Questions for submissives

[tammybabe]

I have a few questions for all of you submissives out there. I’ve always had fantasies about spanking and corporal punishment. Over the last year, I have bee practicing it with my husband. The problem is that I need more intense discipline and I am afraid about where it is going.

We started out with a light spanking. My husband gave me a few slaps on my bottom and I found it incredible arousing. I would lie over his lap and he would redden my bottom as a prelude to some incredible sex. We are not into any of the master/slave – 24/7 stuff. We don’t do any scenes - just a good spanking. After a few months, I keep asking my husband to hit me harder. First he said that he didn’t want to hurt me. Then he said that his hand got sore.

I suggested that he punish me with his belt. I laid on our bed and he gave me a few good wallops. The sensation was great and he quickly fucked me doggy style. Every time after that I wanted more and harder strokes with his belt. My husband would always stop with I started to scream or put my had over my sore butt. I realized that even though he was belted me, I was in control because I could make him stop. I know he loves me but I needed to have him take full control.

After discussing the situation, we decided that I needed to be tied up for my punishment. It seemed like a bold step but I pleaded with my husband that it was what I wanted. We went to a tack shop and bought a beautiful riding crop. It was made of leather woven around a bamboo shaft and a loop at the tip. We were giggling at the shop and I’m sure the sales clerk knew what were up to. Next went to an adult toy shop and bought a set of hand cuffs. I couldn’t wait my punishment.

The only place we could use was our garage. I stripped naked and held out my hands for the cuffs. A rope was tied to the cuffs and the other end was tied to a rafter. I was strung up so that my heals were just touching the floor. I waited for my husband to get the riding crop. We had agreed that I was to receive 36 strokes laid on hard. No amount of screaming could stop the punishment.

There a swish and the first lash struck. It sent lightning bolts through my body. Before I could recover, the next one struck. At first I just let out an “Oh.” Then I started to twist around to avoid the crop. It was useless. I started to scream, but I didn’t ask to stop. When it was over, I was crying and thrashing around. Without a word, my husband untied me and led me to our bed.

That was yesterday. I had to call in sick today because I’m too sore to set in my chair at work. My welts are turning to black and blue. I spent most of the day lying on my stomach and masturbating. I’m already dreaming about the next session. Its scares me because I know I need a severe beating to be satisfied. Here are my questions for my sister submissives:

1. What type of whip gives you the most pleasure?

2. Can you take a hard whipping without being tied up?

3. How do you get someone to whip you hard enough but not too hard?

4. Can you get permanent damage from a whipping even if it doesn’t break the skin?

5. Do you need to be whipped harder each time you are punished?

 

[lilredwolph]

1. What type of whip gives you the most pleasure?

i enjoy differant "tools" at differant times, some days i crave the wooden paddle others the leather/fur one, then 2 days later i may just want a bare hand. i have no favorite. i have many differant toys so no 2 days are the same. all depends on the mood

2. Can you take a hard whipping without being tied up?

yes and no, also it depends on the mood, but mental bondage is very powerful

3. How do you get someone to whip you hard enough but not too hard?

we change toys often paddle then flogger back to paddle followed by 1 of the riding crops. with each tool there is a differant sensation it's not a matter of harder or softer

4. Can you get permanent damage from a whipping even if it doesn’t break the skin?

yes, what kind of damage depends on the item being used

5. Do you need to be whipped harder each time you are punished?


i don't get spankings or flogged as punishment, these are used for enjoyment, but like i said before changing what we use kind of voids the need for harder and softer - if it is sensed that i need more there is a tool change to something more intense

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Ok as I'm finding is more and more the case.....I just have to agree with Lilred.

I too find it all depends on the mood at the time. Spankings are a form of punishment for me though, but other times just an enjoyment.

I must say that I am finding I want more and more, not necessarily that I need more or harder licks. Its more like a crave more attention in this area. And Master just laughs because there was a time that I would have killed him if he'd of spanked me...LOL

Seriously, I didn't allow this to happen for a much longer time than I should have. I could've been having this much fun years ago...go figure. Lack of knowledge about what I liked and what I needed kept me unfullfilled.

dixi

 

[CarolineOh]

Welcome tammy, I hope we can be of help to you.
As far as the situation regarding your scene with your husband and the crop, this is an ideal situation to illustrate the value of using safe words. If you need an explanation as to how to use them we will be more than happy to oblige. But what needs to be understood is that the purpose of safewords is not just to maintain the safety of the submissive, but to ensure the dominant's peace of mind as well. If your husband knows that you will use an unambiguous signal to stop a scene, he will feel more confident that what he is doing is within bounds you can accept and handle.

I believe that LilRedWolph's replies to your questions can stand pretty much as stated for me as well. I adore flogging and over the knee hand spanking, but I have recently felt the sting of a singletail, and enjoyed that as well. But like Wolph, I look forward to exploring more variety , not necessarily more intensity.

I wish you the best in your explorations.

 

[Kuurspet]

1. What type of whip gives you the most pleasure?

Currently, M has a short riding crop. He bought it so it would fit in a travel bag, but it packs a really sharp wallop. My least favorite is the dog whip - about 4 feet long, very flexible and bullwhippy. For some reason, I have a very difficult time dealing with that pain

2. Can you take a hard whipping without being tied up?

Yes, I usually prefer not to be tied up so that I can shift around from time to time. The exception is when he wants me standing for a whipping (rather than lying down or on a bench). If I have to stand, it's best for me to be tied to something so I don't fall down or hop around!

3. How do you get someone to whip you hard enough but not too hard?

I usually ask Sometimes M finishes, and I beg him politely for more. This pleases him no end, and I usually get what I want.

5. Do you need to be whipped harder each time you are punished?

Gosh no - there are just so many implements, each with a completely different type and level of pain, that I can't build up a massive tolerance. If he has been favoring one whip over another, then we do get that buildup (for a while he only wanted to use one flogger - after a month or so, his arm would wear out before my butt). But switching implements during a session, or from session to session keeps everything fresh, so to speak. And there are times we will go for weeks and weeks without any whipping, while he opts to inflict other sorts of pain.

K

 

[tammybabe]

Thank you for your repsonses (both public and private). I am slowly recovering from my bruises and only slightly sore now.

I have spent a lot of time planning my next experince with discipline. I hate the word scene. If you have sex with someone, is that a "scene?"

The implement will be the single tailed whip. I have done a lot of reading about it and I want to have have stripes laid on my back and butt. I will be tied up by the wrists and streched out completely naked. I won't be blindfolded. I want to see the whipper and I won't have a gag. I hope my screams won't be too loud.

We don't have a single tail whip and my husband won't do it. He will watch and monitor my punishment. We have to find someone with skills and and experience.

It will take some time to set this up. Ill keep you posted.

 

[artful]

in response to this thread

Hi this is Artful's Dream in disguise as my Master
I'd like to say that I do enjoy being spanked immensely and the harder the better but everyone should know their limits so nothing turns abusive on either side of the relationship.
This particular act has only been done to me twice and I really thought it helped to intensify the orgasm.But my Master and I as of yet have not yet had the experience of this but I am quite sure than when He feels I need it or am ready for it that He will administer whatever kind of pleasure He sees is fit for me and I trust in His decisions 100% just be careful and honest ineverything you experience with your partner ,that's the main thing...huggs Dream

 

[petrel]

That was yesterday. I had to call in sick today because I’m too sore to set in my chair at work. My welts are turning to black and blue. I spent most of the day lying on my stomach and masturbating. I’m already dreaming about the next session. Its scares me because I know I need a severe beating to be satisfied.

Being scared is good because it shows you have a respect for your own body and your feelings. Maybe you could experiment with other things - find out if it is the actual physical sensation of beating that is so powerful or is it the testing of your limits, or perhaps the feeling of handing over control?

Try anal play - this is a really good way to feel that your limits are beign stretched (no pun intended) or maybe breast play. Maybe you could set a play session up where no physical 'punishemnt' will be used - make it an exercise in control - to stay absolutly still kneeling naked while he walks aroudn you and comments on your body, or lying still not making a sound whilst you are tickled/stroked; being blindfolded and made to describe your fantasies; there are lots of options that would give your body a rest.

I realise that one of the reasons I like CP and other intense physical forms of BDSM is that i feel very detached from my body alot of the time. I need to be reminded of the rawness of physical lust - to be taken to a place where I can't think or intellectualise all I can do is whimper and scream and sob and fuck.

1. What type of whip gives you the most pleasure?

His hand or a soft flogger

2. Can you take a hard whipping without being tied up?

Yes - havng my hands tied is fine but I don't actually like being fully tied up when I am beign spanked/flogged (there are occasional exceptions to this rule)

3. How do you get someone to whip you hard enough but not too hard?

safe words but also by counting - I start at 1 and each time I go up a number the intensity increases if i drop down a number that means its too hard, if I stay on a number it means it is not hard enough. If I cease to be aroused and it gets too much I go very still - that's a signal my partner has to watch for. Also I say ow when it is hurting but not erotic, if I say it once its usually because a stroke landed slightly too high or sharp if I keep saying it then we need to stop or slow down. It takes both of you to be aware of your limits, and how you react.

4. Can you get permanent damage from a whipping even if it doesn’t break the skin?

Yes - mental and emotional - amke sure you have down time and cuddles time. I got a spanking last wekend and felt fine afterwards that night - the next morning however I got up and walked out - I had swung down from the high and I felt crap - convinced my partner didn't love me etc etc. (i came back and cried alot and about 2 hrs later we were fine again) It can happen to the Top/Dom too - make sure you reassure him that you love him and that it was what you wanted - feelings of guilt because they have been beating you are pretty common

5. Do you need to be whipped harder each time you are punished?

No, it depends on my state of mind. Gradually over a period of time I can take more but one day I might be very achy and grouchy from sitting at the computer at work all day and need a good strong spanking. Another day I might want the physical buzz and feeling of letting go but don't want it too heavy - a mild swatting of my arse over his knee is fine then.

 

[MLadyPain]

5. Do you need to be whipped harder each time you are punished?

I think what bothered me the most about this post was the use of the word "punished" and "punishment". This isn't punishment, its you expressing your sexuality thru spanking and whipping. There is nothing wrong with recognizing what you want and need, and then acting on that in a safe, sane & consenual manner. Perhaps stop thinking of it a punishment, and enjoy it for what it is - strong sensation delivered by a loving and willing partner.

me, being too practical again
MLP

 

[tammybabe]

Am I missing something? What does the "D" in BDSM stand for? Doesn't discipline mean accepting punishment? The people posting here have some strange ideas about what one should and should not do in BDSM.

BDSM is a fantasy, folks!!! My fantasy is to be punished while being tied to a whipping post and receiving stripes on my naked back. I want to play out my fantasy. I just want to hear about other experiences before I do it.

Tammybabe

 

[CarolineOh]

Am I missing something? What does the "D" in BDSM stand for? Doesn't discipline mean accepting punishment? The people posting here have some strange ideas about what one should and should not do in BDSM.

BDSM is a fantasy, folks!!! My fantasy is to be punished while being tied to a whipping post and receiving stripes on my naked back. I want to play out my fantasy. I just want to hear about other experiences before I do it.

Tammybabe

Well, first of all, discipline does not equate to punishment. Discipline can be, and is for most of us I believe, dedication to honoring the commitment we have made to our relationship.
I am confused about your attitude Tammy. On the one hand you seem to want not consentual bdsm, but actual punishment, and on the other you dismiss those who advise you to play safe by saying, hey it's only a fantasy.

 

[Lancecastor]

Trim Those Split Ends!

Well, first of all, discipline does not equate to punishment. Discipline can be, and is for most of us I believe, dedication to honoring the commitment we have made to our relationship.
I am confused about your attitude Tammy. On the one hand you seem to want not consentual bdsm, but actual punishment, and on the other you dismiss those who advise you to play safe by saying, hey it's only a fantasy.

Discipline can most certainly equate to punishment....especially if Tammy wants it to.

It's also totally okay for Tammy to want to play out the fantasy of being punished as the scene by which she engages in BDSM.

And it certainly doesn't mean she is not honouring her relationship if she does so.

I don't see anything confusing about what she has said.

Tammy's ideas are as valid as anyone else's....this isn't and shouldn't be a "My way or the highway" place by any stretch of the imagination.

Rock on, Tammy!
Lance

 

[James Blandings]

Re: Trim Those Split Ends!

Discipline can most certainly equate to punishment....especially if Tammy wants it to.

It's also totally okay for Tammy to want to play out the fantasy of being punished as the scene by which she engages in BDSM.

And it certainly doesn't mean she is not honouring her relationship if she does so.

I don't see anything confusing about what she has said.

Tammy's ideas are as valid as anyone else's....this isn't and shouldn't be a "My way or the highway" place by any stretch of the imagination.

Rock on, Tammy!
Lance

I don't believe anything caroline said in her post can be fairly interpretted as a "My way or the highway" statement.
I also find Tammy's position somewhat confusing, and I hope she will clarify it for us, after all, we are all here to increase our understanding, are we not?
Discipline CAN mean punishment, but to think it ONLY means punishment is to take the narrowest possible derfinition. The rub here is that discipline does not equal punishment IF Tammy wants it to, it is either punishment or it is not, and her agreement to it isn't relevent. This is why so many people get their hackles up when the word punishment is used in BDSM, there is a taint of non-consent to it in many people's view.

I certainly hope Tammy will explain to us what particular "strange ideas" about BDSM she read here, so that perhaps those who espoused them can explain their views.

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: Re: Trim Those Split Ends!

The rub here is that discipline does not equal punishment IF Tammy wants it to, it is either punishment or it is not, and her agreement to it isn't relevent. This is why so many people get their hackles up when the word punishment is used in BDSM, there is a taint of non-consent to it in many people's view.

You've lost me here.

It seems to me that we are indeed splitting hairs....discipline and punishment are at least semantic first cousins if not fraternal twins.

Her perception....the way she feels about the actions...are all that matter to her, I suggest.

If she perceives corporal discipline in a scene playing the role of a naughty schoolgirl as punishment, for example...that's all that matters to her.

And nothing anyone says or does will change that.

The very essence of this wickedness is that each of us perceives and desires our own flavour of wick.....yes???

Hackles , taints, consent issues, where she gets her ideas, etc....those are the things you and Caroline have brought to the table, not hers.

Tammy started a thread looking for ideas.

And she posed questions.

Many have answered them.

To now question her on where she gets her "strange ideas" or to be "confused" by what she apparently digs strikes me as being the very thing BDSM adherants dislike hearing from the vanilla world.

But maybe I'm hearing both of you wrong.


Lance

 

[James Blandings]

Re: Re: Re: Trim Those Split Ends!

You've lost me here.

It seems to me that we are indeed splitting hairs....discipline and punishment are at least semantic first cousins if not fraternal twins.

Her perception....the way she feels about the actions...are all that matter to her, I suggest.

If she perceives corporal discipline in a scene playing the role of a naughty schoolgirl as punishment, for example...that's all that matters to her.

And nothing anyone says or does will change that.

The very essence of this wickedness is that each of us perceives and desires our own flavour of wick.....yes???

Hackles , taints, consent issues, where she gets her ideas, etc....those are the things you and Caroline have brought to the table, not hers.

Tammy started a thread looking for ideas.

And she posed questions.

Many have answered them.

To now question her on where she gets her "strange ideas" or to be "confused" by what she apparently digs strikes me as being the very thing BDSM adherants dislike hearing from the vanilla world.

But maybe I'm hearing both of you wrong.


Lance

Discipline is a much broader concept than mere punishment. While most BDSM relationships include discipline, almost by definition, not all of them use overt punishment and I suspect that very few use the same methods that they employ for pleasure in order to punish (Of course some do, and those in them generally have a very good idea as to how to tell the difference.)
One can percieve a scene to be punishment if that is what they enjoy, but as long as they are free to say no and walk away without recrimination, then it is not a real punishment. If they are not free to do so, then it is not BDSM, it is abuse.
I don't understand what you mean by "hackles, taints" etc. No one here has spoken disrespectfully to anyone. Nor did anyone ask where Tammy got "strange ideas". I asked her if she would explain which posts adressed to her contained what SHE described as strange ideas. However, I think anyone here ought to be open to explaining themselves when asked, as I am now doing for you.
I hope that have clarified my remarks to your satisfaction.

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Trim Those Split Ends!

One can percieve a scene to be punishment if that is what they enjoy.......

I've trimmed your response to illustrate the point I was trying to make...which is...regardless of what others say or think about the subject, if someone wants to think of a scene as punishment, that is their perogative....their reality.

After all, we're talking about floggings here James....acts which....guess what?....most people peeking through a window are going to see as abusive... unless they know and understand what's in the mind of the participants.

The rest of where we've wandered is, in my opinion, largely semantics...discipline, punishment....tomato, tomatoe.



Cheers;
Lance

 

[SierraMoon]

BDSM is a fantasy, folks!!! My fantasy is to be punished while being tied to a whipping post and receiving stripes on my naked back. I want to play out my fantasy. I just want to hear about other experiences before I do it.

Tammybabe

i'm sorry, but i'm going to jump in here, with both feet, and probably make quite a splash....
i snipped one of Tammy's posts to concentrate on what is a thorn in my side....
BDSM is NOT a fantasy to me.... it is what i crave, need and want in my life... if you are having a fantasy about being spanked, whipped, whatever, than i consider that to be yes, a fantasy or just kinky play...
Don't tell us, Tammy, that what we accept and need in our everyday lives is a "fantasy"... you don't know me, and i don't know you... keep the idea of "fantasy play" to yourself... what i do is real life BDSM, not fantasy...
just my 2 cents, if it's even worth that much....

 

[Lancecastor]

BDSM is....

......fantasy to some, reality to others.

Yet many with no skin-to-skin experience....some who only fantasize about it...and have never spoken a word to anyone about it....are, in their own minds, are heavily "into" BDSM, because, if nothing else, they yearn for, obsess over, need ....it.

What's the difference?

Isn't 95% of all sex in the mind anyway?

Splish, splash;
Lance

 

[SierraMoon]

Re: BDSM is....

......fantasy to some, reality to others.

Yet many with no skin-to-skin experience....some who only fantasize about it...and have never spoken a word to anyone about it....are, in their own minds, are heavily "into" BDSM, because, if nothing else, they yearn for, obsess over, need ....it.

What's the difference?

Isn't 95% of all sex in the mind anyway?

Splish, splash;
Lance

i agree with you, Lance... sorta....
what i was upset about, was that Tammy was lumping all of us into the "fantasy" category.... it is most definately not a fantasy to most of the people who post in here.... it's a way of life, and a need in life.... that was my point.... don't generalize about something you know nothing about. (Not meaning "you".. but people in general.)
i'll go back to my corner now...

 

[cymbidia]

What does the "D" in BDSM stand for? Doesn't discipline mean accepting punishment?

The "D" does indeed stand for the word "Discipline", tammy. If you go to any dictionary (here's one: www.dictionary.com), you'll see that there are a bunch of different definitions for this word.

I checked the following dictionaries to insure the accuracy of my original hunch regarding the actual meaning of this word: my own at-home copy of the OED, and three online dictionaries - the above ref'ed source (http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=discipline), Bartleby's (http://www.bartleby.com/61/56/D0255600.html), and Wordsmyth (http://www.wordsmyth.net/cgi-bin/si...iscipline&matchtype=exact&matchid=-1&retall=1) .

Most of these sources listed definitions something like this one from Bartleby's:
NOUN: 1. Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
2. Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.
3a. Control obtained by enforcing compliance or order.
b. A systematic method to obtain obedience: a military discipline.
c. A state of order based on submission to rules and authority: a teacher who demanded discipline in the classroom.
4. Punishment intended to correct or train.
5. A set of rules or methods, as those regulating the practice of a church or monastic order.
6. A branch of knowledge or teaching.

So you see, though discipline does mean "accepting punishment" (sorta - at least to you), it also means a bunch of other stuff. It may not mean much of anything past "accepting punishment" to you, i understand that, but it most certainly does mean more than that to others of us who are sharing this space with you.

The people posting here have some strange ideas about what one should and should not do in BDSM.

With all due respect, i think your idea of discipline being only "accepting punishment" is a strange idea. It's so...narrow.

To me, the whole concept of "discipline" is about so much more than just physical sensation. It's a concept i use when defining emotional liberation, as in "i've decided to discipline myself to think of my daily walk as a treat and a joy instead of a chore", for example. It's a consensual joining of the ideas shared by two people into a reality in the space they create between them. It has more to do with self-image, in my mind, then it does with "punishment".

But that's me. For more than 30 years, a core portion of my self-image has been heavily invested in my view of myself of a disciplined, active, emotionally open masochistic submissive. You, obviously, perceive yourself in a far different way - and so, perhaps, the role and value and definition of discipline in your life.

BDSM is a fantasy, folks!!!

To you.
To you, BDSM is a fantasy.
To me, it is part and parcel of who i am in my everyday life.

My fantasy is to be punished while being tied to a whipping post and receiving stripes on my naked back. I want to play out my fantasy. I just want to hear about other experiences before I do it.

Uh huh. Are we talking real stripes, here, not the fantasy version? The kind that sizzle down from the hand of your dominant and etch themselves into your skin while you scream and arch and swear and sob - and don't know, in that one instant if it's incredible pain or incredible pleasure you're feeling? Those kinds of stripes?

Real stripes are a whole different creature then are the fantasy version, darlin'. Just a little word from the "been there, done that" side 'o things. (See the attached pic for a recent shot of my real life stripes via a singletail whip.)

Originally posted by Lancecastor
The rest of where we've wandered is, in my opinion, largely semantics...discipline, punishment....tomato, tomatoe.

It's only semantics, Lance, if you don't happen to think the subjuect merits more emotion and consideration than than an airy dismissal.

This is not just semantics to me.
Nor is it to others, obviously.

To us, it's central to our lives and our view of ourselves and each other. To you and tammy it may only be fantasy. Have at it, if so. Indulge. Enjoy.

Allow the rest of us the dignity and vocal defense of what is our reality, though, if you would. You're so careful to preserve that for others; we insist on a heaping serving of the same, too.

I've got a bunch of actual experience with discipline and the receiving of stripes. Other people may use the idea to fantasize about it as they get themselves off. I am not "better" in some manner then are they, nor are they "better" then me. What is true here is that our definitions of reality and fantasy are different.

If, however, someone tells me that my reality is only fantasy, then i have to point out the error in their statement. (Well, i don't have to but i will, in this case, anyway.)

And if you want to take THAT on, to tell me that my speaking to and about and of my own reality in the face of someone else's assertions of it being only fantasy isn't an okay thing in some way, then i have to conclude that you may be deliberately causing strife, Lance. Is that true? That cannot be true, can it? Perhaps you're simply the self-appointed BDSM Board defender of all posters, whomever they may be, who may, possibly, perhaps, could be, maybe, kinda, not be a 100% hardcore BDSM lifestyler (whatever that is)? Is that it? Are you the self-appointed champion of all those who Aren't Like Us? (Who is "Us", btw)?


Bottom line:
Everyone is entitled to their fantasies.
Everyone is entitled to their reality.

If someone's fantasy intersects with my reality and they make it known to me, it's my right to comment on the differences between their fantasy and my reality if i so choose.

 

[cymbidia]

...and here's that pic...

 

[James Blandings]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Trim Those Split Ends!

I've trimmed your response to illustrate the point I was trying to make...which is...regardless of what others say or think about the subject, if someone wants to think of a scene as punishment, that is their perogative....their reality.

After all, we're talking about floggings here James....acts which....guess what?....most people peeking through a window are going to see as abusive... unless they know and understand what's in the mind of the participants.

The rest of where we've wandered is, in my opinion, largely semantics...discipline, punishment....tomato, tomatoe.



Cheers;
Lance

Well, Lance, if you consider the difference between consentual activities and forcible abuse to be mere semantics, then I see no reason to continue debating the point with you.
I had hoped that we might come to understand our differences on these points, but clearly that is not your intent.

 

[James Blandings]

...and here's that pic...

Show off.

 

[SierraMoon]

AMEN... you are a Goddess with words, cym... thank you

 

[cymbidia]

Show off.

~smirk~
Oh yeh, feel that burn, baby, scream it out...

You were still vacationing when i originally posted this thread: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=92189

you are a Goddess with words, cym

Thank you darlin', but i'm pretty sure there are a few dissenting opinions floating around somewhere nearby, you know?