Subs: How do you find quality Doms?

[AnonymousPandaGirl]

Hiya subs, fellow sub here. I feel like I’m always looking for the perfect d/D to make my life complete but just haven’t found anyone yet. How did you meet yours?

I don’t just mean a man who likes to generically hurt women like pigs. I mean a true in every sense of the word DOM who owns you pussy to soul. I literally mean someone who knows you inside and out and who’s ethically kind hearted enough to know how to use your body, force you to your edges, and who’s proud to own you. I mean someone who craves and needs the calming effects dominating gives them the same way submission heals my heart. I mean someone who can put their shoe on my cheek, push my face down to the ground with it, and means it with all the love in the world as they finger fuck my asshole. I mean someone who craves knowing how to tie me up and make me come with barely touching me and then kissing the rope burn. I mean someone who is proud to show me off to their dom friends and is protective enough to keep me at their knees but still wants me to hump their legs.

Sigh.

It’s the most romantic thing I can think of and I’ve never found it, relationship irl or otherwise. Help a sub out to find their Dom??

 

[Kat90xx]

Don’t narrow yourself to just those who label themselves as “doms”, “daddies” or whatever else necessarily. You can connect with someone and these dynamics come out over time as you explore together. As a sub, you have power to guide your dom just as they do you in your own way

 

[Kevinjkson]

First of all, what you seek, what you crave, does exist. There are naturally Dominant men in the world who are looking for you - looking for exactly what you have to offer - and who can give you everything that you desire.

But - as you have discovered - making that connection is exceedingly difficult. You have to sort through just a huge pile of deceit and malfeasance and pretense and just plain bad behavior, and that is neither enjoyable nor quick.

I have been on the other end of that connection twice - the first relationship lasted three years and ended in disaster, and the second amazing relationship is ongoing after 9 years. Both are/were real, in person, total power exchange relationships.

Both slaves found me on Fetlife - and in both cases they reached out to me, not the other way around. That community has changed quite a bit over the years, there is much more noise there now than there used to be - and that makes things even harder. But on Fet you can see quite a bit about people's kinky lives. You can see what events they are going to. You can read their posts and comments and see their pictures. You can see the kinds of people that they follow and befriend. You don't have just a brief text profile that may or may not be real to use to understand them like you do here.

You can also see what their relationship status is, and whether they have other connections. That may or may not matter to you, some Dominants/Masters are capable of caring for more than one slave or submissive. But again, if you follow them over time, you can see how those other situations change and develop, and you can even reach out to the s on the other side of the equation and talk to them.

A final thought is that in-person munches can be a great place to get to know people, to see them in a casual social setting. I always recommend to any kinky person that they start going to their local munch, or a couple if they live in a city. You might meet your person there, or you might meet someone who knows your person and can make an introduction.

 

[Dearelliot]

For us old guys finding a domme has been difficult especially if you are a married man.... I use pros, or I do without.

 

[Ramkhadak]

Around 20 years ago, some of the larger upmarket stores had a section where Daddy Doms were on display.The taxation policy of successive administrations put paid to such soulful ventures.
In North Korea,they still have a few such stores.At other places you still find doms by trial and error.

 

[missmixalot]

I met mine when I was a student and at a munch.
He was older, and at first wasn't interested at all. We chatted a few times and discovered kinks so we slowly started to explore things. Things grew rapidly from from there so despite not initially being interested it was a perfect match.
I think the thing is communication! Learn about them and be very open.

 

[average_red]

Entirely unrelated: in dating I've had a few women who 'just knew me' from the moment we met. It always turned out bad, because they didn't actually know me, they just knew how to make me think that they did. One of them just wanted to kidnap me and collect ransom. If she actually knew me she would have been successful, and I probably wouldn't be alive today. I wasn't real to them, I was just a toy or tool to be manipulated, until they found out that I was real and they had grabbed the tiger's tail.

From my limited experience the subs I have seen have a similar problem. They want a storybook relationship that starts at 100000% alignment. I think that the Dom you are looking for would see you as a person and need to explore you. The Doms you don't want see you as something that doesn't require exploration.

Hopefully I am wrong, but you might want to think about how it would actually look for someone interested in your soul to approach and explore you, rather than one who simply intends to use and discard you.

 

[Primalex]

If you're not finding what you want, it's often less about there being "no real Doms like that" and more about the expectations being internally contradictory (e.g., total control + perfect attunement + constant intensity without negotiation). There is not the perfect dominant partner to find, like there is not the perfect dance partner already waiting for you - what you can do is build a specific dynamic with a compatible person over time and by being hand-tailored over time, it will fit you nicely.

That tailoring includes being explicit about limits, desires, pacing, and what "ownership" actually means in practice for both sides, instead of declaring that the right Dom gets rock-hard just by the thought of dominating you.

Wanting emotional depth, a partner who takes initiative, is confident, where behavior matches intent and sexuality and care go hand-in-hand; this makes sense. But expecting someone to complete you in an all-encompassing way, mind-read, effortless precision or owning your soul, sets the dynamic up for disappointment rather than stability.

 

[Dave88ITA]

Don’t narrow yourself to just those who label themselves as “doms”, “daddies” or whatever else necessarily. You can connect with someone and these dynamics come out over time as you explore together. As a sub, you have power to guide your dom just as they do you in your own way

At the end a Dom is nothing without a Sub... It is their reason to exist!

 

[SmilingLez]

Hiya subs, fellow sub here. I feel like I’m always looking for the perfect d/D to make my life complete but just haven’t found anyone yet. How did you meet yours?

I don’t just mean a man who likes to generically hurt women like pigs. I mean a true in every sense of the word DOM who owns you pussy to soul. I literally mean someone who knows you inside and out and who’s ethically kind hearted enough to know how to use your body, force you to your edges, and who’s proud to own you. I mean someone who craves and needs the calming effects dominating gives them the same way submission heals my heart. I mean someone who can put their shoe on my cheek, push my face down to the ground with it, and means it with all the love in the world as they finger fuck my asshole. I mean someone who craves knowing how to tie me up and make me come with barely touching me and then kissing the rope burn. I mean someone who is proud to show me off to their dom friends and is protective enough to keep me at their knees but still wants me to hump their legs.

Sigh.

It’s the most romantic thing I can think of and I’ve never found it, relationship irl or otherwise. Help a sub out to find their Dom??

It takes lots of time and screening. Hopefully you have already written out your non negotiables and limits as well as what you enjoy. It is important that you thoroughly vet a Dom(me) before engaging in a scene. During the vetting process the sub and the Dom(me) are equal. There is no power dynamic. You are not that person's submissive unless you have agreed. If you sense a power dynamic, run quickly. Big red flag

I read both The New Topping Book (to understand what a healthy Dom(me) is) and The New Bottoming Book (for me) in order to make sure that my next dynamic is healthy mentally and physically for me.

HTH

 

[seekingAlpha]

One submissive’s ideal Dominant may be another’s nightmare since compatibility in a D/s dynamic is deeply personal and highly individual. At its core, a D/s dynamic is first and foremost just a relationship. The healthiest approach is to seek a Dominant who genuinely works for you as a whole person, not just as a role or fantasy figure.
Personally, I keep my proclivities private and don’t participate in the public BDSM scene. What has consistently worked for me is meeting partners who already have a kinky inclination, then engaging in open, direct conversations about desires, boundaries, and expectations.
Regardless of how you meet, never compromise on the fundamentals: there must be genuine attraction, emotional chemistry, intellectual connection, and mutual respect. Treat the search for a Dominant with the same standards you would apply to any serious romantic relationship. Do not lower the bar simply because someone identifies as a Dom.
The most dangerous mistake a submissive can make is entering a dynamic with someone they would never consider dating in a vanilla context. If the person isn’t someone you’d want as a partner outside of kink, the power exchange will almost certainly amplify existing incompatibilities rather than resolve them. Best of luck to you.

 

[Dearelliot]

I have been in contact the last couple of days with a pro Domme Miss...nice older woman everything seemed good until she mentioned sending pay......I dont mind handing but...at my age, sending...uh uh that isnt going to happen...

 

[MiaDani80]

One submissive’s ideal Dominant may be another’s nightmare since compatibility in a D/s dynamic is deeply personal and highly individual. At its core, a D/s dynamic is first and foremost just a relationship. The healthiest approach is to seek a Dominant who genuinely works for you as a whole person, not just as a role or fantasy figure.
Personally, I keep my proclivities private and don’t participate in the publich BDSM scene. What has consistently worked for me is meeting partners who already have a kinky inclination, then engaging in open, direct conversations about desires, boundaries, and expectations.
Regardless of how you meet, never compromise on the fundamentals: there must be genuine attraction, emotional chemistry, intellectual connection, and mutual respect. Treat the search for a Dominant with the same standards you would apply to any serious romantic relationship. Do not lower the bar simply because someone identifies as a Dom.
The most dangerous mistake a submissive can make is entering a dynamic with someone they would never consider dating in a vanilla context. If the person isn’t someone you’d want as a partner outside of kink, the power exchange will almost certainly amplify existing incompatibilities rather than resolve them. Best of luck to you.

I think this is exactly right. I've been a switch my whole adult life so have experience in serious D/s relationships from both sides of the coin.

My experience is that everyone has completely different expectations and desires so finding someone that not only gets you to a tee but is also looking for the same type of relationship is finding a needle in a haystack.

Personally I've been looking for a new sub recently but I have very specific thoughts as to the cadence and commitment I want. Everyone I've talked to in the past few months is either in the wrong time zone, or just looking for quick masturbation sessions. Or they think they want a d/s relationship but aren't willing to make the full commitment that I and other doms require or desire. Or they commit and then they run because they're not willing to embrace their deep seated but repressed sexual desires.

So keep looking, keep exploring in real life or online. And don't give up!

 

[Cruelsmile5]

Hiya subs, fellow sub here. I feel like I’m always looking for the perfect d/D to make my life complete but just haven’t found anyone yet. How did you meet yours?

I don’t just mean a man who likes to generically hurt women like pigs. I mean a true in every sense of the word DOM who owns you pussy to soul. I literally mean someone who knows you inside and out and who’s ethically kind hearted enough to know how to use your body, force you to your edges, and who’s proud to own you. I mean someone who craves and needs the calming effects dominating gives them the same way submission heals my heart. I mean someone who can put their shoe on my cheek, push my face down to the ground with it, and means it with all the love in the world as they finger fuck my asshole. I mean someone who craves knowing how to tie me up and make me come with barely touching me and then kissing the rope burn. I mean someone who is proud to show me off to their dom friends and is protective enough to keep me at their knees but still wants me to hump their legs.

Sigh.

It’s the most romantic thing I can think of and I’ve never found it, relationship irl or otherwise. Help a sub out to find their Dom??

It takes a lot of time and patience. I would encourage you to view submission as a relationship, and relationships take time and effort. A lot of the “doms” you’ll talk to aren’t willing to invest either of those, they’ll simply expect you to do what they say because they’re dominant and you’re submissive. And if you refuse, they’ll switch to gaslighting or questioning the degree of your submissiveness. Know your worth and cut them off immediately.

Take to get to know them as a person, pay attention to how they react when you say no, given time, people will show you who they are. Trust that and don’t settle for less.

 

[ZacharyFagg]

Hiya subs, fellow sub here. I feel like I’m always looking for the perfect d/D to make my life complete but just haven’t found anyone yet. How did you meet yours?

I don’t just mean a man who likes to generically hurt women like pigs. I mean a true in every sense of the word DOM who owns you pussy to soul. I literally mean someone who knows you inside and out and who’s ethically kind hearted enough to know how to use your body, force you to your edges, and who’s proud to own you. I mean someone who craves and needs the calming effects dominating gives them the same way submission heals my heart. I mean someone who can put their shoe on my cheek, push my face down to the ground with it, and means it with all the love in the world as they finger fuck my asshole. I mean someone who craves knowing how to tie me up and make me come with barely touching me and then kissing the rope burn. I mean someone who is proud to show me off to their dom friends and is protective enough to keep me at their knees but still wants me to hump their legs.

Sigh.

It’s the most romantic thing I can think of and I’ve never found it, relationship irl or otherwise. Help a sub out to find their Dom??

It can be tough.
I tend to freak out most so called Doms.
They think there something, but I seek things they aren't prepared to give.
But every now and then, I meet a true sadist who can give me what I need.

 

[CarrieJohnson]

Hiya subs, fellow sub here. I feel like I’m always looking for the perfect d/D to make my life complete but just haven’t found anyone yet. How did you meet yours?

I don’t just mean a man who likes to generically hurt women like pigs. I mean a true in every sense of the word DOM who owns you pussy to soul. I literally mean someone who knows you inside and out and who’s ethically kind hearted enough to know how to use your body, force you to your edges, and who’s proud to own you. I mean someone who craves and needs the calming effects dominating gives them the same way submission heals my heart. I mean someone who can put their shoe on my cheek, push my face down to the ground with it, and means it with all the love in the world as they finger fuck my asshole. I mean someone who craves knowing how to tie me up and make me come with barely touching me and then kissing the rope burn. I mean someone who is proud to show me off to their dom friends and is protective enough to keep me at their knees but still wants me to hump their legs.

Sigh.

It’s the most romantic thing I can think of and I’ve never found it, relationship irl or otherwise. Help a sub out to find their Dom??

I've always dating nothing but older men since I was young. I've always been attracted to the assertive, take charge type, and any BDSM relationships I've had just sort of evolved naturally over time.

 

[oldguymem]

My sub found me on fetlife. I had posted about recently becoming a widower and where I lived. She had just lost her dom of 10 years and was just looking around and risked a text partially because she thought I looked nice and some like her brother. I lived reasonably close to her as well We decided to meet just for grins and have a meal together. After some talk to verify we were who we said and a good meal, we went to my apt and she showed me that she liked me a lot. Just by meeting and talking to her had her 74 year old pussy dripping wet which she showed me!
Sometime magic happens!