Sexual frustrations

[Nebuch]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now, and last night we reached the point at which we're ready to have sex. But we had problems. Or rather, I had problems. We didn't end up doing anything because she had to be up so early, but if we had...I don't know that I could've.

When all the clothes were off, I suddenly found that I just...couldn't keep myself erect. That's never happened before. I didn't know what to do. She's a virgin, however, and extremely inexperienced - so it went unnoticed. This is not a first time for me; I've had sex before, never with any issues.

I don't know what to do. The only reason I can think it happened is that this is the first time I was ever about to have sex for love, rather than anything else. I worry that it's going to happen again next weekend when I see her. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Alsharlan]

The answer is

Foreplay.. the longer the better.......

TC

Al

 

[SweetErika]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now, and last night we reached the point at which we're ready to have sex. But we had problems. Or rather, I had problems. We didn't end up doing anything because she had to be up so early, but if we had...I don't know that I could've.

When all the clothes were off, I suddenly found that I just...couldn't keep myself erect. That's never happened before. I didn't know what to do. She's a virgin, however, and extremely inexperienced - so it went unnoticed. This is not a first time for me; I've had sex before, never with any issues.

I don't know what to do. The only reason I can think it happened is that this is the first time I was ever about to have sex for love, rather than anything else. I worry that it's going to happen again next weekend when I see her. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

There are a variety of reasons for this, but it sounds like you've figured it out. Consider why having sex with love might be scary or difficult for you, and logically challenge that. Perhaps you can also think about how much you love each other, and how that's going to translate to a great experience for both of you over the next week. She's fortunate to have her first time with someone who truly cares about her as a person and wants to make it special and really pleasureable for her.

While you're going through thoughts like that, DO NOT WORRY! This is a normal thing, and worrying about it will almost guarantee it will happen again. If you start at any point, dismiss it and refocus your thoughts on all that will go well and is arousing. It might be helpful to fantasize about the foreplay turning into successful sex and masturbate to the visualization this week a little, too. If you're planning on using condoms (very smart as a back-up), slip one on at that point in your fantasy, and masturbate with it.

Then, next weekend, don't plan on sex...plan on making each other feel good, and if you happen to feel ready, keep thinking the arousing thoughts, and go for it. If it doesn't happen, remember you're in love and there will be more than enough opportunities in the future.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I went through the same thing just recently. Here is the thread I made about the same issue, and it could help you alot.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=379392


You have had sex before, but as I learned, it can be a mental thing where something isn't right. I wouldn't worry about it. In fact, due to that, I l learned better oral technices and how to please my women without just diving right in. So just take your time and enjoy it.


Ravin

 

[covariant]

There are a variety of reasons for this, but it sounds like you've figured it out. Consider why having sex with love might be scary or difficult for you, and logically challenge that. Perhaps you can also think about how much you love each other, and how that's going to translate to a great experience for both of you over the next week. She's fortunate to have her first time with someone who truly cares about her as a person and wants to make it special and really pleasureable for her.

While you're going through thoughts like that, DO NOT WORRY! This is a normal thing, and worrying about it will almost guarantee it will happen again. If you start at any point, dismiss it and refocus your thoughts on all that will go well and is arousing. It might be helpful to fantasize about the foreplay turning into successful sex and masturbate to the visualization this week a little, too. If you're planning on using condoms (very smart as a back-up), slip one on at that point in your fantasy, and masturbate with it.

Then, next weekend, don't plan on sex...plan on making each other feel good, and if you happen to feel ready, keep thinking the arousing thoughts, and go for it. If it doesn't happen, remember you're in love and there will be more than enough opportunities in the future.

It has happened to me too, and I think Erika has given excellent advice. It helped me to concentrate on her pleasure first. Work on her orgasm first. By the time she finishes coming, you will be very erect and ready to go (or your money back).

If she really likes you, it will work out.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Your first time having sex for love, believe me that can and does throw off a guy's timing. Suddenly you are freaking out, especially if she's a virgin. You love her, you want her first time to be amazing, you worry that it won't be skyrockets and symphony music, that she might be disappointed and no love you anymore. Do you see a trend? You may say that isn't at all what you're thinking, but I'll be dollars to donuts that deep down in that subconcious of yours that you are thinking something along those lines. You care about this girl and you want this to be special and amazing for her so she'll love you even more. That's a lot of pressure.

Putting pressure on oneself can totally defeat the purpose. This is true for men with erectile problems, women with conception problems, etc. The mind can work for you, or against you. Erika is right on, don't PLAN on having sex, just let it happen. If the time is right, go for it, if not, don't. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself to perform.

BTW, sex for love is just a component of true love. The fact that you love each other may enhace your sex life, but your sex life won't enhance your love for each other. It's the intimacy of making love can do that, not the act itself. Does that make sense?