secret life?

[lastingpassion]

You can't win all the time. Glad your still in the game!

 

[SweetErika]

My wife and I have very little that we share. There is no emotional or physical connection to speak of. Her sexual desire has diminished and mine has evolved. (I learned a long time ago to accept my bisexual nature) I cherish variety when it comes to sexual pleasure and she is plain vanilla. We have both realized there is no love in this marriage and have basically become room-mates.Please don't try to simplify by telling me to get a divorce. She does not want that....I do not want that. As I've stated in my initial post, we all have our reasons for any chosen lifestyle. She has become a different person and so have I. We have grown apart in every way thats important and meaningful.

The question is, if your wife knew you were having relationships behind her back, would she still not want a divorce? And, if so, why not just tell her/agree to remain married friends and have an open romantic relationship?

 

[silkybiblue]

sshhhhhhhh !

count me in ! she doesn't know a thing about it - i've wanted to say it thousands of times but never do, the desires build by the day but it is my secret.....some fantasies will remain private i guess

 

[namron711]

=======>~~~~~~~~(i)

Like many other married bisexuals, my wife has no knowledge of my true nature and desires. For several years I have kept this completely secret. We all have our "reasons" for this particular lifestyle and passion. My question is how many male OR female readers on Lit, are in the same situation?
(pm me for my reasons if you'd like)

Secretly bicurious here.
Wish my wife would make suggestions about it.
Then I would know I could come out...

 

[Hitchiker69]

Secret life? No. Secret past, yes. Secret desires, certainly.

I had a lot of gay experiences when I was single, and could enjoy anonymity...when I was hitchiking, or living in a big city.

When hitchiking I'd have sex with whoever was available and interested, then never see them again.

I arrived in Sydney not knowing it was a gay city. I quickly found hard cocks, willing mouths and firm butts were everywhere. I enjoyed lots of them.

Now I'm married, and living in a small town. We have some gay friends, and the temptation is huge. I'd love to suck a man off, or have him fuck my ass. My wife suspects, but doesn't know.

Our sex life is dull, but memories and fantasies are my treasure.

 

[lastingpassion]

Offer openness....

Hi Hitch,

Certainly wish you all the best in your marriage! If I may suggest, try to keep meaningful dialogue about your true passion beginning with your invite for her to express her true passion. Setting this stage with each of your feelings revealed and known will hopefully attain the point of happiness for you both.

 

[davalene]

I am in the same situation as you.
I wrote you a PM.
I love to suck and I love to be sucked plus much more.
I wish Vermont was closer to AZ.

 

[Pirate_Guy]

Been there, done that, got the divorce decree and alimony payments to prove it.

I rationalized both bisexuality and cheating on my ex because her sex drive had become vastly diminished and -- as it's so often characterized by frustrated men -- her sexual paradigm was pretty "vanilla." I did the Craigslist random cocksucking thing while traveling on business and even found a few playmates closer to home. All the way along, I convinced myself that it was okay because I had needs that she wasn't interested in meeting and, somehow, it wasn't quite as bad because it was with other men.

Seriously, that's how self-deluded I was. I bullshitted myself into believing that it was okay to cheat, lie and play STD Russian Roulette. And I suspect that train of thought may ring a bell with a few other guys reading this right now.

My ex may have been frigid, but she wasn't dumb. She poked around on my computer, I had been careless and she found a trail a mile wide. To her credit, she gave me a chance to "fix" myself but the marriage was already mortally wounded by my actions and a plethora of other problems.

Here's what I learned from this very painful, very expensive lesson:

1. No matter how well you may rationalize it, having sex outside of your marriage (or committed relationship) is dishonest and risky.
   
2. The pain of telling your spouse about your frustrations or feelings is NOTHING compared to the pain you will inflict on them (and yourself) if and when you are caught. Man up -- so to speak -- and tell them what you're feeling.
   
3. Even if she doesn't like what you tell her, you're better off being honest rather than living a secret life filled with risk, guilt and the potential for discovery.

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in cocklust when you're in a lousy sexual situation and I wanted to share my cautionary tale.

Now for the happy ending: I found a wonderful woman and we fell madly in love. I told her about my past and my feelings. Remarkably, her husband had moved out on her three years earlier and she'd flirted with bisexuality as well during her marital "limbo." We have a fabulous sex life together now and, for the time, I'm not craving cock and she's not craving pussy. We more than amply take care of each other's needs. But, if that craving ever arises -- and it likely will -- we can bring another man or woman into our bed because we both want the same thing and we know it.

 

[SilkyDave]

incredible advice, t.y., its the lying part that bothers me & I have not acted on my desires out of respect for her and our vows but it certainly is not easy, some days are more difficult then others but I hope to step out of the closet in 2011 and just put all the secrecy behind me and be the person i really am, not the one i am hiding, So i am bi, big friggin' deal, it is part of who I am, part of what makes me, me.

Been there, done that, got the divorce decree and alimony payments to prove it.

I rationalized both bisexuality and cheating on my ex because her sex drive had become vastly diminished and -- as it's so often characterized by frustrated men -- her sexual paradigm was pretty "vanilla." I did the Craigslist random cocksucking thing while traveling on business and even found a few playmates closer to home. All the way along, I convinced myself that it was okay because I had needs that she wasn't interested in meeting and, somehow, it wasn't quite as bad because it was with other men.

Seriously, that's how self-deluded I was. I bullshitted myself into believing that it was okay to cheat, lie and play STD Russian Roulette. And I suspect that train of thought may ring a bell with a few other guys reading this right now.

My ex may have been frigid, but she wasn't dumb. She poked around on my computer, I had been careless and she found a trail a mile wide. To her credit, she gave me a chance to "fix" myself but the marriage was already mortally wounded by my actions and a plethora of other problems.

Here's what I learned from this very painful, very expensive lesson:

1. No matter how well you may rationalize it, having sex outside of your marriage (or committed relationship) is dishonest and risky.
   
2. The pain of telling your spouse about your frustrations or feelings is NOTHING compared to the pain you will inflict on them (and yourself) if and when you are caught. Man up -- so to speak -- and tell them what you're feeling.
   
3. Even if she doesn't like what you tell her, you're better off being honest rather than living a secret life filled with risk, guilt and the potential for discovery.

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in cocklust when you're in a lousy sexual situation and I wanted to share my cautionary tale.

Now for the happy ending: I found a wonderful woman and we fell madly in love. I told her about my past and my feelings. Remarkably, her husband had moved out on her three years earlier and she'd flirted with bisexuality as well during her marital "limbo." We have a fabulous sex life together now and, for the time, I'm not craving cock and she's not craving pussy. We more than amply take care of each other's needs. But, if that craving ever arises -- and it likely will -- we can bring another man or woman into our bed because we both want the same thing and we know it.

 

[Ilovesluts]

Wow I feel so lucky! My gf knows everything about me. She knows I love shemales, and knows I am very into much much older men.

I couldn't live a secret life, and risk hurting someone. Especially my gf I love her so much, and she means so much to my life.

To anyone living a secret life, all I can say is tell your significant other, unburden yourself and ask them to accept you. If they truly love you they will support you 100%.

 

[dougroundup]

Been there, done that, got the divorce decree and alimony payments to prove it.

I rationalized both bisexuality and cheating on my ex because her sex drive had become vastly diminished and -- as it's so often characterized by frustrated men -- her sexual paradigm was pretty "vanilla." I did the Craigslist random cocksucking thing while traveling on business and even found a few playmates closer to home. All the way along, I convinced myself that it was okay because I had needs that she wasn't interested in meeting and, somehow, it wasn't quite as bad because it was with other men.

Seriously, that's how self-deluded I was. I bullshitted myself into believing that it was okay to cheat, lie and play STD Russian Roulette. And I suspect that train of thought may ring a bell with a few other guys reading this right now.

My ex may have been frigid, but she wasn't dumb. She poked around on my computer, I had been careless and she found a trail a mile wide. To her credit, she gave me a chance to "fix" myself but the marriage was already mortally wounded by my actions and a plethora of other problems.

Here's what I learned from this very painful, very expensive lesson:

1. No matter how well you may rationalize it, having sex outside of your marriage (or committed relationship) is dishonest and risky.
   
2. The pain of telling your spouse about your frustrations or feelings is NOTHING compared to the pain you will inflict on them (and yourself) if and when you are caught. Man up -- so to speak -- and tell them what you're feeling.
   
3. Even if she doesn't like what you tell her, you're better off being honest rather than living a secret life filled with risk, guilt and the potential for discovery.

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in cocklust when you're in a lousy sexual situation and I wanted to share my cautionary tale.

Now for the happy ending: I found a wonderful woman and we fell madly in love. I told her about my past and my feelings. Remarkably, her husband had moved out on her three years earlier and she'd flirted with bisexuality as well during her marital "limbo." We have a fabulous sex life together now and, for the time, I'm not craving cock and she's not craving pussy. We more than amply take care of each other's needs. But, if that craving ever arises -- and it likely will -- we can bring another man or woman into our bed because we both want the same thing and we know it.

Kudos!!!! Very well put!
It's amazing how long we go through life before we finally "grow"!
For example.......Grow: -inward... -outward... -closer... -apart...
-spiritually... -stronger... -wiser... finally grow up and have already grown old.
I know that I have always have had the tendency that no matter how much I hear about or see things,,,, I won't get "it" until I can feel it.
In other words, until I actually experience "it" (whatever "it" is?!?) I just never seem to be able learn it. I'm sure I've been made aware and if you tell me I will usually tell you "I know". As I probably do know better.... but I just don't seem to learn until I fully experiment and experience the lessons especially the expensive ones!
Gotta learn the hard way.
Why does personal growth take so long???! By the time the great Karmic epiphany arrives, more than half of our lives have gone by.... I guess thats another facet of that great epiphany,,, the realization that life and our life experience is so short.....
I'm kinda rambling on and maybe I sound as if I'm straying off topic...
The bottom line is that the Great Swashbuckler Dude says it simply like it is,,, and I have great appreciation , admiration and identification with his post.
Seems like alot of us gotta do it the hard way, we gotta pay the price of our consiquences before we learn. Many times others pay for our own selfish lessons before we grow up enough to get out of our own "selves". I've grown more empathy for others, which manifests further growth in myself such as being more respectful and a sincere desire to be fair honest and righteous. Not so much moral as more so the golden rule. The more I give I get back.... not like the karma in pop-culture but more like the more considerate, honest, and true to others.... the more I give back to myself in my own confidence, self respect, honor , dignity and self awareness... Ya gotta get honest !!!! With yourself and others!
It's just I am at the realization that life and our life experience is just so finite.
Seems I'm just starting to get "It".......... I better get back to that bucket list...

 

[schaum_m]

My wife doesnt know that I like guys or have been with any. I havent cheated on her since we got married but I still think about guys a lot and remember what a guys cock feels like

 

[kyliem]

I am the single guy who married men gravitate to. I have been with a few first timers and they all say the same thing. The passion and the eroctic sex is more than they have with their wife.

 

[flyHiGuy]

I lead a pretty wild sex life, with my wife and without. I'd NEVER EVER tell her I was bisexual, holy shit that would be so stupid! I like things the way they are - why risk it all by telling her I'm bisexual. Let sleeping dogs sleep....

I like my secret life and I'm keeping it that way.