Please be kind...

[catsr2wild]

~ I hope you don't mind if I put this up here, Darlin' Sis. It was on the Isolated Blurt thread... but I'm afraid it offended a few readers... so I removed it.


'Twas The Night Before Christmas - Adult Style
by: Anonymous



'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"

I'm glad you posted it....I was gonna anyway....

 

[catsr2wild]

I had a feeling I'd get a wise crack from you on that. Meant I'd be back on line tonight.

Only 1 Brad.....I'm trying to be good....

 

[catsr2wild]

My dream is going to see St Peter...........

"No Sir.........I know they brought me back at least twice before.....yes Sir.....I understand...........but how could I pass up.......three lucious ladies.............No Sir...........right, the little head...................Yes Sir.............I wouldn't believe me either........................No Sir...................won't do it again.......thank you Sir........



Right...................

I can see that *honest * face trying to pull it off....

 

[WOOKSTER]

Just in case you miss it in my thread , stunning AV babe ! That IS sexy

 

[catsr2wild]

Just in case you miss it in my thread , stunning AV babe ! That IS sexy

Thank you hon, my friend EW did the art work for me

 

[WOOKSTER]

Thank you hon, my friend EW did the art work for me

I'm in lust babe !

 

[catsr2wild]

I'm in lust babe !

Well that makes 2 of us then....

 

[george55]

I can see that *honest * face trying to pull it off....

You hurt me to the quck.............

 

[catsr2wild]

You hurt me to the quck.............

Its ok I'll lick it and kiss it better.... more than once I'm sure....

 

[WOOKSTER]

Well that makes 2 of us then....

<------------------ = Shit eating grin !

 

[catsr2wild]

<------------------ = Shit eating grin !

lol...{{{{{{{{{{{{Wookster}}}}}}}}}}}} you are adorable

 

[george55]

Its ok I'll lick it and kiss it better.... more than once I'm sure....

You say that but I'm sure within a few you will be in repose again.......


Sweet dreams

 

[catsr2wild]

You say that but I'm sure within a few you will be in repose again.......


Sweet dreams

Yes I'm heading there now...but you could...maybe...join me....

 

[george55]

Yes I'm heading there now...but you could...maybe...join me....

An offer I'd be a fool to pass up......let's see.....hand around holding on bars with just a little tension.......



ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

[Galene]

Thats right....I go alot of places and do a lot of things if only in mine....

Imagine us bumping into each other in one of those places...

 

[uatu]

lol....well I guess you would know...

Reminders are always good.

 

[kayte]

Well I wouldn't call it wonderful but I made it thru it....

Good afternoon {{{{{Cats}}}}}}}} Hoping your Tuesday is turning into a terrific one for you sweetie.

 

[kayte]

No you didn't mention it and I thank you....

And now your latest AV is a fabulous one too.

 

[catsr2wild]

An offer I'd be a fool to pass up......let's see.....hand around holding on bars with just a little tension.......



ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Smart ass...its a good thing I luv your rotten butt...

 

[catsr2wild]

Imagine us bumping into each other in one of those places...

I do frequently....

 

[catsr2wild]

Reminders are always good.

So what do you want for Christmas?

 

[catsr2wild]

Good afternoon {{{{{Cats}}}}}}}} Hoping your Tuesday is turning into a terrific one for you sweetie.

Its ok...better than when I came home this morning....I opened the door to turkey bones on the floor in the kitchen and livingroom, my Christmas tablecloth ripped and dog poo in my livingroom.....I can't imagine why he won't come near me now.....

 

[catsr2wild]

And now your latest AV is a fabulous one too.

Thank you...

 

[catsr2wild]

From my mail bag....

This is a marvelous CHRISTMAS story.
> >
> > SIMPLE WHITE ENVELOPE
> >
> >
> >
> > It's just a small white envelope stuck among the
> > branches of our
> >
> > Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no
> > inscription. It has
> >
> > peeked through the branches of our tree for the past
> > 10 years or so.
> >
> >
> >
> > It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas
> > --oh, not the
> > true
> >
> > meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of
> > it -- the
> >
> > overspending, the frantic running around at the last
> > minute to get a tie
> > for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma
> > -- the gifts given in
> > desperation because you couldn't think of anything
> > else.
> >
> >
> >
> > Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to
> > bypass the usual
> >
> > shirts,sweaters, ties, and so forth. I reached for
> > something special
> >
> > just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual
> > way. Our son Kevin,
> >
> > who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior
> > level at the
> > school
> >
> > he attended.
> >
> >
> >
> > Shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league
> > match against a team
> >
> > sponsored by an inner-city church.
> >
> >
> >
> > These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that
> > shoestrings
> > seemed
> >
> > to be the only thing holding them together,
> > presented a sharp
> > contrast
> >
> > to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms
> > and sparkling new
> >
> > wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed
> > to see that the other
> > team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light
> > helmet designed
> > to
> >
> > protect a wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the
> > ragtag team obviously
> >
> > could not afford.
> >
> >
> >
> > Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every
> > weight class. And as
> >
> > each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered
> > around in his
> >
> > tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride
> > that couldn't
> >
> > acknowledge defeat.
> >
> >
> >
> > Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I
> > wish just one of
> > them
> >
> > could have won," he said. "They have a lot of
> > potential, but losing like
> > this could take the heart right out of them." Mike
> > loved kids -- all
> >
> > kids -- and he knew them, having coached little
> > league football,
> >
> > baseball, and lacrosse.
> >
> >
> >
> > That's when the idea for his present came. That
> > afternoon, I went to
> > a
> >
> > local sporting goods store and bought an assortment
> > of wrestling
> >
> > headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the
> > inner-city
> > church.
> >
> > On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree,
> > the note inside
> >
> > telling Mike what I had done and that this was his
> > gift from me. His
> >
> > smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that
> > year and in
> >
> > succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the
> > tradition --
> > one
> >
> > year sending a group of mentally handicapped
> > youngsters to a hockey
> >
> > game, another year a check to a pair of elderly
> > brothers whose home
> > had
> >
> > burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and
> > on and on. The
> >
> > envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It
> > was always the
> > last
> >
> > thing opened on Christmas morning, and our children,
> > ignoring their
> > new
> >
> > toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as
> > their dad lifted the
> >
> > envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.
> >
> >
> >
> > As the children grew, the toys gave way to more
> > practical presents,
> > but
> >
> > the envelope never lost its allure. The story
> > doesn't end there. You
> >
> > see, we lost Mike last year due to cancer. When
> > Christmas rolled around, I
> > was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the
> > tree up. But
> >
> > Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the
> > tree, and in the
> >
> > morning it was joined by three more. Each of our
> > children,
> > unbeknownst
> >
> > to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree
> > for their dad. The
> >
> > tradition has grown and someday will expand even
> > further with our
> >
> > grandchildren standing around the tree with
> > wide-eyed anticipation
> >
> > watching as their fathers take down the envelope.
> >
> >
> >
> > Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will
> > always be with us.
> >
> > May we all remember Christ, who is the reason for
> > the season, and the
> >
> > true Christmas spirit this year and always.
> >
> >
> >
> > God Bless! -- pass this along to those friends and
> > loved ones who you
> >
> > know are the givers who understand the true meaning
> > of Thanksgiving
> > and
> >
> > Christmas.
> >

 

[FRENCHIE44T]

So what do you want for Christmas?

YOU in my christmas stocking.