LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Steampunk Harlots

Nice premise

Haven't read them all, but liked the ones I did. Disagree with an earlier commentor about setting the scenario. Especially in a long story like this you need to set the mechanics of what doing and how it all works. It may not be exciting, but it is needed. We all get that these are fiction, but stories need to follow a logic, even if is internal logic to the story. That said I would like to see some other things. I have a thing for bondage, so that would be cool.

Have you read the Jim Butcher steampunk book?
 
Bondage I always like, but I wanted to save it for a special occasion. It just never felt quite right for any of the scenes I have done so far. Though it is always on my mind. Had an idea for something later on that would use it but we just arnt there yet.

Thank you for checking my story out and I hope you enjoy your reading. I havent read any Jim Butcher yet.
 
AwkwardMD said:
Lit is lousy with writers who have one story that is 40 chapters long and has great ratings, views, and awesome comments, and then another 1 chapter story that was not received nearly so well (I'm looking at you, Tefler). The lesson so many learn, incorrectly, is not to stray from that one idea everyone loves.
Click to expand...

Actually, you drew the wrong conclusions there. Ratings had nothing to do with it.

When I wrote chapter 1 of "Setting Sail on a Black Sea" I had a flood of ideas about new characters, subplots and where I wanted to take the story. But I was already in the middle of Three Square Meals and trying to juggle all the cast and subplots for that. I realised that trying to write multiple complex stories at once was going to be impossible, so I decided to stop everything on SSoaBS and finish TSM first.

From the comment dated 07/21/16:

"I'm up to my quad with all the plots and subplots of the Three Square Meals story, and juggling this as well would make my head explode. I'll get back to It eventually though."

I think it's much, much better to focus on one story and see it through to the end, rather than get bogged down starting dozens of different ones and leaving them unfinished.
 
Last edited:
I've got piles of notes for my next story but won't start until I get my current one finished. I can understand interconnected stories doing something different or if you have a story you only work on when blocked on the other, but focusing one one is usually best.
 
A friend once dared me to read as much of Three Square Meals as I could. To aid me in this, I tried to determine how far into the story i would have to go before it passed the Bechdel test.

Now, to be fair, the Bechdel test is not a great measuring stick, but it can point out some interesting holes in character makeup and plot. As I recall, I read either 12 or 20 chapters of Three Square Meals, and for those of you playing along at home at no time in those chapters did Three Square Meals pass the Bechdel test. The women only ever interacted with John, or talked to each other within the specific frame of talking about John.

The only other thing I remember about Three Square Meals was that it showed no evidence of being planned at all. That the title applied only to the first chapter. Nobody was hungry or starving after that. Throughout the later chapters I read, there was no evidence of any foreshadowing or plot seeds that were not immediately apparent and resolved within the same chapter. Everything was neat and tidy and self contained.

Now, I'm sure that further into the story this ceases to be true, but there is nothing in the beginning to suggest that any thought was put into a scope, or a plot, or an arc. Three Square Meals more closely resembles a faucet, in which stuff simply continues to pour out because no one has turned it off, than a story in which the author had long term plans. There's nothing wrong with compartmentalized, self-contained episodes, but they are what they are and to claim its part of some big plan is lacking in merit.

That is the criticism I leveled against Three Square Meals. Nobody is making you write that. If you wanted to work on something else, you would and you could. But you haven't and you won't (unless spite is a big motivator for you) because Three Square Meals makes you money. And good for you. May your writing afford you many fat, happy babies.

Just be honest with yourself about it.
 
Ive openly stated a few times, maybe more on DA than here, that I really didnt have much plotted for my story other than what I mention in the first few paragraphs because I wasnt sure how much I would enjoy this type of writing. Only after I was a few chapters in did things start to take shape and I eventually plotted out the first act, then plotted out the 2nd before starting it and same with the third. My best guess is that I have about 12 more chapters left, but maybe a few extra since I often overrun my estimations in my notes. The point is, I have had an end point in mind for a while and I am getting there soon.

Nobody but myself is making me write anything. I am trying to focus on a single erotica at a time. It's not making me any money, and the few comments I get aren't going to keep me working on it forever. It's not The Simpsons, its not meant to be self-contained episodes that run forever. In fact, the only way for me to actually make money on this would be to finish it and then self publish and make a dollar or two for funzies.

Not sure why you seem to think I'm not being honest with myself, but its a point you have mentioned before and I don't care for it. I know myself better than you and I kindly ask that you post elsewhere from now on. I don't need to resort to spite to prove you wrong. I will just prove you wrong by being honest to myself.
 
RedFireBrand said:
Not sure why you seem to think I'm not being honest with myself, but its a point you have mentioned before and I don't care for it. I know myself better than you and I kindly ask that you post elsewhere from now on. I don't need to resort to spite to prove you wrong. I will just prove you wrong by being honest to myself.
Click to expand...
I think in this case AwkwardMD is talking about Three Square Meals, not Steampunk Harlots.
 
AwkwardMD said:
To aid me in this, I tried to determine how far into the story i would have to go before it passed the Bechdel test.
Click to expand...

Why on earth would you use a gender equality yardstick against an erotic harem story? The Bechdel test doesn't say anything about foreshadowing or plot, or even anything about character devlopment, it's simply checking to see if the female characters mention men in their scenes.

The woman who thought it up did it as a joke... about two lesbians deciding what movie they'd like to see. The very first test is if the movie has at least two women in it... which means that something like "John Carpenter's: The Thing" would instantly fail.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a great movie!

AwkwardMD said:
The only other thing I remember about Three Square Meals was that it showed no evidence of being planned at all.
Click to expand...

If you've only read 12 chapters, you missed all the events being foreshadowed...

AwkwardMD said:
That the title applied only to the first chapter.
Click to expand...

Nope. The title references a very specific process by which the girls join the harem. It's been referenced dozens of times throughout the story and is in fact the critical factor that sets the protagonist apart from the rest of his species.

AwkwardMD said:
Now, I'm sure that further into the story this ceases to be true, but there is nothing in the beginning to suggest that any thought was put into a scope, or a plot, or an arc.
Click to expand...

Because you've only read 90k words out of ~3 million. ;)

AwkwardMD said:
There's nothing wrong with compartmentalized, self-contained episodes, but they are what they are and to claim its part of some big plan is lacking in merit.
Click to expand...
How can you make statements like that without having actually read it? You might have that impression after reading the first few chapters, but it simply isn't true.

AwkwardMD said:
That is the criticism I leveled against Three Square Meals.
Click to expand...

No, that wasn't your criticism. In fact you were criticising me, not TSM:

"Lit is lousy with writers who have one story that is 40 chapters long and has great ratings, views, and awesome comments, and then another 1 chapter story that was not received nearly so well (I'm looking at you, Tefler). The lesson so many learn, incorrectly, is not to stray from that one idea everyone loves."

That wasn't a lesson I learned, because as I explained before, ratings and comments had nothing to do with stopping work on Setting Sail on a Black Sea. It was about juggling multiple complex stories, which I didn't want to get bogged down with.

AwkwardMD said:
Just be honest with yourself about it.
Click to expand...

I am being completely honest with you! Honestly! :)

After I wrote chapter 100, which contains a massive clash between galactic empires in a huge space battle (foreshadowed in chapter 2!), I decided to write a standalone story to decompress. It's a "loving wives" story that I gave my patrons for free. During the two weeks I worked on it, I wrote 90k words and was totally absorbed in that story. It was refreshing to have a break from TSM and clear my mind to work on something new... but I couldn't do that all the time, it would be too disruptive.
 
Last edited:
RedFireBrand said:
Ive openly stated a few times, maybe more on DA than here, that I really didnt have much plotted for my story other than what I mention in the first few paragraphs because I wasnt sure how much I would enjoy this type of writing. Only after I was a few chapters in did things start to take shape and I eventually plotted out the first act, then plotted out the 2nd before starting it and same with the third. My best guess is that I have about 12 more chapters left, but maybe a few extra since I often overrun my estimations in my notes. The point is, I have had an end point in mind for a while and I am getting there soon.
Click to expand...

Sorry for accidentally hijacking your thread!

I read through your first chapter and thought you came up with an interesting premise and characters. I spotted a few technical mistakes, but I checked the recent chapters and you've corrected them yourself, so I won't waste time listing them.

My advice to you, is to write what you enjoy writing. If you don't have your muse working for you, grinding out a story is going to be hard work... and writing should be fun!

If you think you have 12 chapters left, you go ahead and write them! :)

Steampunk Harlots was your first foray into writing, so I think you should wrap up the story in a way that will do it justice. Ending the story and writing the epilogue will also be good practice for you on future stories. I bet you've learned loads over the course of the last three years, which will all stand you in good stead for the next story you write.

As long as you're enjoying writing and you have a fanbase that enjoys your work, then that's what it's all about.
 
No worries! I know the first chapter was my worst since I rather had little idea of what I was doing or how to do it but yes, I have gotten better. When I finish I am going to do a re-read and edit a bunch of little things that bug me as I go. Also gonna make a scorecard about what characters have the most sex and with who, just because. I didn't plan or count and just went with my gut so it will be interesting to see how it comes out.

I certainly plan to keep writing, its a lot of fun and I enjoy it. Writing for me is a lot like reading, I want to know how things turn out for the characters. My muse is doing fine, it's my lazy ass that's the problem lol

My guess is 12 chapters but might be longer since the last three chapters were in my notes as just part of one lol.

Oh don't worry, I know(ish) how it will end and I have the epilogue planned already. My next story is getting fat with notes and I just need to work out more details once SPH is finished and get it plotted. I even had one of my characters in a bookstore find a book titled after the name of my next story.

I think I have a fanbase. Several are rather consistent commenters and since I post in Sci-fi/Fantasy that's rather good. Of course, my next story is going to be much more Sci-fi so it will be fun playing in the new setting.
 
Tefler said:
Why on earth would you use a gender equality yardstick against an erotic harem story? The Bechdel test doesn't say anything about foreshadowing or plot, or even anything about character devlopment, it's simply checking to see if the female characters mention men in their scenes.
Click to expand...

The Bechdel-Wallace test (Alison Bechdel's preferred name for it) doesn't explicitly mention character development, but people talking to one another is one of the most common and most important ways for character development to happen. If women never talk to women except to talk about a man, then odds are those women aren't being developed as characters in their own right.

And yes, as everybody who's ever discussed it acknowledges, it's a very crude test. Passing it is no guarantee that the film does offer well-developed female characters; the real point of the test is that it sets a very, very low bar and yet so many stories fail to come up to that bar. But it does have the big advantage of being easy to assess; usually it's easy to establish whether a story does or doesn't pass it.

The woman who thought it up did it as a joke... about two lesbians deciding what movie they'd like to see.
Click to expand...

Not really, though? People attached Alison Bechdel's name to it, but she got the concept of the test from her friend Liz Wallace, who in turn got the basic idea from Virginia Woolf's essay "A Room of One's Own"... which was not a joke and not about lesbians or even movies.

The very first test is if the movie has at least two women in it... which means that something like "John Carpenter's: The Thing" would instantly fail.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a great movie!
Click to expand...

It has a lot to recommend it! But making a story without any women in it is a choice, and it's legitimate to ask why so many creators keep making that particular choice, or similar choices.

Because you've only read 90k words out of ~3 million. ;)

How can you make statements like that without having actually read it? You might have that impression after reading the first few chapters, but it simply isn't true.
Click to expand...

90k words is a full-length novel. If I read the first book of a series, and after 90k words the author hasn't convinced me that they know what they're doing, no way am I going to read another 29 books to see if it turns around.

Three million words is more than Les Misérables, Atlas Shrugged, War and Peace, Lord of the Rings, and The Stand all put together. If people have to read three million words before they're qualified to comment, then the only people qualified to comment will be super-fans.

Clearly you have readers who love the story and are happy to keep going, but if somebody reads ninety thousand words and it's still not doing it for them... they've given you a pretty decent try.
 
And here I am sitting at 250k words. I will probably finish over 300k and who knows how long the next one will be. It depends on how the plot turns out.
 
Sorry, I originally read this thread's title as "Steampunk Hobbits" and got a little confused...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

L
First time Author - Constructive critiscm appreciated!
Replies
9
Views
430
Gamblnluck
G
S
Anyone interested in giving feedback/critique?
Replies
9
Views
562
VerbalAbuse
V
L
Would you like to discuss with me?
Replies
5
Views
272
LiterallyLiterate
L
joy_of_cooking
Joyful reviews
2
Replies
48
Views
3K
furiousdistribution
F
Theylo_Bleu
Building an extended "Universe"
Replies
19
Views
664
Gamblnluck
G
Back
Top