PRUNING SAW, things not to do with one, #1 in a series

[Xelebes]

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay!

I swing my axe to my foot all day!

 

[shereads]

I swing my axe to my foot all day!

And put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars!

 

[cantdog]

When you wish upon a planet

You have picked the wrong one, dammit

When you wish upon a planet it doesn't count!


Many lasting childhood scars

Come from wishing upon Mars

Wait a little for the stars they do come out...


I wanted a verse with Venus but the rhymes are a little risky...

 

[cantdog]

I swing my axe to my foot all day!

I split my boots, They're open-toed, just like my Aunt Marie's!

 

[Xelebes]

I split my boots, They're open-toed, just like my Aunt Marie's!

On Monday morn I wear new shoes.

 

[cantdog]

I lift my axe and swing!

 

[SeaCat]

You got into a lot of trouble as a child, didn't you, Cat?

Trouble? Moi? Nah, but I did get an early experience in rebuilding things which got destroyed by my not listening to fatherly advice. (I also had to clean out a lot of Chicken Coops as punishment. Yeech.)
Zippo's are great lighters. They will light under darn near any conditions. Unfortunately they are not sealed like Butane Lighters. When you have one in your pocket while flying, the fluid will weep out into the cloth as the cabin pressure goes down. You don't notice it at first, but after a while your crotch become more than just a little warm. If you hold on a little longer you start thinking you have a nuclear meltdown going on in your crotch. By the time your plane lands, you retrieve your luggage, and have a chance to get changed, (In my case the chance to change was in the middle of the damned airport,) you are truly becoming uncomfortable.

Cat

Another hint about hot peppers, never touch anyone but your worst enemy below the waist before washing your hands. SC

 

[shereads]

Another hint about hot peppers, never touch anyone but your worst enemy below the waist before washing your hands. SC

using written notes to assure this information is committed to memory

 

[Guest]

 

[gothgodess]

Axes and cutting down trees do not mix without steel-toed boots. Let this be a lesson. I lost a good pair of shoes and got a nice scar from that.

add: when diggin in the garden do not turn to see what you kids are doing while driving the spade down. trainers are not ment as safety shoes. Still at least the spade stopped when it hit bone!

 

[gothgodess]

I nearly forgot. Don't clear up a spilt tin of nails in the shed while bare foot. The nurses will laugh when you explain.

 

[Guest]

walking backwards

though its funny now....

walking backwards whilst mowing.. bad idea. ex-hubby chopped off two toes doing this.. and while the thought of it makes me smile with evil glee now.. at the time it was messy..


yeah.. dont mix amonia and bleach.. fumes can kill ya. why didnt my chemistry teacher ever tell us that!

 

[SlickTony]

My dog turns into six dogs and a rabid weasel when she has to be given ear drops.

I'll see your six dogs and weasel and raise you Doc. And he only weighs 8 pounds.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

I've been there. My dog turns into six dogs and a rabid weasel when she has to be given ear drops.

You aught to try clipping the toenails (actually the hooves) of a 100 pound potbelly pig. It's quite a show.

 

[lewdandlicentious]

PMFAO at you lot!!

You were all class dummies right???

DIY nightmares, that's for sure!!!

Thanks for the giggles, from a dedicated DIY-er!!

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Let's see, accidents...well there was the one time with the circular saw. damn, i miss my left hand.

Seriously though, I get very few conscious bleed all over the place accidents, but I do get the type where I'm washing up after words and I suddenly notice that there's blood on my shirt or pants and a big bruise or cut or gash somewhere that I was oblivious to. Needless to say, my pain sensors are really out of whack.

The biggest one of these was after a bit of gardening and afterwords there was a long deep cut all the way from the back of the wrist to a little above the elbow. I didn't even notice until afterwards. I'm thankful that it was one the back of my arm or else I'd be the first person to accidentally commit suicide when tending bogenvilla (yeah I know it's misspelled). Still, damnedest thing.

 

[shereads]

PMFAO at you lot!!

You were all class dummies right???

DIY nightmares, that's for sure!!!

Thanks for the giggles, from a dedicated DIY-er!!

Your day will come.

 

[Guest]

Your day will come.

bless you, gorgeous.. bless you!

 

[shereads]

I'm thankful that it was one the back of my arm or else I'd be the first person to accidentally commit suicide when tending bogenvilla (yeah I know it's misspelled).

Bougainvillia, however you spell it, is evil. Those aren't thorns, they're sharpened ice picks.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Bougainvillia, however you spell it, is evil.

Why do you think I was tending it?

Still, tending it wasn't as fun as when I had to tend a rose garden with shorts on and no gloves. Gives a WHOLE 'nother meaning to life is like a rose bush.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Sorry for this....

Sher, your box is full and I really need your help with something.

Thanks.

~lucky

 

[shereads]

I'll call the custodian now.

 

[SlickTony]

Bougainvillia, however you spell it, is evil.

But it looks so pretty. And I don't see how it can be any worse than the climbing roses my dad had in the back yard. He tried to train them up a trellis, but the preferred to lean ou into the back yard and rip the hell out of anyone who went under their canes with a lawn mower.

And they did smell like roses. You can't buy roses like that.

 

[Guest]

I have, at one time or another, broken 70% of the bones in my body(some two and three times), I have had so many bad cuts that I took up doing my own stitches 15 years ago, have had third degree burns (one covered half of my right forearm), been shot twice and stabbed once, and have had countless bouts with food poisoning.

Yeah, I've had a rough life. I was born at a very early age.

 

[StinkBug]

Hmm, lets think of some recent ones.

1. When welding overhead, put on BOTH gloves and welding jacket. If only the jacket is worn sparks will go down your sleeve. If you're as lucky as me the biggest ones will lodge under your watch strap and burn away at your wrist while you frantically run around the shop shaking your arm.

2. When welding things to a piece of tubing, DO NOT use that same piece of tubing to rest your arm on to steady yourself for the next weld.

3. Rolling down the hill on a beach chair strapped to a furniture dolly is really really fun. But since you have no way to steer or stop, roadrash will happen sooner or later.

Dallas