nightrain71
Virgin
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- May 31, 2007
- Posts
- 2
I finally ask my wife of 25 years to let me watch her with another man, and she didn’t say no. how should I proceed? Where do I go from here?
Sharig wife
- Thread starter nightrain71
- Start date
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2004
- Posts
- 13,442
First off, set aside your fantasy, and seriously think through the potential reality. Is it worth the very real possibility of hurting her, your relationship, risking STD's (and pregnancy, if she's fertile), that you'll be upset by it, and everything else that can go wrong? Are there cracks in your relationship that this could magnify?
Secondly, ask her what she really wants, and respect her answer - whether it matches your fantasy or not. You do NOT want to push the woman you love into something she's not completely confident in and excited about. That'll hurt her, cause resentment, and potentially harm your marriage irreparably.
It might be smart to start with something less than sex so she can see how comfortable she is with the reality, and maybe ease into it. For example, try going to a bar together, and watch her flirt and dance with other men. Or, you could check out swinging events/clubs in your area, and she could dance and fool around with other men in your presence.
Let's just say she's excited about having sex with another man. Your next steps would be:
- Talking about all of the possible problems in-depth. Go through the 'what-ifs' together, e.g. "What will we do if one of us feels uncomfortable during? Will we have a signal to take a break/stop everything?" and "How are we going to protect ourselves? What happens if, in spite of our best efforts, you get an STD or pregnant?" and, "What if one of us really wants to do this over and over, and the other one doesn't? What are some ways we might deal with that scenario?" Do you need to educate yourselves about STD's and safer sex practices? If so, now's the time to do that.
-Discuss your rules and expectations for the event. What are, and aren't, each of you comfortable with? What happens if feelings get involved, or you do it more than once and someone falls in love? What does the sex look like to each of you? How will everyone participate (e.g. will you just watch, or have sex with her as well, or do you want her to comment on his size/skills, or what)?
- Find a person to do it with, after you've talked about EVERYTHING. You can probably afford to be discriminating since there are a lot of single guys wanting to join couples. Talk about health history, current health status (including any mental problems and medications they're taking, as some conditions can put a big damper on your experience), your rules and expectations with each serious candidate. I'd strongly suggest both of you meeting strong possibilities beforehand for coffee and a chat, or similar, so you can get an idea of how well you click in a no-pressure environment.
- Plan the date. Many people get a hotel room, and it's smart to have plenty of safer sex supplies and everything else you can imagine needing on hand. Don't have more than a drink or two, or do drugs - if anyone needs a substance to be comfortable enough to do it, they're not ready.
- Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more before, during, and after the date. Have a heart-to-heart about how it went. You want to hear her honest thoughts and feelings on everything, even if they don't match your desires.
Does all of this planning and communicating take away some of the spontaneity? Certainly, but it helps you guard against problems, greatly increases your chances of a good experience, and a good relationship will grow stronger because of it. And, at the end of the day, we can never truly envision how an encounter will shape up; it's very unlikely to match what's in our heads because there's always the unknown factor of the other person(s), and that makes it just as exciting.
Secondly, ask her what she really wants, and respect her answer - whether it matches your fantasy or not. You do NOT want to push the woman you love into something she's not completely confident in and excited about. That'll hurt her, cause resentment, and potentially harm your marriage irreparably.
It might be smart to start with something less than sex so she can see how comfortable she is with the reality, and maybe ease into it. For example, try going to a bar together, and watch her flirt and dance with other men. Or, you could check out swinging events/clubs in your area, and she could dance and fool around with other men in your presence.
Let's just say she's excited about having sex with another man. Your next steps would be:
- Talking about all of the possible problems in-depth. Go through the 'what-ifs' together, e.g. "What will we do if one of us feels uncomfortable during? Will we have a signal to take a break/stop everything?" and "How are we going to protect ourselves? What happens if, in spite of our best efforts, you get an STD or pregnant?" and, "What if one of us really wants to do this over and over, and the other one doesn't? What are some ways we might deal with that scenario?" Do you need to educate yourselves about STD's and safer sex practices? If so, now's the time to do that.
-Discuss your rules and expectations for the event. What are, and aren't, each of you comfortable with? What happens if feelings get involved, or you do it more than once and someone falls in love? What does the sex look like to each of you? How will everyone participate (e.g. will you just watch, or have sex with her as well, or do you want her to comment on his size/skills, or what)?
- Find a person to do it with, after you've talked about EVERYTHING. You can probably afford to be discriminating since there are a lot of single guys wanting to join couples. Talk about health history, current health status (including any mental problems and medications they're taking, as some conditions can put a big damper on your experience), your rules and expectations with each serious candidate. I'd strongly suggest both of you meeting strong possibilities beforehand for coffee and a chat, or similar, so you can get an idea of how well you click in a no-pressure environment.
- Plan the date. Many people get a hotel room, and it's smart to have plenty of safer sex supplies and everything else you can imagine needing on hand. Don't have more than a drink or two, or do drugs - if anyone needs a substance to be comfortable enough to do it, they're not ready.
- Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more before, during, and after the date. Have a heart-to-heart about how it went. You want to hear her honest thoughts and feelings on everything, even if they don't match your desires.
Does all of this planning and communicating take away some of the spontaneity? Certainly, but it helps you guard against problems, greatly increases your chances of a good experience, and a good relationship will grow stronger because of it. And, at the end of the day, we can never truly envision how an encounter will shape up; it's very unlikely to match what's in our heads because there's always the unknown factor of the other person(s), and that makes it just as exciting.
G
Guest
Guest
helix27 said:
Coffee spew.
G
Guest
Guest
helix27 said:ha ha...
I know, I feel terrible for laughing.
Erika gave wonderful advice but I wondered the same thing about the thread starter.
Did she speak at all???
simpleman911
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2007
- Posts
- 709
You Didnt
You Asked Her. Must Want To Watch Real Bad Ha? Nice Going
Ray
You Asked Her. Must Want To Watch Real Bad Ha? Nice Going
Ray
Snowman5933
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2006
- Posts
- 312
My Experience
*Copied from my Jan 2006 post.
I've been involved in a MFM relationship for sometime and all is great, but it didn't start that way and it took alot of work to get to that point. I agree with the others about setting expectations and boundries early on (it really helps). I brought up the idea with my SO after dreaming about her being with our best friend (my fantasy involved watching her have sex with our friend). It was an awesome fantasy and the sex (between SO and myself) that followed was fantastic.
Taking it from fantasy to reality was a long slow road for all three of us. I let my SO introduce the idea to our friend and nothing happened for a few months. We all three talked openly and extensively for a long time. We all agreed that we wanted to protect our friendship at all cost. I have to tell you that the first time you watch someone you care deeply about kiss, touch, and/or give/take pleasure from another person, can be a heart wrenching experience, no matter how prepared you think you are. It was weird the first time, but we all sat down and talked through it the next day. The next night we tried again (me watching) and it was very erotic. They took their time and had alot of foreplay (they took turns giving oral to each other which I found very exciting). Everybody was nervous when it came time for penetration, but it was nice. I came twice while they were enjoying theirselves (I couldn't help myself). Nothing else happened for a while and then one night while I was watching I got the uncontrollable urge to join in (my SO had an explosive orgasm from being pleasured by two men) and its been that way ever since.
We live in two different cities, so we only get together on the weekends. Some are completely sexual and other times you would never know that anything had occurred. We've found an excellent balance.
I want to add one last note. We would have never considered this type of relationship if it had not been for our friend. I couldn't let some random man have sex with my SO. We were all open about our sexual histories, preferences, and experiences. Whatever you decide, be careful and have fun.
*My current thoughts August 2007.
We've ended the sexual relationship with our friend (about 3-4 months ago). We all three were becoming to emotionally involved and rather than endanger our friendship we simply stopped having sex together. The experiences we shared were amazing and I'm sure we'll remember them forever. We still talk openly about our interests and experiences, and hopefully we'll remain lifelong friends. Be careful, and really think it over.
Snowman
*Copied from my Jan 2006 post.
I've been involved in a MFM relationship for sometime and all is great, but it didn't start that way and it took alot of work to get to that point. I agree with the others about setting expectations and boundries early on (it really helps). I brought up the idea with my SO after dreaming about her being with our best friend (my fantasy involved watching her have sex with our friend). It was an awesome fantasy and the sex (between SO and myself) that followed was fantastic.
Taking it from fantasy to reality was a long slow road for all three of us. I let my SO introduce the idea to our friend and nothing happened for a few months. We all three talked openly and extensively for a long time. We all agreed that we wanted to protect our friendship at all cost. I have to tell you that the first time you watch someone you care deeply about kiss, touch, and/or give/take pleasure from another person, can be a heart wrenching experience, no matter how prepared you think you are. It was weird the first time, but we all sat down and talked through it the next day. The next night we tried again (me watching) and it was very erotic. They took their time and had alot of foreplay (they took turns giving oral to each other which I found very exciting). Everybody was nervous when it came time for penetration, but it was nice. I came twice while they were enjoying theirselves (I couldn't help myself). Nothing else happened for a while and then one night while I was watching I got the uncontrollable urge to join in (my SO had an explosive orgasm from being pleasured by two men) and its been that way ever since.
We live in two different cities, so we only get together on the weekends. Some are completely sexual and other times you would never know that anything had occurred. We've found an excellent balance.
I want to add one last note. We would have never considered this type of relationship if it had not been for our friend. I couldn't let some random man have sex with my SO. We were all open about our sexual histories, preferences, and experiences. Whatever you decide, be careful and have fun.
*My current thoughts August 2007.
We've ended the sexual relationship with our friend (about 3-4 months ago). We all three were becoming to emotionally involved and rather than endanger our friendship we simply stopped having sex together. The experiences we shared were amazing and I'm sure we'll remember them forever. We still talk openly about our interests and experiences, and hopefully we'll remain lifelong friends. Be careful, and really think it over.
Snowman
nightrain71
Virgin
- Joined
- May 31, 2007
- Posts
- 2
Thanks for all your ideas
Are reading all of your reply’s I think that it’s better for this to just be a fantasy for the time being. Once again thank you all.
Are reading all of your reply’s I think that it’s better for this to just be a fantasy for the time being. Once again thank you all.
Snowman5933
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2006
- Posts
- 312
That's what makes fantasies so much fun. They can be anything you want them to be, and are usually more fun than the real thing. I love sharing my fantasies with my SO and she's really cool about it, and it can be really hot talking about them during foreplay. I'm really glad that your thinking clearly about this and if whether you see it thru or keep it a fantasy, it can be great fun either way.
***I found some previous post that I wrote over a extended period of time in several different Lit forums. I just wanted you to get an idea of what can happen if you delve into this type of activity. Please be open minded when reading the following material:
My wife and I have been living out a fantasy of ours for the last couple of months. I have been sharing her with a mutual friend (male) of ours. It started out with me watching them pleasuring each other which I really enjoyed. Things esculated after about a month and he and I actually pleasured my wife together. This was incredible. I have dreamed about the two of them many nights and always woke up very aroused. My wife and I had many amazing morning having sex and sharing my dreams. Lately my dreams have started to change and make me a little uncomfortable, but still very aroused. I dreamed I was watching her give him a blowjob and then we switched places and I finished him off. I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking, breathing hard, and leaking pre-cum. I felt embarrassed, but incredibly horny. My wife finished me off and asked what had gotten into me. I told her the story of my dream and she told me there was nothing wrong with it...I think she enjoyed hearing the story. She asked me if that was something that I would like to happen in real life. I told her I don't know....cause I don't know.
We're all three straight, but I'm definately the most uninhibited. I think our friend would freak out to even hear about what I had dreamed.
My wife says that my recent dreams are most likely revolving around the high level of trust I have been building with our friend. She says the dream will probably never become reality, but if it does she is ok with it. It's weird...I would never want to do anything with another male....so I don't know where my feelings are coming from. Part of me really wants to live out this fantasy, but only with this particular person and only while the three of us are together. It's really confusing.
Our friend is here for the weekend and I can't stop thinking about the dreams I've been having. I wish my dream could come true so I'll stop thinking about it...it's making me horny as hell!
I had some real life experience that I wanted to relate to you. My wife and I planned a similar MFM experience and also planned on her having a 1 on 1 session the night before (it was setup so I could watch and did happen), but I found the experience to be anything but satisfying. It was very painful for me to watch my wife with another man, but I did not stop the encounter. I found myself shaking, almost crying, my emotions were literally out of control. I did not expect any of this to occur and that is why I am telling you this. We were able to talk through all of our emotions and decided to continue with our scheduled threesome the following night.
It was weird, the next night could not have gone better. I guess being included was the key factor, but it was the most sexually exciting experience that I have ever had. We've had many experiences since then and most have been great. We've had to put our emotions in check a couple of times, but we have always talked it through together. I can't tell you whether your making the right choice or not, only wish you good luck.
That sounds interesting, but unfortunately there are a few problems. First, we always use condoms during intercourse, and there is no exception to this rule. Second, I would feel bad about doing something sneaky just to get what I want. I have a real friendship with this man and I wouldn't want a snap decision or a horny desire to damage what we already have. If I can't get the courage to sit down and talk with him about my fantasies then its never going to happen. I've spent alot of time thinking about the fantasy and why I am interested in this. I have no attraction to men and don't desire to touch, feel or otherwise do anything else to him. I enjoy it when we're all together sexually (we pleasure my wife together and take turns watching, but never have one on one contact (me and the other man) When I watch my wife perform oral on him I get really wound up and sometimes I just can't help but wonder what it must be like to be on the giving end...what does it feel like?, what does it taste like? I've asked my wife these questions and she had described her experience which really turns me on...especially if we are doing foreplay or having sex at the time...it's a wonderful fantasy that leads to very massive orgasms, but I would like to try it one time to satifsy my curiosity...it may be terrible (kind of what the hell was I thinking) or it may be wonderful. I'll just have to keep thinking about it and talking about it until I figure out what to do.
I know exactly how you feel. My SO and I have been having a MFM relationship for sometime now. We're all three straight (although I deffinately the most curious). I like to watch him with my SO and sometimes I'll join in and help pleasure her...sometimes we take turns. One thing I love to watch is her going down on him. He's really big (length and girth) and it really turns me on. I have started having fantasies and dreams about him. I'm not attracted to him (I'm not attracted to men) yet I fantasize about giving him a blowjob when we're together. I've talked about it with my SO and it doesn't bother her (it's cool having someone you can share anything with). I think our friend would be really uncomfortable with the idea and I understand. We're not into swinging so finding an alternate partner for this fantasy is out of the question and I wouldn't betray our friends trust by tricking him into a compromising position. Some things are better left as fantasies in my opinion. Good luck!
We had a great time last night. As things were heating up and we were getting into some really good foreplay with my wife I had my hand on her hip and as he repositioned himself I could feel his huge cock against the back of my hand. It was smooth like silk and so warm. I didn't move my hand...I don't think he realized it was there. It stayed like that for a moment...I liked the sensations I was having and wanted more...it really turned me on.
My SO and I have been having a MFM relationship with a friend of ours for a few months now. It's been great, and the more we do the stronger and wilder my fantasies are becoming. I've begun to fantasize about giving our friend a blowjob. At first I thought I was having a gay fantasy, and then I thought I was having a bi fantasy. After thinking about it for a while I've decided its just a fantasy about oral sex. I mean, I don't want physical contact with my friend (no kissing, caressing....I'm just curious about what its like to give a blowjob). The problem is I'm scared to tell him. I've shared the idea with my SO many times, as its becoming a very strong and satisfying fantasy for me.
Well tonight I made a small step closer. We had planned to get together with our friend tonight, so I talked my SO into blindfolding him and really getting him all worked up. She gave him head and alternated with her hand, taking him right to the edge and then pulling him back. When she finally let him cum, it was a gusher. I sucked a considerable amount off her fingers without him knowing it. I really liked it and want to live out my fantasy. What do I do?
***End of previous post.
***I found some previous post that I wrote over a extended period of time in several different Lit forums. I just wanted you to get an idea of what can happen if you delve into this type of activity. Please be open minded when reading the following material:
My wife and I have been living out a fantasy of ours for the last couple of months. I have been sharing her with a mutual friend (male) of ours. It started out with me watching them pleasuring each other which I really enjoyed. Things esculated after about a month and he and I actually pleasured my wife together. This was incredible. I have dreamed about the two of them many nights and always woke up very aroused. My wife and I had many amazing morning having sex and sharing my dreams. Lately my dreams have started to change and make me a little uncomfortable, but still very aroused. I dreamed I was watching her give him a blowjob and then we switched places and I finished him off. I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking, breathing hard, and leaking pre-cum. I felt embarrassed, but incredibly horny. My wife finished me off and asked what had gotten into me. I told her the story of my dream and she told me there was nothing wrong with it...I think she enjoyed hearing the story. She asked me if that was something that I would like to happen in real life. I told her I don't know....cause I don't know.
We're all three straight, but I'm definately the most uninhibited. I think our friend would freak out to even hear about what I had dreamed.
My wife says that my recent dreams are most likely revolving around the high level of trust I have been building with our friend. She says the dream will probably never become reality, but if it does she is ok with it. It's weird...I would never want to do anything with another male....so I don't know where my feelings are coming from. Part of me really wants to live out this fantasy, but only with this particular person and only while the three of us are together. It's really confusing.
Our friend is here for the weekend and I can't stop thinking about the dreams I've been having. I wish my dream could come true so I'll stop thinking about it...it's making me horny as hell!
I had some real life experience that I wanted to relate to you. My wife and I planned a similar MFM experience and also planned on her having a 1 on 1 session the night before (it was setup so I could watch and did happen), but I found the experience to be anything but satisfying. It was very painful for me to watch my wife with another man, but I did not stop the encounter. I found myself shaking, almost crying, my emotions were literally out of control. I did not expect any of this to occur and that is why I am telling you this. We were able to talk through all of our emotions and decided to continue with our scheduled threesome the following night.
It was weird, the next night could not have gone better. I guess being included was the key factor, but it was the most sexually exciting experience that I have ever had. We've had many experiences since then and most have been great. We've had to put our emotions in check a couple of times, but we have always talked it through together. I can't tell you whether your making the right choice or not, only wish you good luck.
That sounds interesting, but unfortunately there are a few problems. First, we always use condoms during intercourse, and there is no exception to this rule. Second, I would feel bad about doing something sneaky just to get what I want. I have a real friendship with this man and I wouldn't want a snap decision or a horny desire to damage what we already have. If I can't get the courage to sit down and talk with him about my fantasies then its never going to happen. I've spent alot of time thinking about the fantasy and why I am interested in this. I have no attraction to men and don't desire to touch, feel or otherwise do anything else to him. I enjoy it when we're all together sexually (we pleasure my wife together and take turns watching, but never have one on one contact (me and the other man) When I watch my wife perform oral on him I get really wound up and sometimes I just can't help but wonder what it must be like to be on the giving end...what does it feel like?, what does it taste like? I've asked my wife these questions and she had described her experience which really turns me on...especially if we are doing foreplay or having sex at the time...it's a wonderful fantasy that leads to very massive orgasms, but I would like to try it one time to satifsy my curiosity...it may be terrible (kind of what the hell was I thinking) or it may be wonderful. I'll just have to keep thinking about it and talking about it until I figure out what to do.
I know exactly how you feel. My SO and I have been having a MFM relationship for sometime now. We're all three straight (although I deffinately the most curious). I like to watch him with my SO and sometimes I'll join in and help pleasure her...sometimes we take turns. One thing I love to watch is her going down on him. He's really big (length and girth) and it really turns me on. I have started having fantasies and dreams about him. I'm not attracted to him (I'm not attracted to men) yet I fantasize about giving him a blowjob when we're together. I've talked about it with my SO and it doesn't bother her (it's cool having someone you can share anything with). I think our friend would be really uncomfortable with the idea and I understand. We're not into swinging so finding an alternate partner for this fantasy is out of the question and I wouldn't betray our friends trust by tricking him into a compromising position. Some things are better left as fantasies in my opinion. Good luck!
We had a great time last night. As things were heating up and we were getting into some really good foreplay with my wife I had my hand on her hip and as he repositioned himself I could feel his huge cock against the back of my hand. It was smooth like silk and so warm. I didn't move my hand...I don't think he realized it was there. It stayed like that for a moment...I liked the sensations I was having and wanted more...it really turned me on.
My SO and I have been having a MFM relationship with a friend of ours for a few months now. It's been great, and the more we do the stronger and wilder my fantasies are becoming. I've begun to fantasize about giving our friend a blowjob. At first I thought I was having a gay fantasy, and then I thought I was having a bi fantasy. After thinking about it for a while I've decided its just a fantasy about oral sex. I mean, I don't want physical contact with my friend (no kissing, caressing....I'm just curious about what its like to give a blowjob). The problem is I'm scared to tell him. I've shared the idea with my SO many times, as its becoming a very strong and satisfying fantasy for me.
Well tonight I made a small step closer. We had planned to get together with our friend tonight, so I talked my SO into blindfolding him and really getting him all worked up. She gave him head and alternated with her hand, taking him right to the edge and then pulling him back. When she finally let him cum, it was a gusher. I sucked a considerable amount off her fingers without him knowing it. I really liked it and want to live out my fantasy. What do I do?
***End of previous post.
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