People You Dislike

[EJFan]

here's something that's happened to me recently... not really with someone i DISLIKE, but with someone who's getting under my skin.

last week i'd been pretty much pushed to the wall in a lot of ways... mostly mentally/emotionally. i emailed EVERYONE (but two people) in my addy book and asked to be left alone. i explained that it wasn't personal and nothing dramatic going on... just that i needed some alone time.

it's been great not being bothered by the phone (and emails have dwindled a lot too)... i've gotten more relaxed and in control because i only talk to people online and i'm in total control of when i'm online.

anyway... i just got an email from an asshole with codependency problems and insecurity issues. he rambled, in a VERY passive aggressive manner, about how rude he thought i was... yadda yadda yadda... he included a link to a book on how to lose friends. go figure.

instead of replying to the email and apologizing or explaining myself further or what have you, i just trashed it and wiped it from my mind (save for purposes of this post). i understand that of ALLLLLLLL the people i contacted about this, he's the only one to throw a fit... and i just accept that he's like that. i have more important things to do than worry about keeping him happy. know what i mean?

 

[LeahLo519]

How do you deal with them, personally?

And feel free to include real life and on lit experiences.

With people I dislike in the real world, I avoid them as much as possible. A lot of people would consider this cowardly, but why would I go looking for trouble? I don't particularly like fighting, but I will when I have to and keeping myself out of a situation like that works a lot better than being mouthy and rude to them all the time.

It's a little different on Lit...most of the people I dislike here have been here forever so they have a superiority complex I think is laughable. I argue with them and normally have a chuckle to myself when they throw out a particularly lame comeback and then claim that they owned me...you can only laugh in the face of hostility here...it's so pointless and absolutely ridiculous that you can't take anyone who actually picks a fight seriously.

 

[Ricwilly]

here's something that's happened to me recently... not really with someone i DISLIKE, but with someone who's getting under my skin.

last week i'd been pretty much pushed to the wall in a lot of ways... mostly mentally/emotionally. i emailed EVERYONE (but two people) in my addy book and asked to be left alone. i explained that it wasn't personal and nothing dramatic going on... just that i needed some alone time.

it's been great not being bothered by the phone (and emails have dwindled a lot too)... i've gotten more relaxed and in control because i only talk to people online and i'm in total control of when i'm online.

anyway... i just got an email from an asshole with codependency problems and insecurity issues. he rambled, in a VERY passive aggressive manner, about how rude he thought i was... yadda yadda yadda... he included a link to a book on how to lose friends. go figure.

instead of replying to the email and apologizing or explaining myself further or what have you, i just trashed it and wiped it from my mind (save for purposes of this post). i understand that of ALLLLLLLL the people i contacted about this, he's the only one to throw a fit... and i just accept that he's like that. i have more important things to do than worry about keeping him happy. know what i mean?

I like the way ya handled that, we are not responsible for other peoples happiness, especially when they are that rude.

 

[silverwhisper]

EJ: i'd delete the bastard from my address book, myself.

ed

 

[EJFan]

ric & SW...

you guys both make excellent points. he's a nice guy and his wife is a college-mate of mine... he just has some hangups... and i guess we all do to some extent, it's just a matter of perspective.

which is really the point.... no one is the perfect friend or the perfect person. if someone does something you don't like or flat out can't stand, you're usually better off just letting them be them, and you be you... and water is water, and east is east, and west is west, and if you take cranberries and stew 'em like applesauce they taste a lot more like prunes than rhubarb does....

damn. i did it again...

in any case... we all just have to live our lives and when our orbits cross we make the best of it because they'll uncross sooner or later.

 

[silverwhisper]

just realized i never responded to bi's answering my question...

bi: people's words have only as much power to hurt you as you give them. that's the only thing i can say. of if you're feeling confrontational (as if!), you could do it back to her.

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

Bah, you all are so rational!

Or I'm too sensitive. *shrugs*

 

[silverwhisper]

do it back to her! be all rude & condescending. when she objects, simply reply that it's exactly what she does to you and you thought it might be interesting trying things her way for a change.

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

do it back to her! be all rude & condescending. when she objects, simply reply that it's exactly what she does to you and you thought it might be interesting trying things her way for a change.

ed

Heh, the thing is, I want everyone to like me. Plus, its a Girl Scout Day Camp; we're supposed to be teaching good values...

 

[silverwhisper]

confront her when there's no one else present, then. she obviously isn't one of the girl scouts.

ed

 

[EJFan]

Heh, the thing is, I want everyone to like me.

well... there are certainly WORSE things you could want out of life. i think it's a little unrealistic though. besides, where does it end? eventually, if you got everyone to like you, you'd get down to people like chuck manson and richard speck... and if THEY liked you the rest of us would prolly lose interest. then where would we all be????

the way i figure it, the people who like me like me without me putting in effort to make that happen. that's better for all involved i think.

 

[Ricwilly]

I thought richard speck was dead.

 

[EJFan]

I thought richard speck was dead.

he is. but you get my point of course.

to expand:
i think it's great to be accepted/loved/liked by as many people as you can... i just think that there's a point where you just have to accept that there's NEVER going to be 100% penetration... and if there WAS then you'd eventually be gaining favor among generally unacceptable people.

also, in working toward that 100% acceptance, a person would eventually have to sacrifice their personality. i think it's better and healthier to be happy with yourself and leave those with whom you don't "click" to do their own thing.

once a person accepts these sorts of tenents it gets much easier to get through your life and you have a truly happy relationship with those in it.

we love you bi!!!!

 

[Ricwilly]

he is. but you get my point of course.

to expand:
i think it's great to be accepted/loved/liked by as many people as you can... i just think that there's a point where you just have to accept that there's NEVER going to be 100% penetration... and if there WAS then you'd eventually be gaining favor among generally unacceptable people.

also, in working toward that 100% acceptance, a person would eventually have to sacrifice their personality. i think it's better and healthier to be happy with yourself and leave those with whom you don't "click" to do their own thing.

once a person accepts these sorts of tenents it gets much easier to get through your life and you have a truly happy relationship with those in it.

we love you bi!!!!

I agree EJ. yup.

 

[bisexplicit]

Thanks EJ.

I think my problem is, if someone dislikes me I assume that its through some flaw of my own.

Yeah, yeah, I'm crazy; I know.

 

[silverwhisper]

but cute! :>

 

[Ricwilly]

Thanks ed.

 

[bisexplicit]

Thanks ed.

Hey, I think he was talking to me.

 

[Ricwilly]

Hey, I think he was talking to me.

Oh, nevermind.

 

[EJFan]

i wanna be cute too!!!!!

 

[Ezzy]

I think my problem is, if someone dislikes me I assume that its through some flaw of my own.

It is through some flaw of your own reflected in a flaw of their own, that shows them the flaw they don't like to see in themselves.

This is the floor to the idea that "flaws in others are things we don't like, in our own behavioural flaws. (sp of the first floor is intentional to mean "base level").

 

[bisexplicit]

It is through some flaw of your own reflected in a flaw of their own, that shows them the flaw they don't like to see in themselves.

This is the floor to the idea that "flaws in others are things we don't like, in our own behavioural flaws. (sp of the first floor is intentional to mean "base level").

Um, say what?

You have to realize that this whole summer that I only have to communicate on an eighth grade level at the highest.

 

[Ricwilly]

i wanna be cute too!!!!!

Ok you're cute, now don't forget to flush.

 

[Ricwilly]

It is through some flaw of your own reflected in a flaw of their own, that shows them the flaw they don't like to see in themselves.

This is the floor to the idea that "flaws in others are things we don't like, in our own behavioural flaws. (sp of the first floor is intentional to mean "base level").

Yeah I never have bought that hypothosis.

 

[bisexplicit]

i wanna be cute too!!!!!

Awwww, look at the cute boy.