taking forever to reach orgasm

[simplegirl]

I'm a healthy married female. I love sex, get aroused easily and get plenty (and I mean PLENTY!) wet, but it takes me FOREVER to reach orgasm. I've got toys and enjoy them, I masturbate, and have started doing kegels a couple of weeks ago, in the hopes of helping.

Any other ideas? This is really frustrating.

 

[Mr.G]

my 2¢

Muscle tone will help or should help. How old are you? Sex is a little like a sport. Some are terrific athletes from the start. Some are complete spazes and some work hard and get better at it. Part of it is mental and part physical (doih. really?) but matching them together can be tough when it's new. Lots of women get horny as hell and wet and ... then nothing much happens because they think whatever is being done to them should be enough to get off. That's not usually correct. You really have to work for an orgasm just like you do when masturbating. Lie there and enjoy the sensations and that's probably all you'll experience. It feels great. You get horny but O's are rare or take so long sometimes you wonder if it's all worth it.

It is a common misconception that orgasming is easy for everybody. a very large percentage of women RARELY cum during intercourse. Some NEVER do. PIV has to be adjusted and enhanced so the clit or the GSpot becomes more involved. Muscles HAVE TO BE TENSED - ya can't just lie there. Mental imagery help too. If your head is there your bod will follow.

If it doesn't "cum" naturally and quickly, well you're human. You're one of the majority who do have to work for it. It may be good to know that I believe for YOU the sex WILL just get better and better as you learn, experience and become an athlete at it.

Oh ya, read my TRY THIS thread. Gil just pasted an article by Dr. Whipple - it's on the last page. The more info you have the better then it's just a matter of practice and RESEARCH. I certainly suggest you try and find / trigger your GSPot but don't be too bummed out if it doesn't work for you for a few years. It seems to "grow" with usage and some young women seem to have problems triggering it. With older women the EUREEKA moment seems to cum easily and quickly - from what I've seen and read anyway. IF you can trigger your G then you'll be able to hit your first O in about 2 MINUTES from a cold start. Seeing as how many women DO take a long time to have even one O being able to enjoy orgasms pretty much from the start of any sexual encounter OBVIOUSLY makes for the whole encounter being MUCH more pleasurable. She can be super horny right from the start and the advantages for the guy is that she is looking for another G or O the entire time he's doing his thing so she's usually up for anything and he feels 10 feet tall because she's orgasming over and over and over again.

 

[simplegirl]

Thanks Mr G, I'll go peek at that and give it a whirl. I'm 36 and been with my dear hubby for 20 years. I've always had to work for awhile to get to orgasm.

I'll keep going with the kegels too. That should help the ol' flabby muscles down there.

 

[DrHappy]

Are you taking any medications? Antidepressants and antihistamines can cause problems with sexual response. SSRIs (a class of antidepressant) can cause inorgasmia (inability to have an orgasm). Some antihistamines can be drying.

 

[MagicFingers]

Try this

Besides checking medical reasons, trying different techniques, and all that other stuff, which is all fine, I have one temporary solution:

Wouldn't it be great if you and this guy could meet up and work on your problems together? https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=509608

No, I mean it. He could go as long as you need him to, and maybe the time will let him figure out a way to get his own release? Any you two could play and experiment when you get bored.

 

[sallybaby]

Here's what I think!

There's several different things that it could be why you can't reach orgasm.Medications can deffinately ruin them for you,especially narcotics.Try to take the least amount you have to for your reasons. From what I think you said ,you've achieved them before so I won't go into explaining that for you.I know when I'm any other way except with my partner on top (when theirs two of us)that's the easiest way but my partner lasts a long time,so maybe it's not your fault here?The BEST thing I can tell you that I just got for Valentine's day is a vibrator from Adam & Eve and the name is "rabbit", with three clitoris stimulations,rotating & vibrating ,3 speeds each and IT will do it for you and your partner!(everytime)Let me know.I LOVE mine!

 

[SweetErika]

Contrary to what porn and most of society would have us believe, most women don't orgasm at the drop of a hat.

When I'm getting the specific type of stimulation I need, but not getting THERE, the problem is mental 99% of the time. Stress of any kind and distractions are the main culprits for me. Taking a short break to relax, re-sensitize/get off of the plateau, and focus mentally usually takes care of it. Using the same types of fantasies that I do when I masturbate also helps a great deal, as they keep my mind from getting off track or distracted by worries and external stimuli.

Muscle conditioning does help some, but it's not a dramatic difference for me.

Yet even having all of that info and solutions, it still takes me a good while to come usually. So, I accept that as just the way I'm wired, and make the most of it by savoring the intensity and multiples when it happens.

 

[KokopelliRises]

I can understand what you're saying. I have never orgasmed from clitoral stimulation with a partner so I don't know what to recommend on that front, but I do highly recommend G-spot stimulation and orgasms. If you're aroused it can really take you over the top pretty quickly.

It's good that you've started doing kegels because I know that has cut my typical masturbation time (to orgasm) in about half. They are fantastic and so easy to do.

 

[TravelMad]

I'm male and have that problem. It's partially mental, partially physical. I am paranoid about climaxing too quickly and will hold off. The problem is that I'm wayyy too good at controlling it and once I've avoided the initial onrush it's forever long until I cum. This is not good when your partner is one and done and cums rather more quickly than you do. Before I married I was SO thankful for condoms... I've faked an orgasm more than once just so I could get it over with. Ugh, no sex worse than BAD sex.

Question: Have you tried having him go down on you prior and getting you very close to the edge first? Or having a glass of wine prior?

 

[thirty]

Thanks Mr G, I'll go peek at that and give it a whirl. I'm 36 and been with my dear hubby for 20 years. I've always had to work for awhile to get to orgasm.

I'll keep going with the kegels too. That should help the ol' flabby muscles down there.

I hope you don't mind, but probably it's one of the reasons that you have been with your hubby for that long time. You may try to fresh things up a little bit if so.

 

[M's girl]

I hope you don't mind, but probably it's one of the reasons that you have been with your hubby for that long time. You may try to fresh things up a little bit if so.

Could be, but for most women I know it's pretty much what Erika said. For me too. Never mind how hot and spicy and new the sex is....

 

[PertPerth]

I didn't learn to orgasm until my late 20s, so I can totally sympathise with your situation.
Different things work for different women. Personally, I find visualisation (anything that helps!) and most of all, breathing! I couldn't beleive it when I discovered that all I really need to do is...pant.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

<does a happy dance because she's not the only one> Well, except for the fact that I'm working on actually liking sex. I can have occassionally nice orgasms from clitoral stimulus. But I still think this G-spot thing is a myth.

 

[M's girl]

...... But I still think this G-spot thing is a myth.

Well.... I'm not quite sure if I'm ever going to reach orgasm through G-spot stimulation, let alone multiples as many claim to have, but I must say that I have been focussing on it more and more and actually start to feel at least something, whereas before penetration did not do one bit for me. So, who knows...?

 

[sunandshadow]

I've noticed that sometimes I take much longer to orgasm than others and tried to figure out why. The main problem seems to be mental focus - if I am not thinking arousing thoughts no amount of physical stimulation will get me there. A second problem seems to be nerve exhaustion - after half an hour or 45 min of the same kind of stimulation releasing the same kinds of neurotransmitters your body has gotten used to it or bored of it, so the same thing has less effect. So to get to orgasm you might need to add something new near the end - for me a dab of a tingly substance like vicks vaporub (or they make actual sex lotions for this) is a good way to add a little extra kick. Or going manual most of the way then switching to vibe.

 

[M's girl]

I have noticed that sometimes my feelings get dulled like you descibe after a certain amount of time. Funny thing is.... sometimes, without extra or different stimulation (including mental), the feeling can come back all of a sudden and bring me to orgasm quick... almost unexpected in the end.

That is why I tend to go on, even when I think I might not get there anymore. It's weird to go from no sensation at all to orgasm within one minute

 

[tanyachrs]

I can't imagine 45 minutes of stimulation. I'd be absolutely numb, not to mention bored. Is it really that way for some women? Even when you're masturbating?

 

[M's girl]

I'm never bored. And I can 'handle' 45 minutes of whatever kind of stimulation... no problem. I sometimes get dulled, but I will still love the feeling of being penetrated while we fuck. With oral it depends... when there is enough variation it can still be nice and warm and intimate, even when it does not feel like I'm going to reach orgasm.