Sex and dating

[Owlz]

It's been many years since I was part of the 'dating scene.' I consider myself a very patient man, and I would not expect a new romantic relationship to include sex on the first date. How long would be considered a reasonable period of time before a relationship becomes intimate?

Thank you.

 

[fille]

It's been many years since I was part of the 'dating scene.' I consider myself a very patient man, and I would not expect a new romantic relationship to include sex on the first date. How long would be considered a reasonable period of time before a relationship becomes intimate?

Thank you.

I'm not sure there's a pat answer to that question. So much depends on how much chemistry there is (sexual or otherwise), how well, if at all, you already know each other, etc. I think it's more about being sensitive to her responses to you than just coming up with a particular length of time or number of dates. But in general, my attitude would probably be that a man should be sufficiently interested in something other than having sex with me that we would at least have three or four dates before he started trying to go much farther than kissing me.

Unless, of course, I just wanted to have sex with him.

 

[Owlz]

Re: Re: Sex and dating

I'm not sure there's a pat answer to that question. So much depends on how much chemistry there is (sexual or otherwise), how well, if at all, you already know each other, etc. I think it's more about being sensitive to her responses to you than just coming up with a particular length of time or number of dates. But in general, my attitude would probably be that a man should be sufficiently interested in something other than having sex with me that we would at least have three or four dates before he started trying to go much farther than kissing me.

Unless, of course, I just wanted to have sex with him.

Thank you, fille. This is helpful information.

Anyone else?

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Sex and dating

 

[Noor]

I like to wait until I can't wait anymore, until having sex is all I can think about.

no magic number, there are things I like to do first to get used to the person, see if we are compatible, do the abortion/birth control talk,

 

[Owlz]

I like to wait until I can't wait anymore, until having sex is all I can think about.

I did that, too, Noor...years ago...and I was too late. Sex never happened for us in that relationship. That's perhaps the main reason I decided to start this thread. As I may have mentioned in the start of this thread, I'm a very patient man...too patient, it turned out, in that relationship years ago. When the time comes and we're both reasonably sure we want each other sexually, should I wait for her to ask for it or for her to drop a major hint?

no magic number, there are things I like to do first to get used to the person, see if we are compatible, do the abortion/birth control talk,

Indeed, I will definitely have that talk before things go beyond touchie-feelie-kissy. Besides, in this day & age, I wouldn't even consider having sex without a condom in the early stages of dating.

 

[wildwesty]

I believe in fate to a certain extent. For my girlfriend and I, we knew it was going to happen eventually and 1 night it just sort of happened. We were making out very heavily and we both just came to the same conclusion. I don't really know how to explain but it will happen. Also, talking about it never hurts. I know I am young but if you have an open relationship bringing it up in conversation. A friend of mine keeps condoms in a candy dish by the couch which is a great conversation starter not to mention very handy. Sex and dating just depend on chemistry which someone already brought up. Someone once told me that you will know when you know and not till then. I thought they were full of it at the time until it happened. I don't know if this helps but it makes sense to me.

 

[Noor]

Originally posted by Noor
I like to wait until I can't wait anymore, until having sex is all I can think about.

I did that, too, Noor...years ago...and I was too late. Sex never happened for us in that relationship. That's perhaps the main reason I decided to start this thread. As I may have mentioned in the start of this thread, I'm a very patient man...too patient, it turned out, in that relationship years ago. When the time comes and we're both reasonably sure we want each other sexually, should I wait for her to ask for it or for her to drop a major hint?

no magic number, there are things I like to do first to get used to the person, see if we are compatible, do the abortion/birth control talk,Indeed, I will definitely have that talk before things go beyond touchie-feelie-kissy. Besides, in this day & age, I wouldn't even consider having sex without a condom in the early stages of dating.

I guess it comes to a definition of sex here, I do plenty of fooling around before. I never do anything for mere conventions sake like good night kisses, or hugs I don't mean.

I am really bad at noticing hints, to the point where I have found myself suddenly almost being kissed by someone I had no idea was interested in me on several occasions.

When the time comes ask her something fairly direct.
One man asked me once if I would be his lover, which got a pretty immediate response. We had had dinner in a Chinese resturant while talking for a couple hours, not a romantic dinner, just a nice dinner, and afterwards we were talking at my hotel for a while, mainly philosophy of life stuff, then when he was going to leave we hugged goodbye , and I thinking I don't want to let go then he said quietly in my ear "will you be my lover?" I just melted right then and there, and said yes. We went up to my room, talked about abortion, birth control and He talked to me about aids- he was the first man who ever did that. It was a great first time, lasted hours, I was shaking for days afterwards, everything just flowed, it was like we had been lovers for years instead of the first time. It was not surprising to me because the first and only time we had kissed, about a year before, it was perfect.

 

[Owlz]

I guess it comes to a definition of sex here, I do plenty of fooling around before. I never do anything for mere conventions sake like good night kisses, or hugs I don't mean.

Anything other than the 'innocent' stuff like kissing would be a good starting point for that definition.

I am really bad at noticing hints, to the point where I have found myself suddenly almost being kissed by someone I had no idea was interested in me on several occasions.

When the time comes ask her something fairly direct.
One man asked me once if I would be his lover, which got a pretty immediate response. We had had dinner in a Chinese resturant while talking for a couple hours, not a romantic dinner, just a nice dinner, and afterwards we were talking at my hotel for a while, mainly philosophy of life stuff, then when he was going to leave we hugged goodbye , and I thinking I don't want to let go then he said quietly in my ear "will you be my lover?" I just melted right then and there, and said yes. We went up to my room, talked about abortion, birth control and He talked to me about aids- he was the first man who ever did that. It was a great first time, lasted hours, I was shaking for days afterwards, everything just flowed, it was like we had been lovers for years instead of the first time. It was not surprising to me because the first and only time we had kissed, about a year before, it was perfect.

That sounds like a dream come true. However, I would not ask someone to be my lover after only two hours of a non-romantic dinner. I'd be patient enough to wait at least until the second date and see how things went at that time. As to the abortion/AIDS discussions, I'd have those, too. In fact, in this day & age, I can't see myself having sex with someone without a condom.

 

[Noor]

That sounds like a dream come true. However, I would not ask someone to be my lover after only two hours of a non-romantic dinner. I'd be patient enough to wait at least until the second date and see how things went at that time. As to the abortion/AIDS discussions, I'd have those, too. In fact, in this day & age, I can't see myself having sex with someone without a condom.

We had known over a few years, been in contact by phone but hadn't seen each other for almost a year at that point, we live on different conteninets. We were friends first, something I prefer in lovers. We have been connected in a fashion since shortly after we met.

Condoms are only as good as 98% for sperm, aids is much smaller, so if I knowingly have a high risk lover I act accordingly and avoid some things. I have never had sex without a condom, and i have used them since 1973.

 

[Owlz]

We had known over a few years, been in contact by phone but hadn't seen each other for almost a year at that point, we live on different conteninets. We were friends first, something I prefer in lovers. We have been connected in a fashion since shortly after we met.

Condoms are only as good as 98% for sperm, aids is much smaller, so if I knowingly have a high risk lover I act accordingly and avoid some things. I have never had sex without a condom, and i have used them since 1973.

Excellent!