Rules of swinging

[KerrBear85]

We had our first swing a few nights ago. It was fun and interesting. My husband was having a blast. Her bf was incredibly lamo', however. He cam too quickly and his length was disappointing. I wanted to get pounded like my hubs can do for me. So, although I had fun with the girl, it was disappointing. We liked the girl, but she doe not feel confident in doing much without her bf along, which is understandable. I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm not interested in wasting my time with her bf again. My needs simply weren't being met by him.

Should I just find a new couple to swing with? Or find another gent and ask if just she would like to join in?

 

[infinity706]

Honestly, I'd be sort of flattered that he came too quickly. Of course, it would be a good thing to bring up. It might even be a problem for her, too, that she's too shy to address. Unless the guy's just a total idiot, he might be worth at least a second chance, though. Anyone could have a bad night, especially if they haven't done something like swinging before. He might even have some kind of kink you could share with him, that your husband isn't into.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

look for another couple, though stay in touch with her just in case she breaks up with her bf or is willing to step out on her own! The unequal experience you and your husband have may create problems as he would want to meet up with them again, despite your lack of interest. In swinging, there's no committment, no hard feelings, no means no - find the perfect match that meets both you and your husband's desires and don't settle for less; ultimately, it is about the two of you exploring, enjoying, sharing...

 

[satindesire]

We had our first swing a few nights ago. It was fun and interesting. My husband was having a blast. Her bf was incredibly lamo', however. He cam too quickly and his length was disappointing. I wanted to get pounded like my hubs can do for me. So, although I had fun with the girl, it was disappointing. We liked the girl, but she doe not feel confident in doing much without her bf along, which is understandable. I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm not interested in wasting my time with her bf again. My needs simply weren't being met by him.

Should I just find a new couple to swing with? Or find another gent and ask if just she would like to join in?

See, this is why a part of me winces over the ideas of swinging. Only TIME can make a good lover.

The reason why your husband meets your needs better is because you've been with him longer! He knows what you like, what you need to get off. One night simply isn't enough time to teach a man exactly everything he needs to know about pleasing someone.

If you expect every one night stand to be as good as your husband, I'm sorry to say this, but you will be SORELY disappointed.

If you want to do this the right way, you need to get involved with people that you have actually spent time with for more than a single night.

Also, since you didn't say anything about trying to instruct him as to how to please you, I'm guessing you thought he could read your mind, and you didn't SAY anything about what you wanted sexually? How is a man supposed to please you if you don't teach him? Not every woman is the same, you know. If you want to have good experiences with other people sexually, you need to be a good communicator, you need to be more open about what you want and need, and you need to be PATIENT.

Fantasy is often disappointing, isn't it? It's always perfect in our heads, but often so not perfect in reality.

 

[mark_j]

We had our first swing a few nights ago. It was fun and interesting. My husband was having a blast. Her bf was incredibly lamo', however. He cam too quickly and his length was disappointing. I wanted to get pounded like my hubs can do for me. So, although I had fun with the girl, it was disappointing. We liked the girl, but she doe not feel confident in doing much without her bf along, which is understandable. I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm not interested in wasting my time with her bf again. My needs simply weren't being met by him.

Should I just find a new couple to swing with? Or find another gent and ask if just she would like to join in?

Getting 4 people to be compatible with each other in this situation is a crap shoot at best. So unless she is willing to play alone with you two it sounds like this couple isn't going to work for you especially as it seems that both couples play same room, same bed. So unless you can find some sort of redeeming quality with this couple that you are happy with, eventually, as far as the bedroom, it is probably going to be a lost cause.

It does sound like you and her had fun so that is a plus. It is possible that he had an off night (which does happen) so even though he wasn't exactly what you wanted it might be worth a second encounter. There isn't going to be anything you can do about his equipment size so you may have to compromise on that if you find the girl to be enough fun to compensate where he may be lacking.

That said here would be some general guidelines (if these sound redundant it is not meant that way):

Don't expect too much. If your hubs is a sexual god with great equipment and knows everything about how to get you off don't expect the other guy to be that way as well. Revel in his differences in style and technique but with the understanding that he isn't going to know your response curve, what buttons to push and so on. Be sure that you give him plenty of clues as to what you want or take control of the situation yourself. Remember he is going to be looking for something different as well.

Don't take one for the team. If the guy is just completely lame (can't get it up, hair trigger or just doesn't have a clue) and can't even get the basic job done then this is probably going to be a deal breaker with this couple. So unless there is something else that you are getting out of it don't compromise yourself just for the sake of your hubs if you get nothing out of the encounter.

Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what you really wanted. What was the focus. Did you really want him to sweep you off your feet, ravish you and she was just a side dish or were you really after her and hoping that he was adequate. Sometime compromises are possible if the overall encounter was good.

Communicate, communicate. I can't stress this enough. Discuss what happened with the encounter. Good points, bad points. You don't have to go into lurid detail (unless you both get off on that) or say anything that might bruise his ego, but at least be honest. Who knows you might learn an new twist that enhances you and hubs bedroom time together.

Sometimes these things take time. Expecting an earth shattering experience is unrealistic.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

See, this is why a part of me winces over the ideas of swinging. Only TIME can make a good lover.

The reason why your husband meets your needs better is because you've been with him longer! He knows what you like, what you need to get off. One night simply isn't enough time to teach a man exactly everything he needs to know about pleasing someone.

If you expect every one night stand to be as good as your husband, I'm sorry to say this, but you will be SORELY disappointed.

If you want to do this the right way, you need to get involved with people that you have actually spent time with for more than a single night.

Also, since you didn't say anything about trying to instruct him as to how to please you, I'm guessing you thought he could read your mind, and you didn't SAY anything about what you wanted sexually? How is a man supposed to please you if you don't teach him? Not every woman is the same, you know. If you want to have good experiences with other people sexually, you need to be a good communicator, you need to be more open about what you want and need, and you need to be PATIENT.

Fantasy is often disappointing, isn't it? It's always perfect in our heads, but often so not perfect in reality.

Unfortunately, for better or worse, life is never so black and white. Some one night stands can end up with increadable sex while "making love" to a spouse of ten years can be boring and uninspiring. Fantasies can actually be extremely rewarding, particularly when a couple is exploring them openly and honestly together.

Though, admittedly, sometimes they do fall a little flat. but don't disappear, most the fun is in the effort of realizing them then the actual climatic completion - its the process, the search that's the fun part.

 

[satindesire]

Unfortunately, for better or worse, life is never so black and white. Some one night stands can end up with increadable sex while "making love" to a spouse of ten years can be boring and uninspiring. Fantasies can actually be extremely rewarding, particularly when a couple is exploring them openly and honestly together.

Though, admittedly, sometimes they do fall a little flat. but don't disappear, most the fun is in the effort of realizing them then the actual climatic completion - its the process, the search that's the fun part.

If you can't communicate to your partner of TEN YEARS how to make sex better, how can you hope to get through swinging?

Swinging absolutely REQUIRES communication. And if you can't even talk to your husband of a decade about sex, then swinging isn't a good option.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

If you can't communicate to your partner of TEN YEARS how to make sex better, how can you hope to get through swinging?

Swinging absolutely REQUIRES communication. And if you can't even talk to your husband of a decade about sex, then swinging isn't a good option.

if only life were so simple and easy... indeed, exploring swinging, either just as a fantasy or in practice, can actually bring a couple to communicate better thus improving their lives... not all is always as it seems, or should be.

 

[satindesire]

if only life were so simple and easy... indeed, exploring swinging, either just as a fantasy or in practice, can actually bring a couple to communicate better thus improving their lives... not all is always as it seems, or should be.

Yeahh...I'm well aware of that. I don't really know what your point is exactly, but mine was that she needs to stop expecting things that probably aren't going to happen, and she needs to ask for what she wants.

You are being quite...um...vague, or obtuse, or...something. I'm not really sure what. But whatever it is, I don't get what message you're trying to send across.

Her situation is that her and her guy swung with another couple. She had expectations that were not met, but did not give us any indication that she communicated her desires to the male of the other couple. Therefore, my advice to her was "Speak up. Be realistic. And be patient."

What was your advice? I'm not really understanding you.

 

[infinity706]

See, this is why a part of me winces over the ideas of swinging. Only TIME can make a good lover.

The reason why your husband meets your needs better is because you've been with him longer! He knows what you like, what you need to get off. One night simply isn't enough time to teach a man exactly everything he needs to know about pleasing someone.

If you expect every one night stand to be as good as your husband, I'm sorry to say this, but you will be SORELY disappointed.

If you want to do this the right way, you need to get involved with people that you have actually spent time with for more than a single night.

Also, since you didn't say anything about trying to instruct him as to how to please you, I'm guessing you thought he could read your mind, and you didn't SAY anything about what you wanted sexually? How is a man supposed to please you if you don't teach him? Not every woman is the same, you know. If you want to have good experiences with other people sexually, you need to be a good communicator, you need to be more open about what you want and need, and you need to be PATIENT.

Fantasy is often disappointing, isn't it? It's always perfect in our heads, but often so not perfect in reality.

Quoted for truthiness

As many partners as I've had, I'd say I'm pretty good at sex after getting hundreds of people off. With the regulars fuck buddies I have, though, I can really push their buttons extra well. No matter how good you are, sex with someone will never be as good the first time as it will be with practice.

 

[Iftheshoefits]

Should I just find a new couple to swing with? Or find another gent and ask if just she would like to join in?

Yes, you should find a new couple to swing with.

No, the second idea is a bad one. How do you think that is going to go over with her BF? What would be more likely to happen is neither of them will ever fuck with you again if you suggest such a thing.

Expect a lot of disappointment. Swingers are not sexual gods or know-it-all's, or as big of whores as everyone thinks. Many of them are just as clueless about pleasing someone as anyone else. Finding someone to fuck you as well your SO is a long shot, no one can make up for the years of experience he has with you in one night!

Most of the sex my wife and I had as swingers was forgettable. MOST of it...not all. We both found the conquest was usually far more exciting than the end result. She liked going to the parties and meet n' greets, and flirting, and dressing in her slutty little outfits in an envirnment that was accepting of it...but between the sheets it was usually a waste of time by her standards. In all honesty I have to imagine some of the other mens wives probably felt the same way about me. 2 way chemistry is hard enough, 4 way is WORK. One of us almost always ended up inadvertantly taking one for the team.

We found a better situation by leaving the "swingers" alone and just going out and fucking random singles. No Wife/GF or Husband/BF (and the "rules" that go with them) to contend with.

 

[bigerik7]

We had our first swing a few nights ago. It was fun and interesting. My husband was having a blast. Her bf was incredibly lamo', however. He cam too quickly and his length was disappointing. I wanted to get pounded like my hubs can do for me. So, although I had fun with the girl, it was disappointing. We liked the girl, but she doe not feel confident in doing much without her bf along, which is understandable. I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but I'm not interested in wasting my time with her bf again. My needs simply weren't being met by him.

Should I just find a new couple to swing with? Or find another gent and ask if just she would like to join in?

I agree with the general consensus, it's bad form to ask a couple to split up for you, keep meeting people, going to events, chatting online etc.. you'll find that you'll get to know people more deeply than just fucking, and in that time the relationship you'll foster will allow you to express what you're looking for, and the guy will be able to pick it up as well. if that doesn't work, i'd suggest just meeting singles then. best of luck, I know I WOULD like to know how it turns out.

 

[KerrBear85]

Getting 4 people to be compatible with each other in this situation is a crap shoot at best. So unless she is willing to play alone with you two it sounds like this couple isn't going to work for you especially as it seems that both couples play same room, same bed. So unless you can find some sort of redeeming quality with this couple that you are happy with, eventually, as far as the bedroom, it is probably going to be a lost cause.

It does sound like you and her had fun so that is a plus. It is possible that he had an off night (which does happen) so even though he wasn't exactly what you wanted it might be worth a second encounter. There isn't going to be anything you can do about his equipment size so you may have to compromise on that if you find the girl to be enough fun to compensate where he may be lacking.

That said here would be some general guidelines (if these sound redundant it is not meant that way):

Don't expect too much. If your hubs is a sexual god with great equipment and knows everything about how to get you off don't expect the other guy to be that way as well. Revel in his differences in style and technique but with the understanding that he isn't going to know your response curve, what buttons to push and so on. Be sure that you give him plenty of clues as to what you want or take control of the situation yourself. Remember he is going to be looking for something different as well.

Don't take one for the team. If the guy is just completely lame (can't get it up, hair trigger or just doesn't have a clue) and can't even get the basic job done then this is probably going to be a deal breaker with this couple. So unless there is something else that you are getting out of it don't compromise yourself just for the sake of your hubs if you get nothing out of the encounter.

Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what you really wanted. What was the focus. Did you really want him to sweep you off your feet, ravish you and she was just a side dish or were you really after her and hoping that he was adequate. Sometime compromises are possible if the overall encounter was good.

Communicate, communicate. I can't stress this enough. Discuss what happened with the encounter. Good points, bad points. You don't have to go into lurid detail (unless you both get off on that) or say anything that might bruise his ego, but at least be honest. Who knows you might learn an new twist that enhances you and hubs bedroom time together.

Sometimes these things take time. Expecting an earth shattering experience is unrealistic.

Good pointers, but all I really wanted was to be fucked. It didn't have to be perfect nor was I expecting it, but I wanted to at least get fucked. Instead, I had a guy who cam before he entered then couldn't keep it hard long enough to enter after that. He expected me to consistently suck his cock, which is boring if I'm expected to play with my own clit. But, upon thinking back, his gf was consistently sucking on hubs. Maybe it's normal for him to consistently be the receiver and no so much the giver.

Oh, and I texted the girlfriend today and asked her why she thinks her bf performed so poorly (not in those exact words, I'm not a complete bitch.) and she said that his knees were bugging him and that he prefers to be on bottom because of this.

Maybe I'll try again, but I do not like feeling left out. I do not deserve to be left out, that's why I don't like two girl one guy three sums. Someone always gets left out at some point.

 

[infinity706]

Well, it sounds like 69ing might be a good solution to the whole sucking cock issue. It's also great for keeping both of you fired up at the same time as long as both people are dedicated to making it work.

 

[KerrBear85]

The gf texted me and asked if we'd like to host them again next weekend. Well, that's my birthday and I'm not sure what's going on yet, but if I do something like this and it's my birthday, I better be spoiled.

I'm not good at communicating with someone in this situation. I don't know him really and he's not a love interest like many of my other casual sexual encounters had been. I want to text him something but I'm completely clueless as to how to phrase it without coming across badly and hurting his feelings or anything like that.

 

[BiBunny]

Maybe I'll try again, but I do not like feeling left out. I do not deserve to be left out, that's why I don't like two girl one guy three sums. Someone always gets left out at some point.

If that's what's happening, somebody's doing it wrong.

 

[infinity706]

The gf texted me and asked if we'd like to host them again next weekend. Well, that's my birthday and I'm not sure what's going on yet, but if I do something like this and it's my birthday, I better be spoiled.

I'm not good at communicating with someone in this situation. I don't know him really and he's not a love interest like many of my other casual sexual encounters had been. I want to text him something but I'm completely clueless as to how to phrase it without coming across badly and hurting his feelings or anything like that.

Well, you're going to have to communicate or he's not going to be as good as you want. You don't have to be negative about it, though. Tell him exactly what you'd like to have happen and how hot it would make you. Of course, it might get better the second time, anyway. Especially if that was his first experience, there's a good chance he was nervous as hell about it. You might want to bring a couple Viagra tablets, just incase, though.

 

[mark_j]

Good pointers, but all I really wanted was to be fucked. It didn't have to be perfect nor was I expecting it, but I wanted to at least get fucked. Instead, I had a guy who cam before he entered then couldn't keep it hard long enough to enter after that. He expected me to consistently suck his cock, which is boring if I'm expected to play with my own clit. But, upon thinking back, his gf was consistently sucking on hubs. Maybe it's normal for him to consistently be the receiver and no so much the giver.

That is unfortunate... I guess his giving oral is not one of those things he does to mitigate that problem.

Oh, and I texted the girlfriend today and asked her why she thinks her bf performed so poorly (not in those exact words, I'm not a complete bitch.) and she said that his knees were bugging him and that he prefers to be on bottom because of this.

Maybe I'll try again, but I do not like feeling left out. I do not deserve to be left out, that's why I don't like two girl one guy three sums. Someone always gets left out at some point.

Well if you don't feel it is worth the effort on your part for another round then don't do it.