Tell Us About Your First Time...

[Lunation]

...that you saw one of those ketchup packets that could be used for dipping and not just spurting everywhere?

http://www.heinzfoodservice.com/-/media/heinzfoodservice/assets/img/content/products-and-brands/ketchup/portion-control/dip_and_squeeze_large.ashx

My first time I was in a Dairy Queen.

The realization dawned slowly. Never again would I end up with a messy blob of ketchup on my wrapper. Never again would I twist and tear for my dipping sauce.

I dropped to my knees and I wept.

I wept for I knew there was no god, as no god would allow his children the power to create such as he.

I wept for I knew that the accomplishments of man had reached their pinnacle, and through this act of cruel accomplishment, all other human work would be rendered obsolete.

And I wept for sheer joy.




I was asked to leave.

 

[Corbal]

I think it was Chik-fil-a. I was floored....squeeze or pour? Peel the corner or pull all the way back? Dip or dunk? Too many fucking choices, so I used BBQ sauce instead.

 

[Lunation]

I think it was Chik-fil-a. I was floored....squeeze or pour? Peel the corner or pull all the way back? Dip or dunk? Too many fucking choices, so I used BBQ sauce instead.

The first time can be so awkward.

Once I got the nerve to go back into Dairy Queen, I remember finally getting my hands on one. Slowly peeling the top back with shaking fingers. Tenderly picking up my fries.

And then I dipped.

Oh god did I dip.

I finished so fast! Ketchup everywhere. I'll never forget it...

 

[Corbal]

The first time can be so awkward.

Once I got the nerve to go back into Dairy Queen, I remember finally getting my hands on one. Slowly peeling the top back with shaking fingers. Tenderly picking up my fries.

And then I dipped.

Oh god did I dip.

I finished so fast! Ketchup everywhere. I'll never forget it...

I wish vaginas came with the same freshness seal.

 

[Lunation]

I wish vaginas came with the same freshness seal.

I can see the appeal. But not really relevant to my tastes.

I prefer a vagina that has seen its share of dipping.

 

[default24]

The first time can be so awkward.

Once I got the nerve to go back into Dairy Queen, I remember finally getting my hands on one. Slowly peeling the top back with shaking fingers. Tenderly picking up my fries.

And then I dipped.

Oh god did I dip.

I finished so fast! Ketchup everywhere. I'll never forget it...

I'm not a fan of the dipping because the container is so shallow. But the squeezing. That is where it's at, mi amigo. No waste, no stupid mess from the packets that you rip just a bit too hard and you get covered in red sauce. Completely superb

 

[default24]

I wish vaginas came with the same freshness seal.

They don't? What the hell is the hymen for?

 

[Corbal]

They don't? What the hell is the hymen for?

Torture.

 

[default24]

Torture.

This explains all the blood and screaming...

 

[Mrtenant]

Meh.....I slammed my fist on it and watched with amusement while it spurted on the wall (I said spurted ) then I stuck a sliced pickle on the wall right along with it, signed my name, and left the place while whistling.

 

[DarkSimian]

My first day on the job, and some a-hole spurts ketchup all over the wall, sticks a pickle in it, then scribbles something in the ketchup and leaves. It took me an hour to clean up that shit. Then I saw what he did in the men's room. I quit that night.

 

[PapaRomantic]

I have never seen one of those before - I live in such a backward time and place. I'm going to print off a picture of it and hide it under my mattress and sneak peeks at it and have pleasant dreams following.....

 

[ydahecnot]

I just said "fuck it" and reached for the bottle

 

[Lunation]

I'm not a fan of the dipping because the container is so shallow. But the squeezing. That is where it's at, mi amigo. No waste, no stupid mess from the packets that you rip just a bit too hard and you get covered in red sauce. Completely superb

This is the beauty of which I speak; it can be one thing to you and another to me.

My first day on the job, and some a-hole spurts ketchup all over the wall, sticks a pickle in it, then scribbles something in the ketchup and leaves. It took me an hour to clean up that shit. Then I saw what he did in the men's room. I quit that night.

Bwahahaha!

I have never seen one of those before - I live in such a backward time and place. I'm going to print off a picture of it and hide it under my mattress and sneak peeks at it and have pleasant dreams following.....

I'm so sorry. Your life would have been better never knowing such glory existed that you could never touch. I should never have robbed you of your ignorance.

I just said "fuck it" and reached for the bottle

Monster.

 

[Lunation]

Alright, I can only wax poetic about ketchup for so long.

Peace, bitches.

 

[Hornblende]

I remember it so well. It was suffering from Ketchupinismus. I couldn't get in...

 

[Lunation]

I remember it so well. It was suffering from Ketchupinismus. I couldn't get in...

It happens to all of us sometimes, brother.