Starting Being dom

[yukonnights]

One of the funniest real life "accidents" I recall was in a small town newspaper...the kind that publish every police incident the place is so small. Anyway, officers were dispatched to a rural residence to assist in freeing someone from handcuffs. The couple apparently told the cops they were practicing law enforcement techniques I threw all my handcuffs away after reading that in the paper because, despite it's unbelievability, I realized I couldn't think of a better excuse should that happen to me

 

[seela]

One of the funniest real life "accidents" I recall was in a small town newspaper...the kind that publish every police incident the place is so small. Anyway, officers were dispatched to a rural residence to assist in freeing someone from handcuffs. The couple apparently told the cops they were practicing law enforcement techniques I threw all my handcuffs away after reading that in the paper because, despite it's unbelievability, I realized I couldn't think of a better excuse should that happen to me

BTDT!

I was 18 or 19 and it wasn't a sex thing for us. Not that time anyways. I was put in cuffs, fully dressed in normal clothes, to see if I can get my arms from the back of my body to the front of my body in hinged cuffs. While I was working on it, my friends decided that it would be funny to toss the key from one to another like "imagine if we lost the key, you'd be stuck like that forever". At first they were indoors, which would have probably been just fine, but then one of them moved to the balcony to up the ante, so to say.

It was fun and games until the one on the balcony messed up and the key went bye-bye. They couldn't find the key despite looking for it outside.

The emergency services told us to call the local police station, the local police station just asked if I'm dressed, if I'm free to move and if I'm underaged (yes, yes and no) and told us to come over. We went and they opened the cuffs. No excuses needed.

It didn't end up in a newspaper as far as I know. But based on how the cops reacted it wasn't the first time they encountered such a thing. I mean, their first question after the situation was explained was if I'm decently dressed and not cuffed to a bed frame or something.

Oh, and I could get my arms from behind my body to the front of my body in hinged cuffs. So at least we learned that in the process!

 

[ChasingAnna]

I've dabbled a bit in Dom/sub (both sides) as the idea is a bit of a kink for me.

I'd say that that like many of my kinks, the fantasy is different than I want the performance to be. I want to play out the scene, but without the consequences of it being real.

Take an impregnation fetish for example. Just because I'm imagining sex being risky doesn't mean I want to actually end up with a baby 9 months down the road. So we take precautions and just pretend we aren't.

Same thing with BDSM. The fantasy is taking/giving up control, but the sub in reality must be able to take control at any time and stop or slow the scene as it unfolds. The Dom, while performing as if they are leaving the sub powerless, must actually remain mindful of what the sub wants.

 

[SimonDoom]

Same thing with BDSM. The fantasy is taking/giving up control, but the sub in reality must be able to take control at any time and stop or slow the scene as it unfolds. The Dom, while performing as if they are leaving the sub powerless, must actually remain mindful of what the sub wants.

Yes, consent is the key. It's what separates BDSM from nonconsensual sex, which is something else entirely. I've experimented some with this, with a few partners, and I enjoy the power exchange. Some partners enjoy it more than others. Some don't really get it. I've always been the Dom, which I enjoy, especially because 95+% of the time I'm very much a live-and-let-live, non-domineering person.

 

[Lucekrew]

I've dabbled a bit in Dom/sub (both sides) as the idea is a bit of a kink for me.

I'd say that that like many of my kinks, the fantasy is different than I want the performance to be. I want to play out the scene, but without the consequences of it being real.

Take an impregnation fetish for example. Just because I'm imagining sex being risky doesn't mean I want to actually end up with a baby 9 months down the road. So we take precautions and just pretend we aren't.

Same thing with BDSM. The fantasy is taking/giving up control, but the sub in reality must be able to take control at any time and stop or slow the scene as it unfolds. The Dom, while performing as if they are leaving the sub powerless, must actually remain mindful of what the sub wants.

I like that a lot. Couldn't have said it better myself of what I was thinking.

 

[AnnieLit]

Hi, another Midwestern guy here. I'm very interested in trying domming a female sub. BIggest issue is I have no experience just. The idea of submission to me desires and having no real consideration of her desires (not that I see her not getting pleased in ways) is a total turn on. How does one start in this world? Would prefer online chats for a while first.

Thanks in advance Luce.

Sorry, but my only reaction to your post is "Post your real name and location, so that every sub in the 100 mile area around you know to run away"

"submission to my desires and having no real consideration of her desires"
If this is what you really think domination is about, I pity anybody who will ever trust herself to you.

Go, read the basics, watch films, not porn, read books, not stories on Lit (well, stories here are sometimes also good, but it is hit or miss)
Risk it all and submit yourself, if only for a night. If you can't bring yourself to submit to a man, find a woman. FEEL it from the other side. Then maybe, just MAYBE you will be ready to formulate what is it that you want.

 

[DVS]

Sorry, but my only reaction to your post is "Post your real name and location, so that every sub in the 100 mile area around you know to run away"

"submission to my desires and having no real consideration of her desires"
If this is what you really think domination is about, I pity anybody who will ever trust herself to you.

Go, read the basics, watch films, not porn, read books, not stories on Lit (well, stories here are sometimes also good, but it is hit or miss)
Risk it all and submit yourself, if only for a night. If you can't bring yourself to submit to a man, find a woman. FEEL it from the other side. Then maybe, just MAYBE you will be ready to formulate what is it that you want.

I wouldn't judge the guy too harshly, because many new doms assume the same thing. And many new subs also believe the same thing. Unfortunately, many new subs don't find out the true meaning of the process until after they've had a fake dom and experienced something where they were injured, because the guy was inexperienced, or he didn't adhere to her limits and/or safe words.

Newbie doms do need to read up on things, before they attempt to play with a submissive, so they know the rules of the encounter. Newbie submissives need to read up on the rules, too. They need to decide on hard and soft limits and make it clear that the dom understands those limits. The sub could get hurt with a newbie dom and seasoned submissives could end up laughing at him or beating the shit out of him, if he didn't stop doing something, she called out her safe word.

 

[KimGordon67]

I wouldn't judge the guy too harshly, because many new doms assume the same thing. And many new subs also believe the same thing. Unfortunately, many new subs don't find out the true meaning of the process until after they've had a fake dom and experienced something where they were injured, because the guy was inexperienced, or he didn't adhere to her limits and/or safe words.

Newbie doms do need to read up on things, before they attempt to play with a submissive, so they know the rules of the encounter. Newbie submissives need to read up on the rules, too. They need to decide on hard and soft limits and make it clear that the dom understands those limits. The sub could get hurt with a newbie dom and seasoned submissives could end up laughing at him or beating the shit out of him, if he didn't stop doing something, she called out her safe word.

... or, if you're lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone who cares for you, you can not read the rules and instead talk to each other, a lot, and pay attention to each other, a lot, and agree on what works for the two of you. I personally couldn't imagine being submissive with anyone that I didn't have some kind of connection with ... I guess I played around the edges of that a little big to start with, but that was all online/phone, so I could stop everything in a heartbeat.

For me, and I think for some others, the d/s relationship has a really emotional and/or psychological aspect. I know it's not like that for everyone, but I think it's important to acknowledge that the possibility is there. I was surprised by what surfaced through the process of really pushing my boundaries, both physically and mentally.

 

[AnnieLit]

... or, if you're lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone who cares for you, you can not read the rules and instead talk to each other, a lot, and pay attention to each other, a lot, and agree on what works for the two of you.

Now compare and contrast THIS to the original idea of the TS: "
submission to my desires and having no real consideration of her desires"

 

[KimGordon67]

Now compare and contrast THIS to the original idea of the TS: "
submission to my desires and having no real consideration of her desires"

I know that doing this within the context of a long term relationship etc etc isn't how it works for everyone, and as someone above pointed out, what the OP originally described probably is what some people want ... although it seems kind of unlikely, I have to admit, because wouldn't even that form of submission be a desire in and of itself?

 

[Specula]

Can you imagine the sub deriving pleasure from this dynamic? Can you imagine what it would be like to be a sub or submit to someone?

I'm not sure I understand your comment, but the man you comment on has obviously made no attempt whatsoever to understand the issue he tries to speak to. Something of a waste of time, in short!