Pmann wants to talk mental health

[hotwords229_A]

^but either way, you need people. Others. Gotta build a support network.

And I’m learning right now that these networks change over time. Sometimes there’s a big turnover!
I asked my best friend last year to call me. Multiple times. Told her “I am depressed. I can’t pick up the phone. Can you please call me?” And I meant it. She’s a therapist for a living, so you’d think she’d understand. I said it multiple times. How much more clear can I be?

No dice. So, that’s her journey now.

And with that friendship went many others, sadly. My mental health took a major hit.

So the reconstruction began.

Takes action, and work, to rebuild. Reassess. Figure out what my needs are, now, and go about filling them.

*cues up the team building montage*

I’ve been chipping away at it. Takes time to build relationships. I don’t expect magic overnight.

I’m grateful for the friends and family that have stuck by me.

And I’m open to talking to whatever new people come my way - sometimes I make a conscious effort to put down my phone and chit chat with strangers. Party like it’s 1999. Make eye contact. Exchange digits. Make calls. Go have the coffee. Get the lunch. IT IS ARDUOUS.

There’s this saying “I can’t think my way into right acting, I gotta act my way into right thinking.” —> that reminder, plus a decent support network, is everything. For me. Maybe different things meet that need for others.

Also, it’s my choice to utilize that network or not. Put up the bat signal. Light the beacons.

Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I need to sit in it for a spell.

And that’s okay too.
If people want to sit in it, I try to allow them the dignity to make their own choice to do so.

But at the end of the day, as much as I hate it, my happiness is my responsibility. I can dip into the team for hugs and high fives or ass kickings and tough love, but after that, I gotta Actually Do The Things.

I’m sometimes concerned that I won’t be there for someone when they need me because I can’t always take a hint. I’m the kind of guy that you have to say things clearly to or I won’t get it.
If I don’t hear from someone in a while I assume they’re busy, or just don’t feel like talking, I rarely assume something is wrong.
But if you ever need to talk, or you’re feeling down I’m your guy. You just have to say it like you’re talking to a moron!

 

[Apisto42]

“Yo dude. Like, hey, what’s up?”

(But I bet you get that right? It’s a cry for help.)

Guys are the worst for asking for help. Luckily I’ve had a couple people there for me over the years.

 

[Endless_Night]

“Yo dude. Like, hey, what’s up?”

(But I bet you get that right? It’s a cry for help.)

Guys are the worst for asking for help. Luckily I’ve had a couple people there for me over the years.

This is not the first time I've heard this expressed. Something along the lines that guys aren't taught to develop the same type of social support networks as most woman. Something about less emotional openness and active communication therein. The result can be horribly isolating.

 

[Endless_Night]

I’m sometimes concerned that I won’t be there for someone when they need me because I can’t always take a hint. I’m the kind of guy that you have to say things clearly to or I won’t get it.
If I don’t hear from someone in a while I assume they’re busy, or just don’t feel like talking, I rarely assume something is wrong.
But if you ever need to talk, or you’re feeling down I’m your guy. You just have to say it like you’re talking to a moron!

Lol, but, honestly, I think you sell yourself short, Muscles. You babysat me through a terrible grief breakdown sometime back, which was Beyond appreciated.

Of course, I can't say for sure whether you actually realized I was in the middle of a breakdown or not.


(Either way, you were still there.)

 

[hotwords229_A]

“Yo dude. Like, hey, what’s up?”

(But I bet you get that right? It’s a cry for help.)

Guys are the worst for asking for help. Luckily I’ve had a couple people there for me over the years.

30 seconds in.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Lol, but, honestly, I think you sell yourself short, Muscles. You babysat me through a terrible grief breakdown sometime back, which was Beyond appreciated.

Of course, I can't say for sure whether you actually realized I was in the middle of a breakdown or not.


(Either way, you were still there.)

I’m glad to hear that. But I really am terrible at taking a hint.

 

[jaF0]

Day by day my memory fades
And all the gains I made are drifting on the wind
Lost my way my energy wanes


Hours turn to days
Days fade away
Until it comes to pass

I fight against the hours
I fight against the hours
Until it comes to pass
I stand until my strength is gone
And even then I carry on



--- Threshold -- March Of Progress -- The Hours

 

[BrownUnicorn]

I’m sometimes concerned that I won’t be there for someone when they need me because I can’t always take a hint. I’m the kind of guy that you have to say things clearly to or I won’t get it.
If I don’t hear from someone in a while I assume they’re busy, or just don’t feel like talking, I rarely assume something is wrong.
But if you ever need to talk, or you’re feeling down I’m your guy. You just have to say it like you’re talking to a moron!

I feel you on this. Only selfish people feel that they are so important that someone else would spend their time pondering about someone elses secret need for help. The real moron is the adult who's mothet hasn't taught them to say "I need help"

 

[BrownUnicorn]

I feel you on this. Only selfish people feel that they are so important that someone else would spend their time pondering about someone elses secret need for help. The real moron is the adult who's mothet hasn't taught them to say "I need help"

But this person also sounds bi-polar so don't put too much into their thoughts and feeling. They change with the meds dosage.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I feel you on this. Only selfish people feel that they are so important that someone else would spend their time pondering about someone elses secret need for help. The real moron is the adult who's mothet hasn't taught them to say "I need help"

Do you genuinely consider that person a moron because they were not taught that by their mother?

 

[CutieJo]

Do you genuinely consider that person a moron because they were not taught that by their mother?

Oh snap!!!!!

 

[Series 6]

I think the combination of the pandemic, social media, and polarizing politics have all affected our mental wellness. The isolation/lack of real human interactions offline combined with the toxicity of social media has been damaging.

As an earlier poster said, we really need to address this in our school system. Unfortunately, where do we fit it in? My perception is that it schools are under funded and there is a lack time to schedule classes that have real-world value for kids today.

 

[Dribble]

I am starting to realize most people don't live in reality for whatever reason. They say they come here to escape from reality...but that's bullshit. How do I know this? Because they have irrational opinions concerning what's going on around them. So my question, could this too be considered a mental illness? Is not living in reality a sign of deeper issues? Where is that line of escapism that is acceptable?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I am starting to realize most people don't live in reality for whatever reason. They say they come here to escape from reality...but that's bullshit. How do I know this? Because they have irrational opinions concerning what's going on around them. So my question, could this too be considered a mental illness? Is not living in reality a sign of deeper issues? Where is that line of escapism that is acceptable?

It's a simulation!!

 

[Lady2020]

There was a time in my life when I was under extreme, and unnecessary stress, from the marketing department I worked for, of a major energy company. I was advised to go to a certain facility that could help me. I was too depressed to notice that the admitting RN was trying to help me by saying whatever you do don't say you've thought of suicide. A brother had committed suicide a few decades earlier. I ended up being locked down for 72 hours. The setting of this facility was One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I did not go quietly. By 72 hours, the staff were happy to see me go. I left thinking I was the sane one. Don't think for a minute these kind of facilities don't exist right now.

 

[Series 6]

It's a simulation!!

Is the Lit Message board essentially the Matrix?

 

[LizVegas79]

It's nice to see a help thread spark real discussion and attract posts on here. I'm a little jellie but that's my problem lol

 

[Lord Pmann]

It's nice to see a help thread spark real discussion and attract posts on here. I'm a little jellie but that's my problem lol

Right? It’s rather weird.

It's a simulation!!

Much less preferable than a stimulation.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Much less preferable than a stimulation.

It's a stimulating simulation

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Yo, P. I'm bumping your thread.

Can we talk about having a safety plan, and reaching out when things are rough?

Can we talk about the shame that accompanies having any kind of mental/behavioral health issues in our families?

Can we talk about how to move through that whole cycle of needing support - not reaching out - not getting support - cutting ourselves off at the knees?

 

[jaF0]

reaching out

Can we talk about how that term damages my calm?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Can we talk about how that term damages my calm?

YES. Let's.

This is what we're here for, right?

 

[_Ritch_]

Random confession:

I struggle a lot with my mental health. I live with chronic pain that never drops below 6 or 7 on a scale out of 10. That drags me down but I also share a house with my mother who is an extremely foul person at the best of times and our relationship is very strained. All this contributes to my low mood.

I try very hard to be positive and upbeat for others as I'm aware no-one wants to hang about with someone permanently down in the dumps. @SassySheDevil is a big help in the fact that I can tell her about all the crap stuff and she doesn't run a mile. My other friends, not so much. They'd run a mile pretty damn quick, so I often get periods of intense loneliness.

Er... I'm not sure why I just blabbed all that. I saw @Wild_Honey_66 advertise the thread just now and... It seemed like a good idea.

I'm off to go hide now.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Random confession:

I struggle a lot with my mental health. I live with chronic pain that never drops below 6 or 7 on a scale out of 10. That drags me down but I also share a house with my mother who is an extremely foul person at the best of times and our relationship is very strained. All this contributes to my low mood.

I try very hard to be positive and upbeat for others as I'm aware no-one wants to hang about with someone permanently down in the dumps. @SassySheDevil is a big help in the fact that I can tell her about all the crap stuff and she doesn't run a mile. My other friends, not so much. They'd run a mile pretty damn quick, so I often get periods of intense loneliness.

Er... I'm not sure why I just blabbed all that. I saw @Wild_Honey_66 advertise the thread just now and... It seemed like a good idea.

I'm off to go hide now.

Get back here.

It's okay to be messy in this thread.

* * * * *

I think one of the things we can do both for ourselves and for others is to NOT run and hide when we're talking about the hard stuff. Yep, it's super uncomfortable. Yep, people aren't always going to know how to respond, or be able to respond in what we might view as a supportive way. We need to let all of that be okay. We're all learning. I mean, take time to turtle if you need to, but come back when you can.

We don't have control over how others respond, so let's focus on what we can control. We can control whether we ask for help, how we do that, and how we receive someone's answer.

How do you guys ask for help? What does that look like for you?

 

[jaF0]

Help?

For me, there is none.