Perception

[MeekMe]

How do you perceive yourself? How do you think others perceive you? How do others actually perceive you?

I'm curious.

I'll use me as an example.

I perceive myself as an adult (for any that have seen me, this may be important). I'm aware that I look a certain way and people expect certain things from me. I see myself as someone that is a 'wolf in sheeps clothing.' I'm crude and rough and clumsy. I'm also very aware of others and I tend to take advantage of how I look (no one suspects the sweet girl is trying to sell them something ). Taking advantage of sounds kind of harsh... (>_>) It's not really a malicious thing, but maybe more survival.

I think others see a very wholesome girl or young woman. Someone that doesn't curse and is very polite. They think of me like a John Mulaney joke, I've just been in a room eating crackers for 28 years. They don't expect much beyond someone that has little experience and a gentle heart. They tend to linger on 'young.'

I've had interesting discussions with my friend and I've had the chance to see what others see through her. She has described me to someone and he was a little in disbelief. She described me as a complicated, strong, emotional person that says the right thing at the right time (I'm flattered ). Also very stubborn and argumentative. She had other intimate details to share, but the picture she painted was larger than... Well, me. She showed him an image of us together and he said, "who's that?" She said, "that's MeekMe." "MeekMe, who?" When she explained to him that was me he told her, "I thought she would be different. Maybe taller or more intimidating." After meeting me in person he thought I was a nice, polite girl and couldn't believe that I would curse or get angry. I've had many conversations with her and I'm always fascinated by the role I take in stories with her.

So how is it for you?

 

[SeawitchSlave]

I see myself as a gawky young woman still growing into her own confidence. I have my high points, and I have my areas that I want to improve. I may not have the slender looks of some models that I've worked with, but I have my confidence which even they have complimented me on. I am creative, adaptable and versatile.

I'm far too self-critical, hyper-aware of what others think of me and tend to put myself down a lot; I still can't quite shake the whole 'ugly duckling' feel, and I don't think my metamorphosis into a swan has quite happened yet.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[pensivepoet]

I see myself as the same screwed up kid I was so long ago.
Someone who just can't get things right, but somehow gets by and means well.
I see myself as far too sensitive, yet it's the thing I like the most about me.
I try too hard to please others, and never succeed at it.
I'm too impatient and too easily frustrated.
I see myself as someone who doesn't fit in anywhere and I'm very awkward and shy in crowds, but I excell in one on one.
I think others see me as a shadow to walk through because they don't know how to connect with me.
In reality, some people like me, a few love me, and I don't think anyone hates me.
But no one can figure me out.
And that's my comfort zone. A tiny dim star on the very fringe of a super galaxy I fear being too involved with.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[CutieMouse]

Interesting question.

Depending on the day, I feel like I'm either the strongest fragile person I know, or the fragilest strong person I know. The most common compliment I get is that I'm incredibly resilient (which simply exhausts me; I'm rather tired of being "resilient").

Most of the time I probably match up to the mythical "kinky librarian" image - especially when I'm wearing my glasses. I've been accused of being a walking encyclopedia (oops), and I do tend to be overly serious/analytical, but I'm most often described as "quirky". I really do try to fit in, and follow the unspoken rules. I'm exceedingly good at it in some ways... not so much in others.

Very few people guess my age accurately (often 8-10 years younger), and no one ever believes I'm a mother of eleventy-million children... which I just think is weird. (They don't see me naked; I do. lol) My current partner keeps telling me how tiny I am, which still boggles my mind. I've grown up always being the tallest girl in the room, and do love my heels, so having someone see me as tiny or petite is a bit foreign to me.

 

[pensivepoet]

Hey, you please me. You've been a Super no one friend, and I really value you.

Thanks Elle. Me too you!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[pensivepoet]

It is an interesting question. Good thread MM.
I wasn't going to answer. It exposes a lot that I normally keep in a box. Not an easy thing to do.
But a little self reflection now and then is probably a good thing.
Uh hmmm...don't you think, Elle?
*pushes her to the front of the room*

 

[pensivepoet]

I think no one was meant to read online and got autocorrected

Actually I was ok with the no one friend.
I'm ok being a no one

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[desertslave]

Actually I was ok with the no one friend.
I'm ok being a no one

This triggered one of my favorite poems:

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
~~Emily Dickinson

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[pensivepoet]

Thanks DS
I'm not a big fan of everything Emily, but I like that one.

 

[pensivepoet]

We are all nobody but somebody I think. Poet is somebody to me, but we are both nobody to people who pass us in the street. Increasingly I enjoy nobodiness.

Yeppers, it's a great place to hang out.
I used to get angry when people would bud in front of me in lines, then I realized they just don't see me.

 

[desertslave]

I have to admit that I'm not very comfortable with the topic, either; likely because I'm not all that comfortable with myself.

I know that I've grown beyond my pre-teen, awkward, curious-but-tentative self, but she's still in there, in my core. I've learned to try to at least fake being brave and more outgoing. In small groups with people I know (and feel safe with) I do much better. I just try to avoid large crowds, or to hide within one of those groups.

I'm not sure how to differentiate how I think others perceive me from how they actually do? (I'd be entirely too scared to ask.) I get the impression that many friends think I'm braver than I am, but they also understand my shyness. The funny thing is, if I'm comfortable with a topic, I can go on and on. Otherwise I just hush and listen. The only exception to "shy" is playing music. I seem to become someone else when a guitar is in my arms.

MeekMe, I'm giggling over the "wholesome young girl" part. I know I had that image as a teenager, and I hated it! None of the fun kids would give me the time of day because they were sure I was too 'pure' for them. Dammit!

 

[pensivepoet]

I was accused of many things in my youth. Wholesome wasn't one of them.
I was very small so I had to be bad. Bluff being tough and dangerous. And I ran with the rough crowd.
It was all a defense mechanism.
Self preservation.
At 17, I knew it had to change and I walked away.
But it was a hard time to suddenly have no friends at all.
Strange times, those.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MeekMe]

^_^ I'm happy that this thread received replies. Being the subject that it is, I understand that it would be difficult for some. I did try to leave my more cynical views out to prevent things from getting too dark, but they're certainly there and may be discussed at some point.

I pmed Meekme with some personal observations. But I think its also relevant to the discussion that perception can change over time, with circumstances and outside forces.

This is true.

MeekMe, I'm giggling over the "wholesome young girl" part. I know I had that image as a teenager, and I hated it! None of the fun kids would give me the time of day because they were sure I was too 'pure' for them. Dammit!

I didn't have that as a teenager. I won't recount the story here, but I unfortunately was perceived in a way that... caused me a lot of trouble. Not something I had done necessarily, but something someone else kept insisting about me. It certainly shaped the person I am today.

 

[SpunThings]

All I know is anytime I swear around new friends, or they find out my tastes in music, or ability to not be phased by much that is seen as vulgar or extreme, many people have been surprised. I am short, was frequently called cute in my teens and 20s, and have a higher pitched voice, and am now a mom of 3 littles. I also dress pretty bland and sometimes in a vintage style. I guess I just don't look or act alternative anything. I kind of enjoy the dichotomy.

I'm sure people will be less surprised as I get older and look less innocent.

 

[SpunThings]

Oh, and thanks for bringing this topic up MeekMe. I like discussions about the perceptions of others.

 

[MeekMe]

SpunThings, we may be very much alike. Depending on the vulgarity or situation/people involved I may feign ignorance. Some people just don't need to know I know what a hucow is.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm not sure I want to know how others percieve me because the last time I found out it pissed me off a great deal.

I think I'd rather not care but I just can't seem to get the hang of that.

I see myself as a very warm, supportive, survive who is fun and full of life.

I do feel that except for work and family, anyone who isn't okay with me can get the fuck out of my life and vice versa.

 

[pensivepoet]

I laughed at that first paragraph, Dita.
Yep, I'm not nearly as good as some think I am, and not nearely as bad as some others think I am.

 

[john7771]

I think there is truth in how you feel about yourself is a reflection of how people see you. As far as how people feel about you I would not concern myself with that thought.
Just always try to be the best person you can be and all else will follow.

These are my thoughts