Sweet Talk or After Care

[Evil_Geoff]

I think this is one of those topics that will split down a party line. For those of us that only practice BDSM or S&M inside an exclusive relationship aftercare, afterglow, and sweet talk are all wrapped up together. For those that play outside of relationships, the three are distinct and separate.

*shakes his head*

Nah. My sexual activity is exclusive with my partner, and yes, we sometimes have sex and SM play at the same time, but rarely. I'm a sadist, just not a terribly sexual one. I'm perfectly content to beat the snail-snot out of someone, light them on fire, cut them, bleed them, bruise them, make them scream or whatever, and never come close to letting them achieve orgasm or feeling like I need to fuck someone. *shrugs*

When I get done with a hard scene, they need aftercare. So do I for that matter.

But that romantic kissy face snoogy-woogie stuff? Blech...
Gimme a sammich and a diet Dew...

 

[Netzach]

I think this is one of those topics that will split down a party line. For those of us that only practice BDSM or S&M inside an exclusive relationship aftercare, afterglow, and sweet talk are all wrapped up together. For those that play outside of relationships, the three are distinct and separate.

I can see why someone may say this, but it's just not the case here. We can bond over a beer and just as easily pass out after sex or SM - that's the pleasure of being roped together.

 

[YourCaptor]

*shakes his head*

Nah. My sexual activity is exclusive with my partner, and yes, we sometimes have sex and SM play at the same time, but rarely. I'm a sadist, just not a terribly sexual one. I'm perfectly content to beat the snail-snot out of someone, light them on fire, cut them, bleed them, bruise them, make them scream or whatever, and never come close to letting them achieve orgasm or feeling like I need to fuck someone. *shrugs*

When I get done with a hard scene, they need aftercare. So do I for that matter.

But that romantic kissy face snoogy-woogie stuff? Blech...
Gimme a sammich and a diet Dew...

I think in his case

screams of terror = romantic kissy face snoogy-woogie stuff

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I think in his case

screams of terror = romantic kissy face snoogy-woogie stuff

*LOL*

Yeah, kinda!

 

[callinectes2]

Okay, clearly I am full of crap! It falls out that way in my mind because S&M and sex are fully intertwined in my relationship and we are 100% exclusive. Right or wrong, I think of people who play but are not sexual as having a cordial but not bonded relationship. Bear in mind we don't go to parties and clubs so I have no first-hand knowledge observation and you know what they say about assumptions. Thanks for setting me straight.

 

[Ravenwind]

Gimme a sammich...

Sorry for the hijack, but, will someone explain to me what is it with guys' obsession with a sandwich after sex/play?

edit:

Sweet, variety. How do you draw the line between can't get enough sweet talk and, ok fuck it lets fuck.

Lol, for me, there is no line. A few well-chosen and well-timed words will do it for me. I can't help it, I'm a logophile and a glossophile. ^_^

 

[kiwi_submissive]

I happily admit that I have run screaming out the door before when a guy has tried the whole cuddling and nice talking stuff. It really creeps me out and I have no interest in it before or after.

 

[ecstaticsub]

It's not a matter of preference. After intense play/sex I need aftercare.

Once we had a situation where we had to quit and evacuate a room within seconds of the SM play and before the sex. The sex for me really is a huge part of the aftercare. Honestly I wouldn't consent to the SM part if i wasn't going to get fucked afterwards. But it was a situation out of his control. I could barely get myself dressed. My mind was mush. He helped me get myself together and we were able to spend some more time together but it wasn't the same.

The only sweet talk I need before hand is to hear him put my collar on.

 

[Netzach]

Just for the records, my aftercare does not mean cuddling, coddling or any specific catering to my needs (not that I would turn that down). It means I get to enjoy the service part when I get to give my PYL a massage (if so he wishes) and wash his back (and everything else, if so he wishes), and then I get to turn into a pleasant and interesting table companion whether for a meal or a drink.

What I like is that I get to bask in his contentment and know that I contributed to it.

That does not mean that I do not enjoy the lead up, when under his cordial and controlled manners, I can feel the beast trembling with anticipation, and I'm in turn, under my smiley and relaxed exterior made into a scared and stomach-knotted mess.

+1.

If a submissive's idea of "aftercare" is "giving aftercare to the Mistress" all is right in my world.

 

[rida]

I think she's doing it right.

+1.

If a submissive's idea of "aftercare" is "giving aftercare to the Mistress" all is right in my world.

....

 

[YourCaptor]

Sorry for the hijack, but, will someone explain to me what is it with guys' obsession with a sandwich after sex/play?

In contrast to what those "1 000 000 ways to please a man" articles you find in magazines, a mans hierarchy of needs goes.

1. Horny
2. Hungry
3. Sleepy

Once the top need is fulfilled it drops down to the next and so on.

I happily admit that I have run screaming out the door before when a guy has tried the whole cuddling and nice talking stuff. It really creeps me out and I have no interest in it before or after.

What about a guy you could see yourself spending a long, long time with?

 

[Ravenwind]

In contrast to what those "1 000 000 ways to please a man" articles you find in magazines, a mans hierarchy of needs goes.

1. Horny
2. Hungry
3. Sleepy

Well, yeah, but I mean, why a sandwich? Why not a bowl of cereal, a TV dinner, steak, or something else? Why always a sandwich? I swear, out of 15 years of marriage, I can count on one hand all the times it wasn't a sandwich (once was steak, and twice was crackers/cheese/sausage [eaten, of course, 'sandwich style']).

 

[NomadLady]

I think in his case

screams of terror = romantic kissy face snoogy-woogie stuff

I think you are right on this one....

 

[NomadLady]

Sorry for the hijack, but, will someone explain to me what is it with guys' obsession with a sandwich after sex/play?

edit:
/QUOTE]

The sandwich is fast and easy....some men are VERY VERY simple ya know...

 

[kiwi_submissive]

What about a guy you could see yourself spending a long, long time with?

I spent 4 years with one guy and if he tried to cuddle up or touch me afterwards I would tense up and absolutly hate it to the point I would leave the room if he pushed it or if he wanted to talk I would just switch off and not hear anything he was saying. Luckily he was a roll over and go to sleep straight afterwards kind of guy.

I know my problem is that I am fine with the physical side of things, but showing emotions or having someone show emotions or caring makes me extremely uncomfortable which is what I see aftercare as.

 

[Mister571]

Depends on your partner

Sometimes you just want to rip each others clothes off and go, no time for sweet talk, but time for exhausted cuddling,

other times, sweet talk is part of the foreplay and is very special and after care just happens or it doesnt.... if you dont want to be there then dont show up in the first place.......

 

[ownedsubgal]

In contrast to what those "1 000 000 ways to please a man" articles you find in magazines, a mans hierarchy of needs goes.

1. Horny
2. Hungry
3. Sleepy

Once the top need is fulfilled it drops down to the next and so on.

Dave Chappelle said it best: "suck his dick, play with his balls, fix him a sandwich and don't talk so much."

 

[where]

aftercare. I don't need the sweet talk beforehand, but after a serious session I do need aftercare. warm blankets, chocolate, tea but only after I manage to stop crying and shaking.

 

[Cop4u_69]

I think after care is different for each person (both Dom and sub) and that each D/s relationship is different. I have never had a sub that didn’t need and want some type of after care. Even the posts here about not needing it or wanting it, well that’s a type of after care in my eyes.

 

[YourCaptor]

I spent 4 years with one guy and if he tried to cuddle up or touch me afterwards I would tense up and absolutly hate it to the point I would leave the room if he pushed it or if he wanted to talk I would just switch off and not hear anything he was saying. Luckily he was a roll over and go to sleep straight afterwards kind of guy.

I know my problem is that I am fine with the physical side of things, but showing emotions or having someone show emotions or caring makes me extremely uncomfortable which is what I see aftercare as.

I'd trap you in cuddles till you get over it, or till the next round, whichever comes first.

Dave Chappelle said it best: "suck his dick, play with his balls, fix him a sandwich and don't talk so much."

Dave was pretty funny. I remember when his stuff came out, he was so edgy. He made Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor look like prudes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K1KHqi9bXc