Orgasm

[Jaysbabygirl]

I love having sex with my boyfriend, but I have a hard time having an orgasm. I've never been able to, wether i try to do it myself, or my boyfriend helps out. I can get to the pt where I feel it, but I have to stop and I dont know how to make myself go on. I'm still very young, but I heard a report that said that women who can't have an orgasm can't get pregnant and I would one day like to get pregnant. Does anyone have any ideas or ways to help me out? Any advice would be a great help to me.

Thanks

 

[chuckfrito1]

who ever told you that you cannot get pregnant if you dont have an orgasm IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[SweetErika]

So, you're saying you've never orgasmed from masturbation?

Have you tried using a good vibe on/around your clit by yourself, then teaching your partner how to replicate those results? (I'll say here, however, that the type of vibe is very important for some, so you may have to try several to find one that works really well for you.) That may be a starting point for you - many women have their first orgasms with vibes or other toys (and plenty of women don't have one until they're in their 20s or even 30s).

What's "very young" exactly?

Where'd you hear women who couldn't orgasm were infertile? As the previous poster said, that's ridiculous. Orgasms are believed to HELP women get pregnant slightly because they make the cervix "dip" into the pool of semen that's deposited in the area, and the lubrication from arousal aids sex and semen, but I assure you that MANY inorgasmic women have gotten pregnant without even trying.

I'd strongly suggest not believing unreliable sources, and asking a professional (doctor, nurse, someone at Planned Parenthood, etc.) or finding the facts on a credible website like PlannedParenthood.com, Teenwire.com, Coolnurse.com, a college health center site, or even here (though always take answers on a forum like this with a grain of salt). If you google your question, you should see a bunch of the same information relating to it; for example, I googled Can a woman get pregnant if she doesn't have an orgasm? for you, and nearly all of the websites on the first results page are those I know and trust.

 

[Jaysbabygirl]

when i say very young, i mean early 20s and I've tried everything and so has my partner, but every time i try, i have to stop and I dont feel like a woman because I've tried but I just cant seem to be able to.

 

[SweetErika]

It sounds like the main problem could be that you're stressing and/or feeling bad about not orgasming. Relax, keep having fun trying new things (I know you haven't tried everything - that's basically impossible) and toys (these two are widely known to get even the toughest customers--myself included--off ), masturbate, make pleasure--not orgasm--your goal, and you WILL come in time.

If you're concerned there's something wrong with you, get checked out by a female urologist, or someone who specializes in sexual dysfunction. You may also want to see a sex therapist, or a regular, good, sex-positive therapist if there could be underlying issues such as trauma, life stress or relationship problems.

 

[DistantLover]

I am pretty new on here, but maybe I can help you at least a little.

I recently talked with one of my good friends about a similar problem I had regarding orgasm.

She asked a me a couple of questions like: have I ever felt numb, light headed, or shaky after sexual contact...I answered yes to a few.

She told me that it is likely that I had had an orgasm, but have been led to believe that every orgasm has to be mind shattering and earth shaking.

Maybe you've had one, but it just wasn't what you expected?

Just trying to help.

 

[SweetErika]

I am pretty new on here, but maybe I can help you at least a little.

I recently talked with one of my good friends about a similar problem I had regarding orgasm.

She asked a me a couple of questions like: have I ever felt numb, light headed, or shaky after sexual contact...I answered yes to a few.

She told me that it is likely that I had had an orgasm, but have been led to believe that every orgasm has to be mind shattering and earth shaking.

Maybe you've had one, but it just wasn't what you expected?

Just trying to help.

Err... I'm pretty sure you'd know if you'd had one, even if you didn't know exactly what it was.

While they're not always mind blowing and can cause so, your uterus, vagina and pelvic muscles contract unmistakably. You'll feel a great tension/buildup, then generally an incredible euphoria and sense of release as you ride over the peak - kinda like a roller coaster ride. Most women experience a hypersensitive clit immediately after, and continued touch can be painful or annoying.

I had my first at a very young age, and while I didn't know what had happened, I knew it felt really good and I couldn't wait to do it again. I was also afraid those strong contractions had broken something or I was inadvertently hurting myself. Good thing my mom had a book about a woman's body and I was able to identify it as a very normal, healthy event.

ETA: I realize that might sound like "I've been able to do it for a long time, and you can't! Neener, neener, neener!" but I figured it was relevant; if a youngster knows something different happened, it should be crystal clear to an adult.

Oddly enough, in spite of all of the practice I've had, I don't come particularly easily, especially with a partner. It takes very specific types of stimulation, feeling safe, centered and focused (but not on orgasm - that causes stress and distraction! ), plus being in the right mental and physical place for me to come. Sometimes it happens in a few minutes, others it can be closer to an hour of good stimulation, and still others it never happens because I realize I'm not in the right place and there's no point in trying anymore! I don't think I'd have nearly as many without learning my body so well through masturbation and discovering toys, though...those have been critical components because I've been able to teach my partners what I need and sometimes it just takes more stimulation than a human can provide. *shrug*

 

[DistantLover]

Thanks. That was helpful for me as well.

Guess that proves that you shouldn't always trust what you hear, even from your friends, when it comes to sex. >.<

 

[Jaysbabygirl]

when i do masterbate, my clit starts to throb, kind of like how your heart beats and when that happens, I just cant go on any more and i loose any and all interest in sex, same thing happens when my partner goes down on me for too long, it feels like the mood is just ruined.

 

[M's girl]

when i do masterbate, my clit starts to throb, kind of like how your heart beats and when that happens, I just cant go on any more and i loose any and all interest in sex, same thing happens when my partner goes down on me for too long, it feels like the mood is just ruined.

It starts to throb because (like with the penis) blood is being pumped into that area. If you take a look you will see that your clit will actually get bigger and more red when you get aroused. So that's good, but that still is not an orgasm.

It happens to a lot of women that they get really over sensitive. Direct stimulation does not work for everyone. It's important you find out first what works for you. Don't focus too much on your clit. Like Erika I need a lot of the exact right stimulation to orgasm and I know my body really well and even I can't get myself to orgasm every time, let alone M. To most women a lot of external factors influence the ability to relax and get into the right mood. Much more so than is the case with men.