partner can't make me cum

[RockSteadyGuy]

ive been with my girlfriend for awhile now, and weve done everything but sex
but she cant seem to make me cum
she can stroke me till her arm is ready to fall off, but she can't bring me to an orgasm

ive talked to her about it, and she is devastated.
i told her that it feels better when she gives me a blowjob then when she uses her hand, but she doesnt want me to cum into her mouth, so she only does that at the beginning

since i have no problem getting myself off, im beginning to think that its something wrong with me, am i too attuned to my own hand?

can anybody give me advice on how to fix this? its starting to hurt my relationship with her

 

[NippleMuncher]

ive talked to her about it, and she is devastated.
i told her that it feels better when she gives me a blowjob then when she uses her hand, but she doesnt want me to cum into her mouth, so she only does that at the beginning

So don't. Reassure her that you'll give her plenty of warning before you fire, allowing her to get clear and switch to using her hand or you take over for the final few tugs.

My suspicion is that you're stressed out about the sexual aspects of your relationship, which is causing your dilemma. The only way you'll get past it is with open and honest communication with your partner.

 

[taolanes]

My advice is this....

Do not stress yourself out over something you cant help. At least you can get it up! Haha kidding, but then again that is more than some people can say.

No relationship is perfect. But an overall beautiful relationship could go south when you OBSESS about something like this. I'm a psych graduate so i look at things based on rational emotive therapy. Problems occur when people replace what is actually happening with distorted views.

You guys are saying "this is devastating." The more realistic view is "you guys are intimate, care about each other, and sex is overall good, but there is still 1 or 2 problems." It is not the end of the world, and the situation is more gray than it is completely black.

So my advice is this. The mind is the most powerful organ related to sex. Its no wonder you have this problem when there is so much being put on this. Relax, focus on the positive as well as the negative, and just enjoy sex again. Once you stop stressing yourself out you will 1. be less stressed and 2. when you least expect it, you will let go enough that she may not end up having a problem finishing you off. Either way, realizing that you both have a lot good going on and letting the stress go can only make you both happier

 

[M's girl]

.... she can stroke me till her arm is ready to fall off, but she can't bring me to an orgasm

ive talked to her about it, and she is devastated.
i told her that it feels better when she gives me a blowjob then when she uses her hand, but she doesnt want me to cum into her mouth, so she only does that at the beginning ...

Do YOU know why she can't get you off? Is it her technique or is something in YOUR mind holding you back? These are both thing you can work on together but you need to talk to her and ease her mind about the whole thing is my guess. The best part about sex is where you find out together what works and what not. Everyone is different so forget what worked with another partner and reset your brain and start to discover all over what makes sex so much fun, especially between the two of you.

So masturbate in front of her and show her about rhythm, pressure and so on. If you can be certain you know when you "pop" then you can reassure her (like someone else suggested) that, no matter what happens, you will NOT cum in her mouth. Of course you can not fluke this one ...

It sounds to me like expectations (on your part) play a big role here too. Yes, you've probably grown accustomed to the way you jerk off yourself and frankly there is not going to be anyone in the world who will be able to top that technique-wise. The golden rule here is that attitude (on her part) is everything. But it might take her some time to get comfortable with the whole "thing" (no pun intended).

Basically? Reset. Relax. Have fun. Explore. Communicate.

 

[SweetErika]

You're probably too used to your own technique and/or are desensitized from masturbation. Try not masturbating (it could take a few weeks to "reset" your body), and see if things with your gf improve. It could be that once you come from her stimulation a couple of times, you'll have no problem in the future, even with your current level of masturbation. Or, you may always have to reduce your level of masturbation while you have a partner.

 

[RawHumor]

I'd say you're not exactly unique. It's not the most helpful post in the world, I know, but sometimes it helps to know you're not a freak.

 

[subwannabe]

I also think that you are getting "too attuned to your own hand". Many guys who masturbate too much can have trouble getting off by other means, even while in someone's pussy because the feeling in a pussy just isn't as tight as holding your own cock. I know you didn't specifically mention this problem but the same thing might be happening. You are so used to your own method and grip that someone else just isn't good enough. Has she watched you masturbate yourself, so she can pick up some ideas on your technique? I too agree that for the time being you should quit masurbating altogether for a while. Another possibility is if you are taking any medications they could be effecting your abilities.

 

[DeeZire]

1. Don't masturbate at all. Save every drop for her.
2. When she puts her hand on you, have her keep spitting on it, so it stays slippery. Or get a tube of KY jelly, and after she puts some on, have her dip her hand in water, so it gets even more slippery. (KY by itself can be kind of 'tacky', but add water, and ooh la la. Beats 9 out of 10 blowjobs.)
3. (Last resort) lubed finger up the butt.
4. If you want to cum in her mouth, first cum in a glass and drink it, to prove to her it doesn't taste bad. If you're not willing to do that, why should she be willing to do basically the same thing?

When you finally get her naked, will you write a story about it and post it?

 

[RockSteadyGuy]

thank you all for your input
i think that im going to stop masterbating for awhile and see how that changes things
i also think that the stress level might have something to do with it

taolanes, i liked your advice, you seemed to have a good understanding of human psych

but in general, i think that everyone helped, thanks

and i dunno about a story, but i will definately post what goes down next time

 

[someguy3352]

I was dating a girl for 3 years that could never make me cum, and I was in the same situation as you. Then I started dating someone new, and they got me coming within 10 minutes.

Some techniques current GF does that worked:
-Using the mouth and the hand at the same time. She keeps the hand right around the mouth, it makes it feel like she's sucking me so much father down than she really is. The old GF could never coordinate this
-Using lube. Either spit, or actual lube. It made it feel a lot more sensitive
-Taking her hands, and doing a swirling motion on the head of my cock. Wow that feels good.
-LOOKING INTERESTED! The old GF never even looked like she enjoyed doing it. I would catch her looking around the room bored almost, probably because her hand hurt from trying to jack me off
-And this goes along with the last one too... showing initiation to do it! Geesh, throw me down on the bed once and awhile and say "I just want to make you cum"... but with that girl it was always throwing herself down on the bed and spreading her legs because she always came first.

I would bet that those last two probably made the biggest difference though.

With the old GF I would always finish myself off with my hand, and then she would swallow it... so I know she wasn't afraid of cum. The current GF doesn't swallow often, but I don't care! It's so much better knowing SHE gets to decide when I cum from a blow job, not when her arm gets tired and she just wants to get it over with.