Santa, I can explain.

[PolyRhythmist]

Dear Santa,

She said she liked bad boys. But I promise I was good to her

- The good bad boy

 

[blksoldier]

Dear santa

I know that I sake for one of her but can I have two..

 

[tender_elf]

Dear Santa,

I wasn't playing with it when it went off, I was cleaning it. Honest.

This could be true, Santa, cause it went off when I was cleaning it for him.

 

[Eclectic2012]

Dear Santa,

I swear I thought she was wearing panties...

 

[mamasota]

Dear Santa,

I didn't really mean to rub you the wrong way, I'll do it right this time, I promise

 

[jameslewis]

Dear Santa - she said she wanted me to make love to her in the worst way. Really. Those were her exact words. So I did. It's what she wanted.

 

[L8tnIt]

Dear Santa,
In paragraph 3, it describes in my contract of employment that I am supposed to do that!

 

[ViciousTease]

Dear Santa,

The rope burns were purely accidental. Oh, and the carpet burns, too. The paddle marks on your butt? Shit, my bad.

Can I at least get firewood this year instead of coal? It stinks up the house.

Thanks, big guy!

 

[alt_ego]

This whole thread reminds me of one of the funniest cartoons I've ever seen, but I can't find a GIF. So here is my attempt to recall it:

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, but my little brother Joe has been terrible. He lies, and pulls my hair when Mom's not looking, and uses the worst language. He shouldn't get anything for Christmas.
Love Julie

from Joe

Dear Santa,
Don't believe anything that lyin' little cunt tells you.
Your Pal, Joey

 

[DallasDonna]

Dear Santa.

I swear I washed my hands after.

 

[tender_elf]

Dear Santa,
I let him put on the mask before I hooked him to the Saint Andrew's Cross and turned on the cam.

 

[ydahecnot]

Dear Santa,

I know all about you and Grandma and the running over with the reindeer. Just sayin'

 

[Wispypalm]

Santa baby,

I'll be waiting under the tree where i hope you can define "naughty" to me.... oh... yes ill be wearing the little red and white number you left me under the tree last year.

Me

 

[tender_elf]

It wasn't me

 

[tasteyourthighs]

Really Santa..

She was only suppose to sleep over the 1 night on the couch , not the 1 in my room but the 1 in the front room

 

[Bitesback]

Dear Santa,

I know I was audacious today and created a little mischief...

But, I have been a good girl lately, and today, well, I just couldn't resist.

 

[PaganBull]

This thread reminds me of Kevin Bloody Wilson. First two verses here

Hey Santa Claus you cunt, where's me fuckin' bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like
I wrote you a fuckin' letter and I come to see you twice
You worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fuckin' bike

If I'd a' wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I would have bloody asked
And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse
You've stuffed me bloody order up, it's enough to make you spew
But it's not just me who's snakey, me sister's dirty too

 

[tender_elf]

Dear Santa,

I may have been naughty but I did a nice job of it.

 

[straypuss]

Sorry Santa,

but nobody told me not light the candles on the Christmas tree and how was I supposed to know that you had left half a gallon of fuel for my brothers toy racing car, a litre and a half of over proof rum for my Dad and a candle making kit for my Mum underneath it.

 

[ViciousTease]

Dear Santa,

If I'm only thinking naughty things, does that count against me?

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

Dear Santa,

Frosty said it was ok.

 

[1sickbastard]

Santa Clause Rap

 

[tender_elf]

He asked for help with his morning wood....so I brought the axe and he fainted. Totally NOT my fault.

 

[may_I_please]

Dear Santa

Right, I've got my stockings on, now what?

 

[ydahecnot]

Dear Santa,

I'll take the rap for any naughtiness MIP may be planning