Sex and menopause

[Some Moron]

It's been a really long time since I have posted here, but I have a question for fellow experts.

Okay, here I go. I have been married 8 years, I love my wife dearly and all that other mushy stuff. The thing is, I am 30, and she is 47 and is well into menopause. Now there have been some problems:

a. Sweats
b. Fatigue
c. Pain
d. No desire whatsoever for sex
e. Terrible mood swings

She has tried hormonal therapy, but nothing has worked so far. Any suggestions? My right hand is starting to get calloused

 

[TBKahuna123]

Only one, and you're not gonna like it: Live with it and hang in there.

This is the problem with dating an older woman. If both people are the same age, when a woman begins to go through menopause, the man's sex drive is usually slowing down. This is not a condemnation of your age differences, so please don't take it that way, it's just a statement of the facts. My mother just went through menopause and WOW was that interesting! How my father kept from killing her or becoming a drunk I don't know. I love my mother dearly, but she was pretty wacked out hormonally, and it was tough to wtch from 1800 miles away. I can only imagine being there.

Now I don't say that glibbly, I understand how powerful those hormones are. My wife has PCOS, which causes a hormone imbalance a lot like menopause. While not near as intense, I've still experienced those modd swings, lack of sex drive, etc. on a moderate level. Not all women experience these symptoms with the same level of intensity, though most experience some of them.

You have to just be understanding and ride it out. It's tough, I know, but it also isn't fair to push or expect her to do something she's not feeling. That will hurt you more in the long run than a year of intense masturbation. I'll also share another little secret: the more understanding you are of what she's going through, the more likely she'll be to want to ease your tension, even though she may not feel like it.

You said she tried hormone therapy. Just once? I know it sometimes takes some tweaking to get the dosages right. I also know there are a lot of herbal and homeopathic remedies that can help, though I'm not really very knowledgable about this topic. I know being told to just wait it out sucks, but I can't think of any other way to do it. Just show her love and understanding. To be crass about it, if anything is gonna get you laid, being understanding will.

I just thank the Lord I'm a guy! The femal ebody is too high maintenance for someone of my limited male patience to handle. Hell, I don't even like to change the oil in my car!

 

[Selkie1]

I would get her to try some of the homoeopthic routes - just ensure they don't conflict with any medication she may be on.

Im 48 but still regular and no sign of menopause (which truly, I think is partially genetics and partially lots and lots and lots of sex) - but I think some nurturing wouldnt be out of line either.

it sucks sometimes being female!

I know that evening primrose oil helped me during pms - and there are several natural herbs out there designed for menopause - one thing too, you should tell her to add more soy to her diet -seemingly, this REALLY helps.

exercise and good healthy eating is really important.

 

[Some Moron]

Thanks for the replies. She has been on several regimines of hormones, none of which have done a lot. The doctor is thinking of trying testosterone drops but is reluctant because of the side effects. That's understandable. Perhaps the right co,bo will come about and things will get better. Also, even with the right amount (according to the doctor), the benefit(s) will not happen overnight.

I have not pushed her into having sex, nor do I even ask for it when I know she does not want it. However, I never fail to say "I love you" everyday, rub her feet when she is hurting,etc.

Lastly, job stress must not be helping either because we have a horrendous schedule, 2 disabled adults at home, and there is little or no time for us. While this may sound selfish, a married couple needs time.

 

[Eilan]

Lastly, job stress must not be helping either because we have a horrendous schedule, 2 disabled adults at home, and there is little or no time for us. While this may sound selfish, a married couple needs time.

I think that, in addition to the menopause issues, it sounds like you two also have other stressors that my be contributing to your bedroom issues.

I don't see wanting time alone with your wife as selfish, but then my husband and I have four small children at home, so I understand the value of quality time.

You DO need some couple time; you also need some "me" time.

 

[TBKahuna123]

All menopause issues aside, having two disabled adults at home is tough. Wanting time alone together is not being selfish, it is a flat out requirement! I'm sure this is causing stress, no matter how willingly you are doing it, and that can cause strain on any marriage, let alone when your SO is goign through menopause. I'm sure all this is probably making her MP symtpons even worse.

As hard as it is, finding time alone together is essential. Even if it doesn't help with the sexual part (which I bet it will), just getting her out of the house for a night now and then will help her with everything else. It's all about relaxation...total relaxation.

Might I suggest getting her a gift certificate to a day spa?

 

[Some Moron]

Yeah, a day spa would be nice for her. I might need another job

Anyway, yeah, she's a nurse and work hours are herrendous. Thanks for the tips everybody.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Yeah, a day spa would be nice for her. I might need another job

OK, I can understand that, because I looked into this for my wife and it is expensive and I couldn't afford it either. So, here's what I would do. Get on the net and learn who to do a facial, a peticure, massage. Find a recipe for something funky like a cuccumber kumkwat poppyseed exfoliating mud pack/salad dressing or something unusual like that. Then just set up a Spa Evening for her. Lock the bedroom door, put on some new age freaky music and light some candles. Do her nails, give her a facial, rub her feet, give her a massage. By the end she may be looking forwrd to that happy ending she won't get at the day spa (at least you'd hope she wouldn't).

Now, your nail job may suck, the facial may be sloppy and the massage may be less than effective, but that's not the point. She won't give a shit, trust me. Just the fact that you took the time to find out how to do something for her should be enough. It IS the thought that counts, should I say, that you put some thought into it that counts. Pampering your wife while she just relaxes is ALWAYS a big hit.

 

[misspatiant]

It's been a really long time since I have posted here, but I have a question for fellow experts.

Okay, here I go. I have been married 8 years, I love my wife dearly and all that other mushy stuff. The thing is, I am 30, and she is 47 and is well into menopause. Now there have been some problems:

a. Sweats
b. Fatigue
c. Pain
d. No desire whatsoever for sex
e. Terrible mood swings

She has tried hormonal therapy, but nothing has worked so far. Any suggestions? My right hand is starting to get calloused

Hey dont worry itl soon pass, the sex thing i mean, mine did after a few months. Keep smiling

 

[Obfuscated]

How about

Trying Black Cohosh? There's a brand called Remifemin, and this is a snip from the clinical trial:

The primary outcome was the change from baseline in the MRS score. Secondary outcomes were safety (evaluated on the basis of adverse events and clinical measures) and changes in the 4 subscores of the MRS: hot flashes (hot flashes, sweating, and sleep disorders), psyche (depression, nervousness, irritability, and memory), soma (heart, joint, and muscle symptoms), and atrophy (sexual disorders, vaginal dryness, and urinary complaints).

The black cohosh extract was significantly more effective than was placebo in decreasing the MRS score (P < 0.001), and treatment had the greatest effect in women who have just begun menopause. The effect size was similar to that of hormone replacement therapy and therefore clinically relevant. Four of the MRS subscores decreased significantly in the black cohosh group (relative to the placebo group): P = 0.007 for hot flashes, P = 0.012 for atrophy, and P = 0.019 for psyche.

No significant treatment effect was observed for heart, joint, and muscle symptoms. Adverse events were reported by 50 (32.7%) subjects in the black cohosh group and by 47 (31.1%) subjects in the placebo group; the difference in number of reported adverse events was not significantly different between groups. Tolerability and clinical measures were not significantly different between groups. A causal relation between black cohosh and adverse events was determined to be "possible" in only 6 cases (3.9%).