Poem by another author

[ElizabethWest]

I don't know when I'll be posting any other poems. I'll have to check with my muse on that.

I think I see something in my crystal ball...

 

[wildsweetone]

Oh I hope he does post more.

I see you like Kahlil Gibran too elizabeth. I carried around a quote from one of his books a while ago. He had a fascinating way with words.

 

[ElizabethWest]

Oh I hope he does post more.

I see you like Kahlil Gibran too elizabeth. I carried around a quote from one of his books a while ago. He had a fascinating way with words.

I could quote a thousand lines from The Prophet alone.

 

[wildsweetone]

'The image of the morning sun in a dewdrop is not less than the sun.'

*smiling* Thank you for the reminder.

 

[twelveoone]

It's an interesting Forum DrFreud, I didn't mean to drag you in by the scruff of your neck though, truely I didn't. Thank you for being good natured about it. I appreciate that.



Now that you're here, I'm going to show you why my mind thought the shell didn't fit...

I think it's a purely surface thing for me, not sure... it's hard to explain.



A line on the shore - the line
Between us I drew - relates to the line
But you are the sea
Your waves laughingly erase my efforts - 'erase' relates to the line

Obliterating those boundaries - 'boundaries' relates to line
Destroying my resolve - 'destroying' kind of relates to the line
Your laughter, your eyes
Permeate the cracks of my shell. - the shell doesn't relate to the line and i expected it to.


I don't know why the shell didn't relate. I do understand the whole metaphor thing, I saw that on the first reading. But the shell, just didn't seem to be part of the 'whole', it seemed to be separate. Having explained it to me as a shield, yes I can see that. Maybe I'm just not up to this level of reading, yet...?


... just thinking. perhaps it's the word 'cracks'. for me that conjures up a jaggered line, not a definate straight line as i expected to be seen from Line 2.

I'm impressed with this.

 

[Tathagata]

I'm impressed with this.

I can't think that much at one time

 

[impressive]

I thought of using that but infiltrate evoked spies Believe me she's no spy...

Thanks for the comment.

pervade? saturate? seep? infuse? bathe? percolate? (No, too coffee-ish, nevermind) filter? (Jeez, can't shake the coffee images.)



An aside: while reading this, I could see the little air holes in the sand that the tiny crabs make as the water recedes. Stuck with me, for some reason.

 

[DrFreud]

pervade? saturate? seep? infuse? bathe? percolate? (No, too coffee-ish, nevermind) filter? (Jeez, can't shake the coffee images.)



An aside: while reading this, I could see the little air holes in the sand that the tiny crabs make as the water recedes. Stuck with me, for some reason.

Thanks Imp. Thanks everyone.

I might decide to fix the poem and resubmit it.
I am grateful for the feeback I received it. I submitted it on a impulse, the words I meant I had already told her...

 

[wildsweetone]

I'm impressed with this.

I eventually say it as I see it.

It takes me a bit of waffling to figure something out. When I know something doesn't feel right, it's usually worth the effort to analyse it as far as I can. I don't know all the fancy words for things, but I'll get there in the end.



DrFreud, thanks again for not minding that I/we discuss your poem. I've learnt a lot. It's a beautiful piece of writing and it's clear to see there's a special relationship building between you both. Enjoy it and please, submit more writing.

 

[DrFreud]

I eventually say it as I see it.

It takes me a bit of waffling to figure something out. When I know something doesn't feel right, it's usually worth the effort to analyse it as far as I can. I don't know all the fancy words for things, but I'll get there in the end.



DrFreud, thanks again for not minding that I/we discuss your poem. I've learnt a lot. It's a beautiful piece of writing and it's clear to see there's a special relationship building between you both. Enjoy it and please, submit more writing.

Thanks for starting the thread. I also learnt a lot. I edited the poem and resubmitted it, however the shell remains in there

 

[ElizabethWest]

Thanks for starting the thread. I also learnt a lot. I edited the poem and resubmitted it, however the shell remains in there

As long as it shatters in real life...