That no-dick fucking Jesus!!!!

[LAVA GODDESSS]

not to piss neone off

I'm completly and utterly insulted, this is just another thread meant to bash someone's religion. i don't see ya'll bashing the devil or buddha or any other religion. don't mock someone's religion. EVER. this is completely and morally wrong. as for the part 'made in god's image' they meant they made man in god's perfection. and that included women too. until the falling into sin that is. if you are going to fucking insult someone's religion, make sure you know what the fuck you are talking about. im sorry, i consider religion to be sacred and not to be mocked. NOT ANYONE'S RELIGION DESERVES THIS. don't insult my integrity.

 

[R Nitelight]

That no-dick fucking Buddha!!!!

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Paaaaalease.........

Gods and deities are Gods and deities. They all look alike, smell alike and feel alike. I can't tell one from the other. But that does not mean I don't respect them. And it doesn't mean I don't respect people that adhere to them, who need them. I do.

But I respect women, and very, very much so - and I always think about fucking them - why not think about fucking a deity? Why not think about fucking God, or Buddha, or hell, even the Devil…… or a none god, Gandhi? How about the Pope - he had to get his rocks off once or twice in his life, don't ya think. Probably some choir boy.

Why not?

Hey - I wonder what Mary was like, yeah - bet she was tight?

No? Bet she was missionary all the way baby. No movement what-so-ever.

(Humph! Humorless religious'os. Go watch The Exocist. Live a little.)

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[R Nitelight]

That no-dick fucking devil!!!!

 

[Alyrahh]

Sparky, sugarbutt, sweetie, muffinhead, pumpkin?

I'm a Goddess.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Hey, ya think.......

When this thread reaches (if it ever does) 666 views - it will - implode and suck us all to Bolivian? Maybe it will take 666 responses!!!??? Oh no that could take forever!

Wah! I want an implosion! I want an implosion!

C'mon baby - ride this train. The Bolivian Train!

We be tellin', we be yellin' - all the way to hell.

Moooooohooooohahahahahahaha!

 

[LAVA GODDESSS]

thank you for the humor r

i normally don't care what other people think of my religion or anyone else's for that matter, this one just struck a nerve. im sure if there was something you strongly believed in was being somehow bashed and not to your liking, you would put in your two cents. well im off..hopefully this thread dies off soon, j/k. i hope ya'll have fun. just don't do it at other people's expenses. much love!
monique

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Well I do respect something strongly...

My self - my will - my love of family and all mankind.

I therefore embrace all religions but will not commit to one. To me, it just doesn't make any sense.

Also, my love of humor and realizing that regarding my humor - all is not shared - is what allowed me to share these thoughts. You see I believe in nudging ideals. Nudging folks "to think" a bit outside the box they have placed themselves in. It's a comfortable box, as we all know. It's had to leave that box - but for the good of oneself and the good of all mankind (not the wrestler) - people need to at least peek out of their boxes - occasionally.

As for reaching that magic 666 number? You can count yourself in for 2.

Whooosh!!! Down the hole - we implode.

Ya know, if people, all over the world (look at the Middle East) would just lighten up a bit on their "strong beliefs" and broadened their acceptance of other's - knowing that we just ain't all that different - the world would be a much happier place.

Who knows? Maybe even a 10.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

PS - You see........

I strongly believe that, "You can have your cake and eat it too." - as long as "everyone" else (no exceptions) accepts the fact that everybody likes a "different" flavored icing.

So I say, let them eat cake - and laugh when you might get a pie in the face - it wasn't an insult - not unless "the recipient" "saw" it that way.

It's was just a pie - a pie in the sky.

But a real possibility to me.

 

[Latina]

Sparky said "How about the Pope - he had to get his rocks off once or twice in his life, don't ya think."

Funniest text I ever read, although not written to be funny, was written by one of the Borgias (a relative of the infamous Lucretia) in the 15th century. He wrote, in ALL seriousness, that he was deserving of FAR more respect than he was getting, because not only was he Italian nobility and from a long line of nobles, but he was also the son of the pope. Let me repeat that, he felt he deserved a lot of respect because he was actually THE SON OF THE POPE! Think about that!

The founders of the Catholic church got together in the Third Century A.D. at Worms in what is now Germany. They decided how to divide-up Europe between various kings, and how to organize the Catholic church efficiently. They couldn't agree on ANYTHING, and they got VERY creative in insulting each other, while a scribe recorded EVERYTHING, page after page of funny insults for days. Very funny reading. After days of this, one of them could not think of anything else clever to say, so called someone else a "whoreson loggerhead" which to this day I have no idea what that means (I understand whore's son, but what the $#@* is a loggerhead?)! These crude insults were hurled by the founders of Christianity who are now considered holy saints.

What bothers me about some Christians, is that extreme right-wing Christians get upset if anyone puts down their religion, but Christians in general can and have gone around for 2000 years saying theirs is the one true religion and everyone else is a worthless heathen condemened to an eternity of torture in hell. Some Christains use the U.S. Constitution as a shield to defend their right to their religious beliefs, and try to use it to make Christianity the national religion, which is REALLY ironic when you realize that the Constitution was written by men whom the church ostracized as atheists, men who fought hard to let all Americans choose their religion, or NO religion at all if that suited them. As defined by America's founding fathers, freedom OF religion also specifically includes freedom FROM religon. It galls me when politicians speak of America as a "great Christian nation" when the whole POINT of establishing the U.S.A. was to break free of centuries of physical, mental, and spiritual opression in Europe by the too-close bond between religion (the pope) and government (kings).

The inquisition killed thousands of Jews for being somehow WRONG in refusing to believe in Christ. But Christians are upset if anyone says that CHRISTIANS could also be WRONG. Christians can dish out against anyone else but please don't put THEM down. I'm not saying ALL Christians are like that, but the ones who get heard and noticed, the ones to whom our politicians seem to listen, ARE like that!

The most ironic thing I think in history was the crusades. Here were these holier-than-thou Christians riding off to convert the heathen Arabs to Chistianity by any means necessary including rape and murder, only to find that the Arabs were keepers of ancient scientific texts that obviously contained a lot more truth about how the universe works than their bible did. These texts spoke of atoms and electricity, mathematics and geometry, medicine and anatomy, the earth revoloving around the sun and the actual diameter of the ROUND earth, all of which made a lot more sense, even to the Crusaders, than did talk of creating man from dust, people turning into pillars of salt, miraculous partings of seas, and feeding thousands with one loaf of bread. This rediscovered scientific knowledge spread through Europe like wildfire, started the Renaissance, loosened Chistianity's stranglehold on the European mind, and led to inventions and discovereies FAR beyond what was known in those ancient texts that started it all. Ironic, the Crusaders started out to spread Christianity's reach, and instead caused it to have LESS power over people.

I once toured an art museum in Cologne, Germany, and could see first hand how religion affected EVERYTHING about how people lived, even to their art:

5th century: rows of paintings of Christ in the manger, Christ on the cross. No other topic in ANY art.

6th century: rows of paintings of Christ in the manger, Christ on the cross. No other topic in ANY art.

7th century: rows of paintings of Christ in the manger, Christ on the cross. No other topic in ANY art.

...

You get the idea.

After the crusades and the Renaissance, and people gaining freedom to own their own land instead of working the land of wealthy land-owners for meager crumbs:

15th cenury: Paintings of noblemen and peasants, farmers and tradesmen, houses, villages, pastoral scenes of nature.

16th century: Paintings of noblemen and peasants, farmers and tradesmen, houses, villages, pastoral scenes of nature. Paintings of the creation of the universe. Paintings of how women (AND men) were mistreated at the hands of a religion-driven monarchy (see Heironymous Bosch for example). Paintings of nudes. Paintings of new mechanical devices that were being invented because people's minds were freer to think-up new inventions, instead of working 18 hours a day six days a week and spending the 7th day in church. If the art is any measure of how life was, I would MUCH rather have lived in the 16th than the 6th century!

...

and so on, to 19th and 20th century where art could be very abstract, expressing IDEAS instead of actual physical objects.

Did you know that about a thousand years BEFORE Christianity, the people of India had a colorful and moralistic children's tale about a magical being named Christna, who preached to be loving to all, even one's enemies? The idea was so strange to so many people of Christna's day, the fable says, that he was put to death rather than be allowed to continue to preach about goodness. The moral that the Indians were trying to convey to their children with this simple tale was, always do good to others, some will misunderstand and hate you for it, Christna was killed for it, but be a good person anyway because it is the right way to treat people. And all of this was a tale in India, long before the story of Christ hit northern Africa and then Europe.

Did you know that outside of the bible, there is NO surviving historical text to confirm that Christ ever existed? Even Hebrew and Roman historians who recorded in great detail all the goings-on in the Middle eastern world of that day, make NO mention of Christ. And the oldest surviving bible is hundreds of years after the supposed birth and death of Christ, so even Christians have no contemporary written record! Is it possible that some European stumbled on the Indian children's story of Christna, shortenened the name to Christ, and created Christianity? Why would anyone do such a thing, you ask? Because those who started it all, created for themselves a powerful inner-circle of church leaders and royal families who had ENORMOUS wealth and power for CENTURIES, and who could and did USE their bible as justification for having and keeping that power.

Which is more likely, an all-loving god wrote a bible full of tales that contradict each other, and that actually PRAISE war, rape, incest, torture, and misery, and then He appointed a bunch of power-crazed men to use murder and torture (thumb-screws, the rack) to force people to follow that book, OR, a bunch of power-mad men WROTE such a book, and then tried to make the book sound ancient and divinely-inspired, to GIVE themslves the power and wealth they sought AND successfully gained.

I'm sorry if I insult any Christians with all of this. These historical facts wll NOT change your opinion or beliefs, they are not intended to, but because some atheists wrote a constitution over 200 years ago, I now have the right to let these ideas out into the sunlight, even if some don't like them.

One more thing to ponder: do you think the Internet could exist, and you could post in FAVOR of Christianity, and on a PORN site of all places, if we were all still under the iron thumb of Christianity as it existed 1000 years ago?

I have had my say. I will not return to this thread, as I have NO intention of engaging in a pissing contest over religion. It serves no purpose. I have my ideas, you have yours, and nobody is going to "convert" anyone to their way of thinking. No I don't feel an empty void in my life because I have no god, in fact I feel intellectually and spiritually liberated not having any religion. I am comfortable letting others have their beliefs, I do not need to resort to the "Christian" tactic of wanting everyone to believe the same as me and hammering on them until they submit to my ideas--love all mankind as long as they look, think, and act EXACTLY like you. By all means, post YOUR replies and ideas, but I've already expressed my opinions, so don't expect to start an argument with me over religion, it ain't gonna happen.

Thanks for listening.

-- Latina

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Yeah Latina.......!!!!!

Fucking Christians - that's why God invented Lions.

 

[Ramlick]

Lava,

I don't understand why you think your religion is being attacked here. Is it your religion in particular that is being attacked? or do you simply not like people finding humor in any religious subject matter?

 

[CreamyLady]

Sparky, some of the titles given to Mary -- Queen of Heaven, Star of the Sea -- were titles born by other goddesses in the region who took thousands of lovers and might have regarded the missionary position as restful, on occasion.

If, as has been postulated, the New Testament is a retelling of the Vegetation God myth, with a Son/Mother union -- why would you think that Mary wouldn't move?

Just wondering.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Brainwashing!!!!

I like many, was sentenced to, to - oh no - Sunday school!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I absolutely, positively hated it!

Until about age 11 when I started tossing my sleeping bag out my window - collecting it and sleeping in the woods instead of attending.

To this day I find little appealing about any honest interest in religion or the bible. It ruined me.

I will agree - I can see how some might find it absolutely fascinating - I think that maybe I could even get into it - but priorities and time push it way down my list.

 

[Siren]

HOLY SHIT !!!!

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

And.....

Eating the body of Christ.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

And.....

Holy water and the issue of female ejaculation. Sure that isn't hole-y water?

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Oh God!!!

Now my Bible's pages will stick together!

 

[Siren]

Re: And.....

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

No.....Sweatly Singing....

Those robes are to hide choir boys!!!! Everybody knows that. One day I will tell you my "True Priest Stories." Everyone I have ever known more intimately than the distance of a pulpit and pew provided - was gay. But that I'll save for a real post.

 

[Siren]

WELL FUCK ME ROYALLY SPARKY.....SPILL

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Can't this evening... got a show...

But tomorrow...... consider it done.

Ahhhhhhh! Those memories of Father McGinnely! A genius actually - full blown Psychiatrist - a Jesuit (is that how you spell that?) too. Big scotch drinker too. God did he shake when he was alone with me - so fucking horny.

I still feel sorry for him - tomorrow then.

 

[lala]

wow long winded but kinda funny,...

i had to get in on this, and i was going to say,why would anyone think this was a jab at one religion?

but then i remembered that the thread is titled "That no-dick fucking Jesus!!!!" and wether or not i like it christians (seeing as how they see him as the savior that died for Everyone's sins wether or not we asked him to,...) kind of claim him as their own,... you know, Christ, Christians, you get the idea.

so i'd like to bitch at all those offended but Jesus is a religious icon, and i respect other people's need for icons,...

((sidenote: celebrities are kinda like icons, and we make fun of them,... the pope is made fun of all the time,... we make fun of the president, and he's icon-ish,... anyway, i digress))

i think Latina, not to insult you personally, (there's only so much someone can put into a post, philosophy takes up a lot of space) but i think some of what you pointed out as "fact" was oversimplified.

i would go into detail but it is for a subject on religious history, not wether or not we would fuck god,...

i already posted and said i would totally fuck god, and i think i have,... in a way,... i will say i love god more than anything else that i can wrap my limited brain around,...

and my relationship with god is that personal, god made me, knows what i think before i think it, knows what i love in bed, what i eat for breakfast, you get the idea. so why shouldn't i think about god that way? god knows what's going on,...

i'm sure he checks out these boards,...

so having said what i think, i too will slink off to a corner,

thanks for listening!