Please give some advice/tips for the young ;-)

[storyreader84]

We've been married for 5 years, best friends for nearly 10, we continue to find each other sexier with time and sex continues to get better somehow but at the same time we feel like we are both looking to make it 'more intense' or 'something different' because as much as we try to change it up it still has a similar feel.

Been thinking about trying new places (both interested in public spots but nothing too risky, how do we start?). Have discussed anal sex (Wife likes anus played with during sex but doesn't know about full anal intercourse) or new toys or filming, etc.

Tips? Advice? How about those of you who have been married for 10, 15, 20+ years who still have a great sex life...? Would love to hear your thoughts!

THANKS!!!

 

[infinity706]

Having sex in semi public spots isn't difficult. Of course, if you want to do it legally, a swingers' club might be a good idea. It won't have the thrill of the risk, though.

Anal is really no big deal. Just take things slowly and easily. Use plenty of lube and spend plenty of warmup time getting her ass adjusted with licking, fingering, toys, etc. The preparation gets less, though, once you become an anal veteran, though.

New toys are easy, too. You can even order them online from tons of different websites. They come in plain, brown boxes with stupid, fake names in the address line. It's actually more fun to go to a sex shop and pick them out in person, though.

Now, as for filming, it's no big deal to do. Just get a good quality camera and go at it. Really, it's mostly a trust issue that you need to discuss in advance.

 

[bronzeage]

If you want to explore your anal love life, use toys in her ass during oral sex. It won't take long for her to decide if she want to be butt fucked.

She may want to use the toys on you. Consider it a moment of truth.

Forget about public sex, unless your wife already flashes truck drivers.

 

[sterling_archer]

Just... jam it in

 

[silverwhisper]

storyreader: if you two are serious about anal, find a lubricant. ignore people who tell you to use anal-eze or the other various numbing agents, or worse, just to jam it in. that's just plain stupid.

what kinds of toys do you now have? if you're looking for suggestions, it would be helpful to know what we shouldn't recommend. :>

ed

 

[joehmpsd]

Bronzeage and Silverwhisper are both right.

A good lube and some small anal toys to start. Either a set of beads or a small plug is fun both during oral and vaginal sex. Although tempting because of price do not get the beads that are attached by string, these are very hard to get and keep clean. Try to find a good set of silicone beads. Silicone is your best bet for a starter plug also. Remember to use a water base lube with silicone toys and maybe look into a good toy cleaner, some people use condoms on their toys for cleanup but if the condom does not fit tight it can be awkward or cumbersome.

There are also tones of toys available on the market today. Sex toys are becoming high quality pleasure objects. Look around and look around together.

The public sex thing is a sticky situation. We have done the whole "no panties under the skirt quickie" before but getting caught, at least in the US, is a sexual offense that makes you a registered sex offender. Granted that is worse case scenario.

Maybe try some soft bondage. Silk scarves or silk ties. Tie the wrists or just a blindfold.

Bottom line explore, communicate and have fun. Remember it is only kinky the first time you do it.

 

[pplwatching]

We've been married for 5 years, best friends for nearly 10, we continue to find each other sexier with time and sex continues to get better somehow but at the same time we feel like we are both looking to make it 'more intense' or 'something different' because as much as we try to change it up it still has a similar feel.

We're at the 15 year mark. That "similar feeling" can be the result of having a good understanding of each other's sexual tastes. When we know what makes each other tick in bed, we tend to cater to those things at the expense of foreplay, intimacy, and building excitement before the main event.

We have found that "more intense" has had different meanings at different times during our marriage so far. Our search for more intense pleasure led us to sex toys, sex seminars, and new positions. We've learned about erogenous zones, g-spots, a-spots, p-spots, but in the end it really all comes back to the fact that sex for us is about the two of us fulfilling emotional needs as well as physical ones. Physical pleasure only scratches the surface of what's possible for my wife and me sexually.

We had to stop and think about what we were really looking for when we talked about spicing things up. For us it really wasn't about wanting more, different, or better orgasms. The search for those had become the focus of sex, and in the end I don't think that's either healthy or sustainable. What makes sex more intense for us are things that both enhance a strong feeling of connection and intimacy and build excitement. A lot of that happens outside of the bedroom. We found that teasing and being playful throughout the day brought a lot of pent-up sexual energy to the bedroom, which makes sex more intense. It heightens our senses and brings both an urgency and strong feeling of sexual release when we finally bring each other to orgasm.

We also found that drawing out our sex play had it's own rewards. We discovered that by teasing her and playfully delaying and denying orgasm, keeping us in the moment and even at the edge, that physically orgasms are more intense and emotionally more deeply satisfying. A good massage that gently teases and builds excitement for a long time really leads to some intense sex.

If new positions and techniques leave you feeling that 'sameness', then along those lines I'd recommend reading erotic fiction to each other, learning about erogenous zones, sensation play, teasing, and maybe even light bondage. Perhaps you will find like us that it's about creating a more immersive experience instead of trying new tricks.

Good luck

 

[kara24]

19 years !

Just coming up to 19 years of marriage for hubby and me! Sex gets better and better. We sometimes go to a swingers club, we like it but you dont have to swing if thats not something you want to introduce into your life. You can just use it as an opportunity to have sex where people are watching and where you know no one will be upset by your behaviour!
Anal play can also be really enjoyable - as has been previously said, lots of lube and taking it slowly are essential. Defo avoid any numbing lubes as anal should NEVER hurt, and if it does your partner needs to know about it so you can stop - not carry on because you didnt know you were doing damage. Start small with a finger, a vibe or small plug and work your way up!

You could also try both making a list of things you might like to try - anything at all, and then comparing and seeing what you both agree on.

Above all - communitcate and have fun!

 

[MiaPassion]

Hi Make your sex video (in public place or at home) and I will put it to my blog

If you are shy, obscure the video

 

[eudaemonia]

Been thinking about trying new places (both interested in public spots but nothing too risky, how do we start?). Have discussed anal sex (Wife likes anus played with during sex but doesn't know about full anal intercourse) or new toys or filming, etc.

Maybe give us an idea where you draw your the public-private line, for starters? For example, is having sex in front the living room window or your own backyard public or private? What about sex in a parked car in a secluded spot or behind some bushes in the park? Does darkness or daylight make a difference in the private-public calculus? The public continuum is as broad and daring as your imagination allows, but it is important to know first where you draw the line. (And for that matter, do you know where your SO draws that line?)

As for the other topics you mention, they've all been discussed at least once in this forum. Try using the Advanced Search option under the Search This Forum tool to search for thread titles on the terms 'anal' 'toys' 'film/ing' and 'video'. Many of the best How To threads are located in the ginormous Blank Manual thread, which is stickied at the top of the How To forum. Enjoy!

 

[storyreader84]

We're at the 15 year mark....
Good luck

Thanks! I found that really insightful and I think you articulated one of the things that we have thought/been thinking about... sometimes you get this strong raging passion for the other that doesn't seem like it can be expressed but you want to but at the same time we also want to get/make/have the most pleasure, intimacy and fun with sex itself. Thanks again for sharing!

 

[storyreader84]

Maybe give us an idea where you draw your....

Done the advanced search, I guess I was misleading in how I posed my question, it was vague because I guess I am after a vague answer of some sort. I wasn't exactly looking for a 'how to do anal sex, etc...' (although I am interested, I don't understand how it is pleasurable for the receiver) I just wanted to hear from those who have had a 'successful friend, love and sex life' (whatever that may mean is up to you) and what advice they have, things they've done, how their sex life has matured/advanced and so on. Also, the suggestion of the open blinds as a type of break-in... we just did that and it was great, thanks! Or 'line' is starting closer to those limits... maybe a park at night or something will be next ;-) Thanks for your time and input, it is greatly appreciated!

 

[storyreader84]

Just coming up to 19 years of marriage for hubby and me!...

Above all - communitcate and have fun!

First off, congratulations! Swingers club would be a huge step forward for us but I appreciate the thought and we may have to entertain it in the future ;-) Communication, that has always been one of our relationships pillars. Really like the idea of the list... I think we may do something along those lines, I am going to run that by her later tonight!