Puns

[investor2020]

 

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[FranklyFrank]

 

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[12oclocktales]

She doesn't like using condoms because they always rubber the wrong way.

 

[investor2020]

 

[DeepInstinct]

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'

I wonder if he felt as big as Wales.

 

[investor2020]

 

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[12oclocktales]

The stuffy college English professor is picking up his mistress at the train station after she had been away for a few weeks.

“Have you been blue while I was gone, darling?” she asks him.

“Blown, dear, blown,” he corrects her.

 

[investor2020]

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result ...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

 

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[bunny4med]

Here's to nipples. Because without them titties would have no point.

 

[investor2020]

. . . purloined from a @hotoldrguy posting . . .