Revocation of Independance

[lewdandlicentious]

I eat American, don't meet many foreign women. And Brit, yeah, even ate her once, though I sweated out the VD test afterward...



Q_C

The VD bit actually makes the whole, "I ate Brit" bit believable!!!! :-O

 

[Guest]

The VD bit actually makes the whole, "I ate Brit" bit believable!!!! :-O

HA! Touché!!

 

[Quiet_Cool]

The VD bit actually makes the whole, "I ate Brit" bit believable!!!! :-O

Her name was Brit; she wasn't British.

*ahem*

Had nice teeth an everything.

*ducks and runs for the door*

Q_C

 

[lewdandlicentious]

Her name was Brit; she wasn't British.

*ahem*

Had nice teeth an everything.

*ducks and runs for the door*

Q_C

Must have been a day for firsts!!!!

I mean, an American with nice teeth. Whatever next????

 

[Guest]

Must have been a day for firsts!!!!

I mean, an American with nice teeth. Whatever next????

PMSL!!!

You did it again!!!

 

[angela146]

OK, so what's the protocol for spanking a pint-sized almost_European country that gets out of line?

 

[rgraham666]

Introducing democracy?

 

[SeaCat]

A Message from The British to the citizens of the United States of America:


In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how
wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up "vocabulary").

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen."

July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. April 1st will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.

At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline")-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football," but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America.

Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation.

The Brits!!!

Carefull now mate, we might have to introduce you to real foods. I don't know how ya'll might react to something like Sourdough Bisquits and Red Eye Gravy for Breakfast. Oh and what's this High Tea? Do you put something in the kettle before heating the water? Crystal maybe? Now about this Clotted Cream, didn't you know that the only thing t=which clots is Blood? Cream sours. Oh and for dinner, none of that bland shit. (BTDT) How about a good Gunbo, or maybe even a nice mild Jambalya? (We won't make you eat the real thing, we know how the genteel hate to sweat.)

Now if you try to invade, well I might just have to force you to try something evil. I'll make you drive a swamp buggy for a bit, then introduce you to something nice and tasty. MudBugs maybe.

Tell you what. Maybe we should just leave well enough alone. You laugh at us, we'll laugh at you, we'll be great friends, and maybe we'll even cede Washington D.C. and Eastern MAssachusetts to you. (After we move the Smithsonian and other museams and archives out.)

Cat

(Who has way too many friends in the Isles not to have laughed at this.)

 

[Guest]

Introducing democracy?

We still "own" your sorry arses, so be careful what you say.

 

[Honey123]

Must have been a day for firsts!!!!

I mean, an American with nice teeth. Whatever next????

Ouch!!!

my American teeth are coloured white...

Surprised no one mention where American cheese comes from....

 

[Honey123]

Lew.....see, this is why Tax Day is sooooo special


Take it into Account

Number crunching
tapping of keys
had me aching
to be down on my knees.

Watching his tongue
slowly lick his lips
had me slowly
grinding my hips.

Thoughts of passion
filled me with desire
as I watched my
refund get higher and higher.

Ready to pounce
hungry to fuck
Could he imagine all
his good luck?

I uncrossed my legs
watching his face
swallowing hard as
he saw my white lace.

Panties in view
moist with desire
"Do you think it will grow,
my refund get higher?"

"I think it has. Let me
show you the size."
'Round his desk I walked
and saw a surprise.

Not only was I getting
some money back
but his dick was standing
straight up from his slack.

"Oh, my!" I said.
"Time to pay your fees."
and with that my dears,
I dropped to my knees.

 

[Guest]

Lew.....see, this is why Tax Day is sooooo special

Us Brits don't need a Tax Day, or anything like that. We give that kind of "special" treatment all the time.

(See my sig. )

 

[NoJo]

Us Brits don't need a Tax Day, or anything like that. We give that kind of "special" treatment all the time.

(See my sig. )

The 'T' word is rather painful for me right now. It makes me want to fly away back to New York and hide under a manhole cover.

 

[Guest]

The 'T' word is rather painful for me right now. It makes me want to fly away back to New York and hide under a manhole cover.

I hear a lot of that kind of thing goes on in New York.

 

[Honey123]

Us Brits don't need a Tax Day, or anything like that. We give that kind of "special" treatment all the time.

(See my sig. )

Even at the supermarket? WOW>>>