Sex Chat - better than wife?

[unfaithful2005]

Of course those ladies come. They are stimulating themselves while chatting with him. You come when you stimulate yourself, too.

There is nothing wrong with you. I repeat, there is nothing wrong with you. If his ego is shot that you can't orgasm, that is not your fault. His ego should be shot because he made you feel as bad as you feel because of his hiding his cybersex activities from you.

You've gotten some good suggestions on how to work on the orgasm thing. Keep in mind, many women never orgasm through intercoure alone. Some women don't orgasm through oral or fingering, either. There is nothing wrong with you.

If he must cyber, perhaps he could cyber with you? It might spice things up a little, and you two can explore what turns you each on without having to be face to face.

Good luck, sweets!

Thanks for the encouragement. After I got comfortable talking with one of his cyber partners, I offered to have a threesome cybersex (1 time deal only!) because I knew he always fantasized about having 2 women. I figured I will never do this in person, so online sex was as close as I was about to allow it.

To my surprise, he was offended by the idea and refused it and called ME weird. I'm assuming he didn't feel comfortable with me seeing what he typed during his sex chats. He told me to not talk to his cyber partner ever again. So I guess cyber sex together is NOT an option. If he's really commited to stopping it altogether, I'm fine with that. At least I feel satisfied that I was open minded enough to offer.

 

[blacktacular]

The road to the mighty O, an adventure story...

Well folks, I just discovered my husband joined this thing to have cybersex with other people. I was naturally hurt he hid this from me because I felt he was cheating. I'm trying to understand. He said he's here because he can't make me come and here he chats with ladies who say they do. I love having sex with him but his ego is shot that I cant orgasm. How else can I satisfy him? It might just be my destiny that I can't orgasm even though I love having sex with him. How can I fix this?

I was involved with a woman who was adamant that she could not have an orgasm by intercourse. She told me this before we actually became sexually involved. Fortunately, I had enough experience (and partners) to know there was nothing wrong with me and wisdom to know there was nothing physically wrong with her. I actually looked forward to exploring what I called "the road to her orgasm", but not for my own ego's sake. Her attitude towards sex was the barrier. She saw sex as something that she was good at (as opposed to an actual intimate act between two people and "good sex" being a product of two people ) and would often relate her past sexual experience in terms of the effect she had on men. Unfortunately our relationship only lasted 3 days (actually, fortunately! I had known her for a year prior to becoming involved with her; I was a conquest for her for some reason and only because I didn't respond in a manner she was use to from men...she thrived on attention from all men...I was a notch on her belt), so I didn't get to take the adventure to her mighty O. I guess the similarity between this story and your's is, as one previous poster said, "remove his ego" from your orgasm. My year-long friend, and 3-day lover would always want to have sex with me because she hadn't made me cum. I was on antibitocs at the time and really wasn't in the mood and she would get upset and tell me I wasn't attracted to her and she always wanted to talk about what was wrong...her ego was the problem.

Besides, while it's great to experience orgasm during intercourse, just exploring the different avenues can "be the thing". I think any man over 40 has to embrace that concept and why not, we got the viagra pill to back us up if we need it.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Thanks for the encouragement. After I got comfortable talking with one of his cyber partners, I offered to have a threesome cybersex (1 time deal only!) because I knew he always fantasized about having 2 women. I figured I will never do this in person, so online sex was as close as I was about to allow it.

To my surprise, he was offended by the idea and refused it and called ME weird. I'm assuming he didn't feel comfortable with me seeing what he typed during his sex chats. He told me to not talk to his cyber partner ever again. So I guess cyber sex together is NOT an option. If he's really commited to stopping it altogether, I'm fine with that. At least I feel satisfied that I was open minded enough to offer.

Actually, I was thinking the two of you could cyber just with each other, not with any third parties involved. Sometimes it's easier to talk about what turns you on when you do it online rather than face to face or during sex.

Another option is to send each other erotic emails - you could tell him what you want to do to him when he comes home that evening or a fantasy you had while driving to work. That kind of thing tends to keep the sexual tension high and it lets the other person know how desirable you think they are. Even something as little as a post-it note in his pocket saying, "I was thinking of you today while I was in the shower" could turn him on so he'd be thinking about you all day long and be ready to rip your clothes off as soon as he comes home.

You could also try mini-phone sex with each other. Call him at lunch time and tell him you were thinking about the sex you had last night and how much it was turning you on thinking about the way he licked you or something.

The point is to have fun and make sex fun - use all the tools you have to open up that kind of communication.

 

[Eilan]

Fortunately, I had enough experience (and partners) to know there was nothing wrong with me and wisdom to know there was nothing physically wrong with her.

Don't assume that a woman who can't have an orgasm during sex has some mental block that prevents her from doing so. While that might be the case, particularly if she grew up hearing that sex was "dirty" or is otherwise inhibited for some reason, it's important to remember what LadyJeanne said: "many women never orgasm through intercourse alone." It doesn't HAVE to mean that there's anything wrong with her physically OR mentally.

Unless we're in exactly the right position(s)--assuming no clitoral stimulation whatsoever--my husband's going to be hard-pressed to make me cum by just climbing aboard and pumping away. Yeah, it feels good, but I can't have an orgasm from it. And it's not "all in my head," either.

 

[silverwhisper]

unfaithful: ignore nelbuts. he does not speak for all men, i assure you.

ed

 

[Medaille]

No offense, but ...

it seems like a lot of the people responding here are trying to say "unfaithful2005, your right, he's wrong, what was he thinking?" This is a band-aid. It doesn't fix the problem. It may make you feel better now, but I don't see it helping in the future.

From what you've said, it sounds like the only real problem is that the two of you don't know each other really well yet. Since he apologized sincerely, it just seems like he thought it was ok and you didn't. Those are two natural point of views, neither of which is right or wrong. I would imagine that the problem lies in lack of communication and not knowing where each others boundries are yet. I agree with the people that just said to talk to him about it.

The other problem is that for whatever reason, you both weren't satisfied with sex. It sounds like you have a good start on trying to make it a more fulfilling experience, so just keep trying new things and learning about what each other likes.

I'd like to hear how some of the posters would recommend getting rid of someone elses ego. That doesn't seem like a short process. But if you were going down this road, you should both try to rid yourselves of your egos together, instead of it just being his problem, which it isn't.

 

[Eilan]

it seems like a lot of the people responding here are trying to say "unfaithful2005, your right, he's wrong, what was he thinking?" This is a band-aid. It doesn't fix the problem. It may make you feel better now, but I don't see it helping in the future.

With all due respect, I think that several people who posted to this thread cautioned unfaithful2005 against blaming anyone for what had happened. At this point it does absolutely no good. Furthermore, I don't think that anyone who posts regularly on the HT Board feels that the advice we give is a substitute for professional help (if it's warranted) with deeper issues.

From what you've said, it sounds like the only real problem is that the two of you don't know each other really well yet. Since he apologized sincerely, it just seems like he thought it was ok and you didn't. Those are two natural point of views, neither of which is right or wrong.

They knew each other well enough to get married, which may or may not mean something. Honestly, though, I don't think that we have enough information about their marriage to make that assessment.

Every person/couple has different notions of what cheating is/isn't, and I'd like to think that most couples address this before they commit to each other. I said it earlier in this thread: it doesn't matter what WE would consider cheating, because unfaithful2005 felt betrayed, and it's HER marriage.

I would imagine that the problem lies in lack of communication and not knowing where each others boundries are yet. I agree with the people that just said to talk to him about it.

Communication is essential.

The other problem is that for whatever reason, you both weren't satisfied with sex.

Seeing as how unfaithful2005 has trouble having orgasms during sex and her husband seems to have self-esteem issues as a result, I'd say that this is an understatement. Sex isn't always about the orgasm, but, having been in a relationship where I rarely came during intercourse, I certainly understand where not having one could create problems--for both of them.

I'd like to hear how some of the posters would recommend getting rid of someone elses ego. That doesn't seem like a short process. But if you were going down this road, you should both try to rid yourselves of your egos together, instead of it just being his problem, which it isn't.

It's unfortunate that people allow their self-worth to get wrapped up in things like cock/breast size and sexual performance issues. If unfaithful2005's husband has ego issues because his wife doesn't have an orgasm through intercourse, then those are HIS issues, not hers. It's unfair to expect unfaithful2005 to deal with her husband's self-esteem issues when she has issues of her own. However, I'd like to think that most of us agree that the solution to this problem doesn't lie in going online to find other people to cyber with.

 

[unfaithful2005]

We have known each other quite long - 10 years, been married for only 5 mos though. That's why I took it harder than the average person. We waited so long to finally be together and then this. We have never dealt with infidelity.

We are a very liberal couple in that I don't place restrictions on what he can and cannot do. What we made clear was that there will be no deception, especially when it comes to attraction with other people. No matter what, we would let the other person know before anything went too far. With all that freedom and trust, I felt he could at least respect me enough to be honest and not lie to me.

From what I gather, he got carried away with this website. When I ask how, all he could really say was "it just happened" - a generic answer we hear too often. I'm sure many of you can relate that inhibitions can easily be lowered when you're in a community where anyone can express their sexual fantasies without the fear of being turned down or criticized in front of your face. The temptation of pushing the boundaries was something he couldn't resist and he admited that he enjoyed the thrill while it was going on. It was just sad that it blinded him to the point that he didn't realize what it almost cost him.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Maybe he was not feeling like a 'man' not being able to make you cum.... so making some ladies cum online was something that gave him his 'manhood' feeling back. But this is not your problem it is his. There is lots of good experience above that others have told you.

 

[Missingmeds]

Could we hear his side of the story please?

I know that won't be a popular question, but in all honesty, I feel that in order to form any opinion at all, it would be better to hear both views on this.

 

[unfaithful2005]

Could we hear his side of the story please?

I know that won't be a popular question, but in all honesty, I feel that in order to form any opinion at all, it would be better to hear both views on this.

I wish he would because it would help me understand too. Unfortunately, the experience of our meltdown on the day of discovery made him want to forget the whole experience entirely. He even unsubscribed himself from this website voluntarily. When I confronted him, what he told me was that he felt like a failure for not giving me an orgasm. Even though I told him that I enjoyed making love with him even though I don't orgasm, he couldn't comprehend that it was true because he admitted that if it was the other way around, he doesn't think he can be ok with that.

For those who really know him, he is a very quiet and shy person. He's so down to earth and sweet and I would never imagine him purposely wanting to hurt me. When I read his profile, he described himself as being very wild and sexually driven. I saw him type words I wouldn't imagine would come out of his mouth. That's what shocked me the most. I took it hard because I thought he became a different person.

I think one becomes very brave or even bolder than in real life in these websites. There's a freedom that can make anyone go overboard and I think that's what happened. He found the thrill of talking dirty and having other women tell him they cum while talking to him immensely exciting since he couldn't accomplish this in our own bedroom. I guess who wouldn't?

 

[silverwhisper]

i think one becomes very brave or even bolder than in real life in these websites. there's a freedom that can make anyone go overboard and i think that's what happened

that's why i don't respect people who can't be bothered to exercise some elementary tact and decorum online.

ed

 

[T.H. Oughts]

He found the thrill of talking dirty and having other women tell him they cum while talking to him immensely exciting

You say what a sweet lovely person he is. That's great. But in your bedroom the two of you can be who you want. Tell him: "I want you to fuck my cunt honey." Get him to tell you, you want to be his horny wench.

Maybe one of the reasons you can't orgasm too easy is you are holding back. Trying to be the lovely people you are in public. Get down and dirty in the bedroom. Let the words fly around the room... let your inner self out and relax. You can be a hussy in the bedroom, moan out load, express yourself, it is ok.

 

[unfaithful2005]

You say what a sweet lovely person he is. That's great. But in your bedroom the two of you can be who you want. Tell him: "I want you to fuck my cunt honey." Get him to tell you, you want to be his horny wench.

Maybe one of the reasons you can't orgasm too easy is you are holding back. Trying to be the lovely people you are in public. Get down and dirty in the bedroom. Let the words fly around the room... let your inner self out and relax. You can be a hussy in the bedroom, moan out load, express yourself, it is ok.

Yes, we are trying to be even more exciting in bed. I want to share in his fantasies because seeing him excited gets to me too. I'm sure the neighbors are enjoying our very vocal love sessions lalety.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Yes, we are trying to be even more exciting in bed. I want to share in his fantasies because seeing him excited gets to me too. I'm sure the neighbors are enjoying our very vocal love sessions lalety.

Good for you. I have just moved into a new place and the neighbours are a lot closer. It will give the old widowed guy next door something to wank too.

Women are brought up to be good girls. But we have to learn that we can be sluts for our partners and be as rampent in the bedroom as we like.

Think of your deepest fantasy when you are making love to your man. It will help you too get off easier maybe... then go back to thinking of the one in front of you...

Play with yourself in front of your partner and 'tell' and 'show' him what you like. Explain it to him what makes you horny and able to come. Neither males or females are mind readers and not all of us have had a 'show you how' book to know what works....

 

[Eilan]

When I read his profile, he described himself as being very wild and sexually driven. I saw him type words I wouldn't imagine would come out of his mouth. That's what shocked me the most. I took it hard because I thought he became a different person.

I think one becomes very brave or even bolder than in real life in these websites. There's a freedom that can make anyone go overboard and I think that's what happened.

It's really easy to get caught up in the anonymity (for the most part, anyway) of the Internet. You can be anything that you want to be, and for the most part, nobody knows any diferently. And if they start to suspect otherwise, you can just disappear.

Women are brought up to be good girls. But we have to learn that we can be sluts for our partners and be as rampent in the bedroom as we like.

Very well put.

 

[sexyjenn]

I'm quite confused about the whole situation, but you sound like a strong smart girl and I really do hope you get through it with the least amount of pain.

On the orgasm topic though have you tried playing with your clit while he fucks you?

 

[bertrande]

I'm quite confused about the whole situation, but you sound like a strong smart girl and I really do hope you get through it with the least amount of pain.

On the orgasm topic though have you tried playing with your clit while he fucks you?

I agree with this. I do manage to orgasm quite easily when I am with my partner (a member of lit which we use to help spice things up) but sometimes when we are having sex I will play with my clit whilst he is inside me - try doggie style or him quite upright with you on your back - and bring myself to orgasm because it is much stronger that way and the feeling of me cumming so strongly around him drives him wild.

Orgasming in this way with him inside you may relax him a little so that instead of him worrying about you cumming, he can concentrate on different ways of making you cum during intercourse.

 

['Ol Tex]

Back and Forth

Could we hear his side of the story please?

I know that won't be a popular question, but in all honesty, I feel that in order to form any opinion at all, it would be better to hear both views on this.

I agree with Missingmeds here. First you say HE was on here. Then you found out so YOU subscribed to Literotica and came on here to get an 'understanding' of why HE was cyber-sexing but now HE has un-subscribed, (voluntarily you say), and we can not hear HIS side?? Sorry but this old Texas boy senses a con here. Just because he has UN-SUBSCRIBED doesn't mean he can't post here. Scoot your butt over and let HIM post his thoughts/feelings under YOUR Lit name. Also, you could reveal to us what HIS Lit name was when YOU discovered his nocturnal ramblings. We can go back through past pages and then get HIS thoughts/feelings right ??

 

[unfaithful2005]

[QUOTE='Ol Tex]I agree with Missingmeds here. First you say HE was on here. Then you found out so YOU subscribed to Literotica and came on here to get an 'understanding' of why HE was cyber-sexing but now HE has un-subscribed, (voluntarily you say), and we can not hear HIS side?? Sorry but this old Texas boy senses a con here. Just because he has UN-SUBSCRIBED doesn't mean he can't post here. Scoot your butt over and let HIM post his thoughts/feelings under YOUR Lit name. Also, you could reveal to us what HIS Lit name was when YOU discovered his nocturnal ramblings. We can go back through past pages and then get HIS thoughts/feelings right ?? [/QUOTE]

Hi pen name was DaHard1. I don't think he posted much - he told me he PM'd girls alot and those who responded he had sex with online under instant messenger. I would love for him to post, but he despises this site now. He knows I'm here and he knows why too. We have different reasons why we use the same site. You can even glance at my previous postings - I'm not here to find other people for myself. Being here made me understand how he developed his ideas. I've even talked to his ex cybermates cause I wanted to know what they were doing that I didn't know how to do for him.

When I first found out he was exposing himself in the camera, yes, I thought it was weird. When I came here, I realized this is nothing new. Lots of guys here offer to do that. When he suggested he wanted to post my pics, I was shocked again, like why would he want to do that? Now I see that many husbands do that here. They're not jealous, instead they're proud of the compliments they get. And nope, I never agreed because I've always felt my body was for his pleasure only.

He was obviously unsatisfied with our sex life. I want to make it more so and I'm learning here how from other people's ideas - something I wish he did rather than just use it for himself. Since then, I've learned to keep my ears and mind more open minded to things he like. I want him to voice them out so that WE, together can fulfill it. Is that so bad? Now that we're calmer, I have suggested we use this site together, because he obviously enjoyed it. He's always been turned on with a 3some and no I'm not open to it in real life, but maybe I can meet him halfway and have it online. Its very easy for him to go back and open under a new pen name without me knowing, but I want it so that he doesn't see the need to because I am open to it now if he makes it as a couple enjoyment than just his.

I don't think I can make his fantasies disappear, I want to make them come true as close as I find acceptable that doesn't demean me or leave me out. I found his route destructive to our marriage. We have a problem that obviously made him feel like less of a man in real life even though I assured him I was happy. Don't take me wrong, I'm very open-minded. I've always supported his fantasies, but he concealed this one from me. Had he told me why he was here, I would have been more consentful. You can use this website in two ways: it can enhance your marriage or it can destroy it. Its the deception I had a problem with.

 

[Missingmeds]

[QUOTE='Ol Tex]I agree with Missingmeds here. First you say HE was on here. Then you found out so YOU subscribed to Literotica and came on here to get an 'understanding' of why HE was cyber-sexing but now HE has un-subscribed, (voluntarily you say), and we can not hear HIS side?? Sorry but this old Texas boy senses a con here. Just because he has UN-SUBSCRIBED doesn't mean he can't post here. Scoot your butt over and let HIM post his thoughts/feelings under YOUR Lit name. Also, you could reveal to us what HIS Lit name was when YOU discovered his nocturnal ramblings. We can go back through past pages and then get HIS thoughts/feelings right ?? [/QUOTE]

I am not trying to be a problem but I sense that there is far more to this than we are hearing too Ol Tex.

He has exactly one post on latinlovely's thread that said that if women wanted to see cock to pm him. Now I am not sure, but I don't think that many women here would pm someone like that I am not so sure that many would respond to him pming them either. I will post the link to that thread in just a second and that will be the edit to this post.

Link

That is the only post that I could find of his. Which really tells us nothing other than he has a slight exhibitionist streak maybe.

 

[Eilan]

[QUOTE='Ol Tex]I agree with Missingmeds here. First you say HE was on here. Then you found out so YOU subscribed to Literotica and came on here to get an 'understanding' of why HE was cyber-sexing but now HE has un-subscribed, (voluntarily you say), and we can not hear HIS side?? Sorry but this old Texas boy senses a con here. Just because he has UN-SUBSCRIBED doesn't mean he can't post here. Scoot your butt over and let HIM post his thoughts/feelings under YOUR Lit name. Also, you could reveal to us what HIS Lit name was when YOU discovered his nocturnal ramblings. We can go back through past pages and then get HIS thoughts/feelings right ?? [/QUOTE]Can I just make an observation here?

We get a lot of threads dealing with various sexual incompatibilities/issues, and I've noticed something: Why is it what when a man starts a thread saying that he and his wife haven't had sex for a long time, or don't do it as often as he'd like, some people here seem to be less likely to question that? Why does nobody ask to hear the wife's side of the story? (I know it's not likely to happen since the wives probably don't know that their husbands are here.) In fact, the ONE time that I remarked that it would be interesting to hear the wife's POV, I think killed the thread.

Call me naive, but I don't see why it's unreasonable to think that unfaithful2005 might come to Lit to understand her husband's behavior. She's a much better person than I am, because if I'd started this thread and my honesty/integrity were called into question, I wouldn't stick around long enough to justify anything to anyone.

 

[Missingmeds]

Can I just make an observation here?

We get a lot of threads dealing with various sexual incompatibilities/issues, and I've noticed something: Why is it what when a man starts a thread saying that he and his wife haven't had sex for a long time, or don't do it as often as he'd like, some people here seem to be less likely to question that? Why does nobody ask to hear the wife's side of the story? (I know it's not likely to happen since the wives probably don't know that their husbands are here.) In fact, the ONE time that I remarked that it would be interesting to hear the wife's POV, I think killed the thread.

Call me naive, but I don't see why it's unreasonable to think that unfaithful2005 might come to Lit to understand her husband's behavior. She's a much better person than I am, because if I'd started this thread and my honesty/integrity were called into question, I wouldn't stick around long enough to justify anything to anyone.

I have often asked to hear the wife's POV. It doesn't usually kill a thread for me but it does allow me to better understand what is going on. Like someone else said, I am not a shrink nor a councilor of any kind but I do like enough information to form an opinion if that is what the person is asking for.

 

[Eilan]

I have often asked to hear the wife's POV. It doesn't usually kill a thread for me but it does allow me to better understand what is going on. Like someone else said, I am not a shrink nor a councilor of any kind but I do like enough information to form an opinion if that is what the person is asking for.

I stand corrected, then.

I suppose my observations come from the time I started posting on Lit, as opposed to my "lurker days." Take them for what they're worth, which probably isn't much. I like to hear both sides if the story as well, but it doesn't tend to happen.

 

[bytor2112]

Well folks, I just discovered my husband joined this thing to have cybersex with other people. I was naturally hurt he hid this from me because I felt he was cheating. I'm trying to understand. He said he's here because he can't make me come and here he chats with ladies who say they do. I love having sex with him but his ego is shot that I cant orgasm. How else can I satisfy him? It might just be my destiny that I can't orgasm even though I love having sex with him. How can I fix this?

you can't fix it...go find some studs who will rock your world...