Straight guy discovers wife is non-binary

[Sign54]

This is an interesting idea. Anyone thought of or found stories about straight dudes with non-binary partners, especially if they came out??? I am asking of course where the dude sleeps with his partner anyway and acts like a decent human being during sex.

 

[sirhugs]

I like the idea. Must be some in the transgender and crossdressing list, but still could use more.

The first thing you would need to decide is what does non-binary mean in this case, since there must be some biology? Are we talking having penis but presenting as non-binary? Or presenting as non-binary but has vagina?

Of course, that need not be revealed early in the story, but I think the writer needs to know going in...

 

[AlexBailey]

There's plenty of room for stories like that. My wife found out she was married to a non-binary guy.

I'm not sure what category you would want to post it in. Maybe group sex... maybe TG/CD... It probably depends on the focus of the story and what flavor of non-binary you're talking about.

 

[Sign54]

I like the idea. Must be some in the transgender and crossdressing list, but still could use more.

The first thing you would need to decide is what does non-binary mean in this case, since there must be some biology? Are we talking having penis but presenting as non-binary? Or presenting as non-binary but has vagina?

Of course, that need not be revealed early in the story, but I think the writer needs to know going in...

I was thinking of the vagina example.

 

[sirhugs]

maybe two non-binary sorts hook up?

Or maybe thy fall in love first, and the hook up mechanics create drama?

 

[JeremyZ]

I think a lot of people could relate to such a story. Many women are bisexual at least in their thoughts. Some undoubtedly have had bisexual experiences they've never told their husband about. A story where the wife re-explores that side of herself would be interesting. And intriguing how the husband handles it.

 

[sirhugs]

I think a lot of people could relate to such a story. Many women are bisexual at least in their thoughts. Some undoubtedly have had bisexual experiences they've never told their husband about. A story where the wife re-explores that side of herself would be interesting. And intriguing how the husband handles it.

non-binary is not the same as bisexual. Non-binary is a person who does not identify or present as either exclusively or typically male or female. They may be fluid in their presentation, or present as androgynous.

 

[LupusDei]

Having a word "wife" in there, it implies that the trans-girl has to be very much convincing, physically. She might be born as hermaphrodite choosing to be formed into female, or if indeed started as mostly a boy, must have had some probably unrealistically good gender swapping surgery. It's being done, and it maybe doesn't even need too much to fool a naive guy long enough to go after the marriage... Well, it probably shows that I'm strongly sceptical about chastity until marriage.

Maybe the easiest to pull this off might be story set in slightly alternative universe that is in same ways different and selectively ahead of ours.

Such as, in another place I read such an ongoing story were incidentally one of the girls in lead hero's harem is/was non-binary (it at no point was a major theme on itself, but played in a mix of things). She was actually first stable partner in the mix and huge catalyst for the whole harem situation (identifying as lesbian with exception of hetero relationship with the lead guy) even as she was still essentially nonfunctional boy presenting as a girl and ongoing hormone therapy at that time. Soon after she underwent a little fantastical "Hongkong doctor's" surgery that gave her resemblance of a vagina (with required still quite lengthy ongoing therapy until it could be used by her male partner) and split and formed her penis into, essentially, surprisingly convincing clitoris assembly. From the other dozen girls they collectively seduced only one or two were in on her secret, at least at first. It's long since seems forgotten she wasn't a female orginally.

If, hypothetically, they split and she were to meet someone else now, with her femininity long established, it wouldn't be much of stretch for the guy to only start wondering when she confessed to be totally sterile because initially born with boy parts instead.

 

[Sign54]

maybe two non-binary sorts hook up?

Or maybe thy fall in love first, and the hook up mechanics create drama?

Sure. For reference, I was saying the “wife” was a femme partner of a cis dude who no longer identified as female.

 

[AlexBailey]

Which ever way things are shifting, when a long term relationship has to come to terms with one partner embracing such a major shift as their gender identification, there is going to be a lot of room for conflict. I.E. a major element of story telling.

You can focus on the psychology of gender, denial, dissapointment, acceptance, sex, social interactions, work expectations, family structure, physical changes, emotional changes... or you could just make it a visceral jerk piece.

It all depends on what sort of story you want to tell.

 

[Sign54]

Which ever way things are shifting, when a long term relationship has to come to terms with one partner embracing such a major shift as their gender identification, there is going to be a lot of room for conflict. I.E. a major element of story telling.

You can focus on the psychology of gender, denial, dissapointment, acceptance, sex, social interactions, work expectations, family structure, physical changes, emotional changes... or you could just make it a visceral jerk piece.

It all depends on what sort of story you want to tell.

Indeed, thank you a lot!!!!

 

[PansexualPeach]

Having a word "wife" in there, it implies that the trans-girl has to be very much convincing, physically. She might be born as hermaphrodite choosing to be formed into female, or if indeed started as mostly a boy, must have had some probably unrealistically good gender swapping surgery. It's being done, and it maybe doesn't even need too much to fool a naive guy long enough to go after the marriage... Well, it probably shows that I'm strongly sceptical about chastity until marriage.

Maybe the easiest to pull this off might be story set in slightly alternative universe that is in same ways different and selectively ahead of ours.

Such as, in another place I read such an ongoing story were incidentally one of the girls in lead hero's harem is/was non-binary (it at no point was a major theme on itself, but played in a mix of things). She was actually first stable partner in the mix and huge catalyst for the whole harem situation (identifying as lesbian with exception of hetero relationship with the lead guy) even as she was still essentially nonfunctional boy presenting as a girl and ongoing hormone therapy at that time. Soon after she underwent a little fantastical "Hongkong doctor's" surgery that gave her resemblance of a vagina (with required still quite lengthy ongoing therapy until it could be used by her male partner) and split and formed her penis into, essentially, surprisingly convincing clitoris assembly. From the other dozen girls they collectively seduced only one or two were in on her secret, at least at first. It's long since seems forgotten she wasn't a female orginally.

If, hypothetically, they split and she were to meet someone else now, with her femininity long established, it wouldn't be much of stretch for the guy to only start wondering when she confessed to be totally sterile because initially born with boy parts instead.

If you’re not familiar with trans and non-binary people, your job is to listen and not to contribute your uneducated opinions.

 

[ericalauren]

Having a word "wife" in there, it implies that the trans-girl has to be very much convincing, physically. She might be born as hermaphrodite choosing to be formed into female, or if indeed started as mostly a boy, must have had some probably unrealistically good gender swapping surgery. It's being done, and it maybe doesn't even need too much to fool a naive guy long enough to go after the marriage... Well, it probably shows that I'm strongly sceptical about chastity until marriage.

Maybe the easiest to pull this off might be story set in slightly alternative universe that is in same ways different and selectively ahead of ours.

Such as, in another place I read such an ongoing story were incidentally one of the girls in lead hero's harem is/was non-binary (it at no point was a major theme on itself, but played in a mix of things). She was actually first stable partner in the mix and huge catalyst for the whole harem situation (identifying as lesbian with exception of hetero relationship with the lead guy) even as she was still essentially nonfunctional boy presenting as a girl and ongoing hormone therapy at that time. Soon after she underwent a little fantastical "Hongkong doctor's" surgery that gave her resemblance of a vagina (with required still quite lengthy ongoing therapy until it could be used by her male partner) and split and formed her penis into, essentially, surprisingly convincing clitoris assembly. From the other dozen girls they collectively seduced only one or two were in on her secret, at least at first. It's long since seems forgotten she wasn't a female orginally.

If, hypothetically, they split and she were to meet someone else now, with her femininity long established, it wouldn't be much of stretch for the guy to only start wondering when she confessed to be totally sterile because initially born with boy parts instead.

For starters, intersex folks do not appreciate being called the H-word.

 

[stickygirl]

For starters, intersex folks do not appreciate being called the H-word.

^^^ what he said.

I know the thread's a couple of months old, but here's a good link if you'd like to find out more about intersex people

 

[Sign54]

For starters, intersex folks do not appreciate being called the H-word.

The word works better for plants than for humans.

 

[SteelPoint]

If you’re not familiar with trans and non-binary people, your job is to listen and not to contribute your uneducated opinions.

NO... you can take your politically-correct, self-serving censorship and stuff it where the sun don't shine.

LD had every right to express his opinion or thoughts.

FFS... 'intersex'... 'non-binary'..?

... I'm sure I'm not the only one who can't be bothered keeping up with the latest luvvy, euphemistic jargon...

... and I for one shall continue to speak plain English and not bother with those who are unable or unwilling to do likewise.

 

[stickygirl]

NO... you can take your politically-correct, self-serving censorship and stuff it where the sun don't shine.

LD had every right to express his opinion or thoughts.

FFS... 'intersex'... 'non-binary'..?

... I'm sure I'm not the only one who can't be bothered keeping up with the latest luvvy, euphemistic jargon...

... and I for one shall continue to speak plain English and not bother with those who are unable or unwilling to do likewise.

Why are you taking such offence, particularly when you are so wrong? Pull your head out of your non-sunshine place and google 'intersex'. It is a medical condition, not something up for debate or woke culture-speak. Your ignorance is shameful and embarrassing. Did you know there are as many intersex people in the population as red-heads?

Using a term like Hermaphrodite is like calling black people wogs.... oh, wait

 

[missyunderstanding]

I am here to listen

If you’re not familiar with trans and non-binary people, your job is to listen and not to contribute your uneducated opinions.

I have been reading this thread and trying to figure out what various people mean by
non-binary. Your comment seems to link non-binary understanding with education of some sort. So, I am listening. Please educate me.

 

[stickygirl]

I have been reading this thread and trying to figure out what various people mean by
non-binary. Your comment seems to link non-binary understanding with education of some sort. So, I am listening. Please educate me.

Thanks for asking

The majority of the population never question their gender - they just know they are a boy or a girl in the same way as there is light and dark. At the edges of that bell-curve of certainty, they are outliers: people who might have the physical characteristics of one sex, but their own sense of self, doesn't match their body. Who we are can't ignore our gender, can it? These people come under an umbrella term 'transgender'.

Within that group there will be a subset who are not certain of how to describe their gender-self "I don't exactly see myself as male or female" so they may describe themselves as non-binary. They don't recognise themselves in what they see in the broader population.

There has been a lot of hysteria about the loosening of the straitjacket of past definitions. Some of that has come from parents frightened about how the child might be accepted in the world as transgender, some from pressure groups who have an axe to grind about how other people should live their lives, and some because ... haters gotta hate.

Teenagers are supposed to question life as they figure themselves out: what shall I do for a career, wtf are all the hormones and sex drive about, why do I have spots, who cursed me with periods, why do grown men now wolf-whistle me? It's not surprising that part of that questioning might be in respect to their sexuality or their gender. The majority of teens go through a questioning phase and figure it out, but some don't. That doesn't make them stupid - they can't be shouted at and told to 'snap out of it' , nor is it a very happy place to be. As parents all you can do is be supportive, try not to be judgemental, offer a reference point and keep showing them love. Generally young people figure themselves out in the end.... however some won't and the best way to describe their position to others is non-binary ie "I don't fit the normal pigeon-hole of gender."

This is my own take on things - there are plenty of resources online, that will give more information that is better researched. I try to be objective in what I tell people, but I don't do it for a job.

I hope this helps

 

[SteelPoint]

I have been reading this thread and trying to figure out what various people mean by
non-binary. Your comment seems to link non-binary understanding with education of some sort. So, I am listening. Please educate me.

Yes, hilarious, isn't it? You have a contrary opinion, ergo you must somehow be 'wrong' or needing 'education'. Strip it bare for what it is: politically correct, fascist intolerance, desperately trying to prove that the abnormal is normal and that anything MUST be included in that 'normal' category if any individual says it must.

Sorry, no.

It's precisely that intolerance which is 'shameful'...

 

[stickygirl]

Yes, hilarious, isn't it? You have a contrary opinion, ergo you must somehow be 'wrong' or needing 'education'. Strip it bare for what it is: politically correct, fascist intolerance, desperately trying to prove that the abnormal is normal and that anything MUST be included in that 'normal' category if any individual says it must.

Sorry, no.

It's precisely that intolerance which is 'shameful'...

How can you claim shameful intolerance after that little outburst?

No one is forcing you to accept anything, but this thread topic is 'non-binary' so if Lupus posted something incorrect, then it's only correct that it's called out, without any of the hysteria you're showing.

Among a long list of fascist ideologies is
"Fascists thus hold "both disdain for women and intolerance and condemnation of nonstandard sexual habits, from chastity to homosexuality." You're shouting at the mirror.

So not fascist then.

 

[PansexualPeach]

I have a new story idea. I’m going to use my imagination to picture what its like to have hetero sex. Then, instead of doing research on what it actually is like, I’m going to just run with it. I’ll introduce some asshole who barges in on the sex to call straight people fascists.

 

[Bramblethorn]

NO... you can take your politically-correct, self-serving censorship and stuff it where the sun don't shine.

LD had every right to express his opinion or thoughts.

Ah, I see we have another one who doesn't understand the meaning of "censorship".

Being criticised (even wrongly and unfairly) isn't censorship. LD has the right to express opinions and thoughts here, and other posters have the right to express disagreement and disapproval. If that offends you, maybe you don't understand the whole "free speech" thing as well as you think.

FFS... 'intersex'... 'non-binary'..?

... I'm sure I'm not the only one who can't be bothered keeping up with the latest luvvy, euphemistic jargon...

Don't mistake your limited vocabulary for innovation.

"Intersexuality", since abridged to "intersex", has been in the language since 1917. "Non-binary" has been around since the 1940s, though I think the application to gender goes back to the 1990s - which would make it about the same age as your pejorative use of "luvvy".

Neither of them are remotely "euphemisms". A euphemism is a pleasant name given to something to avoid describing it directly - for instance, talking about "powdering your nose" when you actually mean defecating/urinating.

These two, OTOH, are very direct descriptions. "Intersex" from "inter" ("between") and "sex" (one's physical sex characteristics - back in 1917 this basically meant penis/testes, vagina/ovaries, and breasts, though as medical science has advanced it now encompasses endocrinology and karyotype). So it literally means "between sexes", i.e. not fully either male or female in physical terms.

"Binary" = having only two possible states (e.g. "everybody's male or female" is a binary model), "non-binary" = somebody or something that doesn't fit into the binary.

Biology and psychology are complicated topics. If you want to have a grown-up discussion about them, you might need to stretch your brain and learn some grown-up words.

... and I for one shall continue to speak plain English

"Intersex" is a shorter word than "hermaphrodite" and a more direct/accurate description. Nothing could be plainer.

and not bother with those who are unable or unwilling to do likewise.

So you'll be fucking off out of this discussion then? Excellent. Don't let me keep you.

 

[SteelPoint]

Ah, I see the self-appointed Lit. Gestapo's in town in the shape of our pseudo-intellectual dilettante friend, Bramblethorn. Welcome!

Know the guy? You must, surely. He's the one who, like the worthies he tries to champion, never contributes to Story Ideas but for those times when he sees fit to make Holy Pronouncement on what's Right and Wrong... thereby leading the poor plebs (as he sees you) back to The Way, akin to the guiding light he imagines himself to be.

Here is the sitrep (as he would love to call it... er... non-euphemistically, of course):

Another total forum outsider (two whole posts to their name) has told a regular contributor outright, and I quote: 'what their job is' and what 'not to contribute'.

Now, folks, I'd call that 'attempted censorship' rather than offering any kind of differing opinion, wouldn't you? You're not alone - I do believe that the great majority of fair-minded, third-party observers would, too.

But not our friend Bramblethorn. Oh, no.

He has this urge to strut his simulatedly even-handed but actually tendentious and partisan stuff wherever he thinks he can gain admirers or court the respect he craves.

It goes without saying that he doesn't like this to be pointed out... watch out for last-wordism...

On this particular occasion he's attempted to cross intellectual swords with someone who possesses a sharper blade and can point out the hole he's dug for himself. Them's the chances. Sometimes it happens.

No, like LupusDei but unlike some we could name, I'm a regular contributor to this particular forum and will be staying put. I think it rather for the horse shit (sorry, 'equine excrement') dealers to try peddling their fragrant wares elsewhere...

 

[PansexualPeach]

Anyway, troll aside, missy or anyone else who is legitimately trying to learn about trans, non-binary, or intersex people, please continue asking respectful questions. I see Stickygirl has already answered your first question very thoroughly, thanks for that