another person in a way most people see as rather mundane. It's the same sadness that sometimes makes saying "We're family" so hard. Once it's said, it becomes real. Once it becomes real, it can go away.

Sadness is a complex emotion that many people don't give enough thought to. It's more than tears and death. It's connection. It's pain. It's fear. It's desire. Sad is human. Sad is giving a shit about other people. It's a deep desire to understand the experiences of others. It's passion, and need. It's everything real about life.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I think its probably a mistake to sit in front of a blank piece of paper and think 'how do I make the reader cry'

If, in the processes of writing, you find yourself crying, you are probably onto a winner, though.

 

[ClintonBrooks]

Some people carry epi-pens for peanuts and/or bee stings.

My epi-pen is for sadness/trauma.

I typically avoid these stories and even my erotic horror stories don't really wallow in any misery. I have had enough physical and emotional pain in my life. That's not to say it's any huge amount as I know there are people who have experienced much more trauma that I have. I guess that makes me a wimp. (you know, the whole "man cold" thing)

But, I am at my real world limit for pain and sorrow, even though I'm guaranteed to experience more for the remainder of my life. So I mostly avoid it. Mostly, as I have read a few stories here that bathe me in painful imagery. I do it because of the author...who, while not asking me to, still compels me based on the quality of their writing. And I've read some good stories in that genre here.

But I am a Happily Ever After and a Happy For Now kinda reader and writer. So if you want to explore inner pain, avoid my stories.

 

[ClintonBrooks]

One caveat on this ...I have started to explore my thoughts with poetry this year. So I'm not entirely free from dark expression.

But I offset that with Boob haiku.

 

[anthrodisiac]

I typically avoid these stories and even my erotic horror stories don't really wallow in any misery. I have had enough physical and emotional pain in my life. That's not to say it's any huge amount as I know there are people who have experienced much more trauma that I have. I guess that makes me a wimp. (you know, the whole "man cold" thing)

I have to say this a lot due to my circumstances, but pain is pain, comparing it as others have it worse so mine isn't as real is, frankly, dumb. Hurt is such a subjective, personal thing, and one person's 4 is another person's 10. It works for physical pain and mental anguish and trauma and everything in between. From the outside, it might look trite, but that agony, that's real, and demeaning oneself by saying "look how worse off so and so is" only feeds into it and can become its own kind of hurt. So, maybe you don't have it as bad as some people, but that doesn't make your pain any less impactful and real, and it certainly doesn't automatically make you a wimp just because someone has it worse.

 

[Stanfield2025]

Every action I make, I have to question if it's something I actually *want* or if it's something I'm doing because things feel good and good feels scary, because good can't last forever. Something bad has to happen. So if I make the bad happen, I get to have control over things and determine the worst case outcome.

Too relatable. I lost an entire group of friends because I did something similar to this. Actually, I wrote a story based on that (not on Lit) so at least I put that pain to use.

 

[deathlynx]

I'm always worried when reaching for sorrow, because I tend towards oversharing and I really don't want to burden the reader (forums or fiction) with too much sorrow. For that matter, it doesn't do me much good dwelling within it either. It's the single largest reason that I write, to avoid it. That said, I like my stories to be believable and relatable, so I don't shy away when it's a necessary part of the story.

And I have killed off characters, even on Lit. In general, it's more horrific than sad, however. Of course, the truly sad ones haven't reached here yet.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

We the totally broken to the point to being nearly dysfunctional really can't put it down in words any more.

 

[MK_Whimsy]

I don't tend to write sad stories, and likewise I don't usually seek them out. Needless to say, I don't have a huge appetite for it. There are enough things for me to get emotional over in my real life. I removed a story I posted for being too unintentionally depressing in hindsight, which simply isn't the kind of thing I want to write.

Years ago outside of Lit, I wrote a story with some sad parts. In retrospect, my attempts to evoke sad feelings in the readers were probably clumsy and more akin to yanking tears out of them with a pair of pliers. So I don't think it's a strong suit of mine, though it's likely a skill I could hone if I took the time to. Much respect to people who can do it well!

 

[Katie_Mae]

I don't think a character death, even of a character I love, is enough to cause sadness (for me). The character isn't really gone. What causes the sadness is awakening an emotional response in me (as the reader.) I might not feel sad at a character's death, but when I witness the impact a character death has on other characters I've come to love, that's where the sadness comes in.

I think of a story where the POV character died at the end of a trilogy. It was first person present, and I can't remember much about how it was handled except I don't remember being sad.

I think about another story where the main character's dog died. The MC did not cope well. That cut deep.

_

I recently posted a story called Ice Cream Cures Depression. It's a non- erotic illustrated true story which I thought wasn't suitable for Lit, so you won't find it here. But the link is on my link tree if anyone is interested-- spoiler alert, ice cream does not, in fact, cure depression.

It was very emotional to write. The worst was chapter five, the last chapter. I cried so often during that one, and I wanted to post it on a significant date, so I was also trying to just push through it. In some ways, it's actually the chapter with the most happy things in it. Lots of jokes and good memories.

I shared it with some online friends prior to posting. It was interesting how differently they reacted.

One, said that it must have been very difficult to write, and did I mind if she made some suggestions? Which of course I did not, and she got to work editing. Which was lovely.

Another was so moved she had to take breaks to cry and recover. Interestingly, it was the earlier chapters which hit her hard, including chapter 1, which (to me) was was the least sad chapter. Though it wasn't uplifting, as such, it was, I thought, at least a little hopeful. But one piece of imagery I used took her straight back to a place she'd been before, and it wasn't a happy place. In those chapters she empathised strongly, which will hit you harder than straight sympathy will.

Yet another found chapter one hopeful, and it helped carry her through the next few chapters without much sadness. Sympathy, yes, but a hopeful kind. And then chapter five hit her hard, and that's where the sadness was felt for her.

I should mention, that I didn't write the story to invoke sadness, but I did know that it world for some people. I mention it because different aspects of that story hit differently for different people, based on their life experiences and the way they see the world. And that's been a really interesting thing for me to see.