Roll Call: Open Relationship Or Not????

[iamsamtoday]

I believe it, you're a pretty cool guy.

I mean, some people like to be fucked in the ass, some don't. Some people like one partner, some don't... Neither is right or wrong, it's a decision between two (or more) consenting adults.

Yes you are correct. I just wish my partner would be one of those consenting adults

 

[DorlaMoorehouse]

I am in an open relationship and very happy. I have been married for nearly 2 years, and have been in a love relationship with another man (who also has a primary partner) for a year and a half. Plus lots of casual sex, either one-on-one or in group settings (often group settings include my husband).

Neither of us are jealous people; we are both independent and value our freedom. Being in an open relationship means that we don't feel like we have to be together all the time. We can go out with others, and we can pursue our own hobbies and interests when the other person is on a date. I think being open keeps our relationship happy and strong.

I realize that nonmonogamy is not for everyone, but it has worked really well for us.

 

[rm1969]

Monogamy has not worked for me. My wife and I love our open relationship. I have a loves relationships with two other women, and a steady bisexual relationship with another man. We also both have casual sex on occassion and like to have threesomes (or moresomes) with our outside partners or new people we meet.

I don't know what jealousy is. I believe that you love different people for different reasons and all the relationships I have fill needs that not one person can meet.

 

[KoPilot]

I can definitely understand why some people would seek open relationships and be fulfilled by them, but it wouldn't work for me.

I've never craved casual sex or sex with people I see as friends. Yes, I'm one of those emotionally cloistered people that takes a very, very long time to come out and behave honestly with others. It's not that I have trouble making friends or meeting people... I'm a very social person, but to me, social life and sex life aren't one in the same. I have to be in love with someone in order for my libido to really kick in, and the idea of having to spend a lot of time to get to that point with more than one partner is ridiculous to me. Not that I would even want to.

And it creates a fun dynamic with your exclusive partner, too. The idea of competition could make things more exciting, force them "step up their game" a little bit, I guess you could say. I'm going to a convention this summer and will be dressing up in a skimpy costume... having basement-dwelling guys drooling over me isn't why I want to dress up. It's that basement-dwelling guys will be kept at bay by my bf, and that sense of dancing on the edge of jealousy and competition that'll make it (mutually) fun for us.

That, and he gets to see me wearing a skimpy costume in public.

 

[silverwhisper]

iamsamtoday quoth:
how many of you have an open relationship? and what exactly is an open relationship?

and how many of you do not have an open relationship, like me, where you can't talk to your spouse about sexual anything.

an open relationship is generally understood to mean a relationship (whether married or otherwise committed) in which one or both parties have the freedom to have sex with a non-spouse.

it has nothing whatsoever to do with the ability to discuss sexual matters as the expression is used on lit--or anywhere else that i know of.

strictly speaking, i do have an open relationship, sort of. my wife is bisexual and she has my standing consent to be with another woman, should she so desire. however, although my consent hasn't changed, she is no longer interested in exploring that, so de facto, we are in a closed relationship.

ed

 

[kara24]

open relationships

My husband and I both reguarly have sex with another couple or with others at swinging clubs, however neither of us consider ourselves to be in an open relationship. I think an open relationship is where both couples can see other people without needing consent from the other. Both of us enjoy watching the other with another partner but we are always together when this happens.
As for open discussion? We talk about everything ! How can you know what the other person likes if you dont ask! And no one can read your mind! Its also good to talk about things even if you never plan to carry them out.

 

[eudaemonia]

I never appreciated before the possible nuances of "open relationship" until reading this thread. Thanks to everyone who posted.

 

[MiaPassion]

Me and my BF are in open relationship. I love him, he loves me, we trust each other and we can fuck with other if we want. And we talk about everything. He's the best man I've ever had and i'm very happy

 

[iamsamtoday]

Me and my BF are in open relationship. I love him, he loves me, we trust each other and we can fuck with other if we want. And we talk about everything. He's the best man I've ever had and i'm very happy

You are one lucky lady MiaPassion.

 

[MrRetro]

You are one lucky lady MiaPassion.

Yes she is... But I'm guessing her partner is just as lucky...

I don't understand the logic in not allowing your partner or wife another lover if that is what she so desires... I don't feel the need to take another woman to bed, but if a woman feels the urge to take another lover, I feel this should be encouraged... I think we miss-interpret a woman's need for passionate love making with another man with a woman searching for a replacement partner or husband... As we all know, a good marriage is about partnership, commitment and understanding... If this foundation is solid, the woman will not want a replacement... She just needs another part of her complex life filled...

I've only ever been with one woman who wanted this and I'm not a jealous sort of man, so we did try it... It was some time ago now... We had discussed it over a long period of time... Apparently she admitted to pleasuring some men orally in our time together and one of them she wanted to take to bed... She didn't feel comfortable with me being in the house, or for that matter, telling me much about the event... I do remember feeling so excited in an overwhelming sexual way, I was light headed... She felt amazing as she mounted me that later that day and being just a young typical man, I had to ask the obvious male question, which is one of the few details she did give me... At least she was honest... We did eventually break up, though not over this event...

I think we men can sometimes get so caught up with our pride we can miss the true beauty...

MrRetro...

 

[subwannabe]

Just wondering, if you are in a true "open relationship" what is the point or advantage of actually being married to someone?

 

[kittyn_]

Just wondering, if you are in a true "open relationship" what is the point or advantage of actually being married to someone?

Most open relationships are 'sexually open' but not so much emotionally. Or if they are open emotionally, the 'main relationship,' marriage or what have you, is where the majority of the commitment and concern between the original couple lies.

Then you go further afield in the definition of 'open'...Threesomes are an example that comes immediately to mind. Some people I know call their relationship open while the only time they go outside of their marriage is together with another person.

And then there are people who say their relationship is open when one partner or ther other is bisexual, but the bi partner(s) only play with the gender outside of their relationship, fufilling a need that can't be met in the primary partnership.

So, plenty of reasons to be in an open primary relationship or marriage.

As for the 'true' part of the question, I have no idea what would be considered a true open relationship, maybe one where everyone involved was free to do as they wish? Well, even then, I doubt that there wouldn't be some form of conversation about it, and issues to be worked out on a continuous basis, so it's still not completely 'open' by my definition. I'd say for the most part while the involved parties are still caring for and respecting each other, an open relationship is just an acknowledgement that my needs may be different from yours, and while I love you and want you, sometimes you just don't do 'it' for me, and I'm sure you feel the same way.

 

[MiaPassion]

Just wondering, if you are in a true "open relationship" what is the point or advantage of actually being married to someone?

((((Sorry for my English, I'm not native speaker))))

Because of love Sex is just a game, so why not to play with someone in some party? it's NOTHING. People like flirt, sex, games, so why should I forbit it to him and why should he forbit it to me? We don't want to lie each other and if I won't let him do what he wants (and he won't let it to me), then we would not feel free people. It would be a big possibility that we would start to lie each other in a time. And it would be bad situation if he or me would love someone else, but I know that I'm the best woman to him and he is the best man to me, we are self confident people that's why we let each other to do, what we want and that's why we are happy

 

[MiaPassion]

Just wondering, if you are in a true "open relationship" what is the point or advantage of actually being married to someone?

Most open relationships are 'sexually open' but not so much emotionally. Or if they are open emotionally, the 'main relationship,' marriage or what have you, is where the majority of the commitment and concern between the original couple lies.

Then you go further afield in the definition of 'open'...Threesomes are an example that comes immediately to mind. Some people I know call their relationship open while the only time they go outside of their marriage is together with another person.

And then there are people who say their relationship is open when one partner or ther other is bisexual, but the bi partner(s) only play with the gender outside of their relationship, fufilling a need that can't be met in the primary partnership.

So, plenty of reasons to be in an open primary relationship or marriage.

Very good post. I agree with everything you wrote

 

[Dearelliot]

I dont think much of marriage is about sex...lets see say your married 10 15 yrsa you live together 168 hours a week...maybe 30 to 60 minutes of that time is involved in sex...when you get older it may be less..Sex is the fun part...but only a small part

 

[Bandit58]

Most open relationships are 'sexually open' but not so much emotionally. Or if they are open emotionally, the 'main relationship,' marriage or what have you, is where the majority of the commitment and concern between the original couple lies.

Then you go further afield in the definition of 'open'...Threesomes are an example that comes immediately to mind. Some people I know call their relationship open while the only time they go outside of their marriage is together with another person.

And then there are people who say their relationship is open when one partner or ther other is bisexual, but the bi partner(s) only play with the gender outside of their relationship, fufilling a need that can't be met in the primary partnership.
So, plenty of reasons to be in an open primary relationship or marriage.

As for the 'true' part of the question, I have no idea what would be considered a true open relationship, maybe one where everyone involved was free to do as they wish? Well, even then, I doubt that there wouldn't be some form of conversation about it, and issues to be worked out on a continuous basis, so it's still not completely 'open' by my definition. I'd say for the most part while the involved parties are still caring for and respecting each other, an open relationship is just an acknowledgement that my needs may be different from yours, and while I love you and want you, sometimes you just don't do 'it' for me, and I'm sure you feel the same way.

The bolded part is what our relationship is about. I am the bisexual one and I have a regular female friend with benefits. We have also had threesomes with other women (no men, neither of us is interested in other males). Sir is also not interested in having sex with other women without me - in fact He just turned down an offer from a woman on an online dating site who offered herself to Him without including me (I consider her actions to be a slap in the face to me as our profile clearly states we both play or no one does, until we are really comfortable with her and she and I could play on our own if we wish).

 

[kittyn_]

I hear you about the propositioning of my male by random chicks. While ours isn't a 'both play or no one plays,' the agreement is before I'm comfortable with him having another female that could possibly ruin our relationship, I get to screen for psycho drama queen tendencies. Call me paranoid, but I don't trust most females, particularly those hitting on a married male who doesn't make advances, so I reserve the right to be a reality check.

And even more those with the above going and who say they're bi but refuse to even talk to the female half of a couple...

 

[anarath]

Relationship.

Me and my wife are in an open relationship. It took us years to get her and develop the trust that is needed, but now it is wonderful. She actually insisted i get a girlfriend as she could not keep up with me sexually, and i did find a wonderful woman that i hope becomes a part of my family. Her and my wife get along great, and they are both Bi so it is a win-win-win for us all.

We are both free to date or have sex with whomever we want, but we know that if the other says to stop, you stop in mid thrust. You have to be truly committed to each other for it to work. I have found in my g/f that she is WAY more outgoing than my wife and has all of the sexual interests i have, where my wife is more conservative so it is a nice balance.

But here is something that i dont think i read about in these posts and that is how it affects the families. We both have kids, and relatives and those are the hardest to make understand why we chose what we chose. Its a guessing game as to how they will react, but i am more concerned about the children since they are younger. I plan on raising them to believe that you CAN love everyone and be committed to more than one person (i know it means to redefine what the so called normal definition for that word means, but we as humans evolve). I will love and cherish my g/f's kids as my own until we do have some of our own, and so will my wife. I know that my g/f feels the same way, she is an AMAZING person and i am lucky to have found her (or actually she found me).

So i do Love my wife, and we have been married for 5 and together for 11. But i also have some VERY strong feelings about my g/f. I can still go out and date/sleepwith anyone else, but i am content right now.

And in case my g/f reads this, Olive Juice baby.