Scene Transitions: Avoiding sameyness for scenes occurring in otherwise routine life?

[TheExperimentalist]

The device that occurs to me is to look at different things in the room, not previously detailed. She's doing homework so he examines her bookshelf, which brings back memories (Anne of Green Gables, or whatever). Then she's doing homework so he picks up Geoff* the stuffed giraffe, and makes him talk in a funny voice, which she laughs at. Then she's doing homework so he strokes the blue and green aquatic bedspread and the pink lace on the pillow. Some of this can change from day to day: new library books, a change of bedspread.

* Only you can't call him Geoff, that's my Laura's giraffe's name.

That's also the Toys R Us Giraffe's name... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I know this paragraph is not part of your fiction, but I would take this as a model. Look what you did here: you sum things up, you discuss the forward motion of time, things happening in general, the specificity of a few spare moments within a larger framework of general progression.

You can play around with time in stories like this. It doesn't have to all be this happened then this happened then this happened. You don't have to describe every transition. If they're playing video games together every evening, say that, and if there are moments of significance you're allowed to describe only those:

Tuesday he noticed she had moved a little from her usual spot; she sat a little closer to him.

Friday she noticed him watching her more than he watched his game. She didn't return his look, just kept her eyes on what she was doing while her awareness was on him.

By Sunday they both found...

etc. etc. etc.

Once you establish that setting the reader is familiar with it and doesn't need it reintroduced. The reader will understand without being told that in between these moments they sleep and go to work and use the bathroom etc. and their routine is to find themselves back on the couch. If those moments between aren't interesting to you, then just cut them out.

You don't need to say "Meanwhile, back at the ranch..." Just show your characters at the ranch and the reader can make that leap.

Two things about that. The first is that that works if all the important moments took place in the same setting. When they're in different places, it can be more of a challenge, requiring little clues in each line as to which of the established settings it's in, which is no problem. The bigger issue is that I'm not talking about the little, general moments that signal progression, I believe I have a decent grasp on how to do those. I'm talking about the big, fleshed out (no pun intended) emotional scenes. But I think a lot of the advice you and others have shared here will help with that. Thanks.

 

[SimonDoom]

There's a lot of good advice here.

To start with, I would question the need to start multiple scenes where the brother enters the sister's bedroom while she's doing homework. This strikes me as one of those ideas that at first makes sense but is actually unnecessary. Find ways of avoiding it -- of placing the beginning of your scenes at different times in different places. My guess is that if you think about it you won't have that much trouble doing it.

But to the extent you begin multiple scenes at roughly the same place and same time of day, you can still mix things up by:

1. Switching from a beginning with dialogue to one of description, or internal monologue.
2. Focus on a different element of the scene.
3. Focus on the occasion -- what motivates the intrusion. Make it different every time.
4. Switch perspectives/points of view.

 

[BeechLeaf]

That's also the Toys R Us Giraffe's name... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Argh! ARRGH!! Hyperventilate, panic... Slaps self in head, fool, it's too obvious a name, should have checked. Okay, okay, I can probably come up with a new name. And that silly-looking creature isn't like Laura's:

Geoff the giraffe was the Platonic ideal of a giraffe to both the women, being bright orange and having spotless skin. The spots on nature documentary giraffes seemed like blemishes, deviations from the true giraffe nature, they had long ago agreed. She rubbed the animal's pink woolly hair . . .​

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Argh! ARRGH!! Hyperventilate, panic... Slaps self in head, fool, it's too obvious a name, should have checked. Okay, okay, I can probably come up with a new name. And that silly-looking creature isn't like Laura's:

Geoff the giraffe was the Platonic ideal of a giraffe to both the women, being bright orange and having spotless skin. The spots on nature documentary giraffes seemed like blemishes, deviations from the true giraffe nature, they had long ago agreed. She rubbed the animal's pink woolly hair . . .​

Honestly, if it had been a beloved, ordinary giraffe plush that she'd had from childhood, naming it after the mascot of her favorite store might make sense. With your description though... yeah, maybe not so much. How bout Jerry? Or Jimmy? Or I just stop digging and screwing up your story?

 

[StillStunned]

Surely the best name for a giraffe is Raphael? Raph the Giraffe.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

There's a lot of good advice here.

To start with, I would question the need to start multiple scenes where the brother enters the sister's bedroom while she's doing homework. This strikes me as one of those ideas that at first makes sense but is actually unnecessary. Find ways of avoiding it -- of placing the beginning of your scenes at different times in different places. My guess is that if you think about it you won't have that much trouble doing it.

But to the extent you begin multiple scenes at roughly the same place and same time of day, you can still mix things up by:

1. Switching from a beginning with dialogue to one of description, or internal monologue.
2. Focus on a different element of the scene.
3. Focus on the occasion -- what motivates the intrusion. Make it different every time.
4. Switch perspectives/points of view.

Same with:

Getting home from work or shopping.

Sitting down to a meal.

Mom (or someone) stranding at the kitchen counter making coffee.

Kind of a bitch to keep making the same daily run-of-the-mill scenes interesting, or at lest less repetitive.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Argh! ARRGH!! Hyperventilate, panic... Slaps self in head, fool, it's too obvious a name, should have checked. Okay, okay, I can probably come up with a new name. And that silly-looking creature isn't like Laura's:

Geoff the giraffe was the Platonic ideal of a giraffe to both the women, being bright orange and having spotless skin. The spots on nature documentary giraffes seemed like blemishes, deviations from the true giraffe nature, they had long ago agreed. She rubbed the animal's pink woolly hair . . .​

It might work if Laura grew up and knows about Geoff the giraffe when she got it. Maybe she liked going to Toys 'R Us a lot, and loved the giraffe and named it after that. It's a nice cultural touchstone if she's of the age and had one around, she could even reference the fact that she wished she'd named it something more original, like Franklin Pierce.*

*No idea why that popped up

 

[crookedletter]

*No idea why that popped up

You just never know when ol' Frank will pop up.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I did that too. Mom, now a 40something MILF was a professional dancer and had a trophy room. Lots of pictures, certificates and trophies, but it was a all years ago and is a bit bittersweet to her, so she keeps the door closed. Only after the 20something guys start to notice her again does she go in there and look at it all for inspiration to get back in shape.

And she did. She worked hard and got her figure back to the point she was able to get into one of her better competition dresses.

Then she went to one of her son's Frat parties.

And, well ...

I liked it. The readers weren't as thrilled.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

You just never know when ol' Frank will pop up.

Nobody expects the Frankish Inquisition!

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Nobody expects the Frankish Erectionous!

 

[crookedletter]

Now I'm weirdly thinking about the Franklin Expedition.

Happens a lot, actually.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Emphasize details of the scene: there's a vase of flowers, some one cleaned, some one didn't clean, something's going on outside, and so on.

I like the idea of using stuff building up for symbolism. As one character degenerates or becomes depressed, detritus is all around their spot--cigarette butts, cans, wrappers, whatever.

And when they get through the crisis and are in the falling action, they clean up all that crap. They're ready to move on.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Either vary what the characters are doing, as others have suggested or else lean in to the repetiton and really characterise how that nominally supurflous activity is going.

So, if she's playing video games, chart the progress through on particular game. In scene one she's ripping the plastic off the box and creating her character. In scene two she's struggling to get used to the controls. In scene three she's just prevailed against a tough boss etc. Don't go too nuts but a brief paragraph and a comment from the supporting character will do the trick.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

I like the idea of using stuff building up for symbolism. As one character degenerates or becomes depressed, detritus is all around their spot--cigarette butts, cans, wrappers, whatever.

And when they get through the crisis and are in the falling action, they clean up all that crap. They're ready to move on.

Ooh! I like that!

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Either vary what the characters are doing, as others have suggestes or else lean in to the repetiton and really characterise how that nominallh supurflous activity is going.

So, if she's playing video games, chart the progress through on particular game. In scene one she's ripping the plastic off the box and creating her character. In scene two she's struggling to get use to the controls. In scene three she's just prevailed against a tough boss etc. Don't go too nuts but a brief paragrap and a comment from the supporting character will do the trick.

I've already got various snippets of "slaying a goblin camp", "sneaking through a stealth quest", etc. One of the scenes even involves her asking the brother to complete a poorly designed challenge for her that she simply can't get and isn't fun for her anymore as a catalyst for that scene's events...

 

[THBGato]

There's only so many ways I can think of to say "that night, they were back in the living room playing games" or "the project continued the next morning with..." or "guess what? She was doing homework again, because homework never ends" before it starts sounding repetitive.

Maybe somebody said this already, but there are LOTS of mundane, everyday tasks and routines you could include: it doesn't always have to be the same one.

Home: breakfast, lunch, dinner, cooking, washing up, laundry, ironing, walking the dog, gardening, hoovering, dusting, tv watching, etc

Office: clocking in/out, in the lift, at the photocopier, the break room, email chains, Google chat, team meetings, dealing with deliveries/clients, site visits, etc

I have a long slow burn (Forty) in which two people: move in together, move out, move in again, discuss bills, cook, wash up, go jogging together, go to gigs, watch DVDs, dance, have guests to stay, play music, check the post, get ill, go to church, go out for food. All little things that show the slow build of feelings but never the same thing.

 

[TheLobster]

I've already got various snippets of "slaying a goblin camp", "sneaking through a stealth quest", etc. One of the scenes even involves her asking the brother to complete a poorly designed challenge for her that she simply can't get and isn't fun for her anymore as a catalyst for that scene's events...

Reading your posts in this thread, it seems to me you're actually doing quite well managing this so-called repetition, and likely shouldn't worry overmuch how it comes off in the end. You could get a beta-reader if you're still unsure; they'll be able to tell you much more whether or not you got those things right based on your actual, written prose.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Reading your posts in this thread, it seems to me you're actually doing quite well managing this so-called repetition, and likely shouldn't worry overmuch how it comes off in the end. You could get a beta-reader if you're still unsure; they'll be able to tell you much more whether or not you got those things right based on your actual, written prose.

That would help, yes. Or someone whose style and interests align with mine with whom I could share the writing process, which is something I've been hoping to find since I joined...

Another part of my problem is that I'm bad at drafting. I feel the need to get everything perfect on the first try, and it hinders and slows me down. I end up getting stuck because I don't know how to open a scene without it seeming repetitive, rather than just writing a repetitive segue just to get to the actual scene and fixing it later... (The reasons for my psychological need for first-try perfection are complex and largely trauma-related, but it's something I'm working on.)

Another thing, though, is I've read some stories that go so far to the opposite extreme of NOT presenting the setting again that most of their scene transitions don't even make it clear where the characters are or how much time has passed since the previous scene. Stories like that end up feeling more like a bunch of disconnected incidents rather than a continuous narrative, and that's also something I want to avoid.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

... Another part of my problem is that I'm bad at drafting. I feel the need to get everything perfect on the first try, and it hinders and slows me down. I end up getting stuck because I don't know how to open a scene without it seeming repetitive, rather than just writing a repetitive segue just to get to the actual scene and fixing it later... (The reasons for my psychological need for first-try perfection are complex and largely trauma-related, but it's something I'm working on.) ...

Brandon Sanderson recommends that if you get stuck, you deliberately write a bad scene, as fast as you can. Write something you will certainly never show anyone or publish.

For him (and as it turns out, me) it breaks the logjam, and by writing it terribly you can sometimes be inspired with ideas to write it better.

 

[crookedletter]

Brandon Sanderson recommends that if you get stuck, you deliberately write a bad scene, as fast as you can. Write something you will certainly never show anyone or publish.

For him (and as it turns out, me) it breaks the logjam, and by writing it terribly you can sometimes be inspired with ideas to write it better.

This approach works for me too. Sometimes (not always, but often enough to hope for) I'll start with something that I know isn't working, just to break that block, and as I go on writing it I manage to get into a flow and turn it into something decent. So then it's just a matter of cleaning up or cutting that awkward start.

 

[Actingup]

Lots of great advice in this thread, and I think that the question was worth it even if you were already 90% of the way to the answer yourself. You can implement the advice in any way you choose - of course some books make a positive virtue of repetition with variations (eg Kate Atkinson's Life after Life), although the format doesn't do much for me.

I was just going to highlight the importance of dialogue, internal and external - I know it's already been said, but if you're holding the reader's attention with wit, verve and feelings, the location becomes irrelevant.

 

[anthrodisiac]

That would help, yes. Or someone whose style and interests align with mine with whom I could share the writing process, which is something I've been hoping to find since I joined...

You don't necessarily need someone whose interests and style align with yours. As long as they're willing to read and help you out, what's it matter if their interests and style align with yours?

Sure, it helps if they have same interests because they know the story space, but plenty of writers work with others who don't share their sttyle at all. A lot of writers are capable of viewing your style as your own, and rather than try to foist their style upon you (or at least not jam it down your throat) will offer advice on how to use your style as effectively as possible.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

what's it matter if their interests and style align with yours?

So I'm looking for more than just feedback. It'd be really cool to have someone to get excited with about story ideas and share them as they happen, and have them share that excitement along the way so I don't lose motivation. Kind of an informal "hey, I just thought of this really cool snippet, no idea how it'll play out yet" "oh, yeah, that sounds great. Really clever way to connect those things" or whatever. For that, I think I'd need someone who was enthusiastic about the same kinds of ideas as I would have.

Put it this way, if you were to come up with a great idea for an anthro story, and bounce it off someone who was just like "yeah, furries are a thing, that's cool" rather than someone super into the anthro thing, it'd feel different, wouldn't it?

 

[anthrodisiac]

So I'm looking for more than just feedback. It'd be really cool to have someone to get excited with about story ideas and share them as they happen, and have them share that excitement along the way so I don't lose motivation. Kind of an informal "hey, I just thought of this really cool snippet, no idea how it'll play out yet" "oh, yeah, that sounds great. Really clever way to connect those things" or whatever. For that, I think I'd need someone who was enthusiastic about the same kinds of ideas as I would have.

Put it this way, if you were to come up with a great idea for an anthro story, and bounce it off someone who was just like "yeah, furries are a thing, that's cool" rather than someone super into the anthro thing, it'd feel different, wouldn't it?

Ah, that makes more sense. For some reason I was thinking you were more interested in feedback than fetish buddy (maybe fetish is the wrong term, but I really like the term "fetish buddy" so I'm keeping it ).

I don't think that means you should discount striking up conversations with people who don't share that same interest. You can have someone interested in the story even if the surface layer isn't really "their thing." There are some people who just really enjoy brainstorming stories (me), regardless of content. I also was in a context where I did this sort of thing with people who wrote vastly different things than me, because it's an interesting problem, trying to figure out how to progress a story. But that type of person is different than "cool, furries" with a shrug. They're more, "I really liked how you used X as a metaphor for Y." and "Oh, I see what you did there! Cool, so how does that play in with Z? Or have you thought about maybe A?" Basically, craft and story geeks.

But I do agree that you can go into more depth about the kink/fetish/what have you. It's nice to have someone who has the same level of excitement about a thing, vs. someone who's looking at it more objectively, who's still excited, but about the story instead of the subject, if that makes sense. Plus, they have more knowledge about the space and can brainstorm better about those specifics. As much as I enjoy talking to craft/story geeks, having non-human geeks to talk about it with is inherently more enjoyable, so I totally get it.

However, in the absence of that person(s), I wouldn't discount striking up convos with people who are good story soundboards willing to listen to your ideas. Plus, it's good to have different people with different points of view and approaches to writing, helps broaden your horizons. It helped me immensely to have people with backgrounds as diverse as cozy mystery to romance to autobiographies in my horror/sci-fi/satire writings.