Sanguineous Conditions

[Lazorrath]

The horizon held a beacon of orange, white, yellow and pink...at least it would if the skyscrapers of New York didn't block the sun's display. Beams of light passed in between the buildings, slowly fading away like a dying candle. Yet the lights bounce and danced off the windows, steel beams and car windshields. The lights blending with the burning white neon displays all over the city. A prism of the natural and man made burning out the darkness; but a futile effort over all. The shadows that never die slowly creep forward; and the shadow intertwined with the absence of light. As the shadow fell at a condominium a figure appeared staring as the light seeped away a few blocks away.

The light of the city replaced God's light and staring from a window stood a man of 6'4 with long white hair that came past his shoulders. No binds held it as the strands of hair came down in loose strand along his full head of hair. The twilight of the city lights illuminated a tight, built yet wiry body; its pale skin covered in a series of scars and tears. Trailing down lean cut muscle of his right arm, hanging from his wrist was a wooden crucifix, its cross no longer then an inch shaped with sharp geometric corners. His thumb and forefinger rubbed at the beam of the cross; constantly he toiled with the piece of wood. Hazel eyes stared through the fogged window, the moonlight fell upon sharp facial features.

The man leaned against the window pane and he pondered over his night to come. This woman he had contacted, she agreed to help him at so late an hour. He wondered how long it would even last if at all. How was he going to try to talk to her; what could this person possibly help him understand. It was a thought he quickly dashed, he was still a man; his mind worked around the idea that he still was a man...still human. Pushing off the window as light as a feather he walked down the hall of a dimly lit apartment...bare with only simple furniture. The walls held paint with chips and dents here and there. Walking down a narrow hall to a bedroom, he went into the room and opened a closet. Reaching in he found a black polo shirt that fit tightly around his body; he put on a pair of khaki dress pants and a black belt to follow through it. Looking inside the closet he saw an old duster in the corner; the long leather jacket had seen years of service.

He reached for the jacket slowly, his hand slowly pulling away. Instead his hand grabbed a black haired wig and he began to assemble and roll his white hair to be out of the way for the wig. After a few moments, the black hair took over with only a few shades of gray showing from time to time. Looking like a normal person was no easy feat for a man of his size and with white hair you only stand out more. As he finished preparing himself, he walked over to a coffee table in the bedroom and picked up the business card of the woman who was going to help him. The address and appointment time were on the card. There was no point in trying to stall this any longer; though to him it all seemed so pointless.

Grabbing a few last minute items the man stepped into the hallway and towards an elevator. Tapping the dimly lit descending button the large metal doors parted for him. The room revealed a little boy no older then 9 with candy bar in his hand. The man stepped in and tapped the ground floor button. It reminded him why he should simply use the stairs; the less contact the better he told himself....right...it served him well so far in life. Of course it seems no matter what he tried fate found a way to get him involved.

The boy stared in fascination at the size of the man beside him. The man didn't look around, straight ahead at the polished steel door in front of him. Sound of cheap music filled the tiny room and the sound of cables slowly pulling down the metal box the two stood inside. Then a break from the silence, the boy spoke up.

"Your tall..." The boys perception of the obvious was without fault and the man couldn't help but crack a small smile.

"Indeed I am, I'm over six feet tall" His voice was low but a harmonic nature of it, it carried powerfully.

"Wooow...your like a superhero." The smile left him, the boy did not know him. He never would know what he was capable of.

"Being tall doesn't make you a hero...it takes courage to stand up to what your afraid of." The boy looked down at the floor clutching the candy in his hand.

"I get scared sometimes...I don't like lightning" The man looked down to the boy with a stoic look upon his face. He then slowly knelt down still towering over the boy but easier to be at eye level.

" Everyone is afraid of something...even monsters."The boy looked up to the man in front of him and the child became a little nervous. "Even you can scare a monster; being afraid doesn't make you helpless." Suddenly they were at the floor of the boy and the doors swung open. The tall man gave a knod to the boy

"May the lord bless and keep you. The dark is as afraid of you as you are of it." The boy a little nervous quickly ran off out of the elevator...but before the door closed the boy slowly turned and waved goodbye. The man rose up to his towering stature and soon enough he was at the ground floor; and already the street was filled with people left and right. Many people were getting ready for the night life; replacing their fear with liquid courage to pretend that nothing could happen to them. He knew they were wrong...dead wrong.

As he waded through the people on the streets the sun had set and the cacophony of noises waved through him. It was like being hit the shock wave of a grenade; his ears without choice reaching out far beyond his eyes and hearing cars, screams, laughter, glass breaking, doors slamming...it went on forever. It took him a few moments to finally tune it out and focus on the path in front of him. He was going to be meeting this woman at her offices; no doubt for the added security she would have. It was hard to imagine that she would left herself meet him alone. Perhaps he should have offered her a more public spot. It were all matters that they could discuss when he...wait.

His mind remembered as he reached into his pocket and grabbed the cellphone. Holding it a first awkward hold, but then it became as natural as a fork. He sent a simple text to his this person who would listen to him...for better or for worse.

On my way, I should be there in 15 minutes. Are you fine with this meeting at your office.? Mr. Setes He carefully texted with one wrong press he would have to buy a new phone. He sent his last name as if sending a letter; it seemed only appropriate to end a letter even if not hand written. He wasn't too far out now; fear began to cling to him though. It was so much easier to not speak to stay quiet and let the world pass by him. Yet if he had any hope of ridding of his recent ills; he would need to speak to this professional. He only prayed that she would be up for the text.

(The picture I'm including is a rough idea of what he looks like. No cape though lol)

 

[heartofcourage]

Night. Such a beautiful time of the day in the city. From her office above the city skyline, she could see for miles, enjoying the flashes of colors that the setting sun showed her. Classical music played softly from the iPod on her desk. The Moonlight Sonata, one of her favorites. It set the mood perfectly for the evening.

With a creak of her office chair, she leaned back and watched as lights flashed on in the buildings all over the city, filling the darkness with hundreds of beacons. She often wondered what went on behind those closed shutters, what common things fascinated people these days. Her business had was to help those that didn’t know what common meant. The freaks of society, as they might have been labeled, and to know them she had to be one.

Her colleges often wondered about the hours she kept and the clientel she catered to, but never did she feel scared. Not since that day so long ago…Her thoughts were halted as her phone beeped, signaling she had received a message. Turning her chair from the window, she picked up her phone and read the message from the client she was waiting on. She smiled and thought it odd that he was concerned about meeting her in her office.

“Do not worry, Mr. Setes. I’ll be here waiting. Dr. Jensen.”

Susanna pressed send and placed her phone back down on her desk. She glanced around her office to make sure that everything was in order. It was a homey place, warm and comfortable. She found it better to meet clients where they didn’t feel threatened. She didn’t keep a large staff beyond a secretary and an assistant, both of which she’d already sent home for the day. There was no sense in making the women stay when they had families to attend to.

She stood and walked to the coffee pot in the her break room, pouring herself a mug. She absently glanced in the mirror above the sink as she placed cream and sugar in the brew. What she saw was a normal looking 30 year old woman. Her thick brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail, her large brown eyes complemented by a button nose and full lips. Her skin was a pale ivory color with a dusting of light freckles that she kept hidden with carefully applied makeup. She owned few clothes that didn’t have to do with her profession. Today she had chosen a camel colored turtleneck and black pencil skirt. She often went with flats despite only being 5’3. She enjoyed comfort above all things.

Moving back into the office with her mug, she grabbed her tape recorder and a pad of paper and a pen. Sitting in a leather armchair, she made a few notes and turned on the recorder.

“Patients name is Mr. Setes. First name unknown. Patient called this office two days ago seeking professional help for an unknown ailment. He has stated that he cannot meet during the day but was insistant that he needed help. Our first session will begin this evening.” She said into the microphone, her voice light and airy.

All she had to do now was wait.

 

[Lazorrath]

Each step he could not help but wonder if this was a good idea. This may have ended as soon as it began for all he knew. His now black hair came was shaggy but it was not too long; it would get the job done of creating the illusion. She would have to break through the illusion at some point though. Dr. Jensen she was called, she seemed like a rather decent person. Speaking to her she had a rather sweet voice; something like that helps him concentrate. This was dangerous for her as well though; but she was a professional she would at least know how to keep her cool. For him though one part of it felt like an interrogation the other a therapist.

Slowly he approached the building and stood in front of it for a moment. Why should he be worried, its just talking that's all. Mr. Setes had to convince himself that this was all it was a simple talk. But he knew that it was not so simple; he knew there were things starting to get the better of him. He couldn't help but ponder of his last few nights of sleep. The dreams that came with them, the imagery it left scarred in his mind. As the man stared he couldn't help but be distracted.

Aegrem... Quickly the man spun around, looking from all directions. Taking in a deep breath there was no scent to be had. Nothing around to be seen...now it was a real reminder of why he came here. That female voice calling to him with a sudden urgency yet there was nothing there to claim it. Sand through his fingers, a few familiar feelings and nothing more. This had gone one long enough, Aegrem quickly walked up to the office door.

Soon enough with a gentle hand he pushed down on the intercom button; it let out a loud electronic noise at him to confirmed he pushed the button. He couldn't help stare as it the box just insulted him. Yelling at him for doing something he was supposed to do; and rewarded with only a synthesized noise. Aegrem shook his head and waited at the door...no turning back now. It had taken him years to draw up the courage to truly do this. Most of the time he had a plan for anything; but for this...there was no plan. If he tried he would just reason himself out of staying.

So he stood there and waited...fear clung to him like the hand of a dying man.

 

[heartofcourage]

Susanna had just made a note on her pad of paper when she heard a buzzer sound in the front office. Of course, the security officer in the lobby was probably off taking a smoke break. Those guys were nothing more than rental cops that thought it better to sleep on the job than actually do their job. She stood and entered her lobby, pressing down on the intercom button on her secretary’s desk.

“Just a moment, Mr. Setes and I’ll be down for you.” She said as she exited the office and made her way to the elevator, pressing the button for the ground level. Soft music played in the background as the elevator descended and it only took a few seconds before it was opening into the large interior lobby. As she guesses, the security guard was nowhere to be seen, some television program playing on his monitor.

Through the glass, she saw a very tall man, dark hair and a panicked look upon his face. He had an air of urgency about him with an undertone of fear. He looked normal, well whatever normal was. A clean polo shirt, tan slacks, a rosary around one wrist, certainly a bit more tidy than most of her patients.

She pushed on the door’s bar, smiling a friendly smile at him as she ushered him into the lobby.

“Good evening, Mr. Setes. I’m Dr. Jensen.” She extended her hand towards him as she let the door close behind them. “Call me Susanna if you like. Whatever makes you comfortable.” She liked to be accommodating towards her new patients, whatever it took to make them let the walls down and truly talk to her.

 

[Lazorrath]

Before she came to the door, he could begin to smell her. It was like a hint of jasmine wrapped in lilac. The scent of a woman came to him and he couldn't help but breath a little deeper. A feeling of warmth seemed to follow from her; her voice was especially rewarding to his ears. She was a lovely sight to behold; her skin holding a hint of an olive complexion. It distracted his world for a moment as he beheld her as many could never imagine looking at someone. The delicate pores of her flesh, the button nose she held, and that smell. As she arrived his pale flesh began to have some color go through it.

"Susanna...my name is Aegrem, the same offer is extended." He looked to her hand and slowly brought his hand over to hers. A strong grip wrapped around her hand, yet for a moment a streak of cool could be felt on his flesh before the natural warmth returned to him. He had to appreciate how soft her hands were; her tactic worked well. The look of panic went through him seem to fade; he attempted to smile as small as it may be. His hazel eyes found her with a stare that seem to bore through her soul. His eyes made gazed over her full form but the glance soon ended.

"I can't thank you for taking this time to see me...I hate to keep you so late. But...I'm running out of options." He spoke rather calm and cool over the matter. Aegrem knew what he was in for, but he didn't know what she was expecting.

"I've...I've been resistant to this idea for some time. A long time really." Though he said a long time he looked rather young, as if he couldn't have been older then his late 20's. Yet with a spark of youth his eyes held a strange awareness of his surroundings; like a wolf constantly ready...constantly waiting for his world to go wrong. "This may be over rather soon..." A sigh left his lips, while he looked around the hall they were in.

 

[heartofcourage]

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Aegrem.” She said as he took her hand. His grip was strong, his palm cool. Strange, since it was a warm fall evening outside, but she quickly shook the thought out of her head. Nerves did strange things to a person’s body. “Think nothing of the time. I’m here for my patients whenever they need me day or night.” She had nothing waiting for her at home except an empty apartment and a houseplant she hadn’t watered in a week. She preferred to work until she could forget her own troubles and the busier she was the happier she told herself she was.

She found his hazel eyes quiet beautiful in their intensity, as if he could see everything that was going on in her mind with a single glance. She had met many types of people over the years and a person’s eyes were truly the window to their souls. She could see in him a man running out of options, panicked but hopeful. It was good that there was still hope, even if it were fleeting.

“Mr. Setes, you’d be surprised how many people are resistant to the idea of therapy.” She bade him to follow her back into the elevator and when they entered, she pressed the button for the 15th floor. “I see people in all different states. Some never warm to the idea of talking about the feelings to another person. Some open up too much. It’s all about finding a balance in your life in which you’re comfortable.”

She frowned slightly when the doors opened again and he mentioned that this might be over too soon. He seemed like a man with a lot of secrets, constantly watchful for something that might be just around the corner. It wasn’t unusual for some of her patients, especially those with intense mental illness to think that someone was out to get them, but this man didn’t seem like one of them. Perhaps an eccentric? She wouldn’t know until she got the chance to talk to him. She motioned towards her open office door, showing him into the room she’d just left. Music still played softly in the background, a Rachmaninoff piece, another one of her favorites.

“Would you care for some coffee?” She asked as she sat back in her leather chair, motioning to the one across from her for him to sit if he were comfortable. She picked up her pad of paper and her pen once more, writing down his first name now that she had it for record before she clicked on her tape recorder.

“So, Mr. Setes…Aegram,” She corrected herself as she got comfortable. “Tell me why you’re here.”

 

[Lazorrath]

Walking to her office it was a mix of feelings. The strong piano of Rachmaninoff piano concerto No.2...Adagio sostenuto. Aegrem knew this piece quite well and the beauty of strings that it could produce. "Ah...Rachmaninoff, you have good taste." As he entered he looked all around him with slow turns of his head, he looked to where window are, extra rooms and anything else that caught his eye. Though it all lead to the center of the whole room; two chairs facing once another. A staging ground where many confessed to ideas or concepts that they would not be able to face. Some never brave enough to find them, others found too much of themselves. To get these ideas off his chest, he needed this. He paused for a moment as she walked forward

"None for me thanks, I don't have much of a stomach for it." He spoke as his eyes looked to her weapons of choice. The recorder and the pen and paper. Aegrem took a deep breath though it served him little good. This was his last moment to turn back really, there were many fights he never turned away from. This has to be one of them, but if he was going to be frank with someone trying to pretend was only going to be a waste of time for the two of them.

"Doctor..." He did not sit yet, instead he walked to his chair and placed a hand on the back of it. He did not look her in the eye for a moment. "I am here for many reasons. I've had enough time to think about it, but I fear according to your codes and ethics there are things I cannot tell. Certain acts require you to report them." He did not sit yet but instead walked around the back of the chair.

"I want to give you a full and honest account...your methods I know lies will not help you or me." Aegrem tried to keep his cool but a bit of agitation showed in his eyes. "This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come here." He spoke these things but he did not walk out that door yet. He gripped both of his hands as he stared at Susanna; what he was about to do to this woman's life. His right hand continued to play with the cross.

Aegrem kept himself in check, what seemed like a slight agitation inside of his was like a fire ready to burst from a back draft. He prayed...he prayed for the strength to face this inside of him.

 

[heartofcourage]

“Thank you.” She said at the compliment of her musical tastes. “I find classical music suits me. It’s simple and clean and enjoyable. Not like the music on the radio today that seems so cluttered and loud.” She made a confession to him with the hopes that he’d loosen up and feel comfortable talking with her. She took up her mug of coffee as he began to speak, pursing her lips to blow on the surface before taking a sip.

The man she saw before her was a man that wanted to confess. He wanted to talk to someone in the worst way but was shrinking away for some reason only he knew. She had patients like him, people who wanted to confess deep dark secrets and desires but never felt comfortable enough to do such.

“You are correct, lying defeats the purpose of these sessions. Aegrem, I can tell you that I’ve heard just about everything from people that come to me. I listen to people that are so mentally disturbed that you would blush at what they had to say. I hold no judgement, I hold no prejudice, I simply want to listen to what you have to say.”

She noticed the way he played with the crucifix around his wrist. Religious fanatic? She asked herself that question absently as he mentioned telling her things that she would have to report. No, not religious. If he were religious he would have told a priest in confession what his sins were. What was it about this man before her, she asked herself as the gears in her brain slowly turned.

She reached down and turned off the tape recorder, looking at him with an open and honest gaze. “Let’s just pretend that we’re two friends talking. I’m not a doctor and you’re not my patient. We pretend that none of this exists. Whatever you tell me will be strictly off the record.” What she was doing was unethical, but she could tell this was a man that simply needed someone to listen.

 

[Lazorrath]

Aegrem watched her carefully, he knew that these were all techniques she had learned and adapted to over her time. She was young by the look of it; he guessed her to be younger then 30 by the way her skin seemed so soft. The way her voiced rolled into this harmony of strings in itself natural to his ears. He didn't move for a moment as he took in her words. His eyelids sharpened as he watched her; the hazel in them holding a look trying to see through her words. He was left at a crossroads; but there was really only one choice. He then walking around the chair finally took a seat; he remember that he had limited time.

"Very well...I...I came here to deal with a problem that has become more prominent as of lately. My thoughts I have wandered into dark places that my faith knows to be that towards the path of eternal damnation." Aegrem chose his words carefully at first, trying to put his finger on what was going through him. With all the time he had though he knew that it was like trying to pull water out of sand. Even though everything that was going through him his body was quite still, his breathing methodical in movement. He pondered over that word damnation though; it haunted him...every day it haunted him.

"However...by all accounts I know I already am; and those dark thoughts have become harder to ignore. A lot harder, every night seems to be weighing me down more and more. The night I called you in fact, before I called I entertained the thought of killing myself." He spoke it so bluntly and so matter of factly...he didn't look to her until he finished speaking. He leaned forward in his chair rubbing at his eyes. The fist with the rosary clinched tight for a moment; it felt so wrong to tell someone that.

No breath left him as he felt his whole body tighten up as he spoke it. Useless breaths, no way to vent left him looking so stiff. Saying it though she could see a sort of burden lifted ever so slightly. A shudder tried to leave his lips as he made himself breath. He looked to Susanna for a moment; then he looked away suddenly as he felt guilt pull at him. "I...there it is...I'm not sure what to do Susanna. I have much to accomplish in this life; so much to do. But I still can't get these thoughts out of my mind." The wolf in his eyes seem to whimper for a moment as he looked away. But he knew there was much more to this...far more than that.

 

[heartofcourage]

She was pleased when he finally decided to take a seat. It meant that he was warming up to the idea of why he was here. She listened to his words in silence, not stopping him in his confession until he was finished. It was sometimes easier to say things all at once than have someone lead the conversation. She picked up her mug and took another sip of her coffee as she listened to him talk, hearing the anguish and the guilt in his voice.

“It takes a lot of courage to admit that. You must be hurting very much to think of suicide as your only option.” She said softly, looking at him over the rim of her coffee mug. “What is it that weighs you down, Aegrem? What has happened to lead you to believe that all hope is lost? I can see that your faith is very important to you so perhaps something’s happened to shake it. Maybe something in your life is in direct conflict as what you see religiously as being right.”

She was giving him things to think about, trying to make him mull over all the options that he had before him. She had many patient before on the brink of suicide and while she should be offering him more intensive counseling and perhaps even medication, there was something about this man that she knew he was holding back.

She leaned forward, placing a hand on his knee. Making personal contact sometimes made the person feel as it they had a connection. If she could make a connection with him, perhaps he’d confess those deep dark secrets.

“Tell me everything, Aegrem. You’ll feel better when you do.”

 

[Lazorrath]

"I've...I've never told that to anyone before. A man should not let his weakness be known. He should give no doubt to those around him." The words he spoke made him afraid and he did not think when she put her hand on his knee...he was cold. Cold to the touch like piece of ice wrapped in wool. He didn't stay long on the thought he knew that there were much more important things to be told in this moment. The elephant in the room had to be let loose, he couldn't dance around this any longer. Aegrem hadn't done something like this in decades, maybe it was time to finally let this go.

"You see that is the joke of all jokes...my life is in direct conflict with what I see is religiously right. For many, many...many years I have been this abomination to what is natural in the eyes of God and man. What I am about to say Susanna, well just don't believe me insane yet when you hear them." As he spoke of this the color in his skin began to fade and his skin grew ever so pale. It was like the room itself seemed to grow colder around them.

"When I was 25 years old, I was walking home one night by myself when I got into a fight. They were noblemen, if you could call them that. Drunk of their lust of the night and lost to whatever madness caught their fancy. There was a girl with them..." His mind dug into memories centuries old; a girl that could have been no older then 14, spattered in blood with torn clothing. Long flowing black hair, with tears staining her cheeks from the blood. "...she was no whore but they treated her such. Tasting of her flesh on the very streets..." As he spoke there was a german accent slightly revealing it self slowly.

"I told them to let her go, I knew how to fight and I had a sword. It was four on one I knew I was outnumbered; but they moved quicker then our eyes could ever follow. They were like silk lit a flame but never burning away; disappearing and materializing over and over. I never stood a chance; I soon found myself stapled in an abandoned house by a halberd...it took 23 minutes to finally black out." He spoke with no remorse over his own death; a story despite his age he told only a few times. Aegrem placed a hand over his stomach for a moment; he never quite forgot that pain of death.

"I died that night...I died with a pike pinning me to a thatched wall. I watched my world end and my blood pour over the floor. It trickled in muck, hay and stone; with not a soul able or willing to help me. No one knew of me, and three days later something changed inside of me." Aegrem looked her straight in the eyes as he spoke. There was no doubt in his voice as he spoke; he then lifted his hand to his hair pulling off the wig that bound him to a natural color. A flash of silver white hair came past his shoulders.

"When God should have welcomed my sacrifice, I instead was not allowed through the gates. In the darkness I awoke in a rage I have know and try with all of God's might to hold back. I awoke to cold flesh and without the need to breath. I woke up a dead man...and though I should not be, here I am. Susanna perhaps I am insane but I died in 1240 AD and I came back alive three days later. I am not human." He laid on the table with one last useless breath flowing through him. His eyes held a very predatory nature about them as he looked upon this creature. This human who was just told that a dead man came back to life. There was barely time to register it but she was at least right about one thing. It felt good to talk.

 

[heartofcourage]

The first thing she noticed when she placed her hand on his knee was how very cold he was. It was autumn outside, but none of the biting winds that usually accompanied the weather had started yet. She slowly withdrew her touch as she watched the man before her transform. His skin was a smooth pale color, his eyes sharper and then he removed the dark wig to reveal startling white hair. Everything about him was suddenly in such sharp contrast to the man that had walked into her office seeking help only moments earlier.

She leaned back in her chair, listening to his horrible story with a look of shock and confusion. What was he telling her? That he was dead? It didn’t make sense in her logical mind, but he was there telling her a tale that was so heartfelt that she had no choice but to believe him. It had brought up strong memories of her own that she had thought were long buried. Memories of horrors that she’d seen and wished she could forget. Horrors that had led her into the profession she was in today.

When he finished his story, she very carefully reached forward and took his wrist in her hand, feeling for a pulse that simply wasn’t there. She gently placed his wrist back down, standing from her seat and pacing the length of her office to the large window that overlooked the city. She stared out at the darkened landscape for a long moment, trying to gather her thoughts. Could she admit to him what she most fervently wanted to forget? That she had seen this kind of creature before?

She turned from the window and looked at her patient, a tortured look in her own eyes. “Aegrem, I believe you.” Four simple words softly said from her lips were all that she needed to say to him on the matter.

 

[Lazorrath]

He watched her pace and walk about the room. The fear in Susanna, was a pain to him; one he could not help but look away from her. The kind that many people held a response to. When she attempted to grab at him to take his hand to feel for a pulse he did not resist. Aegrem was asking a lot of her to try to accept all this. However, watching her try to analyze all of this; her movement were not hysterical but rational. Aegrem at the time couldn't put his finger on it at what was going through her mind. There was not fear there...it was clarity staring at what she had seen before? Was this her first time?

He slowly rose up when she spoke those powerful and hard words to say. To believe such a thing needed something far more then a man telling her his tale. But this was a moment of trust, Aegrem knew this. The man didn't approach her yet; as he saw fear inside of her...it was like he could feel it in her. "I know this is a lot to take, but I don't get to tell people that every day. Decade upon decade has passed sometimes trying to fake the world around me." He took a step towards her but his steps were not direct. His path went diagonally so no to put pressure on the moment.

" Take the time you need...I got plenty. " He tried to find words to comfort her; but it was hard to make this trusted gap. But she believed him, he shouldn't be so gullible but he couldn't help but latch onto the idea. He was but a few feet away from her but he dared not too approach her. He had seen people take their own lives for less.

"Are you alright?" He asked with a changed of pace, there was concern in his voice. Aegrem stood with one hand holding his crucifix still; the other tried to stay still. His hazel eyes look to hers, there was a grim look about him still. "Can I um...need anything?" Funny how this professional moment deteriorated to a break in time for the both of them.

 

[heartofcourage]

Susanna was trying to get her thoughts in order. She knew Aegrem was trying to make her feel better, but the fact of the matter was that she didn’t really feel anything. She wasn’t afraid of him. No, he didn’t seem like the monsters that she’d seen. He was kind, concerned, and had a conscience. She decided then and there that she was going to tell him a story.

Taking a seat at her office chair, she placed her elbows on the surface of the desk and clasped her hands together, blowing out a deep breath. The best way to tell him what had happened was as straight forward as possible. She shouldn’t sugar coat it.

“When I started out in the medical field, I wanted to be a pathologist. I wanted to study the spread of diseases and help to eradicate those that are evil. I lost my father to cancer when I was three. I lost my mother at seventeen to the same thing. It seemed like the logical choice to me.” She stared at him for a moment, wondering if he could bear to hear this.

“There was a doctor who was looking for students to help him run a study. His name was Gottlieb. Dr. Gottlieb. He had people infected with a virus, as he called it, and he needed assistance. These people weren’t like anything I had even seen before. They were cold to the touch, comatose, violent, listless, angry, and so sad. Three of the women killed themselves during the course of the study.”

She could remember it like yesterday. Standing in the cold, clinical building as she watched people do things that nobody should do. It had been worse than any horror film she had ever seen. The students that questioned the Doctor were dismissed. She had decided to keep her opinion to herself to stay onboard and help those that were trapped.

“I was attacked one day by a man. I don’t remember much. It’s amazing how the brain makes you forget horrific events. I woke up five days later in a hospital with a fractured skull and a shoulder that looked like it had been gnawed on by a wild dog.” She laughed a humorless laugh, taking a deep breath to finish her story. “They didn’t even have the decency to give the hospital my name. They simply dropped me at the doors of the ER and hoped they’d find me in time.”

“So, what did I see? Dr. Gottlieb was no longer there by the time I had recovered. I could find no one that had been involved with the study and no one believed me. I saw the worst of humanity. People being treated like animals that had been infected with something that turned them into something not human. I couldn’t be apart of that any longer, so I chose this profession because I know what it feels like when the rest of the world thinks you’re crazy. When that burden is on your shoulders and you feel like you can’t breathe.”

She lowered her hands then, looking him in the eye once more. “That’s why I believe you, Aegrem.”

 

[Lazorrath]

Aegrem absorbed the words of her story to the last sentence. He would never fully understand the mortal mind of viewing such a thing. Terrible things has been a constant of his lifestyle; terrible things that would make lesser men crumble. For him, it just made him angry...his fist held the beads of the cross tightly but did not yield to reckless rage. It was a part of the reason that kept him alive this long as it was; the will of the corrupt fueling hopelessness. He could only imagine the poor creatures subjected to whatever this disease was or could have been. It only made him want to act all the quicker.

Then he had to look upon this woman whom he had just met. Holding onto these memories with idea still waiting to be unlocked...God only knows how long she had suppressed these memories. For her to have seen all of these acts and still be all there. Aegrem had seen the minds of men and women deteriorate at the horrors hidden within the shadows of this world. Creatures that were beyond title, names, ideas or even explanation. Yes Susanna...she was made of stern stuff alright.

Her story, to him it held some naivety. The students let go, to Aegrem they were already dead. Such experiments wouls produce lose ends; youtube videos and trials. Nobody with an agenda would let them live. The vampire pondered how she lived, who saved her life...that was the person who got her to the hospital. A lot of speculation for another time though; no sense in trying to make her question that. Especially when she was just coming to terms with what she saw was not just a bad dream...and to really prove in herself that she was not insane.

Aegrem slowly sat down in front of her, taking his time to speak before forming this idea. "I'm sorry that you've had to endure that with nothing to turn to...or no one. I am paying you to be my therapist, but it doesn't have to be a one way road. I can offer guidance over these things...your demons you hold." His hand moved forward slightly, as if to grasp hers but it retracted quickly. There was no since in trying to attach himself like that; he barely knew this woman. His eyes lost the nature of a predator for a moment as he looked over the doctor. He still couldn't believe that she was so composed.

"It makes you feel like you don't have a thread around sanity at first...but you are not insane. How long ago was it Susanna?" A small smirk appeared on his face, it was strange how this turned out. It wasn't at all like thought this would be. He couldn't help but look to his rosary and his fingers played with the cross. Perhaps God had led him to this path after all; for centuries he wondered what had been his choices and what had been His choices. No wonder he buried so much of his fears...there was always someone else to help. Not that it brought him woe to do so; it distracted from the darker places of his mind.

 

[heartofcourage]

Susanna didn’t miss the raw emotions that worked themselves across Aegrem’s face. He was angry, he was concerned, and most surprising of all, she saw attraction. She saw the moment of his hand and knew that he wanted to touch her. She didn’t move, waiting for him to make his move. When he shied back, she gave him a slight smile when he asked how long ago she had seen the horrors.

“Let’s see, I celebrated my 23rd birthday in the hospital, so a little over seven years.” She answered with a tone of sadness in her voice. “Aegrem, I learned a long time ago that to survive I had to let the analytical part of my mind rule my life. The techniques that I’ve taught so many people have never really seemed to work for me. If I allowed myself to feel emotion, I fear I would spend the rest of my life waiting for those horrors to return.”

She didn’t tell him about the dreams she had. They were horrible nightmares of a man with a vicious look on his face. She knew deep down that this was the man who had attacked her in the clinic, but she still wasn’t ready to face down that demon of her past. She didn’t know if she’d ever really be ready to do that.

“I assure you, Aegrem, that I did everything in my power to try and find Gottlieb and to try to help those people. I never found a trace. That’s perhaps the biggest pain that I live with every day.” It was true. The compassionate side of her ached at the thought there were might be people suffering at the hands of a man like Gottlieb. It wasn’t her physical injuries that pained her. No, those had healed long ago and already left their scars.

She heard him talk about guiding each other and she had to admit that she found it intriguing. She had never thought to seek out one of his kind to talk through her problems. It certainly seem to have its merits.

“I’ll accept no payment from you for this, Aegrem. If we can each give something to the other, consider us even.” She said with another smile. “What do you say we get out of here and go someplace more comfortable to talk? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” She stood from her chair and grabbed her coat, slipping it on before she realized her mistake. She looked at him with wide eyes and stammered an apology at mentioning his lack of ability to eat.

 

[Lazorrath]

She threw a lot on the table, there was a defensive nature in her words. Not that she pushed away but retreated on the ideas; but before he had a chance to try to touch it she moved on. Like she was dancing away from him grasp; but he knew it wasn't his place...not yet. Not when he had been guilty of the same thing for so long. Letting his world be pushed down, so that he could get his job done. Attempt to push through the strain his undying thoughts gave him. There was someone else inside of Susanna though he could feel it; that analytical dominating the person. Had he been doing the same thing?

At the mention of food he didn't say anything as he stared at his therapist with a wild look for a moment. For Aegrem there was the animal in him that had its desires. He could smell the blood of Susanna as if it was already pulsing from her throat. It smelled of a thousand promises, dreams and desires waiting to become. His hand gripped the crucifix rather quickly and he chuckled...the look of a hunter died for now. "Your not the first person, and trust me you won't be the last. If you feel it to be wise, I can't deprive you of something to eat." As he spoke he then grabbed the wig off the floor and with a rapid speed began to put his hair up.

It did not take long for the wig to hid his long white hair. Only a few threads of silver bled through, it made him look a little older. He slowly rose up from his chair and he took in a deep breath. Letting the oxygen enter his blood and giving him the pallor of life once again. A pulse beat through him and for all intensive purposes he seemed alive. Slowly he turned to look in Susanna's direction with a soft smile.

"So, I believe were eating where you would like to eat. What does the doctor recommend." Though a solemn fellow he attempted to life the mood, to break away from the dreadful conversation they just had. He took a few steps closer to her his right hand still fiddling with this crucifix. His lips did not stretch far to make a smile, very small movements in his face all around. Very methodical blinking and breathing; like a piece of music you could almost time it. For a dead man though he knew how to make himself look normal; didn't help being over six feet tall.

 

[heartofcourage]

Susanna hadn’t missed the look that crossed his eyes. She knew for a lesser man she probably would have become very convenient prey. The look stunned her to the core. It was the same look that man had the day she was attacked. She school her features to hide the onslaught of emotions that threatened to burst forth and with a deep calm breath, she viciously crammed them back where they belonged.

She walked around the office, turning off her music and putting away her laptop in its protective case. She slung it over her shoulder, along with her purse before she turned back to Aegrem. He had donned his wig and she thought it looked rather silly. She understood the need for it, but he didn’t look like himself with the dark hair covering his natural color.

“There’s a pizza place just down the street. They’re small but have fantastic food.” She said as she waited for him to exit the office before she turned off the light and locked the door behind her.

It was a short walk down two city blocks to get to the pizzeria that was little more than a roadside stand. She loved the smells of their fresh baked dough and mouthwatering heaps of cheese. She ordered a slice of pepperoni and a Coke, glancing at Aegrem for a moment before paying for her meal. After her order was ready, she took it to a small bench that had been set up next to the business and took a seat, motioning for him to sit beside her.

“Have you ever thought about exploring the simple things that make you happy?” She asked him as she took a bite of the fresh, hot pizza, almost moaning at the taste. “I mean, to live under constant pressure all the time isn’t condusive to being happy. What made you happy in your former life? Activities? Past times?” She wiped her mouth with her napkin and took a drink from her cup. “A woman?”

She glanced out of the corner of her eye at the man beside her, trying to figure out what made him tick. He was a mystery and while he’d been forthcoming with many details, there was still a lot that had been left unsaid.

“I’ve found I enjoy cooking. New recipes, the sights and smells, the art of it. It’s mind numbing. Monotonous. Distracting.” It was all about give and take. Give him a lead and let him tell her about his deep convictions.

 

[Lazorrath]

He could feel the race in her pulse, when he stared at her. Aegrem knew that he sent fear through her. The idea was starting to form in his head, but it was still not all there yet. She knew how to hide herself well in these times. She had to maintain that she was in control of this situation. Aegrem needed to give her that, it wasn't going to be easy now. Though getting out of her office helped substantially. Being outside did feel natural to him; felt like a domain of his control. Never was he afraid to be out of the open; just only that he knew that dangers lurked at every turn.

When they entered the Pizza shop he welcomed all the smells that were around him. Breathing in the smell of the cheese, sauce and sliced meats. Hearing the conversations and hearing the people enjoying the food; the food he would never be able to taste. He had managed to fake eating once or twice; it left him coughing up ashes of food, every time. "I've always known the small places like this, to serve the best food. It takes passion to make something that makes another person forget the world around them for a moment."

When Susanna motioned for him to sit, he kept a small distance between them. As he sat he reached down in his pocket and produced a small flask. He felt hunger inside of him now and it had to be sated. Quickly he opened the flask and took a sip of cold blood; it was like trying to drink a boiled birds nest in three day old water. It did the job though, even for as foul as it was he learned to bare the taste. Then he had to ponder over the things that made him happy...thinking of before his death it was so difficult. He sat there staring into nothingness.

"I apologize...it difficult sometimes to think so far back. When I was alive I was such a different person then. I was cocky in life, I was one of the best swordsmen and hunters of the village. I spent time being alive, but it was hard work back then. My childhood wasn't exactly what you would call normal. The name Setes wasn't bestowed upon me until I was 14; when I discovered my heritage, and when I became a man well there was even less time for myself. Chaos truly defines me. But...when I think back, I remembered helping people. Building things with my hand, building houses, even making clay pots when no one was looking. But my family..." When she spoke of his family there was an obvious bitterness to his voice.

"My family was not human, they were like me as I am now. Yet my mother was mortal when she birthed me. My father was of the undead...to this day I don't understand how I came to be but here I am. My family was of monsters, they tormented me daily trying to toughen me up. Beating me within an inch of my life; made an even better fighter out of me." The subject change when she spoke of a woman he became rather quiet, he had to look away when he thought of her...Aileen. His mind went a drift rather suddenly and he was tried finding words. It wasn't until she spoke of things that she enjoyed that it helped him focus.

"I hold an appreciation of taste myself, just unfortunate mine doesn't exactly...bode well for everyone. But...music is something beautiful to me. Its almost as like fighting an enemy; the movements you make...the notes you place in the right order to create something. I don't know why I stopped playing piano; I suppose I was just on the move so much. I was distracted by what needed to be done." He stared down at the ground with his arms upon his knees and his hands intertwined.

"I don't go out for myself often...I have responsibilities that God has laid down. It must be why he made me this instead of letting me die. Murderers like my kind must answer for their crimes. There actions, what they have done is between them and God; I'm just a messenger." Cryptic was the only way to describe his words. His tone resonated with solemn words and his eyes sharpened. "No doubt just sitting here that someone like you is being tortured...and even then I couldn't help you or those people in that lab. Something I never even knew happened..."

 

[heartofcourage]

Susanna finished her slice of pizza as he spoke, sitting in silence to let him get the words out. She hadn’t failed to notice the way he went tongue tied when he started thinking about a woman. Obviously the woman in his past still had great hold over him even today.

“Can you really think of your family as monsters? They raised you in the only way that they knew how and circumstances at the time must have deemed it important to make sure you could defend yourself. You were a mortal in their world and they must have loved you enough to impart on you the gift of independence.” She was trying to get him to start thinking about things in different ways. It was a huge way that she coped with things. Her mind would twist and turn problems, see things from every angle until a solution satisfied her.

When he spoke of taste, she choked on her Coke, coughing as it went down the wrong way. She gave him a silly smile and shook her head. “Everything in moderation, right? I suppose the same goes for your…nourishment.” When he talked about music, she listened intently. She loved music as well. Something about it speaking to her soul. She had an idea and reached into her purse, pulling out the iPod that had been playing in her office and handing it to him. “Take it. Think of it as a way to unwind. It’s a lot more portable than a piano.” She knew he would refuse the offer but she wouldn’t take no for an answer, the subject closed by the time she moved on to his statements about God.

It wasn’t unusual for some people to have an intense calling in their religion, but the way he was talking sounded like he was describing himself as on a mission directly from God himself. “It must be hard killing others like yourself. I suppose it’s a little like killing your own family.” When he talked about the lab, she placed her hand on his to provide a calming influence. “Aegrem, what happened was unfortunate but I don’t think that someone like you could have stopped it. It’s a noble thing you do, but everyone, including you, has their limits. I think you’re finding that you’ve reached yours.”

She went silent for a long moment, letting that statement sink in. When he was ready to hear more, she spoke again. “I think it would be beneficial if we met every night for a few weeks. You admitted to me in my office that you were thinking of suicide and I can’t in good conscience let you wallow alone until you finally snap.” She was truly concerned for him, both as a patient and on some strange level, a friend.

 

[Lazorrath]

She gave him the ipod and it was a genuine gift. One that he hadn't received in sometime. She wasn't going to take no for answer...for her job he knew that she could get another one just as easily. Susanna knew how to dominate a conversation that was for sure; she knew how to keep the ball in her court. He definitely made a wise choice that night of seeing her; she would be able to handle him...at least he hoped. She spoke of making sure they had nightly appointments it would not but into his schedule. Some night would be better then others but he would manage. Of course in his line of work sometimes things come up...he would need to explain it to her at some point. However...something made him tense after a moment as he thought over her words.

Aegrem stared straight ahead, he looked down past roads and alleys. It was like he wasn't there for a moment but he was. "Limits...do you know the definition of the word. A point or level beyond which something does not or may not extend or pass. You do not know my limits. You don't even know what I am capable of." His head turned and his eyes stared into her; there was no smile or smirk about him. The moonlight and city light illuminated the little area as a nearby neon switched to a bright yellow. His pupils constricted ever so quickly and for it was like an animal was in front of her.

"You don't even know what I am." For a moment he just stare at her with no emotion about him; only the cold stare of his eyes. Aegrem spoke in a low tone as he kept himself in check. Then he had to remind himself to breath once again; it helped him relax and his body leaned back into the bench. He looked down and his pocket brought out the ipod once again. Carefully he looked at how many songs were upon the device; with careful fingers he rolled through the menu especially on the touch screen.

As the lights around them faded, his eyes quickly dilated a bit of the wild look about him disappeared. A voice with no remorse followed; one that almost held pride to it. "I know my limits...my family...my father pushed me to my limits. They rue the day they ever did...if they could." This was not smart he was telling himself; it was reckless talking about all of this. However Susanna stirred powerful emotions in him. The memories of family she brought up; they were not pleasant but his face retained a stillness. Then after another breath he had to look to the ground once again.

 

[heartofcourage]

Susanna was certainly startled by Aegrem’s sudden change in personality. The easiness of the conversation they had enjoyed was suddenly gone, replaced by sudden harsh memories and an accusation. She could hear the low tone in his voice, keeping him in check. She wondered if his words would have shouted at her in a roar in any other circumstance. He was too calm, too in control.

He was wrong about one thing though. She did know what he was capable of. He was capable of being a monster of the worst kind. The look on his face, while calm, still reminded her of the man at the clinic. She had seen what that monster looked like. She could still see the reminders of what that monster had done. Aegrem was a beast that was cornered and she knew she needed to give him space, but she couldn’t help reaching out to touch him in some way. She placed her hand on his arm as he began to speak about his family, listening patiently until he was silent once more.

She could feel the sadness within him. She could see the tense way he held his body and knew he really didn’t want to be talking about this. She could only offer her support to him as he worked through whatever issues were still in his path.

“You’re right, I don’t know you.” She said softly, her hand squeezing his cool hand as she spoke. “We’ve only just met so to even assume I know you is preposterous. I can tell you one thing though, Aegrem. You are not the monster you think you are. Trust me on that.”

She was about to say more when a loud noise from across the street made her jump and scream. She scooted closer to him, her body pressed against his side as she looked to see a group of teenagers on skateboards knocking over trashcans as they raced down the street. She let out a short breath, willing her heart to be still. A headache was forming behind her eyes from the tension, a lingering effect from the night of her attack. She knew in the morning she’d have a full migraine, but for now it was still manageable.

 

[Lazorrath]

He had let his anger get the better of him and he knew it. The fact though that she still held his hand...he had just now noticed it. For the wall he had been putting up she was still trying and he hadn't been scared off yet. Aegrem had to give a sigh, this was going to be much harder then he thought. Then that's when he suddenly felt the surge of fear in her; he heard the sound of the skateboarders it was of no threat to him...until the trashcan fell. But Susanna jumped as if something was going to kill her right then and there and it was a trigger all in itself.

His mind derailed from his anguish and self loathing to something far different. At her slight scream he registered that something was wrong; that hand that held hers tightened slightly only to secure her. And without thinking his other arm quickly went around Susanna; she could feel the strength of him. She could hear his heart beat as she grew closer to him and his body was actually quite warm. The blood moving through him and at the speed he suddenly moved; a hummingbird might have missed it.

Aegrem was in a completely different place now in his thoughts as he looked to the noise. A stream of hot breath went into the Autumn sky. A few seconds passed as he just held her looking in the direction of the kids; with his glance alone they got the idea that they should skamper off. But truly Aegrem wasn't even looking at the kids anymore as his mind drifted to darker places. Having the smell of a woman beside him like that again. And without thinking he just spoke.

"Its ok...its nothing, they can't get you." As Aegrem looked down slowly he didn't see brown locks anymore, her hair was black as night; and with the moonlight her skin seemed pale. Susanna could feel Aegrem shake as his mind let his past give in. Aegrem held Susanna, like God was about to steal her away from him. Without thinking a hand captured one of her strands of her light rolling it between his fingers. "I won't let them..." As car lights drove by though, he suddenly realized that the woman was not who he thought. His hold on her softened slightly but he couldn't bare to let go completely. His mind still tried to bring himself to the present.

"I'm sorry...I..." He was without words for a moment all he could feel was the need to get out of here. But if anyone could help him with this it was her. Perhaps a first for Susanna, she saw a monster who was scared. But by all accounts Susanna would defend that Aegrem was a man. The dead man was at a loss for words. It felt good to be so close to someone again.

 

[heartofcourage]

Susanna felt Aegrem’s arm wrap around her shoulders in a comforting embrace. It was so quick that she didn’t have time to be startled by the motion. She was pulled into his side and she closed her eyes at the feel of his warmth as he pulled her close. It felt oddly good to be held. No one had done that in so long. Her head was pressed against his chest, the steady thud of his heart soothing her nerves. She closed her eyes and lost herself.

She could forget the circumstances that had brought them together for a moment. She could forget that he was her patient and she was suppose to be professional. She could hear his words, assuring her that everything was alright. It seemed peaceful. Then she felt his arms tightening.

Her eyes opened as Aegrem squeezed her tight, his fingers reaching to finger a strand of her dark brown hair. She was afraid to move, wondering what was going through his mind. It was like he was there but wasn’t entirely present. He spoke again before a car drove by, the headlights illuminating them both and snapping him back into the present. She could feel his grip around her lessen and a murmured apology soon followed.

“It’s alright.” She murmured back, staying in her place. She wouldn’t let him run. She refused to let him retreat into the shadows. He wasn’t a monster, she believed that wholeheartedly. She just had to convince him of that. “I don’t mind. It’s nice, actually, to have someone that cares.”

 

[Lazorrath]

Aegrem didn't speak for a moment, as now that his mind held onto the present. His thoughts adjusted to what was happening now. To feel her slender body against his; Aegrem could feel her heart beat a little quicker. He could hear breathe a little deeper...she wasn't afraid of him. Susanna's sincerity was not overlooked; and it caused him to linger. He kept the blood flowing so that she would not feel the cold of his body; he feared that the cold of his dead flesh would make this only a dream. It was almost a switching of roles; for what she had been through and what she had said...did she think herself a monster as well?

The next time he held a mortal like this; it may be the death of them. But for now, Aegrem did not feel his thirst or his anger. In fact it was probably the best he had felt in years. How could he just willingly let go of something like that so easily? It was like he forgot that he was supposed to let go. To breath in her scent, to feel her warmth and to feel her skin upon the tips of his fingers. Holding her hand, he slowly let his thumb go over the top of her hand. Was this the present, was this feeling just the same as before...he couldn't tell if he was just still clinging to his past.

If there was something real in that moment though it was that fact that whoever did this to Susanna should pray that Aegrem never found them. To put this woman through something so traumatic; he internalized the idea of revenge...and it felt good. He did care about this woman; she almost reminded her of himself. When you see in the darkness like that how can you let someone in...why taint such a thing? But they were two people who had been scarred by the shadows. They had common ground...she would understand him.

Aegrem's arm that had wrapped around her slowly pulled away, but not before his hand trailed down her arm one last time. He struggled to let go of her hand, he released it enough but he did not pull his hand away. "Its a scary thing...seeing the things we have seen. Just remember it has made you stronger. You may not see it yet, but it has." His eyes look to Susanna, a small smile tried to peak its way from his lips. It was slight but still it was there.

"If you should feel you are not safe...even in the slightest, don't be afraid to call me." A simple offer but it was the least he could do. She deserve to know that she was safe. He may not be the safest alternative; but against the things that go bump in the night, many knew to fear him. Susanna was different, it confused him slightly at this mix memories and emotion. Only day one and this had been quite a session.