Share your perspective on Switching

[Blue]

How are you defining 'true sub' here? Not a switch?

I would like to know this too, as "true sub" is pretty bullshit when you've spent a while in the scene.

I think he just means somebody who considers it a fundamental aspect of their sexuality rather than something they might indulge in every now and then for the sake of it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Ftr, my only experience has been online, so my perspective is skewed in that direction.

I would like to know this too, as "true sub" is pretty bullshit when you've spent a while in the scene.

I feel as though he may be implying that a switch can be neither truly dom nor truly sub, in which case i would agree with you - that's bullshit.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think he just means somebody who considers it a fundamental aspect of their sexuality rather than something they might indulge in every now and then for the sake of it.

Ah, ok.

 

[naughtymind]

Ftr, my only experience has been online, so my perspective is skewed in that direction.



I feel as though he may be implying that a switch can be neither truly dom nor truly sub, in which case i would agree with you - that's bullshit.

Not sure what made either of you think I was implying anything more, or judging anyone for their preferences. I was just trying to give some context for my own, and only my own. “True sub” wasn’t meant to be a label.

Blue has it right, I only meant to differentiate from someone who might enjoy moderate submission on certain occasions or specific settings; not as one being better or worse than another.

 

[Etoile]

Not sure what made either of you think I was implying anything more, or judging anyone for their preferences. I was just trying to give some context for my own, and only my own. “True sub” wasn’t meant to be a label.

Blue has it right, I only meant to differentiate from someone who might enjoy moderate submission on certain occasions or specific settings; not as one being better or worse than another.

The phrase "true sub" gets thrown around a whole lot by people who are very "one twoo way" so it's kind of a hair-trigger response for me to go NOPE. Thanks for clarifying.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Not sure what made either of you think I was implying anything more, or judging anyone for their preferences. I was just trying to give some context for my own, and only my own. “True sub” wasn’t meant to be a label.

Blue has it right, I only meant to differentiate from someone who might enjoy moderate submission on certain occasions or specific settings; not as one being better or worse than another.

Didn't think you were being judgey I just wanted more information on how a 'true sub' looked to you.

And yes, it's a label that will get people's attention right quick. Use it with caution.

 

[naughtymind]

Didn't think you were being judgey I just wanted more information on how a 'true sub' looked to you.

And yes, it's a label that will get people's attention right quick. Use it with caution.

Apparently so, lol. Anyways back to your regularly scheduled program...

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Apparently so, lol. Anyways back to your regularly scheduled program...

You're certainly welcome to post here.

A nice mix of backgrounds and perspectives makes things interesting!

 

[Etoile]

You're certainly welcome to post here.

A nice mix of backgrounds and perspectives makes things interesting!

Agree 100%!

 

[HotXBuns]

For me, I would prefer not to identify with a label, simply because each label means different things to different people, with some commonality it's true. So much like others on this thread, I enjoy the experience of taking, or giving up control. The giving it up side has come relatively recently and has been an eye-opener (in more ways than one), but it is just another pleasurable experience. I would not be happy with a vanilla relationship (a term which can also be interpreted many ways), but that is down to my need to keep pushing the envelope in whatever I do.

I'm not suggesting we shouldn't have labels, conversations could be difficult without them; I just find describing myself as a switch about as blunt as trying to align myself to a choice of two or three political parties - just doesn't work without many, many caveats.

To respect the OP's questions - here are my answers:

>What is your perception of switching? - see above

> Can people successfully both act as Dom(me) and sub? - if two people have fun in doing what they're doing then that is my definition of success, so yes.

>Is it possible with the same person? - Can two people have fun together...absolutely! We should all do it as much as possible to distract ourselves from the darkness in the world.

>Does a switching partnership have more challenges than a static partnership or more rewards? - "Challenge" is so often given negative connotations. Surely, a challenge in this area is an opportunity to explore different 'solutions'. So bring on the challenges, I for one don't want to stagnate in my sexual role / activities.

>How are switches regarded in a community largely defined by Dom(mes) and subs? - As I am non-scene (whatever that means), I can't really comment on general perceptions. However, I would prefer not to define a person by their preferences.

>Is it uncomfortable interacting with switches? - Only if you ask them nicely

 

[islandjoe2]

Interesting subject. I don't profess to be an SME but I'd like to weigh in....

I would describe myself as a switch, not just for purposes of this discussion but because I have been in long term relationships where my role was singularly dom or sub, and in shorter relationships where I actively bounced back and forth between the two with the same person.

I find both ends of the spectrum to be rewarding and relish the development that takes place in the relationship as the dom learns what the sub needs and vice versa. I find the most satisfaction comes from those connections that take place over a series of months or years. The short term relationships where both partners may jump from one to the other are not as satisfying as they feel artificial, like college kids experimenting with things they found on the internet. That isn't to say the sex can't still be amazing, but the deeper link just doesn't develop the same.

Of course, there are challenges in a switch relationship. I have and will continue to struggle to find a woman who is a true switch. There are of course women out there who are more than happy to dabble in the other side, but very few are able to regularly jump back and forth and perform with the same mental agility in either role. As previously mentioned, it does take a bit of practice and more to make that transition over the long term. Short term, most people can handle it for a night or two but quickly tire of the increased effort.

As far as community acceptance goes, I have never had any issues. Mostly here I've kept my proclivities to myself but in the real world (well, as real world as the dom/sub community is) I've been welcomed. That doesn't mean that finding an appropriate partner is easy, but I've never felt shunned or treated differently. I can see how hardcore, full time doms or subs may give a switch a sideways glance but the vast majority of people I've interacted with have jobs and families and real world things that preclude them from being true full timers so..... it seems to all even out in the wash.

Is it uncomfortable interacting with switches? Not at all. I think behind closed doors, most are pretty clear about what they want from a particular partner. There shouldn't really be a challenge there that isn't addressed through good communication and openness. It's not like we have the plague or something.

 

[chy_girl]

The main thing I thought I would add is that, for me personally, I would not be particularly interested or excited to dominate a true sub. For me, there is something a lot more exciting about a dynamic of power play that isn’t so automatically defined.

I wonder if you would find a bratty sub more to your liking? I've known a couple of people who weren't very excited unless the sub/bottom came with an attitude and a side of defiance.

I provide service topping for my Sir, who is a switch.

In reading through this thread I was actually wondering if perhaps service topping wasn't the missing component. That and some terms that weren't very defined.

One of the things that I've learned is that there can be a very large difference between a PYL and a top and an even more distinct difference between a pyl and a bottom.

I've known Dom's who bottomed on a regular basis, one or two of them being pretty heavy bottoms, but they sure as shit weren't anywhere near submissive. On the flip side, I've also known some pyl's that had a bit of sadistic streak. They would happily wield the implement of your choice, and they will delight in making you squeal, but don't expect them to be in charge of anything that they aren't holding in their hand. And then the service topping... This has to be one of my oddest experiences in kink. I'm a sub. A straight up submissive, without question. Now, I've topped one of my Dom's before - because they wanted it and it pleased them. And I enjoyed it a little bit - because I was pleasing them and I really like making my Dom happy. I've also service topped people not my Dom and... It feels nice to be helpful. The same way it feels nice to hold the door for little old ladies with walkers and taking a bouquet of daises to a friend having a bad week. My very little enjoyment came from being helpful to another person, not from topping. The topping was actually very clinical and almost academic for me.

Then the flip side to that is I've also known people who couldn't care less about the whole PYL/pyl dynamic. They just wanted it hit people with floggers. Or be set on fire. Or both if it was slow night and they got there early. A fair number of them weren't really very picky.

 

[suboots]

I'm equally happy booted and leathered and dishing it out to a guy, despite the fact I'm not gay. Alternatively I can enjoy a nice slow session bound and gagged at the feet of a lady who gets off on hurting a guy, and I often end up battered and bruised to the extent that I have to give the gym a miss for a few days.

 

[Leigh81]

I'm a switch 100%
I like playing both roles evenly although I'd say I get off more being submissive.
With my husband we mix it up but when my GF is involved my husband is always dominate. My GF is a switch also so her & I switch up being dominate or submissive. I couldn't continuously play one side.
I don't like labels, I don't like comparing what we do to what others do at all.
Switching is like being bi, the best of both worlds imo.

L

 

[suboots]

There is a strong difference between the two for me. As a sub I want my Domme in control. I want her to take exactly what she wants from the play without any degree of consideration for my wishes in the matter, her enjoyment is paramount. This may in fact involve a degree of unpleasantness during the session. I know a lady who loves to use electrics on male genitals, it's something that I find especially hard to take but I endure it for her.

Afterwards it is very rewarding looking back on it but I have to say that in the course of the session, hogtied, hooded and gagged and with a couple of strategically placed electrodes performing their evil deeds I would do anything to escape that torture. Oddly one of the things I do "enjoy" is the run up to a session. I am scheduled one for this Thursday and the fear in anticipation of that is building quite nicely.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Is it uncomfortable interacting with switches? Not at all. I think behind closed doors, most are pretty clear about what they want from a particular partner. There shouldn't really be a challenge there that isn't addressed through good communication and openness. It's not like we have the plague or something.

True!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Bumping for later.

 

[formertroll]

Kick started by the gentle Domme thread, let's talk about switching.
Does a switching partnership have more challenges than a static partnership or more rewards? How are switches regarded in a community largely defined by Dom(mes) and subs? Is it uncomfortable interacting with switches? Would you interact the same with someone regardless if they were Dom(me), sub or switch?
.

to me switchers and switching are best because i'm one of them

successfully? yes if that's who they are

with the same person? yes, if they are equally switchy

different relationships? i'm not monogamous in part because i feel like no one should be expected to fill all the needs for someone else. if in my world i need someone as a domme then i would look for one, or someone as a sub, or someone to fill in romance, etc. some people fill multiple holes (dirty minds) and some don't. every relationship/friendship is equally valid and should be fulfilling for each party

mo switching = mo problems. yes it's much more complicated than a static relationship because a person is filling more than one aspect of need for someone else. lots of negotiation or at least unspoken balancing tends to happen to be sure all the desired needs are filled on both ends.

i've heard of some doms saying to switches that switches can't exist. that's idiotic and juvenile and i think an attempt to belittle someone into subbing.

bonus thoughts: for me my interaction with someone is fluid. sometimes i'll be comfortable as dom sometimes as sub, sometimes top or bottom. it depends not just on who that person is but also their mood and my mood, their perception of me and my perception of them. it's complicated and most days i can't say for sure what i'll feel at a given time. in the midday i'm feeling more dom and in the mornings and evenings more sub but some people can say trigger words that make me feel dom or sub instantly.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I’ve met 3 switches. On Lit.
One of them started this thread, but to my knowledge she was more Domme.

Fuck. I was scared of her. (Come back, CNC!)

The other 2 were men, who were only Dommy with me, because I do not do submissive men. Literally.
There were other men that acted Dommy with me, but I believe these 2 were actually switches.

I think switch women have a harder path. Once a man finds out you’re a Domme? Even part time? Get ready, because that is now your role.

That’s all I know about switches.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Oh, PS, before you PM me?
No, I’m not interested.

 

[BadAmy]

I’ve met 3 switches. On Lit.
One of them started this thread, but to my knowledge she was more Domme.

Fuck. I was scared of her. (Come back, CNC!)

The other 2 were men, who were only Dommy with me, because I do not do submissive men. Literally.
There were other men that acted Dommy with me, but I believe these 2 were actually switches.

I think switch women have a harder path. Once a man finds out you’re a Domme? Even part time? Get ready, because that is now your role.

That’s all I know about switches.

Ehem.....4

And subbing to read more xxxo

 

[JaneRamsey]

If your other person is a switch, do you have to be as well if you want to stay monogamous?

It's more like being bisexual. Yes you enjoy both, but it doesn't mean you can't be monogamous to one.

 

[JaneRamsey]

Top and bottom?

I see Topping and Bottoming a little differently. Without meaning to step on any toes or be insensitive to anyone's experiences or relationships, I see Topping and Bottoming as a separate entity. I can personally Top or Bottom without any emotional investment. I cannot sub without being emotionally attached, and I am not overly successful as a Domme without an emotional connection, either. I realize that the standard is to describe Topping and Bottoming as the person acting upon a partner, or the partner being acted upon, but my personal lines are drawn a little differently. I'm not saying the standard is not correct, neither am I saying that you cannot Top or Bottom without emotion. I'm just saying that in my own compartmentalized mind Bottoming isn't subbing because for me there is no emotional connection in bottoming, and no subbing is possible without emotional connection. Is that clear as mud?

Oooooo yes!!! So much THIS!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Ehem.....4

And subbing to read more xxxo

You said subbing. *giggles*

 

[AlwaysFara]

Ehem.....4

And subbing to read more xxxo

Interesting.