Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[marriedchappy]

I have an 8 inch cock that shoots big ropes of cum.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I have no problems that I don’t enjoy

 

[Sexydrana]

If you wonder why you’re obsessed with me it’s because I put a spell on all of you for every time you gaze at a pic I took. And now yall are mine! (Maniacal laugh )…

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

Laugh all you want, but I am furiously checking for pics - but not finding any...

 

[Taegul]

I've trained my dog to go up to women lying on the beach and pull their bikinis away.

I trained my other dog to take pictures and video of the incident.

I've trained my third dog to upload the pics and video to social media and my ever-popular OnlyFans site.

Cesar Milan can kiss my ass.

 

[Deadbed1968]

The laws of physics fall apart in my presence.
I’m not afraid of heights, but I am afraid of widths.
I can cook minute rice in 20 seconds.
My keys are always right where I need them to be.

 

[Sexydrana]

The party don’t start, till I walk in… (cue Kesha’s Tik Tok)

 

[EctoJohn]

My scientific theories are so far advanced that future scientists are still trying to figure them out.

 

[Mo_Bandy]

I AM @Mo_Bandy

Sure you are

 

[Trubbycat]

If I'm running late I just slingshot around the sun to go back in time.

 

[JustaguyinSouth]

I’d never lick a pussy that’s taking a cock!

 

[Sexydrana]

I’m everyone’s cup of tea and a freaking delight

 

[Ratchetman1982]

My inbox was overrun with ladies professing their undying devotion to me. Being the goof I am, I accidentally deleted them all. Whoops

 

[Sexydrana]

When everyone is drunk enough, my go to karaoke song is Auld Lang Syne to get everyone to join in at the end.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Turned myself down for sex

 

[pinkparkhorse]

I was once on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition

 

[Sexydrana]

The other times where I said I was Rocko, a robot, and an ethereal mist were all lies. I’m really a Moopet. I tried to join the muppets but they already casted someone else…

 

[F3x0r]

I am a fucking bundle of joy

 

[Ratchetman1982]

I was Channing Tatum's dance double for the Magic Mike series

 

[SusanHoward]

I was not invited to model on the runway this year in Milan.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I was invited to act as a model's runway but stilettos hurt unpleasantly, so I declined the inclined position

 

[Sexydrana]

I was born to be a curse on men in this life… erm… I mean a blessing… yea… a blessing…

 

[PotNoodle79]

I am, in fact, a Super Noodle

 

[Ratchetman1982]

I have the body of a god

 

[SimplyMsT]

I'm a porn star