Sex with half a dick

[Nightbob]

I was told that I should move this from General to How To, So here it is.

Sex with half a dick

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I am so frustrated and depressed. Last year I had surgery for prostate cancer. After the surgery I was much shorter than I was before. The best that I can do now is get two inches and then it is not real hard. And of course I cannot ejaculate. There is nothing there. I can masturbate and get some of the feelings. I don't think that I can get it up enough to even get it into my wife. Has anyone had sex with someone in my situation? What did you do, or what would you do. My wife has been sick so I have not had sex in over three years and I am going nuts. I would love to get laid but what woman would want someone like me? Just curious.

 

[Nightbob]

no joke

No joke

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Thanks to those of you who tried to help me. And no, this is not a joke, unless it is a bad one on me. I don't know why my dick is so much shorter and my doctor said that he doesn't understand it either, even though he has had some other patients tell him the same thing. He said that the way the surgery was performed it should not happen. I know that there was some nerve damage and that is why it is so difficult to get hard. I will be talking to my doctor about implants but I just don't see how they could make me any longer, just harder. And I have already tried Viagra and Levitra without any effect.

I don't think that most of you quite understand why I even brought this up. LIke all of you I love sex. I have never been able to get enough even though for a number of reasons my wife has not been able participate the way that I would like. She has been very sick with several mental and physical problems for almost 20 years (we have been married for almost 41 years and I have never had sex with anyone else). I doubt that I have had sex with her more than 20 times in the last ten years and that is very tough for me because I believe strongly that sex is the ultimate way to express my love to her. I can't help it but I equate love with sex. It is when I can truly give myself to her in a way that is only for her. I can have sex for pleasure only by myself and that has been main source of gratification. Before my surgery I would masturbate anywhere from five to ten times a week. Now that is gone too. That is why I was hoping that I could hear from someone who might have had some experience with my situation.

There are times when I feel like a complete asshole. I am feeling so bad about my loss even more than I did just the lack of sex before. Have had had to have therapy to try to cope with my wife's lack of sexual desire and responce and I have actually been told be three therapists that I probably should leave here and find somebody who could give me the sex that I want. I could not do that because it would hurt her too badly. But that is not the reason that I feel like an asshole. It is because within two weeks of when I was told that I had cancer, my wife was also told that she had cancer. Her's was much worse than mine. She has undergone chemo, which put her in a coma and almost killed her, she has had five weeks of radiation where she had to drive 210 miles a day for five days a week and then had to have an eleven hour surgery. All of this could be to no avail. They could not remove all of the cancer and they may not be able to do anything else for her and she has already gone to the best cancer center in the world for her type of cancer. They think that she may only have another two years to live. So, why should I be complaining about loosing my sex when she is fighting for her life? I don't know, I just can't help it. I just can't think of having a life without sex of some kind. I am not suicidal, but in the last five years I have had two major surgeries and it really didn't make any difference to me if I survived them or not.

My wife has mentioned a few single female friends who might be possible future partners for me, but what good would it do. I couldn't satisfy them. I love oral sex and that might help them, but would a woman be able to get any pleasure out of giving me a blowjob? I know that some people have told me that there are a lot of women who could love a man with or without sex, but it is mostly my hang up.

Thanks for the links and I will be taking a good look at them.

 

[Bredon]

Hey,

I'd recommend to have a look at transmen /ftm sites about phalloplasty and other surgery. Transmen are female to male transsexuals who often have a similar problem. They have found many creative ways to deal with it.
It must be very difficult to loose something that you had before, but I can assure you that transmen often have a lot of sex and get the most beautiful women (the transmen that I know at least ). Many women aren't into penises. Also, there are silicone hollow dildos that you can slip over your own cock, and there are dildo/ prostetic specialists who make special devices for your own genitalia. I don't have the links here, but with a bit of googling for the said words you will certainly find the info you need.
Edited to take out some irrelevant info**sorry
Good luck!

Bredon

 

[Chicklet]

Would you be opposed to using a strap-on or a dildo on a woman to give her the sex she desired? And you could always exchange oral favors - many women prefer oral sex to vaginal for the orgasms it gives them.

I'm 100% certain a woman can be satisfied without having a real cock inside her.

 

[ShinigamiSama]

from what I see around here penetration is not a big deal
as long as you can both satisfy each other

oral and manual comes to mind

strap on is a good idea
can also be used both ways

as for the female friends
some girls seem to swoon over small cocks
I know that little bi part of me like saggy balls and small cocks
atleast she seems to understanding about it

good luck mates

 

[SweetErika]

I'm very sorry for your and your wife's situation, Nightbob.

You said she's mentioned you having female partners; is she okay with you having your sexual needs met elsewhere, or would that be painful and stressful for her?

As the others have basically said, the ONLY thing that's keeping you from pleasing a woman is your attitude. Your brain, hands and mouth are sufficient for the vast majority of women. There's also a toy (or ten) for just about everything you can possibly imagine, including sex (look up fucking machines and the Sybian). With skills, creativity, variety and intimacy, your partner's not going to miss penis-in-vagina sex.

It sounds like intimacy is part of your concern, and I completely understand that because my husband and I both feel the same and have really missed the emotional connection when we've gone without sex in the past. The thing is, when we stop to think about it, acts like oral, anal play and even kissing can be just as intimate as intercourse because they require a ton of trust and closeness. Think about having your fingers inside of a woman, or your mouth on her vulva - you feel her heat, wetness, every little twitch, squirm - how much closer and more connected can you get?

Like you said, Bob, it's mental; you just need to change the way you think about these things, learn different paths to please your partner, view yourself as just as capable and desirable as you were before the surgery, and see other ways to get the intimacy you want/need.

 

[FaeryFire]

My partner and I swear by outercourse (aka flat fucking) when times are tough. He isn't a big guy, and has ED sometimes worse than others.
I recomend it, even though it might seem odd to you at first.
Many women can't cum from PIV anyway, and outercourse gives the same physical closeness in many ways.
take cares,
~Fae

 

[Nightbob]

I'm very sorry for your and your wife's situation, Nightbob.

You said she's mentioned you having female partners; is she okay with you having your sexual needs met elsewhere, or would that be painful and stressful for her?

She is not looking for sexual partners for me, but life partners for after when she is gone.

 

[MichelAngel0]

Is there anything that the doctors can do? Did you check with them?
In any case, SweetErika's advice is a good one.
Good luck

 

[doncarlos]

I am sorry to hear about your problems following prostate cancer surgery, but, alas, I cannot suggest any resolutions to you.

But I do want to pinpoint that there is just too much surgery being done to cure prostate cancer, the likely reason being that there are so many PC surgeons around. ("When you know how to use a hammer, all problems look like a nail") While most PC surgery has much less serious after effects than what you have experienced, the alternate radiation treatments are simply a better alternative. The long term survival rate with radiation is similar to that of surgery, but radiation treatment has next to no side effect.

My own prostate cancer treatment in 2003 was an experience 180 degree different from yours. Other than an admittedly significant reduction in ejaculate amount I have had NO side effect whatsoever. I only think about PC around my annual check-up. My sexual performance has not diminished in any way at all.
I had wonderful sex all through the radiation treatments.

The message is:

GENTLEMEN, IF YOU GET PROSTATE CANCER - DO NOT GET SURGERY.

Again I have mixed feelings about making this statement because it does not in any way help witth the particular situation of this thread.

 

[eunuch]

Finally someone in the same boat !

I was told that I should move this from General to How To, So here it is.

Sex with half a dick

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I am so frustrated and depressed. Last year I had surgery for prostate cancer. (Snip) Just curious.

I'm 50. Been in a virtually sexless marriage for 20+ years. Get prostate cancer. Radical prostatectomy and NOTHING left. No hydraulics at all ! Just a 2 -3 inch relief tube.

Frustrated as can be ! Same sensations. Sam edesires. Now I know I have missed an awful lot in my marriage - now it looks to be even more hopeless.

 

[eunuch]

If I could only find someone to play with...

Would you be opposed to using a strap-on or a dildo on a woman to give her the sex she desired? And you could always exchange oral favors - many women prefer oral sex to vaginal for the orgasms it gives them.

I'm 100% certain a woman can be satisfied without having a real cock inside her.

I know that I can, and have been, a very good lover with just my tounge, fingers and mouth. But I have no one to experience this with...

I spend many an evening here in my study, after my wife goes to sleep, looking for some way to get some sexual release. She has been in therapy for a number of years trying to deal with what they now call DID (we used to call multi-personality disorder). I have had to live with and deal with something on the order of 40 to 90 different personalities. All of them man-haters or very young children.

I still have the same urges and sensations I have always had. Now, with a two-inch flacid relief tube there is the feeling of great loss of power, strength and "depth" of feeling (pardon the unintended pun). I would have felt less loss had it been an arm or leg rather than my erection.

 

[Nightbob]

I'm 50. Been in a virtually sexless marriage for 20+ years. Get prostate cancer. Radical prostatectomy and NOTHING left. No hydraulics at all ! Just a 2 -3 inch relief tube.

Frustrated as can be ! Same sensations. Sam edesires. Now I know I have missed an awful lot in my marriage - now it looks to be even more hopeless.

I relate so well with what you are going through. I feel the same way. Most of the time I can look at a nude without any sexual feeling even though can enjoy the beauty. I mostly feel the loss of what I had once had. I am able to somewhat masturbate without the real relief. And I have to really work at it. That is not very satisfying.

 

[RuleOfThree]

I feel like I can be honest here. I've lurked for a couple years and haven't had the guts to actually post. Today, I do. Fuck it.

You need to know that short cocks are just as hot as long cocks. They hit RIGHT at the most potent point inside of my pussy. It gets me hot just thinking about it. I've looked all OVER the net for a short vibrator or dildo. None can be found. It's all huge stuff... while, yes, I like that too... but sometimes I crave a short cock that hits me right where I need it most.

Have you talked to your wife about these things? I'll bet she's way more understanding than you give her credit. She's probably dying for attention from you. Give it to her.

I don't care what ANYONE says...

SIZE... IS... NOT... EVERYTHING.

 

[SesameStreet]

Unfortunately this is a common side effect of the surgery they perform for prostate cancer. In order to remove the prostate they have to clip nerve endings that relate directly to erections. But I agee with the others. A man and a woman can have mutually gratifying sex just doing oral. You should discuss this with your wife. As long as she has been ill oral sex might be preferrable to her anyway.

 

[honeylemon]

I'm so sorry...

This must be so frustrating for you.

When my husband was having trouble getting/maintaining an erection while on a particular medication (thankfully short term!!), he would use his cock to stroke my clit and bring me to orgasm even when he was only partially hard. He and/or I would use a dildo inside me and he'd use his cock to tease me.

So there are creative options for sexual pleasure if you really try! I can't imagine what it would be like to want to be hard and have the satisfaction of penetration but be unable. I think I've seen penis extender type things that are like a sleeve you slip on--maybe that's an option?

Sorry I can't be of more help. Hugs to you!

 

[ScaredWarrior]

I'm not sure if this will help you and I figured that this might lead you in the right direction or at least give you some information that might be helpful.

Here goes now I cannot remember the name of the product but I have the habit of looking up almost anything and one night I was watching television and there was a special when a man can get it up and many ways that it might be possible for him to get it back up.

Well as I was watching there was this product for the very end of the three-hour to two hour long show it seems to be a special type of penis pump it was designed for man that have a similar problem to yours. From what I remember it took about five minutes or so to help you get the blood flowing back and your penis and it would get fully hard. And from one I remember I'm pretty sure it also came with some type of cockring to help you stay hard. If I recall correctly that they said that there are working rate was 99.9% . Now I truly wish I could remember the name of the product and if I could find a link for the product I would have posted for you.

I'm not sure if that any help at all and I'm truly hoping that you find a way to overcome your situation.

 

[Nightbob]

I'm not sure if this will help you and I figured that this might lead you in the right direction or at least give you some information that might be helpful.

Here goes now I cannot remember the name of the product but I have the habit of looking up almost anything and one night I was watching television and there was a special when a man can get it up and many ways that it might be possible for him to get it back up.

Well as I was watching there was this product for the very end of the three-hour to two hour long show it seems to be a special type of penis pump it was designed for man that have a similar problem to yours. From what I remember it took about five minutes or so to help you get the blood flowing back and your penis and it would get fully hard. And from one I remember I'm pretty sure it also came with some type of cockring to help you stay hard. If I recall correctly that they said that there are working rate was 99.9% . Now I truly wish I could remember the name of the product and if I could find a link for the product I would have posted for you.

I'm not sure if that any help at all and I'm truly hoping that you find a way to overcome your situation.

Thank you, I will be looking into things like that when I see my doctor next month. I am just feeling discouraged and depressed right now because of my loss and my wife's cancer. It just seems like nothing is going to get any better, but I will keep looking.

 

[Quint]

Thank you, I will be looking into things like that when I see my doctor next month. I am just feeling discouraged and depressed right now because of my loss and my wife's cancer. It just seems like nothing is going to get any better, but I will keep looking.

Here's the impression I'm getting. You have both fought death (cancer) and won the battle so far, which is awesome. But now you want to feel alive, and that means intimacy, sex, all those powerful life-affirming sensations. Am I right in saying that that's where the frustration is coming in?

I'd say start all over from the beginning. Build up your relationship with your wife from day one. Start "dating" her again. Take her out to eat and grope in movie theatres. Neck in a parking lot. The most fun part of sex is not the intercourse, and there's nothing keeping you from all of the rest of it. I think you'll find that when you stop focusing on what you can't do and instead work with what you can, your confidence in yourself and your relationship will return and you will be able to move on emotionally.

 

[ScaredWarrior]

Thank you, I will be looking into things like that when I see my doctor next month. I am just feeling discouraged and depressed right now because of my loss and my wife's cancer. It just seems like nothing is going to get any better, but I will keep looking.

man i was really hopeing what said would help. i looked at it like this if i was in your place who would i feel, i mean really how would i feel. oh man I just remember that there is also a doctor if I remember correctly her name is Dr. Sue. She has a TV program that comes home late at night on Comedy Central if I remember correctly know it is not what you think. It's like one of those classic call-in about your sexual problems and many other interesting things about sex and she will help you work through them. I know she has a web site and I think that she also might be able to help you if you get in contact with her. The only thing that I want to warn you about is that she is an old lady and for me that is kinda creepy but beside that she is extremely professional. If I got the lady name wrong maybe someone on here can give you the correct one. While now on the Internet today I will see if I can find you the web site if not in someone knows what I'm talking about could you please be this man in link.

Hey man if he ever wanted just talk to somebody about it or whatever you're welcome to send me an e-mail. I figure what you're going through the extremely difficult as if was me in your situation I would be going nuts right about now. And since cancer runs and my family I figured maybe helping him might be helping me as well as a whole want to different people in the same situation, or people that will end up in the same situation or similar one in yours.

Your new friend,
Scared Warrior

 

[bill1955]

Here's the impression I'm getting. You have both fought death (cancer) and won the battle so far, which is awesome. But now you want to feel alive, and that means intimacy, sex, all those powerful life-affirming sensations. Am I right in saying that that's where the frustration is coming in?

I'd say start all over from the beginning. Build up your relationship with your wife from day one. Start "dating" her again. Take her out to eat and grope in movie theatres. Neck in a parking lot. The most fun part of sex is not the intercourse, and there's nothing keeping you from all of the rest of it. I think you'll find that when you stop focusing on what you can't do and instead work with what you can, your confidence in yourself and your relationship will return and you will be able to move on emotionally.

I think this would be a good start. Us guys tend to go for the fireworks right away and when we can't cum, it feels like the end of the world.

Quint's post brought back some memories of my adolescence and making out with this girl I was head over heels in love and lust with. I would have done ANYTHING for her, and I did do a lot of crazy things...and I remember how turned on I was for her, even though we never actually came or had full sex together. She remains a sacred touchstone for me in the arena of sexual memories. Anyway, I agree that the mind is the most important organ in anything sexual, so getting that up and running in positive gear will probably help the rest of the truck head in the right direction, possibly in a different way since the overhaul, you know?

Good luck, Nightbob. I've learned a lot from this thread.

And what is outercourse?