Story Rejected - Is there a way to get more specific feedback from the admins?

[YmaOHyd]

That is indeed very neat. I like it. Do you have any stories where you've used that method for group texts with more than two participants?

 

[PennyThompson]

That is indeed very neat. I like it. Do you have any stories where you've used that method for group texts with more than two participants?

I've only ever done it with two texting participants. You can see some examples where I try different texting styles here (a millennial guy and an alien who writes like a spambot, but very briefly at the start of the story, and simplified), here (a gen z good girl and a gen z bad girl), and here (gen z good girl and gen x mommy).

If I were to try and do it with multiple participants, I'd probably just stick to left-aligned, put a contact name at the top of each message, and try and give each participant a very distinct texting style. It would be more challenging, but probably doable!

 

[YmaOHyd]

If I were to try and do it with multiple participants, I'd probably just stick to left-aligned, put a contact name at the top of each message, and try and give each participant a very distinct texting style. It would be more challenging, but probably doable!

It's a very cool idea. And -- the story I've got going where it might come up is told in first-person. Correct me if I'm wrong, but most/all of your work is in third? That might mean I could mimic the look of a group chat by right-aligning the narrator's texts (probably with a header for clarity) and left-aligning everyone else's with headers. And, as you say, distinctive styles when possible.

 

[PennyThompson]

It's a very cool idea. And -- the story I've got going where it might come up is told in first-person. Correct me if I'm wrong, but most/all of your work is in third? That might mean I could mimic the look of a group chat by right-aligning the narrator's texts (probably with a header for clarity) and left-aligning everyone else's with headers. And, as you say, distinctive styles when possible.

I'm most comfortable in "close third-person," though I did a no-narration monologue and a no-narration dialog

I like that idea for first-person, it could work! Though I'd probably try it the other way around, first-person narrator on the left, aligned with the rest of the story told by the same pov, other characters' text on the right?

 

[YmaOHyd]

I'm most comfortable in "close third-person," though I did a no-narration monologue and a no-narration dialog

I like that idea for first-person, it could work! Though I'd probably try it the other way around, first-person narrator on the left, aligned with the rest of the story told by the same pov, other characters' text on the right?

I read your dialogue; it's really good. I'll give the monologue a whirl too.

Left-narrator-right-interlocutor is probably more natural, but the right-narrator-left-interlocutor look is how text messages look IRL, and I kind of like that idea. It's maybe not worth the hassle though. Though maybe I can set it up both ways and see which I like more in preview.

 

[Shuntwell]

The level of wrongness in this thread is quite astonishing.

When attribution is at the end of the dialogue you never have a full stop/period, it's always a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation and even then the attribution is never capitalised).

"That's fine," she said.
"Is that fine?" she asked.

If there is no attribution then you have a full stop/period.

"That's fine." She turned and walked away.

You never have it as:

"That's fine." she said.
or
That's fine." She said.

Both of the above are wrong. ALWAYS. In the US or the UK. You can check for yourself by picking up any published book you have lying around.

The only time the full stop/period is outside the quotation marks is when it's a quotation, never with dialogue.

The confidence some of you have in spreading bad information is really something.

 

[PennyThompson]

The level of wrongness in this thread is quite astonishing.

When attribution is at the end of the dialogue you never have a full stop/period, it's always a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation and even then the attribution is never capitalised).

"That's fine," she said.
"Is that fine?" she asked.

If there is no attribution then you have a full stop/period.

"That's fine." She turned and walked away.

You never have it as:

"That's fine." she said.
or
That's fine." She said.

Both of the above are wrong. ALWAYS. In the US or the UK. You can check for yourself by picking up any published book you have lying around.

The only time the full stop/period is outside the quotation marks is when it's a quotation, never with dialogue.

The confidence some of you have in spreading bad information is really something.

 

[Comshaw]

full stop (period) outside the quotation marks.


double full stop.


no full stop whatsoever.

As the saying goes, if you're going to be wrong, at least be consistent about it.

You could do a lot worse than spending some time studying something like the Oxford Style Guide - it will help you at least avoid the most common traps.

BAWAHAHA! I have to ask, do you use a pair of tweezers? Maybe a magnifying glass too? "Cause it's gotta be a bitch pickin' the fly crap out of the pepper.

As to the OP's question: It does sound more like a script for a movie than a spoken dialogue in a story. However, there in lays the problem: It AIN'T spoken dialogue it's texting, which when written out has more in common with a script than vocal dialogue transferred to writing. Since this particular problem has not, as of yet, been subject to the experts and locked down into a rigid and inflexible format, I believe it works and works well the way the OP handled it. If it were me, I'd resubmit it with a comment to the admin as to what and why.

But I ain't no expert, so take my opinion with a pinch of Sodium chloride and doin't come lookin' if I'm wrong. Runnin' like a rabbit is the smart part of valor.


Comshaw

 

[onehitwanda]

BAWAHAHA! I have to ask, do you use a pair of tweezers? Maybe a magnifying glass too? "Cause it's gotta be a bitch pickin' the fly crap out of the pepper.

I'm broken that way. I pick up books at random in bookshops / charity benches etc and judge them in a positively teutonic way on the punctuation falsam in unum, falsam in omnibus!

 

[ElectricBlue]

I wanted to delineate between regular speech and the messages. They are happening in different spaces, and are different types of dialogue so it felt wrong to style them as "speech".

I'd say you've tripped a dialogue punctuation bot with your texting format. It's atypical, and there's no convention, certainly not here.

- there's plenty of guidance - EB texted - but no site guidance -

- oh that's confusing -

- it is but if you're consistent, readers are clever and they'll figure it out. I treat it the same way as dialogue, but designate the texts with a dash. Other writers will have other suggestions -

Thank you so much for this. I'll go back through and edit with this in mind.

Also, your dialogue punctuation will definitely have triggered a bot. You're not at all consistent.

"How do I do it?" Getnakedgoswimming asked.

"Easy," EB replied. "The punctuation always goes inside the speech marks."

 

[Comshaw]

I'm broken that way. I pick up books at random in bookshops / charity benches etc and judge them in a positively teutonic way on the punctuation falsam in unum, falsam in omnibus!

Perfect! But I'm just fuckin'witcha don'tcha know. Hmmmmm...come to think of it I've heard that phrase (in better, clearer language mind you) someplace before.




Comshaw

 

[getnakedgoswimming]

To close the loop on this: I copy edited the story keeping everyone's advice in mind, submitted it again and it was approved after a day or so. It's called Slutty at Quilt Con.

Thank you everyone for all your help! I'll be much more careful about punctuation for future stories.

 

[butters]

I don't think it's Laurel generating this type of rejection. I think the software gets confused by the misuse of the punctuation in dialogue and generates the error.

I just read something I'll add the link to; it's not about this particular author or story but might well be a contributing factor to why some authors' works are getting rejected as suspicious as in AI generated. It's the use of the em dash that is triggering software that seems to think actual human beings use it so rarely it must be non-human generated text.

Some people are only just learning about the em dash, or so it seems, as written content faces a new wave of ChatGPT-generated accusations – all thanks to the versatile punctuation mark.

"A shortcut for detecting if something is written with AI is they all use this symbol '—' throughout the writing. It's relatively rare when a human uses it, maybe once or twice, if that. But AI chats love using it. No clue why," one person claimed.

Another suggested: "The easiest way to spot if someone is using chatgpt to tweet, comment, or write anything online – the overuse of the em dash (—)."

Meanwhile, a third quipped: "anyone who uses an emdash is obviously ai—literally the most obvious tell."

https://www.indy100.com/news/em-dash-symbol-chatgpt-debate