Post-first kiss damage control - HELP!

[Ansi]

Oh, *shit*.



Some of you may recall a post I made a while back...about a female college classmate of mine who ended up becoming my good friend, even though I've since left college. I was asking for advice on how to handle myself and my feelings, since I'd developed something of an attraction to her.


Well, guess what? I've gone and done something that may well be both the most daring and stupidest thing I've ever done.


Here's the deal: the two of us have been good friends for months now, hanging out together and doing the sorts of things we enjoy...watching TV, playing various types of games (video and otherwise) and just generally having fun together in a relaxed, non-socially-pressuring manner.


However...last night, while we were watching some late-night 'popcorn' movies, IT happened.

I kissed her.


We were talking about the movie we were watching, and started going into MST3K mode, lampooning the various aspects of the movie as we watched it. At some point, one of us made some especially funny comment, with the result that the both of us went into hysterical fits of laughter.

As the laughter died down, we ended up just sitting there for a beat, looking at each other...and then I kissed her.

Honestly, I don't know what the hell came over me! I don't recall even *thinking* about it...it just *happened* somehow, like a reflex.

Anyway, I leaned right over and kissed her right on the lips. It lasted for a couple of seconds...next thing I know, it's over. I'm sitting there, wondering what the hell I just did, and she's looking at me with a look that gives me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

She just stares for several moments...then she just says "I need to go" in a worried tone and darts out the door.




Well, that's the story. You can probably guess how I'm feeling right now. I'm seriously afraid I may have screwed this up...that I made a move at the wrong time, or in the wrong way...or worse, that she doesn't feel that way about me and that I've destroyed what used to be a perfect friendship. Then again, maybe she just got taken by suprise, and isn't really that upset...argh, I just don't know!

I haven't talked to her since last night...she hasn't called me, and I'm too worked up in a nervous frenzy to call her right now. I'm still freaked out by the fact that I kissed her at all, and apparently without thinking about it.

I really feel like I need to talk to her and try to sort this mess out, and quickly...but on the other hand, I'm afraid that trying to bring it up right now might make her even more uncomfortable. Should I call her right away, or should I wait and let her call me when she's ready to discuss what happened? If she is upset, what can I do to let her know that I'm sorry and that I still want to be her friend?

Oh, man, I'm really up to my neck in it this time.



Oh, also...although I feel a little guilty about this, I found the kiss itself to be very...well, I think the word "nice" best describes it. I'm not sure how she felt about it, though. She obviously didn't 'get into it'...but then again, she didn't fight it either...

 

[Lynxie]

I know you're nervous, but you really, really, really need to call her. Let her know your feelings, just like you told us here on Lit. Women appreciate honesty and maturity. She was clearly taken aback by your kiss - the two of you need to discuss it and figure out between yourselves what it's going to do to your friendship. If you call her and she's unhappy about it, apologize for not asking her before kissing. If you call and she sounds like she's in a good mood, find out if there's a chance she could be feeling the same way about you. In any event, be honest with her. It's the best move you can make to try and save your friendship. Good luck!

 

[tisluvbull]

You've clearly taken many steps up until this point, so dont stop! The kiss was inevitable. Just keep moving forward with this by calling her as soon as possible.

 

[TygerPaw]

Wow sounds like the first time I kissed my wife. Senior year of college, we lived next door and became friends. One night when my apartment of 4 guys and hers of 4 girls had been hanging out we ended up last up watching TV, next thing I know I kissed her.

We were both semi shocked and didn't say much, she left a lfew minutes later as it was getting late. Next day I'm scared to call her not knowing if she was happy about it, finally her roomate comes over and was like go see the girl she is waiting for your call. Went out on out first official date that weekend, got married 2 1/2 years later and been married for the 10 greatest years of my life.

Bottom line, get off your ass and call her, the deed is done, worse case you apologize if she is upset, from what describe she should see how you got that feeling, best case is a lot better, trust me.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm going to congratulate you Ansi. I think in this situation, you should pat yourself on the back for not planning it...you went with the moment and did what felt right at the time. It's definitely progress from your first post!

I'll echo everyone else...you absolutely have to talk to her asap. I shared kisses with several close friends in high school, and I remember how painful it was to get the silent treatment because they just didn't know what to say. Nothing ruins a friendship faster than ignoring someone. Tell her you're worried about how she's feeling and the friendship. Apologize and say you'd normally ask first but it was a spontaneous thing. She may be feeling the same thing, so you're not doomed. If she's a good friend, she'll understand and this will strengthen the friendship.

So take a deep breath and dial! Everything will work out for the best.

 

[FinePhilly]

Well....did you call her? Enquiring minds want to know. Hmmm?

 

[Evil Kirk]

My first kiss was in the woods, with an ugly girl no one liked. I wish it were better.

 

[Ansi]

I think in this situation, you should pat yourself on the back for not planning it...you went with the moment and did what felt right at the time. It's definitely progress from your first post!

But I didn't DO anything! At least, I didn't *intend* to do anything...we were just sitting there, and then BAM!...Smooch City.

I dunno...maybe the whole business freaked me out to the point where I'm not remembering clearly. But I'm almost certain I didn't do it conciously...maybe I did it out of some subconcious desire.

At any rate, I wasn't so scared with the kiss itself as I was with the fact that I apparently didn't have any immediate control over it. It was over so fast, I didn't have time to register what I was doing until it was over.

Great...I'm being mind-controlled by some twisted kiss-fetishist.







Oh, right, the girl. Well...



















...she likes me!



It turns out, she was mostly scared off by the suddeness and unexpectedness of what happened...it startled her, basically.

I called her, and talked to her, and apologized for doing what I did (even though I don't think I *meant* to do it), and...

While she isn't exactly enamored with me...she has admitted that she's more than a little attracted to me, personality-wise (as for physically...well, she did say I was "kind of cute" ).

Apparently, she's recently been thinking about romantic possibilities between the two of us...not overwhelmingly so, but she's definitely been thinking about it. She says she was trying to find a way to say something, but was stumped for a means to do it that wouldn't A) mortally embarass her, or B) freak me out (she knows I'm a little jumpy around girls). At this point, I guess it's a moot point.

At any rate, we've had a nice, long talk, and have agreed that, for the moment at least, we're going to try being a little 'closer' in our daily activities, and see where things go from there. She's willing to give me...US...a chance, but only if we don't rush into feelings we may not be certain of.

Okay, so it's not a declaration of love...but dammit, it's a start!


Sorry it took so long to reply...I've spent most of the day alternating between laughing in joy and crying with relief.




You know, this is a very strange feeling. For some reason, I'm not worried at ALL anymore. It's like, somehow, I *know* this will work out, just as long as I don't try too hard. It's like the proverbial spark has been kindled, and now all I have to do is slowly but surely build it into a nice, cozy fire.

Thanks for your advice, everybody. I'm feeling a lot better now...my friend still likes me, and I've got an honest-to-god romantic prospect for the first time in my life. I still can't believe it...I might really end up with someone to love.

Best of all, I might actually get to have sex! REAL sex! With another person!




...uh oh...well, there's the next big problem on the horizon...sexual anxiety. Will I be able to perform to standards? Can she be sexually attracted to me despite my not-exactly-sexy body? Will she balk when I tell her about my runaway sexual imaginings? Will she freak out and run away when I ask her to put on a gonzo strap-on and rape my sweet virgin ass?



.....uh...sorry about that. I'm suddenly feeling very hot and bothered.

*hurredly digs out his extra-large anal vibrator and turns off the lights*

 

[CaptainAhab]

Kidding?

Well, that is awesome news. I'm glad that it worked out and glad that you let us know how it turned out.

You are kidding about the anal stuff, right? If so, funny joke! If not, then Dude ... chill on the anal stuff until you get a few traditional shags in. You don't want to freak her out!!!!

 

[Vixandra]

I'm with the Capt' on this one- try the standard 'nilla traditional stuff first, then branch out, so to speak.

Still- CONGRATS on your progress! Tis so wonderful.

 

[SweetErika]

Wow Ansi! Congratulations...see how likeable you are? And it's really, really, really great that you already have a solid friendship to build your relationship on (as opposed to pure physical attraction). It seems like you have all of the ingredients to make this work!

Calm down about the sex. There's no use working yourself into a nervous frenzy about it now. Sex is always great when you have feelings for eachother. Some of my best memories are of when things didn't go as planned and we just ended up laughing about it. Anyway, don't worry about it and take your time getting to that point.

 

[iioopp]

But I didn't DO anything! At least, I didn't *intend* to do anything...we were just sitting there, and then BAM!...Smooch City.

I dunno...maybe the whole business freaked me out to the point where I'm not remembering clearly. But I'm almost certain I didn't do it conciously...maybe I did it out of some subconcious desire.

At any rate, I wasn't so scared with the kiss itself as I was with the fact that I apparently didn't have any immediate control over it. It was over so fast, I didn't have time to register what I was doing until it was over.

Great...I'm being mind-controlled by some twisted kiss-fetishist.







Oh, right, the girl. Well...



















...she likes me!



It turns out, she was mostly scared off by the suddeness and unexpectedness of what happened...it startled her, basically.

I called her, and talked to her, and apologized for doing what I did (even though I don't think I *meant* to do it), and...

While she isn't exactly enamored with me...she has admitted that she's more than a little attracted to me, personality-wise (as for physically...well, she did say I was "kind of cute" ).

Apparently, she's recently been thinking about romantic possibilities between the two of us...not overwhelmingly so, but she's definitely been thinking about it. She says she was trying to find a way to say something, but was stumped for a means to do it that wouldn't A) mortally embarass her, or B) freak me out (she knows I'm a little jumpy around girls). At this point, I guess it's a moot point.

At any rate, we've had a nice, long talk, and have agreed that, for the moment at least, we're going to try being a little 'closer' in our daily activities, and see where things go from there. She's willing to give me...US...a chance, but only if we don't rush into feelings we may not be certain of.

Okay, so it's not a declaration of love...but dammit, it's a start!


Sorry it took so long to reply...I've spent most of the day alternating between laughing in joy and crying with relief.




You know, this is a very strange feeling. For some reason, I'm not worried at ALL anymore. It's like, somehow, I *know* this will work out, just as long as I don't try too hard. It's like the proverbial spark has been kindled, and now all I have to do is slowly but surely build it into a nice, cozy fire.

Thanks for your advice, everybody. I'm feeling a lot better now...my friend still likes me, and I've got an honest-to-god romantic prospect for the first time in my life. I still can't believe it...I might really end up with someone to love.

Best of all, I might actually get to have sex! REAL sex! With another person!




...uh oh...well, there's the next big problem on the horizon...sexual anxiety. Will I be able to perform to standards? Can she be sexually attracted to me despite my not-exactly-sexy body? Will she balk when I tell her about my runaway sexual imaginings? Will she freak out and run away when I ask her to put on a gonzo strap-on and rape my sweet virgin ass?



.....uh...sorry about that. I'm suddenly feeling very hot and bothered.

*hurredly digs out his extra-large anal vibrator and turns off the lights*

Nice one! I'm happy for you. You went through a big stage when you said you didn't do anything. It's all about nerves, and not alot of people overcome them...

...I wouldn't start asking her to use toys etc and stuff yet, just be closer... And congratulations!

 

[MagicFingers]

Way to go, ansi!

I applaud you for kissing her, and for having the guts to talk to her about it.

YES, take it slow and play it by ear. Your fantacies about her are probably not shared by her. If they are, she'll let you know somehow. If she doesn't give you hints that she wants mad, passionate, kinky sex with you, don't assume that she does.

I have an old friend, for 5 or 6 years, that I work out with once a week and talk to after her yoga class. I used to do it too, before I hurt my back. We finally went out on a "date" last July when she took me out for my birthday. We went to her place where she talked until after midnight. I kissed her when I left. She didn't scream and yell or run away, but didn't look for another one. It wasn't very passionate. I wanted more. I've imagined what it would be like to kiss her for hours, all over! But I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel that way about me. So, I just accept that she'll probably always be a friend and not a lover, so I look for that elsewhere.

Anyway, congrats!